July 23
6: 49 pm
Cobe walked into the loft with his groceries and made his way to the kitchen. The girls followed him and while helping put away the groceries, Chey eyed Cobe. "What happened to you, boy?"
"What?"
"You look a little... happy."
"Chile leave that nigga alone." Sadé chimed in before looking at Cobe for herself. "Hold up now?" She moved her face from side to side exaggerantly. "I see it now. You almost got a lil glow to you." She continued to examine him. "Dat nigga done went and got some cuddy at the super market."
"Yo, y'all really wild." Cobe laughed.
"Did you hear denial?" Chey asked, poking at his arm.
"Nope. I think we right, sis." Sadé mumbled.
"What's her name?" Chey asked, cheesing.
"Ain't no girl, ion know what y'all talking about." He defended although he couldn't help the smile that kept rearing its head.
"See them pretty lil dimples is giving it all away, boo." Sadé said, not taking her eyes off of him.
"Ahhh yeah." Chey started. "Don't forget you still owe me some tea, young man." She smiled, leaning up against the counter.
"I thought we were even."
"Nope. Spill suga." Chey said. "Does it have to do with..." she looked at Sadé realizing she wouldn't know and he probably wouldn't want her to know. "You know who?"
"Hell naw."
"Ooooh. Who is it then?"
"None of y'all's business, man."
"Hmm so it is a special someone in this man's life. I knew your fine ass couldn't be single." Sadé hummed.
"I am though."
"But you're mingling." Sade asked.
"I'm doing a lil sumn."
"Oop? Aight then."
"What about y'all's nosy asses? Y'all live for some drama."
"Shid." Sadé said, dragging out the 'i' as old aunties do.
"Oh you know I do" Chey said all excited. "Now, me? Imma bring the drama cuz I really wish a bitch would have me out here looking crazy?!" Chey rolled her eyes. "That's exactly why me and Cecil are co parenting instead of dating cuz that nigga..."
"Girl I feel you, these niggas ain't shit." Sadé co-signed.
"These niggas really aint shit." Cobe mumbled to himself realizing that the choir had stopped singing making him look up. "What?"
"You said niggas ain't shit?" Sadé asked, looking at him then looking at Chey.
"What? I was just agreeing that niggas really aren't shit. I'm a nigga, don't I have a say?"
"Chile." Sadé said.
"What?" Cobe asked, avoiding their eyes.
Sadé folded her arms across the table, chewing her gum. "You not a good liar. What his name?"
"His?" Cobe asked, shocked at the outcome of the conversation. "I told y'all there ain't nobody."
"Then why you come in here like that?" Sadé continued to prod.
"Since y'all wanna talk so bad, what you doing with Dame? Y'all don't seem like a likely couple." Cobe averted.
"Why? Cuz I'm hood?"
"No, that's definitely his type. But y'all don't seem..."
"Yeah..." Chey concurred.
"Well we not together, really. We was only in the talking stage..."
"Damn." Cobe responded.
"Girl at least you made it to the damn talking stage. Cecil was a fucking stranger." Chey congraduplained, earring cringe looks from both peers. "Yeah... I don't regret it though. I picked a fine ass stranger who got a little money so." She mumbled, reassuring herself of her choice as she often has to.
"Don't tell me you a gold digger." Cobe said.
"Nigga, if i was a gold digger Cecil ass would be on child support and I wouldn't be stuck living with my old ass grandparents listening to they slick ass comments about me and my child."
"I would still put his ass on child support. It's not like he's there everyday. Shit, he could at least put you up in sumn nice." Cobe added.
"I know that's right, Cobe. I wish I would be with a baller and still living with my people. I beat his mutherfucking ass. Trifling ass hoe." Sadé said.
"I actually been thinking about moving out here." Chey said, excitedly only to be shut down.
"Noooo." Cobe and Sadé said in unison.
"Hell nawl. Don't take that little beautiful boy from the only place he knows. Plus Detroit is way worse than Brooklyn babe. Like I said before, where's the home training around here? " sadé said.
"Woah woah what? You stay talking shit girl." Cobe defended.
"I'm just saying, it seem like too many motherfuckas around here aint shit." Sadé defended.
"We don't need no judgement from anybody who grew up in New York. That's where the crackheads reside." Cobe retorted.
"You know you crossing the motherfucking line, right? I hop my pregnant ass across this table and choke you the fuck out with my swollen ass fingers, nigga try me."
"I think I'm pregnant." Chey interrupted.
"Scu'me?" Sadé said completely turning her attention to the emotional older girl before her.
"I can't stop crying, I'm hungry as fuck and my titties hurt." She whined, her face all squished up. She hiccuped as she began crying a little bit harder. "I been sick every morning but it could just be from the water up here. My granny always told me that your body has to adjust when you drink the water from a different state."
"Boo, you ain't take a test?" Sadé cooed.
"I'm scared. I don't want to go the through this shit all over again."
"Awee poo.. imma go to the store right now and we gone see alright?"
"Nooo. I don't wanna do this again."
"I uh... I can go get it." Cobe offered wanting any excuse to leave the room. Sadé nodded her head as she got up to console the older girl. "Get like four or five if you can." She said.
9:32pm
Cobe and Sadé sat outside of the bathroom waiting for Cheyenne to bear the news when Cecil came walking through the front door instantly noticing the twosome camping outside of the bathroom. "What y'all doing? This the weirdest shit I ever seen."
"Where you been at?" Cobe asked.
"Took my son to the zoo. I learned that this kid is scared of birds. Most embarrassing thing I've ever experienced."
"Don't talk about my nephew like that." Sadé laughed.
"Y'all don't get it, though. A peacock walked by and he screamed like high pitched scream and grabbed my arm, right. Then the damn bird did the tail thing, you know when it gets all big and shit and this nigga screams bloody murder running down the trail. After that, he flinched every time he seen a damn bird. That's a weird phobia right?"
"You so wrong, where my baby at?" Sade asked.
"He said he didn't want to walk with me so he took the stairs."
"As he should." She said, pointing a long coffin shaped fingernail towards Cecil.
"Y'all seen Cole?" Cecil asked, looking around the house.
"No, why?" Cobe injected.
"I got some ideas for Dame's party, we should start planning it out ASAP."
"Cool, we can chat now and catch him up whenever he comes back." Cobe said.
Cheyenne opened the bathroom door and everyone's eyes went to her solemn face which immediately shifted to an excited face when she saw her baby walk through the front door.
She ran to him and pulled him into a hug. Sadé and Cobe looked at eachother confused about what was happening. "What's going on?" Cecil finally asked, noticing the weird vibe in the room.
"Nothing."Chey hurriedly replied.
"No y'all hiding something."Cecil replied, looking around at everyone in the room.
Sadé rolled her eyes at the light skinned man. "Nigga, what are we hiding?" She asked with a straight face.
"Ion know? I just know that it's something."
Sadé pursed her lips up before walking away from the two men to find a more comfortable place to rest her tired pregnant bones.
"Y'all keeping secrets now?" Cecil asked, tapping Cobe on his chest with the back of his hand. "Since when are you buddy buddy with them anyway?"
"Bro, chill. What's up witchu?"
"If theres something I should know.."
"I would tell you, nigga."
"You been spending a lot of time with lil man since he got here. That's what's up." Cobe praised.
"It's wild that I'm being congratulated for basic shit. Thanks for the reminder that I'm a not shit dad."
"Aight, imma leave you to your pity party. Unlike Dame, ion wanna hear that shit."
"Wow, I listen to you vent and shit all the fucking time. Ain't that the whole reason why I came back to Detroit in the first place?" Cecil asked, attempting to get sympathy from the younger man but only getting more upset by his lack of care. "You getting all high and mighty now Cobe. Ion like that."
Cobe waved him off saying, "Nigga, shut up."
"Oh nah, it's way too late for that shit. You keeping secrets with my girl and shit like you don't got enough secrets of your own."
"You really getting on my nerves right now. I'm not in the mood for this shit."
"Fuck yo mood." Cecil spat, following Cobe down the hall. Cobe walked to another room and closed the door before being followed by Cecil. He still opened the door anyway.
"Oh my God. What do you want?"
"Can you please just tell me what y'all was talking about?"
"We wasn't talking about nothing when you came in. We was just standing in the hallway as people do."
"You must take me for a joke."
"What do you think we was talking about?"
Cecil shrugged his shoulders.
"Nah, seriously CJ. Go ahead."
"Fuck you, Cobe."
"Fuck you, Cecil."
C3 walked into the room, noticing the irritation on both men's faces. "What's wrong?" He asked.
Cobe immediately fixed his face and tone, a skill he'd mastered early on in life. "It's all good things here little man. How was your day?" He asked, cheerfully.
"I don't wanna talk about it." C3 mumbled looking at his father. Cobe understandingly ruffled C3's tight coils and walked out of the room where he found Cole and Lonnie walking through the front door.
He cocked his head and squinted his eyes just to make sure that the distance wasn't fooling him. Cole waited until Cobe was nearer and clearly getting ready to go off before he cleared his throat and said, "I got some good news y'all. But I'll be back." He shouted, walking past everyone and into the bathroom without any follow up or an explanation for Lonnie's presence.
Lonnie stood at the doorway, oblivious to anyone else's presence but Cobe's. "Oh, I ain't know you was gone be here." Lonnie excused himself.
"Yeah, sure." Cobe said with a faux nonchalance.
"Who dis?" Cheyenne asked, sitting on the arm of the couch, pointing up at the tall brown skinned man standing in the center of the open room.
"I'm Lonnie."
"Okay, Lonnie." Chey said cheesing, "I'm Cheyenne. You a friend of Cole?"
"Yeah.... a friend of Cole. It's nice to meet you cheyenne." He said, still looking at Cobe.
Cole came back into the room and everyone looked at him. "Cole, lemme talk to you?" Cecil asked, urging Cole to follow him into a separate area. "Yo?"
"What?"
"Bro, have you lost your damn mind?"
"Nah, why?"
"Yeah... imma just let the shit play out since you wanna act stupid." He urged, only stopping when Cobe joined them in the room, closing the bedroom door behind him. He didn't say a word, he just looked at Cole.
"Why everybody tripping?" Cole asked, looking between the two men.
"I don't understand you." Cobe looked at Cole. "It's like you just really don't fucking care about nobody else except your god dammed self." He said softly. Cole noticed the subtle shaking of Cobe's hands as he brought them up to his face. "I'm so tired of your fake ass shit, Cole. I just don't even..."
The other two men just watched him unfold as he tried to keep it together. He shook his head. "You know what, don't even worry 'bout it. Do whatever you want, bro. It's your world, we just living in it." He attempted to walk out of the room, but Cole grabbed his arm.
"Cecil, give us a minute." Cole asked, looking at Cecil until he left the room, closing the door behind himself. "Cobe. I swear I'm not do-"
"I don't care." Cobe shut him off.
"Stop, stop saying that. Just listen to me."
"You know what? I don't know what I was thinking in the first place. You're right, I should'a never kissed you. I fucked everything up and now I'm paying for it. But it's cool. I'm not fucking witchu no more, I learned my goddam lesson."
"You always ready to stop fucking with me over little ass shit but if I was to beat yo ass you wouldn't do shit, right?" Cole stated, trying to convince Cobe of the minutity of his actions, which at this moment only consisted of bringing Lonnie into the house since Cobe has no clue about the extent of their relationship. "I can't be friends with Lonnie but ol dude can do whatever the fuck he want to you and you stay with his dumb ass."
"And you really be out here tryna figure out why don't nobody fucking want you." Cobe said looking Cole up and down before leaving the room.
Cole sat on the bed trying to calm himself down . Deciding to find something to take, he went into the bathroom — looking through the cabinets for what he'd saved for a time he'd thought about often.
Cecil appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. He watched Cole for a few minutes going unnoticed by his younger brother. He decided to speak up before things got weird. "Uh, can we talk?" He asked, keeping his spot at the door.
Cole looks up not noticing his brother there until he spoke. The room was quiet for a time, it felt odd for Cole. His brother standing there, patiently waiting for him to open up, sincerely. It's new. And it's working.
"It's not true, what he said." Cecil said, "You know how many people's lives you made better just by existing? I'm one of them." He said surely. "I'd be all alone if you weren't my brother, Cole. You're important."
Cole rubbed the back of his neck in an attempt to hold back the tears that gathered behind his eyelids. "I know we all be on yo ass constantly, but it's all love... take it from me. Believe me."
"I" Cole started, unsure if he should continue. He scratched his head and gripped the edges of the sink, steadying himself, looking down into the drain. "I'm tired of trying, Cecil. I just try and try and try and still keep messing everything up. I'm not a good person, I know that; but I fucking try." He said, oddly becoming calmer as he spoke.
As if the feeling he evoked was giving him clarity, his being felt lighter and freer and the most authentic it's felt in a while. "I don't even know what the point of trying is anymore. All the people I'm doing it for don't even see me. I'm just an orphan, I don't know why I survived, I don't know why I was chosen, I don't know man and I used to think maybe it's because I was meant to do some great things. I thought it was all gonna be worth it but fuck."
"Cole."Cecil softly asked, fear in his voice, understandably shaken by the words Cole spoke; He looked on, tears filling the brim of his eyes, the tip of his nose speckled with shades of red. "Cole.."
"No, it's not like that." Cole said, although his voice wasn't completely reassuring. There was a hint of insecurity in his tone that instead of comforting Cecil, made him believe that even if it doesn't happen, his brother is definitely still thinking about it.
"I don't know what all you and Cobe got going on, and I'm not tryna be all in ya business... but this shit ain't healthy."
"You don't even kn-"
"I just said I don't know. I know I don't know, but I can tell. I know toxic when I see toxic and whatever y'all got going on is bringing it out in both of yall. You're best friends... maybe it should just be left at that, you feel me?"
And just like that, Cole closed back up, uncomfortable in the sight of his brother as usual. Cecil felt the change immediately and and pain went went down from his throat to his belly knowing it'd be tough to ever find that place in Cole again. Excepting that their relationship isn't meant to be any more than what it's ever been, he gave Cole a pat on the back and exited the room.
[APR. o8. 2o21]