God was playing a game with me. It was like one of those, guess who's behind the door? games. He was playing the, guess which man was going to walk through the bakery and interrupt a very important conversation? game. I had three doors, with three constants. Behind door one I thought Vance because God always had of way of surprising me, when it came to that man. Behind door two I thought James, because fuck my luck was bad. And for door three I thought Daniel Kaluuya. And shit. . .I don't know. Did celebrities even go to bakeries?
Anyways, I was kinda right.
Constants one and two were out the game. It wasn't Vance or James that had walked through the door of the bakery. It was Daniel, the one hour late motherfucker, cheater, husband of Vanessa had walked through.
But see I was kinda right. I got the first names correct. But I wasn't quite happy that the broker, untalented, less very less cuter version of the Daniels decided to walk through that door.
Vanessa thought the same because the words "What are you doing here, Daniel?", came out with a tint of displeased riding on them.
Vanessa had asked the question as she was getting up from the table. It took her, not many steps, to landed in front of the man. Her hands landed on her hips as she looked up, into the eyes of her ex-husband. Oh did I mention to say ex before? They are going through a divorce right now. And damn, I knew her mental health was probably screwed all over the place. All the things she had to take care of - papers, jobs, her kid.
Her kid who looked freakishly comfortable right now.
Xavier was standing next to Daniel with a bag on cotton candy in his hands. And when I say that he looked comfortable, I meant that he didn't looked phased. His eyes were not widen as his parents were exchanging fiery looks between each other. His eyes were actually trained on me.
Should I smile? Was this an awkward time to smile? Did Ellen Degeneres' breath stink?
Once again, all questions were answered with a single: yes. But I smiled anyway to the kid. Maybe it will keep him distracted and the attention away from his parents, which who looked like they were about to kill each other.
Spoke too soon because his eyes had advanced back up as his mother bit out another comment. "What did I say about giving him sweets after a certain time? I'm the one that has to put him to bed, so it's going to take me twice as long to do it now."
Was the correct response to Vanessa's statement, a shrug of one's shoulders? Hell no, but that's what Daniel did anyway.
"Really?" Vanessa said, not really shocked. "Whatever. What are you doing here anyway?"
I heard some plastic rip open. My eyes advanced down as I watched Xavier use his tiny little hands to rip open the bag of cotton candy, then he inserted some of the cloudy goodness in his mouth. Would it be bad if I asked for a piece? Was it noticeable that I wanted a piece of the goodness? Was I drooling? Did no one else hear the bag open?
Nope. And I had forgotten that I was in the middle of a war. Team Vanessa for the win.
"I came to drop off the kid." Was his smooth reply. His voice was freakishly calm, for whatever reason. "My keys to the house didn't work, on any of the doors. Did you change the locks?"
"I wanted you to drop him off at my dad's place on the days that you picking him up, for this exact reason. You don't need to come by the house anymore. There's nothing at the house for you anymore."
"Yeah, it was pretty fucking clear when you threw all my clothes out and told me to go fuck myself."
Should I cover the kid's ear? I got up from my chair to do the action but then stopped myself. It seemed like this was a normal thing because the kid hadn't even as so flinched as the f-word came out. Damn, this kid was getting exposed to a lot of grown-up shit at such a young age. Maybe I should lead him away from the chaos, of his parents, for little?
What games did I have on my phone?
One, if we included pin the money on the stripper but I think that Vanessa would kill me if I exposed her kid to that shit. Shit, I would kill myself if I ever exposed any kid to that shit. And no one needed to even ask me why I had that game on my phone, in the first place. Short answer: Erin's fault.
"Hm, maybe I should've done worse because here you are- still coming around the house."
It was a still for few minutes, I was awaiting his reply to Vanessa's comment. Was he going to yell? Use his hands? Use his voice for some good and apologize? Nope, he had just sighed. A long breath was took, a long sigh was took.
"Vanessa, I didn't come here to fight."
Vanessa had her always-permeant-smile wiped off her face the very second she saw her ex husband walk in the bakery. I guess these past few weeks she had made her mind up and was actually done with his bullshit. Because shit, divorce papers? That was big. I was happy for her. Daniel was toxic and probably caused her a lot of mental problems. He wreaked of arrogance, gaslighting, and just plain stupidity. Like who would actually cheat on Vanessa? He was a very sick, unwell, idiotic man.
"Okay, I asked you what you were here for, a couple seconds ago, then you just started to prompt an argument."
His eyes rolled. The hell? I hope they got stuck.
"Look, I'm here to drop off the kid." He pushed Xavier in Vanessa's direction and that's when I saw 'the kid's' expression slip. And fall. Oh really, oh fucking really? Daniel fucking sucked.
Xavier landed by his mom's side and I saw Vanessa move a hand around Xavier's shoulders. The look in her eyes - oh God, I had never seen that emotion come out from her face. Pure rage. Damn, this man brought the other side of Vanessa out. I wondered what happened after the birthday party when all the guest were gone and it was just Daniel and Vanessa left.
"Don't push my kid."
"Chill out, it was a nudge." There went his nonchalant tone again.
"Get the fuck out."
Oh damn.
Four words never sounded more intense. Vanessa has never looked that- God, her eyes were showing pure hatred for this man. A look that I thought was unknown to Vanessa. I, a hundred percent could relate to her with that look though. With that men-hating look. I had that look on my face when I had been talking to Vance.
But damn, did I also look as heartbroken, scared, and with hatred in my eyes as much as Vanessa was showing right now? We probably looked damn well alike.
Daniel held his hands up, a look of backing down. Let's hope he would crawl back down to that place called the sewer. And let's hope when he got down there, he was going to pass on my message to Vance when he saw him. My lovely message would be: Fuck you!
"I'm going, I'm going." His hands lowered as he turned his toward and moved toward the exit. "Goodnight Xavier." He said to the boy as his hands landed on the door handle and he stepped out into the cold.
From one side of Vanessa's legs, the words "Bye daddy." were spoken out.
Now, why the fuck did he have to say that?
Yeah okay, people, I knew, I know, that the word "daddy" was used to actually address your actual father. But ugh, why couldn't the words papa? dad? Daniel? Dickhead? be spoken out of that child's mouth instead. Because now I was thinking that I was an actually sick person. Was it sick, of me, that I was calling some man daddy?
Yep.
Okay, so that was dealt with. Plain and simple. It was an easy question.
Now the second reason why I hadn't wanted to hear the word "daddy" was because now I was thinking of Vance. I already had a million things in this world that had me thinking of that man, but at least for a couple of hours - when I was at work - I wanted those thought go away. Banished.
It was sad. I needed to pick myself up, this was actually fucking sad. My feelings needed to get in check, and get in order. A little boy, or any child, should use any words that they feel comfortable with. I was the problem. I was the sick one. I needed to get my shit together.
And what I meant by me - getting my shit together, was me erasing all the Vance thoughts, putting a smile on my face, and being there for my friend. My friend who looked torn. My friend who looked tired. My friend who looked worn out. I needed to be there for her.
"Hey?" My body turned and my hands found hers. I gave her hand a quick squeeze then removed. "Are you okay? No, dumb question. How are you feeling? No another-"
"River, I'm fine." I saw her shake - her shoulders, fingers, body moved back and forth. Looked like she just shook herself a new emotion. The emotions that I have picked up before, have gone and a tight smile was on her face. "And sorry you had to see me like that. And see that."
I waved my hand in a dismissive, it's fine manner. I've seen worst. I've said worst. Worst has been said to me. I wasn't phased.
Vanessa switched to her the side, where her child was standing by her leg. She laid a hand on Xavier's shoulders, then rubbed. Her actions looked smoothing. "You good buddy?"
"Yeah. Dad bought me cotton candy!" He said as he angled the bag even higher, in his mother's face.
Vanessa muttered something under her breath, sounded like dumbass but I couldn't be quite sure because, a second later, her she projected other words louder. "Is that right? Xavier you remember our deal? No candy after five and then I let you watch cartoons before bed, on the weekends? Remember?"
The child pouted his face. He slumped. He knew that he was guilty but he also wanted to walk Scotts free. "Buttttt on my birthday you let me have it all night. And daddy was the one who bought it anyway, not me."
"I know, I know. I thought I informed him about you and sweets but I guess we have to go over it again." She made a sound that could only be described as depressed cow moo. Her sigh was so long and dark. She really hadn't wanted to talk to Daniel again about this. And I could see how bore of a conversationist Daniel was, I saw her point. "And I only let you have that candy because it was a special day. Your birthday. I don't want this to be habit of yours when you're going to your dad's house or when he's picking you up, and just giving you sweets. They rot your teeth and rot your brain."
She lightly knocked - tap tap - her hand on his head, playfully "You don't want a rotten brain do you?"
"No!"He brought both of his hands behind his shoulders, hiding the candy. Acting as he hadn't just shoved the whole thing in his mother's face. "I'm sorry, I'll tell daddy next time no."
"That's what I like to hear." Her legs scrunched down and her lips touched the top of Xavier's head. After a few more kisses were planted on Xavier's head, she stood up and turned back towards me. "You ready, River?"
Oh, so she was still going to take me after all that went down? I mean, I guess. . . "Thank you, Vanessa. Uber sucks."
"It's no big deal, trust me."
After those words came out of her mouth, I had dismissed myself and went into the staff's room to collect my belongings. And as I was collecting my bag from the locker, and as I was walking toward the exit, and as I was turning off the bakery's lights and flipping the open side, over to close side- I was thinking.
My mind was moving, my thoughts were shifting, my brain was working.
I was thinking as I landed in her car, I was thinking as she buckled up her son, I was thinking as she put her keys in the ignition and started up the car, I was thinking as she made her way down the rode and into the direction of my house. I was still thinking as she landed in front of my apartment, and of course I bid her a goodnight and thank you. Also to the son. My mind was still moving, thinking, as I made my way up the elevator then inside my apartment, still thinking as I took out some leftover food and heated it up, still thinking as I finished up the meal and washed the dishes, still thinking as I got ready for bed, did my routine, and laid down and under my comforter. I was still fucking thinking.
Some may be asking, thinking about what?
Dick.
Okay, it was sorta true. I was thinking about Vance. Vance's dick did pop up in my memory but only for a little. My thoughts had also migrated over to what went down in the bakery. Migrated over to Daniel and how much of an asshole he was. Then migrated over to Vanessa and how much was on her plate.
Then gears started roaring. Little thoughts started to piece together and become whole. The lights stopped flickering and turned on.
I started to form an idea. An idea that would benefit us girls. Vanessa and I - and about our boy troubles. We needed to have fun. We needed to get out of our heads. (Oh, Erin too). Us girls needed to get prettied up and just have a night to ourselves.
And what was the best way to ignore all your responsibilities, problems and feelings?
The answer rhymed with mall. Wait, fuck - did alcohol rhyme with mall? Oops spoiled it. Whatever. We just needed alcohol.
A whole lotta alcohol.
***
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