You guys still there? You've been silent. Which is fine! I'm just wondering if everyone's doing okay. How are you doing?
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Words: 2,029
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There's something about darkness. The absence of light. It's nothing and everything at the same time. You can't see anything so you can see whatever you want. Sometimes things you don't want. Or maybe that's just the ramblings of an old man.
Richard sighs heavily and stares out into the rain. The hospital behind him is as loud as usual but he pays it no mind. Devyn hasn't even come inside. All the calls where they can't save the person is tough but this one...it's a bit more so for her.
Devyn's never spoken to Richard about her past much but he knows. He knows she saw herself in that girl.
"694 Green Wood Drive. OD, nine-teen year-old female. Unresponsive." Richard has the sirens turned on before the address is completely over the radio. He can see Devyn sitting straighter in her seat from the corner of his eyes and he glances at her. It's a quick look, but it's enough for him to see the look on her face.
"You good?" He asks when they near the house, eyes glued to the road.
"Yeah," Devyn replies stiffly.
Richard hadn't believed her. Even if he didn't know her as well as he did, he wouldn't have fallen for the poor lie. But he didn't question it because they pulled up to the house. He needed to focus on the job, someone was counting on them in that moment.
"In here," A frantic boy waves Devyn and Richard into the house, rushing to lead them to the bathroom. "I-I told her to go easy but she..." He trails off while Devyn falls on her knees next to the unconscious girl. "She wouldn't listen."
"What did she take?" Devyn demands while Richard takes his place on the patient's other side.
"I don't know, a lot of stuff,"
"Show me!" Devyn demands hotly and the boy nods before running off.
Maria had been the girl's name. She never even made it to the hospital. Maybe it's harsh to say, but it had been a lost cause from the start. Maybe if the boyfriend had called sooner, maybe they could've gotten there quicker and saved her but...Richard shakes his head and sighs heavily.
Picking up his feet, Richard moves outside and towards the ambulance. He stops at the back, looking in through the open doors, and clears his throat. Devyn doesn't look up from her position on the gurney, her head in her hands.
"This isn't on you," He speaks up after a moment and moves to climb into the ambulance when Devyn shakes her head. "It's not. She chose to take those pills."
"Yeah, and so did I," Devyn finally lifts her head. The motion is so fast Richard blinks. Shaking her head again, Devyn sniffs and wipes her eyes. "That could've just as easily been me. She didn't deserve this."
"I'm not saying she did," Richard responds softly. Of course that's not what he's saying. He'd never think that. But that doesn't mean she has to hold this on her shoulders. "That doesn't make it any more your fault."
Devyn sucks in air and rubs a hand down her face before releasing the shaky breath. "Come on, our shift is over." Richard nods towards the exit and holds his hand out for Devyn. The young woman sighs before taking it, letting him pull her to her feet.
Strands of hair escape Devyn's ponytail, falling into her face. She doesn't bother pushing them out of the way. "I wrote your report, just sign." Devyn doesn't fight, just does as Richard says before getting out of the hospital as quickly as she can.
********
"This place is beautiful," Devyn mumbles after a long stretch of silence and Richard nods. Both adults sit on a bench in a park, watching the scenery, listening to the birds. The rain had stopped before they got there, allowing the sun to peek its way out through the clouds.
"Sam used to love places like this," Devyn turns her head to look at Richard when he speaks, expression curious. "Her mother used to say that she had an old soul."
"You never talk about Sam's mom." She observes aloud and Richard shrugs.
"After...we went our separate ways," He shakes his head softly. "I guess we couldn't...move on together because...it's just too much."
"You still love her," Richard actually cracks a smile at Devyn's statement and he nods.
"Always will," Clearing his throat, Richard lets his green eyes move amongst the flowers spread throughout the park. "I don't think you can ever lose that kind of love."
"No, I guess not," Devyn whispers softly, her gaze examining her partner's expression. "I'm sorry, Rich."
"No, it uh...it's alright," Reaching over, Devyn takes Richard's hand and squeezes.
"I'm still sorry,"
"Thanks, kid," Richard offers Devyn a small smile before sighing. "Now, about today," Groaning, Devyn shakes her head and leans back. "I'm not lecturing, but you can't carry all the bad cases around with you, it'll weigh you down, trust me. As soon as we walk through those doors and hand our patients off, you let it go."
"Easier said than done," Devyn mutters before sniffing.
"Yeah, yes it is." Richard nods in agreement. "Especially when you relate to the person you're caring for." He adds with a pointed look and it's Devyn's turn to sigh.
"Yeah, I wasn't the best role model when I was younger," Devyn snorts with forced amusement but her smile falls quickly. "It's just..."Devyn trails off and blows out a forced breath. "I've been there, you know? Where she was. Seeing her was like being teleported into the past. She wasn't the only one lying unconscious on that bathroom floor." Clearing her throat, Devyn quickly wipes her eyes and looks down. "Except I made it out, she never got that chance. It's not fair."
"No, it's not," Richard wraps an arm around Devyn's shoulder's when she continues to rub her face. "It's a hard thing to accept, but you can't save everyone." Glancing down at her, Richard sighs and squeezes Devyn's shoulder. "But that doesn't mean we don't try our best."
"Now, come on," After a bout of silence, Richard stands. "I'm hungry."
********
Sitting across from Richard, Devyn studies the menu, appetite nonexistent. It's the same diner they always go to. Devyn finds that funny. The hard shell of a man who acted as if speaking to her was such an inconvenience the first time they met now shares a booth with her at their diner.
"So," Richard breaking the silence gets Devyn's attention and she raises an eyebrow. Despite being friends now, she's normally the one to start the conversations still. "How are you?"
"I-" Devyn cuts herself off with a quiet laugh and shakes her head. "Ooh, that is a complicated question with a complicated answer."
"Try me," Richard folds his arms over the table and gazes across the table at her. "Come on," He starts again when Devyn only shakes her head. "Just, talk. You're good at that."
"Rude," Devyn scoffs but she smiles a real smile for a moment. "I-...I don't know," She admits while absentmindedly playing with a paper napkin. "It's like, one second I'm fine and the next...I can't even look at the ambulance without my skin crawling. It just...reminds me of that night. What I lost."
"You know that's completely normal, right?"
"I just feel like I can't do my job right."
"That girl was not your fault," Richard insists. Really, how many times is he going to have to say it before she gets it through that thick skull of hers? "It wasn't. Trust me, if you do something wrong, I'll let you know." Devyn snorts at that because yeah, she knows he will. "And if you want to take more time off work, no one will blame you for that."
"It feels stupid because you know, I'm fine, really, but..." Shaking her head once again, Devyn looks off to the side. "I don't know. There's just this weird feeling I can't place. I don't know what it is."
"Maybe you should talk to someone."
"I'm talking to you," When Richard gives her a blank look, Devyn sighs. "I have nothing against therapy, but it's not for me."
"Have you ever tried it?"
Opening her mouth to answer, Devyn snaps her jaw shut and cocks her head to the side. "You sound like such a dad." She doesn't know how she hadn't realized it sooner. He's got dad vibes rolling off of him. "And no, I haven't. But I know. I think I should talk to Spencer, maybe...take a few more days off. Maybe."
"How are you guys?"
"See, I don't need a therapist, I have you," Devyn gestures to him and Richard rolls his eyes before motioning for her to answer the question. "We're great, really. We have date night next week. Spencer's idea. He said it would be good since we haven't been going out since, you know, everything."
"That's good," Richard nods with a thoughtful look. "So besides work, anything else bothering you?"
"Yeah, there's this cat, I think it belongs to the guy below us. I'm convinced he can smell the fish because every time I open the door, there he is."
"Miller," Richard sighs tiredly and rubs his eyes, his hand hiding the smile that pulls at his lips when Devyn laughs.
"I'm being serious, the cat is real. Spencer thought I was crazy for a bit there because he never saw him. So I let him inside one day." That had been a funny experience. Maybe she should get a cat. "Yeah, he believed me then."
"Miller," Richard repeats slower, drawing her the syllables in her name a little more.
Sighing, Devyn leans back until she's resting against the booth. "I saw my father yesterday," She admits quietly. Richard sits straighter in his seat but Devyn speaks again before he can. "Nothing happened. Not really. I mean, I pretty much said he's worse less than dirt right to his face," She shrugs then, huffing a laugh. "That felt good."
"I'm sure," Richard mumbles, relaxing back in his seat. "There's something else."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because I know you."
"Pft," Devyn puffs. "...He just...said something that...may or may not be getting to me. It's no big deal."
"How is it not a big deal if it's bothering you?" Richard questions rhetorically and Devyn rolls her eyes.
"Touche," She mutters. "He- he said...that we were alike. That I'm like him. I'm not like him." Devyn insists, more to herself than to Richard.
"You're not," He agrees. "You're not like him."
"Yeah," Devyn nods stronger this time. Hearing Richard saying that makes her feel better. "And I know you'd put me in my place if I was."
"Would I ever," Richard sits forward and shakes his head. "You're annoying but I won't allow you to become an asshole."
"Ha, what about a bitch?"
"Don't even joke about that," Richard says but he has a smile on his face. "If anyone ever calls you a bitch, tell me."
"Yes, dad," Devyn mumbles, laughing at the look Richard throws her way. "Now, I thought you were hungry."
"I'm starving now, you're exhausting."
"Love you too." Devyn says before lifting her menu again, now hungry herself. And with her view blocked, she misses the fond look Richard gives her.
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1. Ooh, bad call for Devyn...poor girl. But she has Richard by her side to help her.
2. Speaking of Richard, he himself spoke a little. Opened up a bit about Sam and his wife. Poor guy. Everyone in this story has gone through stuff.
3. I thought the cat thing was funny.
Thanks for reading! As always, I love to know you thoughts, theories, and reactions!
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