⚠️LONG CHAPTER AHEAD⚠️
Steal from home or from your parents - who would do such a thing?
I did.
I stole exactly 405315¥. The same amount Jungkook asked me to give to him.
I couldn't logically explain why I did what I did. Maybe it was just a spontaneous decision.
Not quite a logical decision. One that's recognised by feelings, when you do one thing and you don't believe it yourself. As if someone else is controlling your hands and taking steps for you.
And even after I swore to myself, a thousand times, that I won't do it - a little voice inside me told me that I could do it and that I will do it.
But how? I don't have the balls for that. I never had the bravery to make such decisions. I was always the one who would just listen and do as told.
How would I even do it?
I swear on my own life that I tried to go against that loud voice inside me, I tried to ignore it. But on the other hand, the money was right here. Right under my nose.
I knew that it was at home and I knew where I could get them.
Maybe no one will notice it? I could buy myself peace and freedom. To finally get rid of Jungkook.
Ugh, and to think that I wanted to be more than friends with him...
I did everything at night. At first, I laid in bed for hours, with my headphones blasting music while waiting for my parents to fall asleep.
I got up two times and went to the bathroom while making sure that they're asleep. It was dark and silent. I didn't hear even the smallest sound. Just to be sure - I waited another hour.
Then, I got up for the third time. My mouth and throat were dry from all the fear I felt. I walked barefoot to the kitchen, then on the carpet, next to the window. I know that in the lowest drawer mom and dad kept some money for daily spendings like food and my needs.
In the morning I saw 540247¥ (about 400€ or 486$) laying there.
Fuck
Too little. There could've been more. They will instantly see that more than half is missing. Maybe if there was more, they wouldn't notice it right away. Sadly enough - I didn't have a choice.
No time to hesitate now
In the dark, I separated 3 money bills and closed the drawer. When I reached my bed, I put the money underneath my mattress. Just until morning.
And here I was - stealing from my own parents.
At school, when me and Jungkook were standing alone in an empty classroom, I gave him the money without any words.
After all, he was surprised. He wasn't able to hide it.
"What...so after all, you...money, yeah. Okay..."
He took them all. I couldn't shake off the fear that my parents would find out that 405315¥ was missing. By now they would have already walked up to that drawer and opened it to see that there's only 135030¥ (about 100€ or 121$) left. Immediately they would ask where the rest are. And then....
"Leave me alone" I told him and turned around to walk away.
I have never stolen anything in my life before. Not even a piece of gum. I didn't know what it felt like.
The thing that I am feeling is hard to lift. Guilt was weighing me down like a whole stack of cement. Just - crushing me.
"Hey..." He said.
"What now? I gave you the money, so just back off"
"No, I know, just...."
"Just what, Jungkook? Just thanks for stealing from your own family to give some guy money for a phone that I didn't even take?"
"Listen...I-"
"Just leave me alone"
With that - I walked out.
...
My guard was up every second. My imagination was running wild. During days and nights I would dream of my parents opening that drawer and wanting to take some money - but they aren't there.
They ask me where are the rest 405315¥. What do I tell them? How do I explain myself?
Can they believe that I got scared of some dumb threats from even a dumber guy? That I got scared so much so I robbed my own parents? Is that what their son is like?
My eyes followed mom's every move. I followed her around the house while she was sweeping the floor and dusting off the dust. Once, when she got close to the drawer, I even jumped:
"I will clean it!"
"You? You want to clean the windows?" she asked, obviously schooked.
"I...I want..."
After a moment she gave me the cloth and the bottle with a blue liquid and I happily cleaned those damn windows just so she wouldn't decide to open up that drawer.
No one was allowed to see that 405315¥ were missing from there until I got them back. Until I put them back in their place.
Where I will get such amount of money? I didn't know yet.
My head couldn't comprehend how I will get such amount back, how I will replay the debt. When I will get the money back - I had no clue either.
I thought that by getting the money and giving it to Jungkook, I could finally live calmly in peace but oh gosh how wrong I was! Now I lived in an even more deeper fear then the one Jungkook brought me.
I robbed my own parents...
If they found out about this, I would lose their trust and their believe in me.
I would rather like Jungkook to strangle me then to suffer like I'm suffering right now...
I felt a little more at peace, only at school, when I knew that my parents were at their jobs and that our house would be empty till the evening.
Jungkook kept his word and honored my wish. He didn't utter a word to me anymore and we would walk past each other at school, like complete strangers. As if nothing happened.
However I did catch him looking at me a couple of times.
He's probably still thinking that I was the one who stole his phone and that he needs to keep an eye on me...
That stare of his, was hurting me. He raised very confused feelings inside of me: on one hand he made me want to become as small as dust and turn to nothing while also making my heart beat fast and my head spin. On another hand - he made me mad to my core.
How dare he still think that I am guilty!
But what could I change? You won't get your truth across with fists. I knew that from experience.
Jungkook despised me. Oh yeah, he clearly despised me and I couldn't do anything about it.
After a couple of days he bought himself a brand new phone, with my money. I didn't even doubt it.
An absolutely new one. Definitely a better one than he had before. With such amout, that he was able to get from me, he could let himself have a brand new one.
I couldn't even stand looking at him or his phone. It was sickening. Those moments when Jungkook's long, slim fingers slid across the brand new screen of the phone, I hated myself more.
I deserve this
I was just a coward, an absolute nothing. A true nobody and I proved that to myself.
People like me are left on the corners of life, in the history dusts and no one even bothers mentioning us.
I wonder what that great-grandfather of mine would say if he rose from his grave right now?
Without a doubt, after seeing such a grandchild of his, he would choose to die a second time.
I just crossed my arms on the desk and hid my face in them. As if a fire, that was burning inside of me, just went out. Nothing seemed interesting anymore. It seemed like I was just drowning in some dark, sticky liquid. As if it was eating me away. As if it just pulls me in and wraps around me like a cocoon and I didn't have any energy to fight back.
It was useless. Everything was useless. I was feeling so shitty. The worst kind of shitty. The kind of shitty where the whole world turns against you, thinking of you as the bad guy, but you know that you're innocent. So shitty because you have no proof to your truth.
Someone just said that I am a thief and I became a thief.
I will never prove anything to Jungkook and my parents will never forgive me. Sooner or later they will find everything out. It's impossible that they won't find out.
I just wanted to turn into nothing. To not see and hear anything.
Classes passed by but I couldn't remember anything the teacher talked about. I sat in the biology class and couldn't concentrate on anything.
"Hey, you okay?" Hoseok asked me, after the class ended. I was dragging my feet down the hallway and probably looked like I was getting ready to die any second now. My thoughts weighing me down.
"Yeah, I am...." I answered.
But Hoseok wasn't going to get into my problems. His eyes sparkled with joy and he was happy. A really happy person. I had never seen him so happy.
"Look, I need your.....can you help me?" He suddenly asked me, but something wasn't right. He was hesitating and looked worried. I saw that it was hard for him to find the right words and the matter was serious.
We turned around the corner and walked down the stairs to basement. It was quiet here, not a single soul besides us.
I leaned against the wall and Hoseok stood in front of me.
He started to dig in his pockets and I froze.
He's not going to smoke here, right?
It was strictly forbidden to smoke in the school's grounds. Despite that - almost all of my class guys smoked. Everyone did it in secret, of course. Finding new hiding spots for that.
The only ones who didn't smoke were Jungkook, Hoseok and, well, me. I didn't even want to imagine what my mom would say if she smelled cigarette smoke on my clothes.
Did Hoseok start to smoke?
"Well?"
He was still searching through his pockets. The thing he was searching for was deep in his pocket since it took some time before he found it. He was rushing.
"I can't find it....Oh, eureka!"
Finally he pulled his hands out. And then I saw it. I saw it and for a second - there was stars in my eyes. Hoseok had a phone in his hand. A phone.
At first, I didn't understand anything.
What? He has a phone?
I couldn't believe my eyes. Some unknowingly sharp feeling pierced me, like a dagger. A dagger which pierces an animal, who's being hunted down.
A human can not know everything and don't understand a lot but when a prophetic and unknown feeling pierceses him, indicating that something is wrong, it easily can make him believe that what he's seeing - isn't real.
Something was spinning in my head. Wait, no. My whole head was spinning!
I tried to focus and take a better look.
I have seen this model before...the same blue phone case...
That's Jungkook's phone!
I easily recognized it but I couldn't utter out a single word. As if someone chained up and locked up my throat.
"Well, what do you think?" Hoseok asked me. "Nice, right? Not the best, like yours but....well?"
"Where did you get it?"
Hoseok visibly froze.
"I bought it...bought it..."
I was feeling light-headed.
"Hoseok, where did you get it from?"
"You're so funny...I told you, I bought it...bought it like everyone else!"
I couldn't take it anymore.
"That's Jungkook's phone!" I shouted. "You stole it from Jungkook, confess!"
I probably looked scary. Like a madman, that's going to kill. Hoseok went pale.
"Who's Jungkook? You're crazy! Get away from me! You're fucking crazy or what? What Jungkook!"
"Don't lie..." I started to run out of breath. "Hoseok, you stole it! Confess, you took it from Jungkook! I know everything, don't lie!"
We would've been at each other's throats by now and I don't know how things would've ended if not for the one and only Jungkook, who came out of nowhere and stood next to us.
"What does Jungkook have to do with this?"