Chad POV
"Whatever your part in all of this is, it didn't have to involve me. I have never done anything to you. I am not my sister. Fuck you for making me think you understood that." Ryan bolts out of the school and I just freeze.
I don't know how this happened, I just wanted to talk. My part in all of what? What does Ryan think is going on. I was hoping he could help me understand how to support Troy with this whole singing thing.
Do you care about anyone besides yourself?
His voice just replays in my head. Maybe he is right, maybe I haven't been caring enough about others, not really. I pretend being afraid of losing was for Troy's sake, but it isn't. It's scary though, to have a best friend for ten years and suddenly they are an entirely new person.
"Chad," Zeke waves his hand in front of my face, "you coming to practice or are you just gonna stand here all night?"
"Oh, uh, yeah." It takes me a couple blinks to fully come back to reality. I've got to work on a plan, figure out why Ryan is mad and then make it up to him and Troy at the same time.
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My mom is waiting for me outside when practice is over. Normally I ride home with Troy and his dad but these last couple days, seeing Troy so hollow, I've felt too guilty to.
Mom doesn't even have to ask me what's up, I just immediately spill my guts. I tell her everything, about Troy singing, about my dumb plan, about Ryan hating me.
"Slow down for me, take a deep breath," she reaches one hand over and gently squeezes mine. She doesn't take her eyes off the road, which is relieving.
"I ruined everything," I try to hide the sniffle, but I'm sure she hears it. Talking to her always makes me feel like I'm a little kid again. I would walk to her room after I got off the bus and crawl into her bed, she would pet my hair and tell me everything was okay, Judge Judy would play in the background. I'm too old for that now though, and this isn't kids making fun of braids. "No you did not," she pulls into our driveway, "But from the sounds of it you did make a mistake. Maybe a couple mistakes, but we all make mistakes. Do you admit this was wrong?"
She speaks to me like I'm small still, "Yes," I sniffle again.
"Okay, so what's the first step when you hurt someone's feelings?" I want to tell her I'm not seven anymore but her voice is so calming, it works. She just wants me to be able to work through this.
"Apologize?" I don't know why I word it like a question, I know it's the answer.
"Exactly right, and then how do you /show/ that you are sorry," She finally turns the car off and turns to face me.
"I make sure to act supportive and excited when they tell me about it even if I don't like what they like that much." It sounds so simple, but it never is.
"So, you know the two things you need to do? Do you think if you had really ruined everything that you'd be able to make it up in two steps." I shake my head, she's right of course. I don't know why I didn't talk to her about this before.
"Give me your hand, palm up," she isn't really asking, she pulls my arm across the car and plants a kiss onto my palm and closes my fingers around it. I can't believe she even remembers that book.
"Mom, I'm seventeen." I laugh a little to hide that I'm crying again.
"Exactly, your kiss is over ten years old now and while it never runs out it could use some freshening up every once in a while. Now no matter how much you think you messed up you can be positive not everyone hates you, because I will always love you." She opens my hand back up and presses it against my cheek.
"Thank you, I love you too," She presses her left hand against her own cheek.
"I remember," She laughs and opens her door. "Now are you gonna tell me about these Ryan and Taylor characters over dinner or do I need to pry it out of you now."
I promise to tell her all of the details over dinner as long as she makes baked mac and cheese which she would no matter what.
I start to formulate my apology, starting with texting Troy.
Hey i hope ur ok i need 2 talk 2 u @ lunch tmw