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Liam
I don't break a stride as I get out of Advanced Literature and Composition, a class I was recommended to take by Mrs. Ronin. She tried to talk me into majoring in English Lit. and said she'd even write a letter of recommendation for late admission if I decided to go to college, but I had already made up my mind. So we both compromised and settled on a Special English Lit class I could take for a semester. I didn't really want to take on more school load at first. But in truth, this class has been a blessing in disguise. It seems like the only time my head clears is when I am lost in a lecture about the tragedies of Shakespeare or learning about ancient literature and folklore. A world that is distant yet beautiful when seen through the soft gauze of time. A world where the fear of Jess finding out about the bet doesn't loom over me every second of every day.
I walk past a hallway where people are gathered, as usual, reading the words freshly written on Brittany's locker. I shake my head in aversion. God knows she is my least favorite person at the moment, but even I wouldn't utter some of the words I've seen written on there. Everyone she's ever hurt seems to be having a field day. Poor Mr. Bowen has been cleaning that locker since the news about her pregnancy came out.
"Hey, man! Wait up!"
I turn around and spot Jayden jogging towards me.
"Hey,"
"Off to lunch?" He asks
"Yep. Just gotta drop these first." I lift my books.
He eyes them.
"You know people are convinced Mrs. Ronin is running a cult. This class is so exclusive no one knows what actually goes on in there. Advanced Lit. And Composition sounds like some fancy cover for dead poet worship and creepy rituals."
I arch a brow.
"You've really thought about this. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're jealous," I smirk. "FYI, we don't worship dead poets, just the ones with real talent. Human Sacrifices are a must, but we save those for the full moon. We chant around fires at midnight on the 13th and summon their energies with blood."
Jayden stares at me with his jaw slightly ajar. He looks like a fish out of the water, which makes me chuckle.
"You should probably close your mouth now," I say.
"You're disturbed." He says as I open my locker and drop my books.
"But you already knew that."
***
When we walk into the cafeteria, the rest of our friends are already seated. Including Jess. She doesn't look up until we are right in front of them with our trays, and she offers me a small but sweet smile. I return it taking a seat next to her. I hate that she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around me because I've been, in her own words, "stoic" lately.
I'm just hoping the weeks fly by and we leave this place in peace. We are only left with less than two weeks of classes and then the finals. Then it'll all be over.
"I miss Ellie already," Jess says, taking a bite out of her sandwich. "We should have her over again soon."
I look at her with my brows raised.
"I love Ellie. God knows I do. But I can't babysit three kids for a whole weekend again. Not anytime soon, at least."
She laughs.
"Oh, come on! It was fun."
"For you." I nod in agreement.
"Not ready for kids anytime soon then, eh?" She arches a brow with a mischievous grin.
"Why? What did you have in mind?"
She shrugs.
"Oh, nothing. Just going over potential sperm donors in my mind. I'm sure there is a guy or two."
I feel a hot leash across my chest, and my appetite instantly vanishes.
"Jess!"
She glances at me and squirms.
"That was a joke, Liam. Obviously."
"Don't joke about other guys. You know I don't like it."
She nods.
"I know. Sorry. Won't happen again."
I catch the hint of scorn in her voice. I glance at her and frown. What I want to do is reach over and kiss her. Or pull her into my arms and feel her warmth. And it pains me that I can't do that because I don't think she wants me to.
Jessica
Liam looks at me silently as I converse with my friends, and I feel that familiar ache in my chest. I can feel his yearning just from the way he is looking at me. I wish I could go back to New York. The way things were back then. How easy everything felt.
"Think fast!" Steff says and throws a piece of chocolate that Jeremy easily catches in his mouth.
"Whoa!" Jayden says, impressed. "How'd you do that?"
"They have been doing this since they were kids," I say.
"It's still impressive. The way you're able to make it look so easy. I can already tell this is going to be a hit, you two. I guess that's why they say date your best friend." Red says.
"I guess it's a good thing you are dating me then," Jayden says to her.
Steff blushes crimson, which makes me laugh. She likes to think they are still figuring things out, but it's clear to everyone else they are already together. Their dynamic has completely shifted, and it was strange at first. But then we got used to it.
"I wouldn't say we were best friends." She says, earning a side tickle from Jayden.
"What are your summer plans?" Steff asks, changing the topic.
"Ugh, you know, just cruising in Saint Tropez or something of the sort," Red says, flicking her hair back.
"Sign me up," Jeremy says.
I chuckle.
"Actually, Jayden and I are thinking about going on a road trip before he moves to Bosten. You know, see places, enjoy the summer."
"Bosten is not too far from New York. You guys can take a long weekend and see each other." Steff says.
"It still won't be the same." Red sighs.
"Ugh! Let's not think about goodbyes now, guys. Come on!" I say. "We still have a few weeks."
"Two, to be exact." Red looks sullen.
"Is it crazy that I might miss this place?" Jeremy asks.
We nod in unison.
"Yep, that's crazy," Steff says. "I'll miss this." She gestures around the table. "But this place, Nah!"
"Liam, you're awfully quiet," Red says. "What's up?"
"You're talking enough for the both of us."
She makes a face and throws fries at him.
I reach over and lace our fingers together. I know I am being silly having an attitude over something that I am not certain of. He has been trying to make me feel like he isn't shutting me out, but I can see the shadow of uneasiness hanging over him like a perpetual cloud. And I just wish he'd trust me enough to share his worries with me.
"You okay?" I ask him when our friends start talking about finals.
He glances at our intertwined fingers and then into my eyes.
"Are we?" He asks.
"Yes, as far as I am concerned."
"Then I am more than okay." He says, running his thumb over my finger.
The bell rings, startling me, and everyone scrambles to their feet.
"Shall we?" Jayden glances at me.
We have Calculus together. A class I'm not looking forward to.
I hesitantly get up, my fingers sliding out from Liam's grasp.
"Yeah." I give Jayden a small smile.
"Wanna get Icecream later?" I glance at Liam.
He smiles.
"Yes."
We smile at each other a second longer before I turn around to follow Jayden.
***
"My brain hurts so bad!" Heather says as we walk out of Calculus.
"Even my brain hurts today." Says Greg.
Heather frowns.
"What do you mean even?"
He startles.
"Nothing."
"Oh, don't give me that! Admit it, Gregory. You think you are better than me, don't you?"
Jayden and I look at each other, trying to stifle a laugh.
"Jess."
Both Jayden and I turn around, coming face to face with an unsure-looking Brittany.
My eyes slightly widen. I have been avoiding the sight of her successfully until now. Except when we are in the English Classroom, where I am forced to stare at her from behind, pondering the big secret I have been keeping from everyone. AmI doing the right thing? Does Mr. Miller deserve to get out of this unharmed? Would my friends forgive me if they knew I have been keeping a huge secret for someone who has ruined my life more than once? Would I regret this decision down the line?
I don't know the answer to any of these. I just know I don't want to face either of them.
"Can we talk?" She asks.
"What's there to talk about?"
She glances at Jayden.
"Not here, please."
"Oh, she says please now." Jayden snorts. "Didn't know that was in your vocabulary."
She ignores him, staring at me expectantly.
I hesitate for a moment. Then I turn to Jayden.
"You go ahead. I'll see you later."
He nods.
"Alright then."
"If you are here to remind me to keep your secret, you don't need to. I didn't tell anyone." I say when Jayden is far enough away from us.
"I know. Thank you. But this isn't about that. I have been meaning to talk to you for a while."
"Okay. About what?"
She sighs.
"Let's sit somewhere first."
***
We sit on one of the stone benches in the courtyard, an awkward silence stretching between us.
"My dad found out." She says after a while.
"Oh! How did that go?"
"Not good. He kicked me out. He is mad at mom for not telling him, and he's threatening to press charges any moment now."
I stare at her with wide eyes.
"That's terrible. Where are you staying now?"
"With Micheal, which is enraging dad even more. He says he doesn't want to see me again. I fucked up big time."
I nod. She really has. Sleeping with your teacher is one thing, but getting pregnant and moving in with him before the school year is even over is another.
"You think your dad will really press charges?" I ask.
"I doubt it. I am 18, after all. And he doesn't want the family name dragged through the mud."
"That's good, then. Right?"
She sighs heavily.
"I guess so. I've also started seeing a therapist. It's been long overdue."
I keep quiet, not really sure where she is going with this.
"You know, I have been so hateful towards you for a long time. But at Prom, when I saw you behind the bushes instead of Shannon or Chastity or the rest of them, I felt relieved. And then I realized I trusted the girl I have been trying to ruin for years over the girls I called friends. I have always known you were a good person deep inside. I am sure anyone else wouldn't have hesitated to tell the whole school if I had treated them the way I have treated you."
I take this in. I don't know what she expects me to feel. Because if she expected me to feel honored, that's not the case at all. If anything, I am just confused.
As if she read my mind, she shakes her head.
"I am not trying to warm you up to me. I know I have gone way too far, way too many times. But my therapist said owning up to mistakes is a start. You know they say therapists are supposed to make you feel better, but mine makes me feel like shit," She chuckles to herself. "But that is what I need. Someone to take a good look at me and tell me exactly what they see. The good, the bad, the ugly."
"So this is an apology?"
"This is a confession." She says. "My dad has been in the construction business his whole life. His father was also a contractor and passed on his company to him when he died. He took such pride in it. I remember him taking me there as a kid. I knew everyone." She gets a distant look in her eyes and smiles faintly. "Anyway, when I was about 9 my father got cheated. His people betrayed him, and the company lost a lot of money. I don't know much about construction or the legal stuff. But I remember the company he was working for wanted the job done. They were relentless, calling our house at all hours of the day and threatening to sue him for not executing the contract within the agreed amount of time. They claimed they were losing thousands because the construction was delayed. He tried to get a period of grace, but they were not having it. So he went to your father for help." She looks right at me. "He asked to borrow money to finish the construction. They weren't particularly friends, but they both owned construction businesses in the same area. So I guess he figured your father would understand and be willing to help. But that wasn't the case. Instead, he offered him a way out of a lawsuit that would have robbed us clean. Sell Wel'ma to him in exchange for hiring his company as a sub-contractor to finish the construction for less than he would have paid another. He refused at first, of course. Wel'ma was a family legacy. But in the end, I guess he figured it wasn't worth having us out on the streets. So he sold the company. Later he came to find the people who betrayed him were working for your father."
I gape at her. This is all news to me. And I feel completely blindsided!
"My father did what?"
"Stole my father's identity right from under him. Lots of people came to know about it in the later years. He doesn't get many clients around here if you've noticed. People steer clear of him."
That I know, but I had no idea why. I just figured people realized he was a shitty human being at the same time we did. Now it makes sense why Liam's father wants his son to have nothing to do with me. He doesn't want to be guilty by association. It's bad for business.
"My dad was my best friend," Brittany says. "He was my hero. The man I looked up to, and he was just gone, lost to sorrow and Booze. He fought with mom day and night, and I was too young to understand everything that was going on. But I understood enough. Your father betrayed mine. Your father's career took off when my father's career died. I saw you come to school with more and more expensive things while my family struggled to make ends meet. I hated you. Everything I have ever done or said to you came from a place of true hatred. But then we got older, and the games changed. I was more bitter, more vindictive than ever. Getting you to trust me and betraying you seemed more fun than being the angry bully. I knew I couldn't hurt your father, so I thought I'd hurt him through you."
A sudden feeling of anger washes through me. But I am not sure who I am angry at. My father, who caused another family such pain? The girl who made my life a living hell for my father's sin? Maybe at my mom for never trusting me with this information? At myself for being so oblivious and never wondering how my father was able to rise to such heights suddenly?
"Well, I did not see that coming," I say, trying to digest the information.
"Thankfully, my father was able to reinvent himself. But things were never quite the same again. I took it all out on you, and I hate to admit it, but it felt good at the time. The only thing I could do to ease my pain was to hurt you. You seemed so blissfully ignorant of the fact that you had everything because I lost everything. It infuriated me. And in a way, I figured I was getting even for all the love and laughter that was stolen from my life."
Brittany and I lock eyes.
I understand what she is trying to communicate. I've always asked why. Why she hated me so much. Why she was so cruel. Why she did what she did. And now I have my answer. She is not telling me she is sorry. She's just letting me know her reasons.
This isn't an apology. It's a confession.
"I know this is no excuse for doing what I have done time and time again. The truth is I am still cynical. I still don't trust people. I am still not sure I fully regret the things I did. See, I am not a good person. I haven't been for a long time. But I am trying to become one."
We stay silent for a moment.
"This is a lot to process," I say.
"I know."
"You should know the way to hurt my father wasn't through me."
"I know now."
I look at her.
"I saw him at the engagement party. He is even worse than I gave him credit for." She says.
I laugh, and it is involuntary at first. But a moment later, we are both laughing.
"I still don't like you," I tell her. "I might even still hate you."
"I would be surprised if you didn't."
"You really fucked up my life. You stole my boyfriend. You framed me for dealing drugs. You signed my name on a letter and gave it to your boyfriend who happens to be our teacher, knowing it was you he was seeing. You harassed me daily and made me hate myself. You are the biggest bully I have ever met."
It strangely feels good to say all this to her face. And my chest suddenly feels much lighter.
She nods.
"All true. And you are still keeping my secret." She looks at me like she might say more, but she changes her mind. "I hope you find happiness, Jess. I really do. You deserve it." She says instead.
I nod.
"Thanks. And I hope it all works out for you."
She smiles and gets up.
"I will one day," I say.
"What?" She asks, turning around.
"Forgive you."
***
Hey, my loves! How is everyone? Brittany has seen the light. Or at least a glimpse of it. What do we think?
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Please give it a star and leave a comment if you did. I appreciate you guys!!
Much love,
Becca