It was the fourth day that Alex had spent in bed, still recovering from her time with Ultron. It was also day four of her Friends marathon and she had just started season nine, something which made Tony threaten to take her DVD player away if she didn't take a break from it.
Feeling more and more restless and tired of seeing the same six faces, Alex had begun testing her strength by teleporting around her room. Tony had somehow gotten Dr Cho's regeneration cradle and was able to use it to heal up Alex's right hand, but he refused to risk using it on her left hand.
The loss of a hand was something Alex had thought about before. When she'd first gotten away from her mother, she'd gone to a hospital for help. The surgeon who fixed Alex had said there was a low chance of her getting out of it with both her hands still working as there was no way to judge the nerve damage. There was also a warning that as she got older, her hands may relapse and more damage could appear. Alex used this to reassure herself at least she didn't have to worry about that happening to her left arm now.
Perhaps it was that which made the loss of it easier; having already come to terms with it happening, Alex didn't feel too depressed or sorry for herself. The initial shock hit her hard and if she looked down to see her residual arm it did sting her heart slightly, but Alex refused to let it hurt her as much as it should. Tony had warned it would get worse but currently, it was like fifth place on the list of things Alex had to worry about.
Someone knocked on the door and Alex mentally ran through who it could be. It was probably Steve, judging by the fact they'd actually knocked, so feeling happier, Alex called for them to enter.
Wanda entered, causing Alex to murmur a swear in surprise. She was wearing a red jacket that Alex was fairly sure belonged to Natasha, which for some reason made Alex feel a little annoyed. She still hadn't seen Natasha and Clint since she got back, making her believe she'd done something wrong because according to Steve, the last time she'd been with them, Alex had panicked for a reason no one was willing to tell her.
Alex tried using her left arm to pause Friends but it was awkward and her elbow was too big to press the small buttons. Again she tried, Wanda stepping forwards as she did so,
"Do you want me to help you?"
"No." Snapped Alex. She switched what she was doing, using her arm to knock the remote closer to her body so she could then use her hand to press pause. It worked, but her right hand shook terribly and the effort put into keeping it still for the second it took to press the right button left Alex feeling exhausted. "What do you want?"
"I wanted to help you get dressed for physio. Stark says you shouldn't be using your hand until the therapy starts incase you over exert yourself."
"It's fine." Covering said shaking hand with her blanket, Alex glared at Wanda who, to her credit, didn't lower her eyes as she spoke again,
"Then let me say sorry. Pietro has already apologised despite me telling him to wait for you to be better, but he's not the only one who has hurt you. You're not the only one whose been put under psychological torture, I know what it feels like and that no one deserves to go through it. I'm apologising for everything I did to you, not just for the things I made you see, although they are what I'm most sorry for."
"Thank you, Wanda. It may take me some more time to fully forgive you, but I do forgive you."
"I'm the one who should be thanking you. You've forgiven me instantly, even after what we have done."
"If I judged you based on past things you've done, it would be hypocritical of me. You're young, you've got time to change and Pietro's reassured me you will."
"He loves me too much, more than I deserve. This power inside me is rotten yet he still calls me a good person."
"Power is only as bad as the person who wields it. And I don't have a brother but if I did, I'd hope he'd love me as much as Pietro loves you."
Wanda looked about to say something, mouth hovering open for a second and eyes not daring to meet Alex's.
"Was there anything else?"
"No. I wanted to let you know I'm willing to help you, and that I was sorry. I should let you get ready, Alessandra."
"Of course."
<~~>
It took Alex half an hour to put a new shirt on, and that was without a bra. Although she knew it would be easier to put trousers on, Alex was nearly in tears and too tired to put in the effort. If anyone had a problem with her duck pyjamas...well, Alex didn't give a fuck.
Walking into the kitchen, Alex was pleased to see Sam perched on the table. He was looking through some folders, but looked up when Alex coughed.
"Hey, Ketchup." There was a bottle of ketchup next to Sam, which he offered to Alex, causing the teenager to retch.
"Get that away." Alex's nickname had come about when she mistook a bottle of ketchup for tomato juice, and had drunk at least half of it before she was violently sick. It would have been fine if Alex hadn't tried to teleport the mess away— ending up with it all, and Alex, on Sam's bed as he slept. Sam blamed her, even though it was his habit of picking labels off bottles that lead to Alex drinking it and Alex blamed him for being American and having such weird drinks, she thought ketchup could be drinkable.
"I'm glad to see you. Sit with me for a minute?"
"Sorry, waffles are calling me."
"You and your damn waffles. Come on, I've got something to show you."
Alex obliged, teleporting herself onto the table so she didn't have to use her arms. Sam shuffled away slightly, giving enough room to spread one of the folders out between them.
"Do you remember who Bucky is?"
"Are they one of Steve's old friends? From the war."
"You've been studying your ancient history, good job. He's the one whose picture is behind Steve's mirror."
"Oh yes, I know who you mean now. Peggy is the one in the watch, isn't she? God, I'm glad I'm not Steve. If I was him, I wouldn't know which one to pick."
"Luckily, for everyone's sake, Steve isn't you."
"He's too straight-laced to be me."
Just from the way he bit his lip, Alex could tell Sam was wondering whether to humour her or not, "If he was you, wouldn't he be bi?"
Hesitating, Alex eventually replied, "Fuck, he would."
Sam shook his head as Alex swung her legs back and forth, hitting the counter with her heels every few seconds. "Now, to get back to business. I've asked Steve and he says you can know something as long as you don't tell anyone else."
"Exciting. It better be quick though, if I'm making waffles I need to bring some to Tony too."
"A while back, we had a run in with an assassin called the Winter Soldier. You may have heard of him?"
"Nat's told me about him, used him to scare me away from joining S.H.I.E.L.D. Even she couldn't win against him, he's a heartless monster who only knows how to hunt."
"Well, the situations a bit more complicated than that. You see, the Winter Soldier is Bucky, Steve's old best friend."
"Shit."
"Uh huh. We had a run in with him a little while back, lots of things happened and he saved Steve's life. Since then, I've been trying to track him down—"
"Is he hot?"
"Alex."
"It's a question! Are questions not allowed anymore?"
"He's five times your age and incredibly dangerous, even if he may not be brainwashed anymore."
"You're avoiding the question which means that he is."
"I will send you to your room."
"You're not my dad."
"Do you want me to get one of your dad's?"
"So you're trying to find Bucky, America's next top assassin." Sam laughed at this deflection, meaning Alex did too, "Why exactly are you telling me this?"
"He's an amputee, like you. Fell of a train and lost his entire left arm, which I know isn't the same thing as how you lost your hand. He is absolutely not a role model for you and we are never letting you meet him, but he's a reminder that losing a limb doesn't mean you're any less a hero."
"He isn't a hero— he literally killed a president which may be heroic in my eyes, but definitely isn't in yours."
"Bucky's one of the bravest men Steve has ever known, now that's saying a lot. He's done bad things unwillingly, but Steve's sure there's a good person in him. I don't know how much I believe him, to be honest, but I trust Steve and you know I would never give up on someone with a bad past."
"Ooh, that would be a fun game! Whose got the bigger body count, me or Bucky."
"I'm hoping, for either meaning, it would be Bucky."
"What do you mean, either meaning?"
Sam looked mildly horrified, eyes widening. Alex tilted her head in response, forcing Sam to rush into saying something else,
"The point is, you losing your hand doesn't lessen your worth. I know you'd never think that, but there are plenty of people who will."
"So you're saying I should be like Bucky and kill those people?"
Sam hesitated, Alex letting out a bark of laughter as he contemplated it, "I'm not saying no, but I can guarantee Steve won't bail you out of jail if you do."
"Roger that."
"What?"
"Inside joke, join the Avengers and you'll get it."
"I'm getting tired of people making that offer, I might as well join just to get them to stop."
"If you did, you'd get to see a lot more of me. Which may seem like a bad thing, but give me a few hours and I'll make a PowerPoint on why it's not."
"Ketchup, you know I'd love to see you more. Preferably at one of the veteran meetings."
"I'm too young to fit in there. Plus, technically not even a real veteran."
"You've been through enough shit to fit in. You don't have PTSD, but you're disabled and the situations you've been in are similar to those others have been in. It may help you to talk about it to other people going through this."
"I know, but I want to see if I can manage therapy with one person before trying to talk to multiple people. Once Ultron is beaten, Tony's promised to set me up with another one."
"One who won't kill you?"
"Hopefully, but you can never be too sure with Tony. He's got a habit of making passive things murderous."
Sam slid off the counter and started assembling the folders with him.
"Have you found where Bucky might be?" Alex asked, pulling the sock covering her wrist up.
"No. You'd think he'd be easy to find, I mean, how often do you see a guy with a metal arm."
"He's got a metal arm!"