I bounced on my feet, walking behind Osamu and Atsushi down the Motomachi shopping street. My eyes flitted from right to left, up and down. The streets were blissfully empty, unusual for rush hour, and only a few people were spotted near shops. The Port Mafia's several scrapers were behind us. I caught the reflection of myself in a store windowpane, slowing my skipping.
For every choice we make, there are several other universes, other choices made, other chances. There is a 1 in 2 chance of flipping heads or tails, and out there, in an alternate reality, I flipped the other way. That is fortune, the thing I am consistently, in the long term anyway, favoured by. I can see into those other realities. I prefer not to watch alternate versions of myself suffer, but I'm capable of doing so if necessary. Reflections give me no choice, however.
My ability shows me alternate realities in windows or, in a more comprehensible definition, spirits. I'm used to seeing them in my reflection. White fell over his shoulders, though the fabric above what I believe is his chest was bloody. His eyes peeked out from the shadows on his features. His eyes smiled tiredly but pleasant nonetheless. A long trail of small children is behind him.
I catch up to Osamu and Atsushi again.
"What's the job?" Atsushi seemed excited but uncertain – I have a feeling that he's not sure if he can trust Osamu. He's right to do so. "No point spoiling the fun. Well, there may be a test of sorts." Anxious pressure is suddenly applied to the boy as he skittishly looks toward Osamu, "Huh? A test?"
I rest my hand on Atsushi's arm, grinning, "Do you know how to write?" Nodding, Atsushi agrees, "I know how to read and write." Osamu relieves his nerves, "Then you'll be fine." Relaxation heaved from his chest, and a hand was over his heart. "Thank you!"
A smug laugh was forced out of Osamu's mouth, "You'd better thank me! Just leave it to me, and everything will be fine! After all, I am Dazai... The one and only whom the Agency trusts and the populace adores!" My mocking snicker was stifled as Osamu's hand lifted to cup his face, "Osamu, are you sure about that?"
"Hey, that's no fair, [Y/N]!"
I hear the noisy slamming of dress shoes against the pavement through the street, and I jolt as Kunikida yells to us through the morning air, "THERE YOU ARE!!"
The peace of the street dissolves within seconds, the dirty blonde making his way to our scene, his appearance slightly dishevelled as he runs our way, pointing an accusatory finger at Osamu, "You bandage-squandering machine!!" Ah, here we go.
"Agh! N-Nice nickname there, Kunikida," Osamu gasps, stepping back a few steps, a dramatic hand held over his eyes. With the distance, he pouts, and Osamu puts his hands on his hips, "...You're lively this morning. If you shout too much, you'll suffer from haemorrhoids." I solemnly nod, "Yes, Kunikida, be very careful with your yelling. You may also start to secrete mysterious substances!" Kunikida begins to bring down our advice in his notebook.
Osamu tells him it's a lie.
Another pen snapped in half.
Clucthcing the broken pen in his hand, Kunikida yells, gritting his teeth, "Who's the one and only one the Agency trusts, huh?! You and [Y/N] are the only ones for whom we get complaints, curses, and grievances about!!" I huff in faux offence, crossing my arms as I tilt my head upward, "I'll have you know, I'm not afraid to shove a frog down a man's pants for the sake of truth! And Yosano's been teaching me how to kick a guy in the nuts and escape!" Atsushi slowly inches away from me, nervously laughing. "I told you to put that damn frog back!"
"Since when did I ever get a complaint?!"
Quite sharply, Kunikida brought out his notebook and explained why we were so wrong, putting on a voice for each, "Call in August: 'Two of your employers have been caught in an offshore fishing net. Can you come to retrieve them?' Call in September: 'Some weirdos have gotten themselves buried on my farm. Are they yours?' Call in the same month: 'Pay your tab, okay?! All six months worth!'"
"Th-Th-Th-That's impossible... Who knew you were so good at imitating other people, Kunikida?!" The dirty-blonde man cracked his glasses in pure, unfiltered rage and strangled my brother.
I tilt my head, "You really dedicate pages in your notebook to our complaints?" Atsushi and I watched from the sidelines, one more anguished than the other. "I'm not sure if asking him to help me find a job is a good idea...."
"It's not." Atsushi nods to my blunt statement, sighing with the exhaustion created by being surrounded by us.
Before that conversation could go anywhere, Kunikida finally stops assaulting Osamu and reviews his watch, "Oh, right! I wasted a whole minute dealing with this idiot." I'd hardly call what he does 'dealing' with him. I always get let off the hook, and we do nothing anyway.
"Let's hurry to the Agency!"
"Why?" Deadpan, I walk to Osamu's side. I grabbed his sleeve tightly, my fingers curling around the fabric, and I yanked him out of Kunikida's grip. Osamu wobbles slightly, and I grin, "Yeah! Why?"
"We have an emergency! A bomber has taken a hostage and holed himself up in our office." Our antics halted, and the next phase of the entrance exam was upon us. "A bomber?" Atsushi's questioning was neglected, and we rushed toward our office building.
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
Along the way, Atsushi gave many protests, well, attempts at them. We mostly just shot them down without giving him any choice. We not so sneakily hid behind a decorative hedge, out of the bomber's line of sight. The acting was convincing, and I had to hold in the urge to send a thumbs up to approve their performance.
"I can't... I can't take this anymore..." I was still disturbed to see the siblings doing this. God knows what kind of high they get off of this. But this was how it was planned, all according to Osamu's method to – yet again – avoid work, and I'd rather be mildly uncomfortable than pretend to be a bomber or a hostage.
"It's all your fault. It's all the Armed Detective Agency's fault. Where's the President?" The 'bomber' held a switch, hands shaking and sweaty as the other gripped his face. Tanizaki's anxiousness and stress playing this role were helping his performance. Atsushi was none the wiser. "Bring me the President! If you don't, I'll blow everyone to kingdom come!"
"A personal grudge? That's inconvenient." Osamu crouched to my left, with me poking over his shoulder to see the performance. Atsushi's eyes were wide, and his breathing was unsteady as he quietly panicked, "Why am I here?"
Kunikida ignored Atsushi, "The bomber is furious at the agency."
"I don't think I'll be of any use. May I go now?"
Osamu spoke without regarding Atsushi, "We do attract a lot of ill will."
The boy caught on quickly, "You're ignoring me." I agreed, prodding Atsushi's side, "That's right." Atsushi sweats as he sees me rise behind his shoulder, "Somehow, your honesty makes it worse." I widen my grin, observing as my coworker impatiently bounced his leg up and down.
Osamu continues, "Besides, that's a high explosive. If the bomber acts on the threat and detonates it, the whole floor's as good as gone. We could try to mitigate the explosion somewhat if we can find something to cover the bomb – But given the circumstances..." He sighs, "I can't believe that he's taken a girl as a hostage, the coward."
"Who is she?" This one's bound to make him feel sympathy. "That's Naomi – she works part-time as an office assistant. She's not even an adult yet, what a shame." Atsushi's stress tripled, "A part-time? Then she's a completely innocent bystander!"
"What should we do?" Kunikida and Osamu faced each other, "Why don't we let him see the president?" Excuse number one, we slim out our options through convenient lies, forcing Atsushi into a corner: "He'll try to kill the President! We can't let the President walk into a situation like that! I'm glad he's out on a business trip."
Osamu agrees, "Then there's only one method." A challenging smirk twisted Osamu's mouth – Rock, paper, scissors. Thanks to my ability, I've been disqualified from the game since I won every time.
Atsushi deadpanned. Watching the juvenile playground game being played at a time like this is underwhelming, if not disappointing. Osamu wins again, "Go, go! C'mon, go!" Kunikida held in his violent urges and sucked up his pride as we mocked his loss with giggles.
"Calm down, boy." Kunikida calmly talked to our 'bomber', hands out to feign surrender. "Stay away! I only want to see the President! If you do anything funny, I'll blow this up!" A look of realisation dawned upon the criminal, "I know who you are! You're Kunikida! I bet you're trying to make me let my guard down and use that ability! Well, fat chance. Get on the desk on all fours and keep both hands where I can see them!" Tanizaki was wide-eyed and frantic, finger hovering over the trigger button, and his awkward request irritated Kunikida, "Hah?!" The assertive noise made him flinch, but he proceeded. "I-If you don't do as I say, I'm taking you all down with me!"
Now that we've got the fanservice out of the way, how about we move on to the real purpose of our being here? "This isn't good – because of the personal grudge against the Agency, the bombers researched all the member's names and faces. If I go, it'll only provoke him, the same thing with [Y/N] here – Well, [Y/N]'s not nearly old enough to associate with a bomber anyways." Osamu gave me a baby voice, stroking his hand on my head. I ignored the taunting, saving my agitation for later, and we both faced him, a false innocence directed toward Atsushi, "Hmmm... What to do...?"
Atsushi's body jolted, his eyes broad. "At~Su~Shi—" Osamu teased him, but Atsushi was stubborn not to get involved, "No." For a guy as hopeless as him, he sure does have one hell of a will to live. "I haven't even said anything."
"I already know what you're going to say."
"Listen, Atsushi. You're the only one here who's not a formal member – the bomber won't know you." I nod, "You're the Agency's hope through this."
"But even if I were to go, I wouldn't be able to do anything." Atsushi looked up, only to find Osamu had moved somewhere else, "It'll be fine. We need to distract him for a short while. We'll do the rest. Let me think... Knowing you, how about you put on an off-putting act as a worthless human being?"
Boxes were shovelled through, and Osamu landed on random items before handing them over, "Here are some props! Trust me, Scuffles of this scale are child's play for the Armed Detective Agency, Atsushi." A smirk smudged against Osamu's features, and Atsushi was left to fend for himself.
...
"S-s-stop!" Atsushi had stood up and now faced the bomber, a bag of newspapers clutched at his side. "Wh-wh-wh-what could you possibly accomplish? I... I bet this would make your parents sad!"
"Who the hell are you?!" The bomber spat out his question, the force weighing heavy against Atsushi, so much so that he fell. "Sorry!"
"You're not with the agency!" Atsushi held up the papers attached to his side, "A-as you can tell, I'm just a newspaper delivery boy who happened to pass by!" If it weren't for the glaring fact that I know Atsushi and that he's not stupid enough to stop these events without a push, I'd say his act as a righteous scaredy-cat act was convincing.
"And what's a delivery boy got to do with any of this?" The tiger boy stood up again, sweating, "No matter how much you may hate them, you shouldn't take hostages or blow up bombs! I'm sure there's something to live for."
"Like what? What's something to live for?" The question hadn't been thought about thoroughly, and Atsushi struggled to find his answer, "Ch–Chazuke!! You can eat a lot of chazuke!! You can sleep somewhere with a roof over your head! When you go to sleep at night, you can wake up to see a new day! And every day is a new day!! But... If you blow up, neither you nor I will see another day... because we'll be dead."
"I know that!"
"What?! Um... I think you should reconsider. I mean, if you die... you're dead! You might wish you were sometimes, but some people keep living even though it's tough. Oh, people like me! I have no family or friends – I even got chased out of an orphanage, and I have nowhere to go... and no hope for the future... Yeah, that's right! It's true that, as you say, I lack redeeming qualities, and everyone would agree that I'm the scum of society. But I still manage to live without going all postal about it!"
Wow, just wow. It's like watching a physical manifestation of Atsushi's inner thoughts. Osamu quietly chuckles, "Good job, Atsushi. You have acting as a worthless human being down to an art form." I agreed, silently clapping my hands. "Mhm."
"So why don't you set that bomb aside, and we can look at jobs together, okay?!" Atsushi's feet speeded toward the bomber, getting in his face with intensity. "N-no, I'm not exactly looking for one..." The hand holding the bomb's trigger loosened. That signalled the distraction being complete, "Now, Kunikida!"
"I know! Ability: Doppo Poet! Wire Gun!" Paper ripping sounded from the notebook, and green filled the office as said paper transformed into a wire gun. "Crap!" The trigger was knocked out of his hand. "Get him, Kunikida!"
"Like I said! I know!!" The bomber was grabbed by the t-shirt and flipped onto his front, Kunikida grabbing his arms to secure him.
"One down! Alright! Good job, everyone!" Osamu and I rose from behind the hedge that separated the agent's office from the hallway and prepared to annoy Kunikida again. Applauding sounded from the office workers beside us.
"One down, you say? Now? Secure him? You're all talk and no action!" Osamu grinned down at the dirty blonde, and I giggled beside him mockingly, "What choice was there? You lost at rock-paper-scissors, Kunikida."
"Ahehe! That means you've lost every single time so far!!" Kunikida looks to the side, avoiding our eyes, "You bastards..." Osamu continued with his charade, annoying Kunikida until he eventually got up to do something about it. "Well, all's well that ends – isn't it? I heard that if you're too neurotic, you'll get a lot of wrinkles, and your ageing becomes accelerated."
"Is that true?" Kunikida lost focus, believing all of the lies spilling from Osamu as I watched with a deadpan. How can someone be so smart yet stupid? "Go on, take notes." Kunikida took diligent notes in his notebook. How many pages does our advice take up?
Osamu looked the other way, "I'm messing with you."
The pen Kunikida held snapped, just like all the others. Kunikida stood, freeing the 'bomber', and kicked Osamu in the back. "Bastard! Stop ridiculing me!" My brother landed against the door, and I watched blankly as he sank to the floor.
The bomber came from behind, pulling Kunikida's arms back and forcing his foot into his back. "All of you... Stop making fun of me! I swear, anyone gifted with supernatural powers has something wrong with them on the inside..."
The trigger was pressed, and the bomb showcased a timer. I watched as Atsushi struggled to look for any solution. Kunikida was pushed out of the way by the criminal, leaving that option unavailable. His eyes shifted to Naomi, and he shoved her into Osamu.
His hands retrieved the bomb, and then he kneeled to the floor, secured it against him, and formed a panicked ball on the floor.
"Idiot!"
"Brat!"
"Atsushi!"
The time ran out...
And nothing happened.
Atsushi's eyes opened, not expecting to do such an action after the impulsive decision to hug a bomb, and sat back up. "Jeez... I figured he was stupid, but I didn't know how stupid." I stood beside Osamu, scrutinising Kunikida with a sceptical expression, "You're one to talk, mister I-believe-everything-Dazai-Osamu-says." I was bonked on the head by a notebook, and my comment was cut short. "He has the talent to become a suicidal maniac, don't you think, Tanizaki?"
Our bomber came from behind Kunikida, nervously peering at a confused and perspiring Atsushi, "Sorry. Are you okay?"
"Huh?" Our conversation abruptly ended. A cheery Naomi pierced our ears. I hid behind Osamu. She scares me. A lot. "Aw, brother!!" Atsushi gapes up at us from his place on the floor, furrowing his brow, "So the part-time person was in cahoots with everyone, too?"
"Brat, you should blame Dazai. Barring that, blame yourself for choosing the wrong people to help you find a job!" Kunikida rightly scolds Atsush, and he nervously smiles in agreement. "Then, is this the job...?" Atsushi remained on the floor, a bogus bomb in his arms. "I told you there was a test involved."
"As in, an entrance exam?"
The sound of walking came from behind us, and I turned to see the President, "That's right." Haruno and the other office members greeted him, and he stepped toward the commotion.
"President?" Atsushi looked toward the man, too, curious. "Dazai said there was a capable young man – I had him test your mettle." Osamu smiles down at the boy, "Well, I requested you for hire, but since you've been designated a major threat by the ward, there was a disagreement among us as to whether we should take you in."
"So, President... What is your decision?" Kunikida's inquiry took a few seconds to reply, but the President responded, "He'll be under Dazai's care," before leaving. "You can trust me."
We all looked toward the bandage-clad man, specifically a conflicted Atsushi. "W-wait a minute, Dazai. So the job you meant to introduce me to was..." Osamu neglected Atsushi's noticeable hesitance, "You apparently passed the test. Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency, Nakajima Atsushi."
I cheered, hopping up to the boy and squeezing him and the hollow bomb, "Wooh!!"
"Congratulations!"
"I'm glad I was able to help." Naomi and Tanizaki welcomed the boy, and despite their relationship, the praise was wholesome.
"Oh, please, no. I couldn't join a workplace as violent and reckless as this!" I feel Atsushi tense as I hug him, clutching the fake weapon in search of comfort. "Not just anyone would use their body to shield a bomb to save everyone. You'll be fine." I agree with my brother, "Atsushi, you'll fit right in! And I can tell – Everyone's fortune has just tilted." It was only slight, but a great wave came from the President's office. It's no doubt because of Atsushi's arrival. Atsushi slumps in an office chair, knees to his chest as the bomb stays glued to his arms.
"Still, if you refuse, we can't force you. But then I can't help but worry about your future. We'll need you to vacate the company dorm, and you don't have any specialised skills, nor do you have friends or know anyone...That'd make finding a job very difficult. Besides, you're a wanted tiger. Should anyone learn of that, you'd get fired from your job – at worst, you'd be captured and shot dead."
What was once worry and annoyance turned into fear as Atsushi jumped from his skin, "Sh-shot dead?!"
"Now, if you were with this Agency... It'd be a different story." Osamu gave a cheeky smirk, knowing he'd been backed into a corner. Atsushi turned blue with nerves, "Th-then that means..."
"We look forward to working with you, Atsushi. Don't we, Brother?!" Naomi accepts Atsushi's position as she squeezes her brother's neck. "Follow the rules, brat."
"Well, now it's been settled..." Atsushi sunk in on himself, still holding the empty bomb, "You've got to be kidding me..." I bounced up to him again, "Nope, all real!"
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
Atsushi stared into the sea beyond the wooden dock we stood upon, and I ensured not to scare him as I approached casually. The noise under my feet creaked with my weight, catching his attention. I didn't bother to interrupt his thinking and stared, too. The sea folded over itself, the waves carrying themselves over the next and then trampled by the bigger ones above it.
"A nice view, isn't it?" I glanced to where Atsushi had spoken, finding his view fixed upon the waters, "I suppose so." Looking at water reminded me too much of Sakunosuke's dream.
The boy hummed, and then there was silence as we both mused about the other's words, "The Agency, everyone has an ability. What about you?" Atsushi was innocently curious, the words being gentle and comfortable, "You mentioned fate tilting or something along those lines. Does that have any relevance?"
"A part of it, yes." I smile, glancing away from the water and back at Atsushi, "I can control fortune. To Conduct The Singing Misfortune." It was an extremely powerful ability. Most I trust with the information tell me the same thing. Keep it under wraps.
Atsushi didn't answer, running my words through his head, "Misfortune, huh? Just a guess, but are you lucky by any chance?" I giggled along with him, swaying my head, "Yeah, but not in the way you'd expect; That's how it is for everyone. You'd be a good example." I pointed a finger, watching as he became confused, "Me? I wouldn't consider myself lucky."
He wore his heart on his sleeve, sorrow showing through the light in his eyes. "Not exactly. You have had a misfortunate past, yes. But where you are now, in the Agency, is the luckiest outcome possible. There are many alternate universes. With life as tricky as yours, one wrong decision and you'd have been lost in the darkness just like that," I snapped my fingers, then glanced back toward the water. "My ability has been granted to all the Agency's members, and now we can only make decisions that end in victory, be it long or short term."
"I see, so you're like a good luck charm. That's a little ironic considering you and Dazai want to off yourselves – You wouldn't be able to protect the Agency if you died."
"Exactly, that's why I never do. That and fate won't let me die." I laughed heartily, then stood from my spot, "Well, what do you say? Shall I bless your future with the bliss of fortune?"
Atsushi stood too, the wooden docks shifting with a creak, "Are you sure? I don't want to overwhelm you or anything." This boy is far past being timid – he's absurd, too. I deadpanned at him, "Atsushi, it's no bother to me, now stand still." He stiffened, nervously sweating as I cleared my throat dramatically, "Ability: To Conduct The Singing Misfortune!!" I stared at his form, then purple light exuded from my eyes, and a breeze picked up from around me. It ended as soon as it came, and we were left to stand, him more awkward than me. "Thank you?"
"No problem, now let's go! I need to force Osamu to buy me strawberry milk!!"
The night ended with me raiding Osamu's stash of money that he left in the cupboard full of bandages while Atsushi watched in disappointment.