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Norah
The thrown drink incident somehow—somehow—went unseen to the internet.
Just like I went unseen by Harry after his show ended.
I hopped into the crew van that was returning to the hotel. Only a few stragglers accompanied me—those a little too old to join the other few vans that were headed to a private dinner party to celebrate the first tour date back in the U.S..
As soon as I made it to the comfort of my own hotel room, I ran a bath for myself. Some decompressing and a little bit of meditation sounded like the perfect recipe for tonight. But there was one thing that needed to be done before any of that.
"Oh, boy. I can't wait for this story," Winter said as soon as her face filled the screen of my phone.
"I need to purge it all from my system before I sit in the jacuzzi."
"That bad? Hold on, let me get some wine."
I waited patiently as she walked down the stairs of her and Jared's new apartment. I'd only been there a handful of times, but it was beautiful and located not too far from Winter's job at the Griffith Observatory. Jared worked in marketing so he worked mostly remote other than commuting about forty-five minutes a couple times a week. I was thrilled for my best friends, and I'd hinted to them on multiple occasions that I couldn't wait to be a Maid of Honor and aunt.
"Fuck it. I'm bringing the bottle," Winter swore as she failed in her attempts to reach the wine glasses in the cupboard. She turned on the lights in her living room and plopped down on the couch. "Okay, you can start."
I rattled off the happenings of the day, starting with Harry almost walking in on me in Kacey's dressing room, then to the cute security guard who witnessed drinks being thrown at me, and ending with Harry somehow getting this feeling that the Norah he'd heard about was me thus leading him to wait for me in his dressing room until I appeared. The warm and fuzzies I felt in hearing Harry still got an extra-sensory feeling when I was near disappeared when I remembered Camille. It disappointed me that he was in a relationship with this person, and when they called, he chose to ignore her over me.
"What are you thinking now?"
After our break-up, Winter stayed pretty neutral when it came to how she would speak about Harry. She understood it was something that needed to happen, but that it was extremely painful for me regardless. Then as the weeks went by and the hate I received went from filthy comments to coming into the yogurt shoppe and harassing me, she was furious. As was I, but I was so far past the point of caring, it didn't effect me as much as it did for her to watch me go through it all. I ultimately had to quit my job there and work solely with Kyren.
I struggled without the extra paycheck, so Winter and Jared offered their couch to sleep on when my lease was up on my apartment. I wouldn't let them refuse payment from me so we compromised on half of what I normally paid monthly at my old apartment. When I started to travel often for work, I was away more than I was home. And away I was when the worst week of my life happened. After that, I was certain Jared and Winter would want me far from them.
But somehow, here we were. Winter held more reservations against Harry than I did, but I really couldn't expect any less than that.
"I'm thinking he has a girlfriend and I need to stay the hell away from them and their relationship," I replied to Winter.
"But what if he doesn't want you to stay away?"
"Then he's an ass! He has a girlfriend. There's no doubts about it. He didn't deny it at all when I said it to him. If he tries anything on me, I'll seriously hit him."
"Would you actually deny him?"
"Yes! Win, I'm not a home wrecker."
"I completely understand that, but you two...I don't know." She took a generous gulp from the bottle of wine. "You two are fire, and I know some time has gone by, but I can't imagine Harry just letting you go. Especially since he wasn't the one that broke up with you."
"He has a girlfriend. A tall, beautiful, blonde, French girlfriend! He shouldn't even be glancing at me."
She sighed and muttered something about throttling me in my sleep under her breath. "Has it ever occurred to you that none of that means shit if he still loves you?"
Flashes of memories of unanswered phone calls ran through my memory. "You and I both know he doesn't."
"Okay, so I guess we'll agree to disagree. Only time will tell. On another note, what fucking bitches had the bright idea of throwing drinks at you?"
I gave an exasperated sigh and rolled my eyes. "I don't know."
"And were you actually about to hook up with a Texan security guard?"
"Maybe!"
She stared blankly.
"I could have," I added for self-reassurance.
"Definitely. But I don't know...I don't see you as a hook-up kind of gal."
"Seriously? I'd for sure hook up with someone."
We went back and forth for a little bit longer, but I wasn't about to reach the point of making a bet and then have to stick to it. We agreed to disagree.
"How's the hand doing?" She asked.
"If I pop a couple Advil and some ibuprofen a couple hours before a show, I'm good to go. How's the knee?"
"Only hurts when it's about to rain."
I laughed. "So, never."
She drank her wine with a lopsided shrug. "LA's good for something."
A pang of guilt hit me smack in the chest. I took a glance down at the small tattoo on my forearm, right below the crease of my elbow, of a single-line drawn butterfly. It was a symbol that immediately flooded my thoughts with, All is good. Everything is okay and will remain okay.
The anxiety eased.
"Anything else going on with you?"
"Uh...nope. How's work going? How's Kane?"
Kane was their one year old rescue Labrador and pit-bull mix they'd gotten a few months ago. He was a wild child and kept Winter and Jared busy, but he fit perfectly into their little family.
"Oh my gosh! Jare brought him to the dog park the other day and guess who they ran into?"
"Chris Evans?"
"Ugh, I wish you would've chosen a D-List celeb or something to make this more hype...but no. It was Ryan fucking Gosling!"
"No shit!" My jaw dropped. "How the hell did Jared recognize him? He can't even tell the difference between Madonna and Lady Gaga."
"I was just as shocked so I showed him an IMDB picture to be sure."
"Oh good."
"You look tired."
"I am. But I wanted to call you before I got into this fat ass jacuzzi."
"Well, I don't wanna keep you from that any longer. I'll finish off this bottle with Jared for dessert. Meditate extra had for me, okay?"
"You bet. Love you."
"Love you, too. Don't kiss anyone you shouldn't, bye!"
After we hung up, I ran the jacuzzi and peeled off my clothes, wasting no time getting into the jets. I set my phone down on a towel at the edge of the tub and played the calmest playlist I had. I sank into the warm, heaven-like water and laid the back of my neck against a rolled towel, keeping my hair out of the water. I took deep even breaths and released the tension built up from today, trying my hardest to clear my thoughts.
I was successful, thus had no idea how much time had passed before I heard a knock at my door. I checked my phone first to see if someone was trying to reach me. I had no missed calls or texts. Whoever it was at the door must have the wrong room. A minute went by and I assumed they had moved on to another room.
I was wrong and the knocking started up again.
"Who is it?" I called out. I doubted my voice sounded any louder than a peep from the bathroom, but I'd rather not get out from my tub.
The knocking continued as such. A minute of silence and then more knocking for a few seconds followed by another minute of silence.
Damn it.
I slowly climbed out of the water and dried myself off the best I could with a towel before slipping on the hotel robe. I wasn't intending on showing any more than my face anyways with the chain lock on the door.
I stomped over, leaving wet footprints behind me and put my eye up to the peephole.
"You interrupted my jacuzzi time," I called.
"M'sorry. I could sit with you while you finish?"
Absolutely not.
I opened the door as much as the chain lock would allow me and put my face in frame. Harry stood, his hand rested against the doorframe and his long, lean body waiting for my perusal. But I wouldn't cave in.
"No. What do you want?"
He sighed, almost desperate sounding. "To talk." I smelled the slight scent of alcohol on him.
I looked down to my attire and then back up at him in the hall. "Now?"
"Yes. I won't sleep. I...this sounds bloody pathetic, but I can't stop thinking about you."
"Harry, I'm not having this."
"You can tell me to leave at any point and I will. I promise. I just want to hear how you've been. What's brought you here."
"Why?"
He furrowed his brows like he couldn't believe my skepticism. His voice dropped to a barely decipherable decibel. "Because I care for you."
"And I told you before. You have a girlfr—"
"No, no, no, it's not about that. I...I'm with Camille, and I know that."
"Do you?"
"Can you let me in, please? I'm not having this conversation in a hotel hallway."
The hallway was blocked off for only tour crew, and I doubted anybody was back from the party yet. Anybody except Harry that is. Either way, no one was overhearing anything.
"Me neither." I shut the door.
"Hey!" His voice was muffled.
I truly wasn't intending on continuing my evening knowing he was standing right outside my door. I just wanted to see him suffer a little bit.
Maybe it'd knock some sense into him.
Three lazy knocks hit the door.
Or not.
I opened it again, but without the chain lock on, so it fully swung open. I propped a hand on my hip. "I'm not telling you everything you missed on the last two seasons of Norah's Life. You don't have clearance for all of that anymore, buddy."
On an inhale, his eyes slithered down my frame, but only to my hand on my hip before coming back up.
"I know I don't, buddy. But I'd like to chat."
I wasn't going to pretend I wasn't curious about him, too.
I stepped to the side. "Fine. But only like twenty minutes. I have meditating to do."
"Hey, me too. Can I—"
"No."
He dropped his chin and took a couple strides inside. "Right."
"I'm going to change real quick, and I'll be back out."
"The twenty minutes start when you get back, right?"
I walked to my luggage and pulled out my sleep shorts and a t-shirt. "No, they start now."
"Hurry, then!" He plopped himself down the couch.
I closed myself back in the bathroom and took a couple minutes to dry off completely and change clothes. I didn't dare look myself in the eye in the mirror. I couldn't believe I was going along with this.
What the hell was I going to say?
When I went out into the room, Harry had treated himself to a bottle of water from the non-complimentary tray of snacks and drinks. Emphasis on non-complimentary.
I sat down at the other end of the couch, putting a good four feet between us. My heart pounded a steady rhythm in my chest. "How did you find my room?"
"Tour manager has a master list of who's assigned to each room."
"That's sneaky."
"Sort of. But you didn't show up to the crew party, and—"
"'Cause I didn't want to see you."
Hurt flashed in his eyes, but I needed him to understand that while we weren't on equal footing anymore now that we weren't together, it didn't mean he was above me in anyway.
Any. Way.
"What happened between now and then to make you hate me?"
"Hate you? I don't hate you. I just don't see how you think buddying up with me will be okay with your girlfriend."
"Camille and I are secure in our relationship. She'd have no problem with me speaking with you. Just like you and I were secure and I had no issue with you being friends with your ex."
Oh, burn. Way to play into a double standard, Norah, you douchebag.
I looked down to my hands fiddling in my lap. "My bad. I'm sorry, you're right. That was sort of...fucked for me to assume."
He shook his head, curling his lips between his teeth. "No, I...I'm quite positive if our roles were reversed, I would have acted the same if not much much worse."
I tucked my legs up onto the cushion and sat cross-legged. "So..."
"So...Can I start off by asking about Baker?"
My lips quirked up in irony. That question would lead us—me more specifically—right off the deep end.
"It's my mom's maiden name. I decided to change it. Didn't want my dad's anymore."
"There's more to that story, isn't there?"
"Honestly? Yeah. But that's between me and my therapist to unpack."
He frowned, concern marring his features. "Alright. How're your friends? How's Winter?"
Oh, she'd be delighted to hear he asked about her.
"She's alright. Got a good job at Griffith Observatory in the admin offices. Her and Jared moved into a nicer apartment and they got a dog I hopefully get to dog-sit soon. He's very active though, so I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up."
He grinned, his eyes brightening up. "That's great. I'm happy for them."
"How's your family? Your mom?"
"They're good. Sister's doing big things, has her own thing going. Very proud of her. My mum's alright, too. Spending loads of time with Gem and her friends."
From bi-monthly checks on Instagram of both Gemma and Anne, I would have guessed as much, but I felt much better hearing from Harry that they were both doing good.
"I know I didn't reach out after you came for the funeral," he continued on, then moved his gaze to the coffee table in front of us. "That was—I just—"
"You don't have to explain. I didn't go expecting it to be some rekindling of our relationship. No matter what had gone on between us, if you needed me, I was going to be there. For you and your mom and sister."
He nodded his head solemnly, like he could see himself returning the same sentiment. Only he couldn't. Didn't.
"Still..." His eyes held mine with a fervency so familiar, I ached. "That meant more to me and them two than you could ever imagine."
I nodded. "I'm glad you guys are all good."
"Is your brother still deployed? Or has he come back home yet?"
Goodbye breath in my lungs.
It took everything in my to keep my composure, but I probably looked like I was a robot who couldn't drop her placating smile and was trying to reboot by blinking a million times over.
"Um, that's..." I cleared the choked up feeling from my throat. "...off limits."
"Fuck, Nor." He moved over to the cushion next to mine, going to reach out to me, but deciding otherwise. It wasn't what I needed.
The events following my brother's death were already playing on a film reel in my mind. Flipping from scene to scene at a pace my mind wasn't ready for. The shock. The grief. The anger. The disappointment. The guilt.
Zoe always told me that I needed to think about it more—address it more. But that was the one bit of homework she'd given me I haven't been to keen on finishing.
"I'm sorry, love." He knew.
I smiled falsely. "I think that's enough questions for tonight."
I needed to meditate. ASAP.
"That's perfectly fine. But I need to know if you're alright."
"I'm fine. I'm just not ready to talk about that."
"I'm sorry for overstepping."
"You didn't overstep. You had no idea." I shied a glance at him. "But, anyways, you should probably go rejoin that dinner party."
He nodded, understanding the simplest social cue of "please leave me be now". He stood with his bottle of water and I followed him over to the door.
He turned suddenly and I stopped a foot away from him. "I want us to be friends."
"Harry—"
"There are conditions to that, but I want to know your thoughts."
"I don't know."
"You don't know if you can be friends with me?"
"I don't know if I can be friends with you."
...
A bit shorter than usual, but I hope you all enjoyed (:
Also I wanted to mention that I kept the "flashback" scene last chapter so short and vague out of respect. I in no way want to recreate anything or manipulate anything, so I kept it to just N & H.
RIP Robin ❤️
Stay safe! <3