Crowded into the rounded enclosure of the wolf pit, my father stands while the rest of us sit, his enormity enhanced by the low flicker of firelight. "Thank you all for coming," he says. "I just received word from the Council that the Glacier Ridge Pack was attacked last night and Alpha Benton slain."
He licks over dry lips, but otherwise shows no signs of his anxiousness. "As you all know, they are not far from here, just over the easternmost peak of the Simik Range. As with the Jewel River Pack, this new alpha has cast out those who he has deemed unfit to serve him." His eyes meet Daire's with meaning. "Thankfully, the weather is warming, but it is still reaching freezing temperatures in those northern passes. Master Daire, how can we help you track them down?"
"I'll check in with Priestess Blue, but my companion Peter Gerard and I will leave as soon as possible. I'll send word if we should need any help."
"You can bring the wolves here," my father says then gestures to me with a confident nod. "After the full moon, you and Master Daire will go to the Diamond Pack northeast of here to see if they are able to take in any of them and, if so, what assistance they might need as a result. I believe their resources are limited but haven't been there recently enough to be sure. We need a report of their defenses if they were to get attacked. Alpha Nivi is an elder and in a vulnerable state. I'd like to aid him and his pack in whatever they need for preventative measures."
"Yes, Alpha," Daire and I say in unison.
I glance to where the vampyre sits along the wall nearest the entrance and he must sense my attention, looking at me as if trying to read something in my gaze. I smile, offering a link of camaraderie for the task ahead, putting our weeks of training into application. I simmer with excitement to get out there and do something, like I'm finally making progress and taking a real step forward.
As soon as the meeting concludes, Daire hurries out of the pit and is gone before I have a chance to say anything, not that I even know what I'd say. Good luck? Be careful? Can I help you?
He makes me want to prove myself. I see my father call on him as an equal and I want that more than I ever knew. Until now, I've felt like I'm just standing here waiting on orders, unsure of how to best help anyone, always in his shadow and never finding the light.
I scrub at my face. What needs to be done for these wolves coming back with Daire? Food, shelter, clothing.
Through the bond with my father, I say, "I'll check on the open cabins by the beach and meet with mom and Coly on figuring out needed supplies and then I'll let Omega know to be prepared as her abilities may be needed once these wolves arrive."
"Thank you, Reeve. Keep me updated."
I grin. That wasn't so hard. I've always had agency to make these sorts of decisions and proactively lead, I just felt like I never knew how. Partly, I felt like my age held me back, but Daire's shown me differently. No one treats him less than because he's younger. He simply does what he's good at and tells everyone else to piss off. He even already has a benevolent alias as the Ghost—a figure of legends, roaming the lands and saving wolves.
If he can do that, I can do this, and I can do it my own way; and that thought provides palpable relief. I can do this.
For two days, we wait. I've always had a pack link to whomever I've wanted to speak with. This waiting without knowing anything nonsense is bullshit. The sky begins to drizzle, and the cold hits of rain wet my legs where I sit with Matt and my cousin Marcus on the steps to the clinic.
There's a ripple in the air in front of me, a slight disturbance that has me lurching up and swinging out my leg, hooking under the thigh of the vampyre that drops down from the roof.
He stares at me with a wide smile. "I've never been so proud to be knocked on my ass."
Matt leaps up next to me, grinning down at Daire. "That was awesome."
I help the warder up, trying to contain my grin to normal proportions at seeing him again and getting the better of him.
"What are you three doing outside the clinic? None of you are hurt, are you?"
"No, just keeping our young alpha company," Marcus says then claps Matt on the back. "Come on, Mattie, I'll let you buy me an ale at the pack hall."
"Sounds like a lose-lose for me," Matt grumbles, then sighs, and follows my cousin toward the trail to the hall.
"So," Daire says, "were you here waiting for me?" His voice is teasing, but the truth is, I was.
"You wish."
"Did you miss me, Reeve?"
"Hardly. You're the one obsessed with me."
He doesn't answer as he comes in close, chest to chest, face open with affection. It's a new look, one that's morphed since we first started training from amused interest to this, this twist of something deeper.
"Where are the wolves? Are they okay?" I ask, so I don't do something stupid like kiss him.
Daire motions for me to follow him inside the clinic so he can drop his weapons bag. "Omicron Easton, Delta Banks, and his team are staying with them in the northern field until the full moon in a few days, then I'll go and stay with them while you all shift."
"None of them were hurt during the attack, were they?"
"No, but I'm going to make the standard medicines for aches, pains, and nerves to take to them just in case." He washes his hands and begins pulling out small jars of herbs and tonics. "Tell me about where your father is sending us—the Diamond Pack and Alpha Nivi."
I take a seat at his work table. "I don't know much about them. Their pack is high in the mountains, a few days hike from here. Alpha Nivi is an elder. He was an elder even when I was a pup, so it's kind of amazing he's still lead alpha."
"Maybe he has insane power like you. Someday some other young, eager ace is going to say the same thing about Alpha Reeve Rimeara."
I throw a bundle of herbs at him, which he easily catches and sets beside him. "Are you calling me a young badass?" I ask.
"Your power is definitely growing, even I feel affected by it. And the skills you showed just now outside..."
"Yes..."
He flashes me a humored grin then throws the same bundle of herbs back at me. "Stop fishing for compliments. Your head is big enough."
Thunder shudders the skies and heavy rain pelts the roof and pings against the windows. The air through the screened door reminds me of Daire's scent—mountain rain.
"Sounds like we made it inside just in time."
"You don't like being out in the rain?" I ask.
He shrugs with his back to me, grinding something with a mortar and pestle.
"Come here," I say and wait for him to acknowledge me. "Please."
He sets aside his work, regarding me with his standard amused interest and curiosity. It only takes a second for him to follow, and it pleases something deep inside me, like we're about to leap over a mighty canyon together.
"Where are you taking me, Young Alpha?"
I tug on his hand. "Into the rain."
His charming, dimpled grin—the one that haunts me—widens, and he steps forward as I step backward, captivated. Trust.
Once we're outside, I take hold of his hand more firmly and lead him to the far side of the clinic's front lawn, then I look up and embrace the falling rain. I drop his hand and swing my arms out, close my eyes, and open my mouth to it. I let it soak me, let it mark me, let it stake me to the earth, to this moment. He watches me in a way that makes me feel strong, and powerful, and beautiful, and brilliant. And I want to howl in victory when he lets his head fall back and his face be washed.
"You wanted to know what it was like to be a wolf."
"Yes," he says through the white-noise of rain hitting leaves.
"It's feeling each element, bathing in it, burrowing down in it until it soaks into your soul. Until you feel it in your bones like a living part of you."
He turns to me, and the flashing golden heat in his eyes nearly levels me, stripping away my pretenses and exposing my barest truths.
I take his hand again, threading my fingers between his. "It's a sense of belonging to the earth, tied to it in a way where you can feel the pulse of it. The life. The moon sings to us, but the earth, the wind, and the rain...they feed us, they fill us."
His hair is soaked, water dribbling down his face, but he hardly seems to notice as he stares at me. "It is the blood of the beast," Daire says, almost too quiet to hear.
And I nod, understanding the greater sense to his words. Understanding that he's using a word that is uniquely vital for him. Blood. And that's how I know that, in his own way, he gets it.
I release my hold on him and he steps after me, chasing the touch, and I need distance before I do something irrevocable.
His hand warms my cheek and I know he's going to kiss me. My heart's in my throat waiting for it, and I have to catch the words on my tongue ready to beg for it.
A crack of lightning splits the sky and shatters the moment. His hand falls from me and he backs away. No! "I should go," he says.
No.
I watch him retreat inside the clinic and am suddenly in the mood to drink a lot of ales at the hall with Marcus and Matt.
∞ ∞ ∞
What in Satu's world of wolves? Thankfully my feet ignore the shock the rest of my body experiences at seeing Daire sparring with the older wolves in Rainer's morning group. The intensity is higher than usual; raw charged aggression.
My heart pounds, and I can't wrench my eyes from him as I set my bag down next to Marcus and Matt and watch the match with the same amount of fascination as everyone else gathered near the ring. There are bets called out between friends, and breaths held to see if one of our top zetas—currently fumbling for a steady stance, splotched with bruises, cuts, and angry red scrapes—could be bested. And each voice that dissects one of Daire's moves: the powerful swing of his arm, his graceful dodge, and lightning-quick jab, incites a response of ownership that has no place in my thoughts.
Overcome the baser instincts of your wolf, I hear my father's familiar caution. Breathe, focus, rise above where others cannot.
He is not my vampyre, he does not carry my scent, nor have I asked him to commit to me in any way. He is free, his own male, only here for Satu knows how long, and that has a growl climbing my throat, surfacing an overpowering urge to go and visibly mark him so there is no mistaking that he is one of us.
Omega watches me from the opposite side of the field. Her white tail wags behind her as her ice-blue eyes meet mine. "Calm, Alpha."
Her words have my back straightening, and I dip my head in acknowledgement, wondering how far her gifts allow her to intrude into my thoughts. It's rare for her to speak to me, so I take her warning to heart.
She trots over, lowers herself at my feet, and waits on some confirming sign of acceptance.
I smirk at her, though much of my attention is still glued to Master Daire. "You must think I'm hotheaded."
"I think you are a wolf viewing someone you see as yours."
"We are not committed."
"No, but emotions aren't always logical."
I peer over at Daire again, still locked in combat with Zeta Hank, throwing out a taunting laugh before readying himself for another round of physical blows.
Seeing him like this makes me question everything about last night in the rain. I don't know this aloof creature strategically disabling one of our most able fighters. There are no traces of the teasing trainer I know or the soothing healer. This is a lethal predator.
"...Reeve."
I startle to find Marcus looking at me with a grave expression. "This is intense."
What am I missing? "How long have they been fighting?"
"Since before dawn. He's been moving through the ranks, defeating them one by one."
Something's not right.
Daire knocks down Zeta Hank and pins him, putting a light grip to his throat. "You're dead. Next," he calls out, coldly.
Rainer pushes into the ring and as soon as Hank clears the area and Daire braces for another fight, my brother hits the vampyre in the ribs and wraps his arms around him to tackle him to the ground. He holds Daire under him, and I push my way through to the front to hear Rainer say, "You've humiliated them enough, and in front of an elite like Zeta Braun. You've made your point, vampyre. Enough." Rainer shoves off him and bounces to his feet, ready to continue the fight if Daire pushes it.
He doesn't. With a slight bow of concession, he says, "Better to be humiliated and alive than naïve and dead."
The crowd parts, making way for the warder to pass, and I shoulder through to catch him.
"What was that about?" I ask, jogging to catch up to his storming pace.
"You want to know what was happening while you all were have a merry time drinking at your pack hall last night? Your taus tracked four vampyres scouting within ten miles of your borders. And do you want to know what I overheard your trained zetas saying about it? They said it didn't matter because you all have me."
His face reddens in anger, appearing ready to go another dozen rounds in our training ring.
"So, you humiliated them for it?"
"Wake up," he yells, and it's the first time I've ever seen him angry. "This sort of complacency is exactly what leads to strong packs like yours getting attacked. It only takes one night of not paying attention, one patrol guard not pulling their weight for vampyres to infiltrate your lands. They are out there even now, searching for a way in; hunting for me, and the omega, and these most recent exiled wolves."
He rushes up the stairs to the clinic and throws open the door, and I'm hot on his heels.
"And that's the other thing," he continues, "there is a pack of foreign wolves sheltering on your land. That's an added risk to all of you, not to mention that if a vampyre attacks then they're at risk too."
He scrubs his hands through hair and turns to face me, seething.
"We're not stupid," I say calmly. "We understand the risks. The zetas should have never said that, they know better, but none of us feel complacent. The pack trusts you, Daire. They trust that you would never bring wolves onto our land if you thought that they were a risk to us, even with Alpha telling you to bring them here. You've made us feel stronger. You've made the pack believe that we stand a chance if something happens. You've gotten an entire pack of wolves to accept and defend you as one of our own."
"I'm glad you all feel that way, Reeve, but I can't defeat four vampyres. Not without Peter."
"Your combat partner?"
"Yes. It won't be long before your power overtakes your father's and you become alpha. You need to start acting like it."
Fury burns up from my gut into my throat. "Excuse me? You don't know anything about being an alpha."
"Really? Tell me this, Reeve, was your father at the pack hall drinking with you while a pack of scared and abandoned wolves were brought onto his land? Was he there drinking while your scouts were out reporting a potential threat?"
I don't respond beyond the thickening of my breaths and clenching of my fists.
"No," he says, "he wasn't. He was up all night ensuring the safety of every wolf under his care. I know that is what being an alpha is. You either accept your role or you don't, but if you're going to lead, then step up and fucking do it."
Hearing him curse, in his accent, is disorienting. "Fuck you," I say and make to leave.
He grabs my arm and lightly pins me to the wall next to the door. "I'm not trying to insult you."
I squirm to get free. "Get your hands off me."
He releases me with a frustrated huff. "I'm just...disappointed, Reeve," he fumes. "All night, I waited for you to get your head out of your ass and take it upon yourself to meet up with me and your father, and every minute you didn't show up was like a knife twisting inside me. You could be a brilliant leader. I know it. I absolutely believe in you. Your entire pack, all of those wolves believe in you. I've seen it. You have to believe it for yourself, though. What is holding you back?"
"I'm trying," I say on a breath in the small space between us.
"Try harder," he says with a harsh bite and turns his back, dismissing me.
Anger boils hot and fast inside me. I need space to think.
Hurrying through the door and outside into the bright sun, I run toward the Moon Field, mad and ashamed and feeling fucking trapped. How can I lead with my father still so strong and powerful? I can't steal that role from him. I won't.
There's no room for me here.
It's a striking thought, an internal rebellion that tilts my world on its axis, and I douse it before it gains steam. I cannot stoke any such flame. But Daire is right about one thing. I wasn't visible last night in the way that many would expect of a lead alpha. I played a different role. The fact is, I did go to the pack hall, but I didn't drink, didn't sample a single sip, even though I more than needed it to stop thinking about my almost-kiss. I went there for information, the one place that wolves coming back from border patrols go to unwind and feed gossip. Of course, I knew about the vampyres spotted by our taus. He forgets that we have pack links for communication—I knew the second a threat was detected. But I let him censure me because I didn't want to reveal that I go to the hall to eavesdrop and gather intel. No one knows that, otherwise they wouldn't open up around me. Last night, I tracked down a particular wolf, one that I've enlisted to feed false reports of Daire's—the Ghost's—whereabouts to the king's allied zetas that are reported to have overtaken Serpent Valley. I know that the vampyre can protect himself, but I can't help but want to do what little I can to take any measure that might aid him. The false sightings and leads I've leaked might have bought us more time had the Glacier Ridge Pack not been attacked revealing that the Ghost was never too far.
The four vampyres we tracked must've been out scouting since Daire and Peter rescued the exiled wolves so quickly, searching for any clues or lingering scent to help them hunt their charge, knowing for certain now that he's right under their fingertips. So, yes, I could have been more visible in my care of the pack, but someone was needed behind the scenes working to keep enemies away from our pack—him included.
I stop running and pace in a circle. He's disappointed in me? Well, fuck that. Fuck him. I'm disappointed in myself for thinking he knew me by now, knew me better than to not even question his assumption that I had been so incredibly negligent and uncaring. Disappointed that I care so damn much about what he thinks.
Daire had asked me what was holding me back, and I'm aware of how things must appear to him—and I'm sure he's not the only one—but I don't know how to operate in this gray space of in-between with my father. The power surging under my skin wants to be fully unleashed, but I can't do that and stick to my agreement with my father of waiting to take over until this conflict with Frederick is resolved. They have no idea the amount of power that's reined inside me. They've seen glimpses; it's only Daire who stares at me from time to time with a thoughtfulness that makes me believe he can sense its enormity. He wants to prod it out, and I wish that I could let him, but what would that truly mean for my father and our pack?
I'm not sure any of us are ready to find out.