"you are my favourite feeling."
- atticus
•
I've decided to make some time for myself.
After everything with Ian, to then going straight to helping Amy - I'm tuckered out.
As an introvert, as I like to consider myself one, I prefer alone time to recharge.
Some time to think things over without anyone else's input.
I thought a trip to the local coffee shop would be nice.
So, I grabbed my furry, hooded coat off of the coat hanger - opening the front door and walking out, all within a satisfying 20 seconds.
————————
"Ivy! Long time no see."
Somebody hollers from the back of the store as I walk in.
I tilt my head upwards, to identify whom the mysterious voice belongs to.
I'm met with a friendly face - the owner, Melody.
"Hi! How have you been?"
I beam, walking a bit closer.
"Good, good."
She punches some numbers into the cash register, the money department springs open.
"Where'd you run off to?"
"Hm?"
I study her movements carefully, getting kind of lost in thought.
"I mean, you used to come here every week. But then you just.."
She tries to think of the right words to say.
"Stopped?"
"Yep, that's it."
We laugh together.
"Stuff happened, I lost interest."
I slide a $5 bill towards her.
"Not of you, of course. Blueberry scone, please?"
She smiles, putting the cash into the register, closing it shut.
"I see your order has not changed."
"Not one bit."
She slides a scone my way, placed on the same detailed lavender napkin it's always been served on.
It's neatly designed with small, intricate flowers on every corner - outlined with a delicate wavy pattern.
"Thanks, you-"
Before I can finish my sentence, Melody begins yelling at somebody else who's just walked in.
"Ian! Welcome back."
Wait, what?
I turn around quickly, trying to place my eyes on him inside of this extremely crowded shop.
But I don't have to look much longer - Ian raises his hand, waving. If waves could speak, his would be yelling.
"I didn't know he came here."
I whisper to Melody, trying not to give away the fact that we're talking about him.
"Oh, yeah. He comes in just as much as you used to."
Ian's eyes lock in on mine - he's caught me staring.
"Shit."
I groan.
"He's seen me."
I whip back around, swiftly picking up the scone.
"You know him?"
Melody asks.
"Yeah.. it's a long story. I've gotta go."
And with that, I'm back in the crowd, loosing sight of Ian.
I take that as my opportunity to rush outside.
The second I step onto the patio, I let a big breath out - one I didn't even realize I was holding.
But the calmness quickly subsides as a big gust of wind comes rushing past, knocking my scone right out of my hand.
I stare blankly at the neglected pastry that's now upside down on the concrete.
"That poor scone."
His voice sounds from behind me.
Dang it.
I came here as an escape - to get away from life.
But apparently life goes to the same places I use as my emotional release.
I turn around slowly.
"Heyy, Ian."
He's still observing the scone, which is now leisurely blowing away.
"Don't worry about that. I'm tired of them anyway."
Ian's attention falls back on me.
"We just can't seem to catch a break from each other."
I can see a hint of happiness sparkle in his eyes.
Excitement almost.
"It appears so."
I say, with a monotone voice.
Ian's face falls as I instantly realize I've got an unnecessary attitude.
He doesn't know that this is my comfort spot.
Heck, half of me likes that he's here.
"Sorry.. I didn't mean for it to come across so rude."
He chuckles.
"It's all good."
I look up at the shop's sign - which is waving back and forth.
The wind is aggressive today.
"So.."
I hum.
"I didn't know you came here."
He smiles.
"I do. Quite often. I really enjoy their Arabica coffee, 2 creams-"
"-1 sugar?"
"Yeah.."
He says hesitantly.
"How'd you know."
Time stops, right then and there.
I'm being brutally honest when I say that was Matt's exact order. Right down to the creams and sugar.
This is a perfect example of how I can't escape him, and that day, no matter how hard I try.
"I- you-"
I stutter trying to find the right words to say.
I can feel Ian's hands grip my shoulders.
"Ivy?"
"I miss him. God damnnit I miss him!"
I shout, going limp.
I can feel myself slowly fading out of reality, loosing control over all of my emotions.
Ian's got his arm wrapped around my waist - keeping me supported as I continue to babble.
"He ordered that. Exactly that. The coffee, the cream, the sugar - this stupid coffee shop!"
A tear rolls down my cheek - several thoughts running through my mind.
You're crazy.
Get over it.
You're embarrassing yourself.
But it's all washed away as I feel Ian hug me even tighter.
I can feel his hands grip the back of my thighs, indicating that he wants me to jump up.
I comply, my legs wrapped around his waist like a monkey.
I probably look like such an idiot..
"What the hell is going on, Ivy? You need to talk me."
He sighs, his breath against my neck.
"Can we go somewhere else?"
I lift my head up, taking in our surroundings.
"Everyone's looking at us."
Instead of walking away, or letting go of me to spare us the embarrassment - he instead glances at the group of people who have surrounded us.
"Get lost."
He sneers, still entangled with my body.
"We don't need an audience."
Somehow, everyone complies.
Hustling away as if their life depended on it.
I giggle, sniffling away my sorrow.
"Who knew you could be so scary."
"Anything for you darling."
My heart skips a beat.
Within that very moment, a rush of emotion and
desire and complicated grief surges through me.
I can't help but lean in closer to Ian.
I hesitate, overthinking my actions, but he meets me half way - leaving me no time to back out.
Our lips meet, sparks fly.
It isn't aggressive or competitive - it feels comforting. He still has his hands under my thighs, keeping me supported in my position wrapped around his waist.
But before I know it, he pulls away, leaning his forehead against mine.
"Can you tell me what's going on?"
He asks, completely ignoring what just happened.
"It's.. complicated."
He sighs, slowly letting go of me.
My feet safely hit the ground as I stand on my own.
He then grabs my hand, leading me back to his car.
He leans against it, pulling me in between his legs - my back against his chest.
"Talk."