Everything felt... different. A numbness I haven't felt since my parents died settled over what felt like the entire world. I thought about the first time I saw him, stumbling out of the library, vibrant hair, messy Hufflepuff robes. He had that carefree smile on his face, a small dimple forming at the corner of his mouth. I wanted nothing to do with him, and now I don't understand how I'm supposed to keep going without him. The sky was a little grayer, the grass a little less green, because he truly lit up the world around him.
Sadie, Griselda, and I made our way to platform 9 ¾ on the first of September. It's been three weeks since I stayed at James' house, three weeks since I've seen any of my friends, three weeks since the day that changed everything. I spent every day reading those names in the paper, only looking for someone familiar to me and completely disregarding everyone else. I now felt the weight of each and every name I had ever read on that list. All of those people were gone, just like Kace.
I pushed my trolley by myself while Griselda helped Sadie. Griselda hardly spoke to me anymore, and if she did I often feared it was to inflict some sort of punishment or remind me that I was no longer welcome in her home. That week at James' was pure bliss compared to the hell I soon returned to. We passed through the wall to the platform with no problem, none of us even speaking a word.
I pulled ahead, losing Sadie and Griselda in the crowd. I would see Sadie later that night at dinner, and Griselda wanted nothing to do with me anyways. Right now I had to see my friends. I stood in the middle of the platform, frantically looking around for the familiar red of Lily's hair, or the light shining off James' glasses. I couldn't help but notice that even the families on the platform looked miserable as if they were sending their children off to their deaths, never to be seen again. Did they truly believe we weren't safe at Hogwarts anymore?
"Estella!" I suddenly heard someone shout from behind me. I turned around and saw the one and only Sirius Black.
"Sirius!", I exclaimed with a big smile. The first I've smiled in weeks. Sirius quickly ran up to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into a right hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned the gesture, pressing my face into his shoulder. "I've missed you," I said, looking up at my best friend. Sirius smiled down at me.
"I've missed you too" He replied softly as if he knew he had to be gentle with me right now or else I would break.
"You two saw each other a few weeks ago please calm down" James groaned, walking up behind us and interrupting the moment.
"Three weeks to be exact!" Sirius exclaimed, pulling away from me to look at James. I noticed Remus and Peter both trailing behind him. "That is almost a month, Mr. Potter!"
"Yeah, and I haven't seen Lily since June, so stop complaining please" James rolled his eyes.
"Oh, James you know if you went three weeks without seeing Lily you would react the same way" Remus chuckled, patting James on the shoulder. I felt embarrassed as they compared me and Sirius to James and Lily, the most lovey-dovey couple I've ever seen.
"Alright, you got me there Moony. Maybe we should leave the lovebirds alone for a minute" James smirked at us. I felt my cheeks burn as Sirius glared at them for teasing us.
"Yeah, yeah, get out of here, save us a seat on the train" Sirius shooed them away.
"Hang on!" I exclaimed, reaching up to hug James. He was shocked for a minute but quickly hugged me back. I pulled away then proceeded to hug Remus and Peter who blushed madly when I pulled away. "I missed you guys too" I smiled at them. They all gave me genuine smiles before turning and walking towards the train. I turned back to Sirius who was pursing his lips at me. I gave him a confused look. "What?"
"Are you trying to make me jealous, or...?" He trailed off and I couldn't help but let out a small laugh, playfully slapping him on the arm.
"Wow, I didn't think you were capable of jealousy. Especially with your own friends", I teased.
"Oh trust me, I've been jealous plenty of times with you" Sirius shrugged, but before I could ask him about that he changed the subject. "You know, I got twice as handsome since you last saw me" he smirked and I rolled my eyes at him.
"Two times zero is still zero" I pointed out and he glared, shoving me playfully.
"Now that was rude" He chuckled. "I missed that about you though"
"And for some reason, I missed your arrogance" I rolled my eyes at him, a smile playing on my lips.
"Yeah yeah, c'mon, let's get on the train before it leaves without us. Plus James has to go to the prefect's car later because he somehow managed to get head boy, so we don't want to miss him before he leaves" Sirius nodded towards the train but I stopped him.
"I want to sit with you guys, I really do, but I think I should find Marlene and the other girls, see how they're all doing" I sighed, but Sirius immediately understood and nodded his head.
"Oh, of course, right. Well, if you want to stop by later you know where to find us, yeah?" He looked hopeful and I smiled at him.
"Yeah, you got it" I nodded. He gave a small wave before turning away and boarding the train after giving his trunk to one of the conductors so it could be packed away. I turned to look down the platform and after a few seconds of searching, I spotted Lily saying goodbye to her parents. I quickly walked over to her just as she turned away from them and headed towards the train. I stopped her just before she boarded and her eyes widened when she saw me before she engulfed me in a hug.
"Estella! Oh, my merlin I missed you so much!" She exclaimed, pulling away and looking at me up and down as if I were a new person or something.
"I missed you too" I chuckled. Lily had more freckles since the last time I saw her, probably from the summer sun. Her hair was noticeably lighter too, and she looked slightly sunkissed, her green eyes shining even brighter than normal. Lily's eyes landed on my collarbone and her jaw immediately dropped.
"Estella Cullen, you got a tattoo!!" Lily screeched, coming closer to look at it. I laughed at her excitement.
"Lily, I told you about this in my letter!" I exclaimed, allowing her to examine the stars on my collarbone.
"I thought you were joking! I never thought you would actually get a tattoo, wow. I love it though!' She smiled at me. I thanked her as we started walking towards the train together. We each handed a conductor our trunks and as we turned to board the train I decided to ask Lily a question that I knew would kill the happiness.
"So... have you seen Marlene?" I asked quietly. Lily turned back to me and sighed once we got onto the train.
"Yeah, I saw her boarding the train early when I got here. I would have gone in right after her but mum and dad had to say their goodbyes of course. I believe I saw Alice board the train too though, so hopefully, she's found her" Lily sighed. "I can't believe what happened, can you? How are you holding up?" Lily asked quickly as we slowly walked down the body of the train. The girls all knew Kace and I were close friends.
"I... I'm alright. It almost doesn't feel real. Like he should be walking out of one of these compartments any second with that same carefree smile on his face" I shook my head, making myself sad.
"I'm so sorry Estella" Lily placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. I simply shrugged in reply.
"I feel worse for Marlene. I know how it feels to lose family, especially someone that close to you. It's the worst thing you can go through" I shook my head. We were silent after that as we looked into each compartment looking for Marlene. We finally saw Alice standing outside one of the compartments and Lily and I ran up to hug her as a greeting.
"Alice, why are you standing out here by yourself?" I asked her after we greeted each other. Alice sighed, looking sad.
"Marlene is inside. I went in to talk to her but she asked me to leave. I figured I would wait for you guys to come around before trying to go in again" She looked at the ground, almost as if she were ashamed that she couldn't be of more help.
"It's okay, let's do this together" Lily sighed, turning to the compartment door and opening it slowly.
Marlene sat at the window seat, staring blankly at the floor. She didn't even bother putting her bag in the overhead compartment. Instead, it was just laying on the floor in between the seats. Her hair was messy as if she hadn't brushed it in a few days, and she wore sweats, which is the most relaxed clothing I've ever seen her wear in public. I don't think I've ever seen her look so empty before.
"Hey Marls, how are you feeling?" Lily asked as we entered the compartment. Lily and Alice sat across from Marlene, and I saw beside her. Marlene didn't answer. She just kept staring at the floor.
"Marlene? Are... are you okay?" Alice tried to get something out of her, and I cringed at the question. 'Of course, she isn't okay', I wanted to tell them, but I knew they just didn't really understand what she was feeling. They were only trying to help.
"Please... leave" Marlene whispered, her voice cracking.
"But-" Lily started but Marlene cut her off by looking up into her eyes.
"I said leave. I just want to be alone right now" She stated firmly. Lily looked slightly taken back before sighing and nodding, getting up to leave, Alice following behind her. I hesitated, looking at Marlene again. Her eyes were horribly bloodshot and dark. I placed a hand on her shoulder gently.
"Hey, just remember I know what you're going through, and I can tell you from personal experience it sucks going through it alone. I get wanting to be by yourself right now, but don't push us away forever. When you're ready to talk, please come talk to us" I told her before getting up to leave. Before I could I felt a hand reach out and grab mine. I turned around to see Marlene looking up at me with tears welling in her eyes.
"Thank you... for understanding" She croaked. I gave her hand a little squeeze, nodded my head, and left the cabin so she could be alone. Alice and Lily turned to me when we got outside.
"So... now what?" Alice asked, but both girls looked at me as if I had all the answers.
"We should just give her her space right now. There's no use trying to make her talk about something she clearly doesn't want to talk about. She'll come around eventually, she just needs time" I shrugged, and while I could tell the other girls weren't happy about it they still nodded.
"I suppose I'll just head straight to the prefect's car then. Time to start my job as head girl" lily grinned at us. I smiled.
"No one deserves it more than you, Lily" I nodded at her.
"If you don't mind, Estella, I think I'll go find Frank. I haven't been able to see him without one of our parents breathing down our neck and-" She complained.
"Okay, I get it, no need to explain" I chuckled, cutting her off. "I'll just go find Sirius and the others" I shrugged. Alice and Lily gave each other a suggestive look before raising their eyebrows at me. "What?"
"You and Sirius... you've just grown so much closer" Alice shrugged, a smile on her face.
"It's nice to see, that's all" Lily added on. I rolled my eyes at them.
"Alright, but we're just friends, okay?" I reminded them.
"Yeah, sure, whatever you say" Lily winked. Alice giggled and I shook my head at them. We all went our separate ways and it wasn't long before I found the boy's compartment. You could hear them talking from a mile away because they were so loud. At this point, the train was already leaving the station and I was careful while entering the cabin to not fall as the cars jumped around on the tracks. Surprisingly only James and Sirius were in the cabin when I walked in.
"Mane! Thanks for joining us" James grinned at me. Sirius sat next to him and I took the seat across from them.
"Of course, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," I replied sarcastically. "Where are Moony and Wormtail?"
"I believe they wanted to find the trolley witch and also get something Peter left in his trunk," Sirius told me.
"Ah, so what were you guys discussing that was so loud? I could hear you from the other end of the train" I shook my head at them.
"Sirius told me if the world ended tomorrow then I would die first because I'm blind" James huffed. I stared at him blankly, expecting this to be some type of joke.
"Wait... you're serious?" I asked.
"Actually I am-"
"Don't even start with me" I cut Sirius off.
"Yes, this turned into a very heated argument because I told him that as long as I had my glasses I would be fine!" James exclaimed
"But glasses are not a practical thing to have in the apocalypse! What if they break? Or if you lose them?" Sirius shook his head.
"Accio and oculus repairo, duh" James shook his head as if it were obvious.
"What if you lose or break your wand?!" Sirius exclaimed.
"I can always find another wand, you nitwit!" James exclaimed.
"Hey guys" Remus and Peter joined the three of us in the train car, interrupting the argument.
"FINALLY! Moony, please tell Sirius that I would not die first in the apocalypse and it would clearly be Wormtail instead" James huffed, crossing his arms and pouting slightly
"Um... that thought might have to wait. But look what Peter's mum brought us for the ride back to Hogwarts" he cheered and revealed a bag full of muggle sodas and candies. Remus and Peter sat next to me as Sirius took the bag to look through it.
"What the bloody hell are these things?" He asked, pulling out a cylindrical tin can with a very bright wrapper that said 'pop' on the front of it.
"Muggle sodas. You all wanna try them?" Peter smirked at James, Sirius, and I, since we were the purebloods and had never tried them before. We all nodded our heads eagerly and Sirius passed them all around. James examined it and gave it a confused look.
"How do you... Drink it exactly?" He asked slowly.
"Well, we're gonna pull these tabs back here on top and it'll open up enough so you can sip it" Remus started to explain and we all reached for the tabs until Peter stopped us.
"Wait, wait! We gotta shake them up first!" He exclaimed and we all paused, waiting for him to explain. "When you shake them up it makes the flavor so much better because it mixes around all the sugar. If you don't it'll taste bad" he warned us and started shaking his soda, as did Remus. James, Sirius, and I all started shaking ours as well and I saw Remus and Peter exchange discrete smiles.
"Damn, these muggles really make things complicated, don't they? Who would want a drink from a tin can?" James complained as he shook his around. Sirius nodded in agreement. Once we stopped we looked at Remus and Peter again.
"Alright, now just pull the tab and take a sip!" He exclaimed. Sirius, James, and I all put our hands on the tab, and the two boys across from us pulled them. The sticky sugary soda exploded right into their faces, causing them to shriek and throw the cans onto the floor. Remus and Peter were hysterically laughing until Remus looked at me and saw I hadn't opened mine.
"How come you didn't open it?" He asked me curiously and I smiled, my hand still on the tab.
"Because I'm not an idiot" and with that I pulled the tab and turned it towards Remus and Peter, spraying them with the gross soda drink. "But you guys are" I laughed at the four boys before me.
"Ugh! I thought we would have gotten you this time!" Peter complained and I smiled.
"You can't get me, sorry. I may not know as much about the muggle world like you two but I did go to muggle school for a few years, so I know enough" I shook my head at their stupidity.
"You sure about that first part, Mane?" Sirius asked, a smirk on his face. I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion and he pulled out another soda can that he had been shaking up when I was talking. He pointed it towards me and pulled the tab, spraying me just like I sprayed Remus and Peter.
"Sirius!" I yelled when the can have run out. Everyone was in hysterics again. I glared at all of them. "No one won, you are all insane" I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed. Once James stopped laughing he seemed to realize something and asked Remus for the time. Remus checked his watch, and when James heard he groaned.
"What? Why are you freaking out?" Peter asked.
"I need to be in the prefect's car in fifteen minutes and I'm completely covered in sugary sticky soda pop!" He exclaimed and I rolled my eyes. With a flick of my wand the entire compartment, including ourselves, was spotless.
"There you go. Go make a good impression on Lily" I winked at him and he nodded, a huge smile on his face as he got up and left the compartment.
"I almost forgot about our prank war..." I trailed off, speaking to the remaining three boys.
"We figured, now that seventh year has officially begun, we should start it off with a bang" Remus smirked at me. My mind couldn't help but wander back to Kace at this comment, and while I'm trying so hard to not show how negative I'm feeling, I don't think that was the type of "bang" any of us wanted to start the new school year off with...
"Earth to Estella?" I heard someone call after a few moments, and I was finally snapped out of my thoughts. I looked up at Sirius who was giving me a weird look.
"Sorry, I zoned out for a minute, what's up?" I asked quickly.
"I was asking if you had given any more thought to trying out for quidditch?" He repeated himself.
"Oh, you know what, I think I will try out. It was a lot of fun playing together at the beach a few weeks ago, and I do really miss playing" I grinned. "I even brought my old broom along, so I suppose I might as well try out"
"Yes! Thank Merlin, you are a savior, you have no idea. Our old seeker was bloody ridiculous" Sirius sighed in relief.
"Oh, I know, I came to most of your games, you know. That guy once caught the snitch when you were seventy points behind. Seventy! I had never heard of a seeker making a mistake like that before" I shook my head. "How did he even make the team last year?"
"He was the only one to try out," Sirius huffed. "I think with all the tension in the world right now, no one wants to be playing a dangerous game like quidditch. It's like the war has made everyone realize how short life could be" Sirius huffed glumly.
"They don't get it though, that's the reason you should be playing, and doing other things you love to do. Even if there wasn't a war going on, people die spontaneously every day. That's why you can't waste your life worrying if tomorrow will be your last. You'll never get to experience anything" I shook my head.
"What made you come to that conclusion?" Remus chuckled.
"Before I came to Hogwarts I had no friends, and it's not that I couldn't make some friends, I'm sure I could have, but I didn't want to. I was too afraid to lose anyone after my parents died. I figured I could just focus on my studies so I can get through life with a good job, and avoid the heartbreak of losing more people I cared about. But you know what? I was miserable. That was until I met all of you and the girls. I didn't even know who I was before I met all of you because I never got the chance to develop a real personality since I isolated myself so much. It's just made me realize that I've already wasted so much of my life doing nothing, I don't want to waste any more of it" I shrugged, and the boys looked impressed.
"Well, I'm happy we could be of service to your personality development. I have to admit, you're much more pleasant now than when we first met" Sirius grinned and I rolled my eyes.
"Alright, don't push it Black" I grinned at him.
"So, what's the plan for this year, then? What big thing do we want to accomplish?" Peter asked with a small, mischievous smile playing on his lips.
"Good question, Wormy. You see, I've been thinking, and-" Sirius started but we cut him off.
"Wow!, you've been thinking?" I exclaimed, acting shocked. Remus smirked and played along.
"I can't believe it, Padfoot has finally discovered thought!" He and I laughed and Sirius glared at us.
"Screw you guys" He shook his head. "As I was saying, we all know the map is obviously complete by now, which is great and all, but there is one small problem: the common rooms" He informed us, but we gave him a confused look.
"But... the common rooms are on there. We found the entrances to them a long time ago" Remus shook his head.
"Yes, yes, the entrances are on there, but we don't know what the inside looks like. We just have an open square in place for each one. Don't you think it would be great to sneak into each common room before the end of the year so the map could be perfectly accurate? Then we won't have random footprints walking around a blank square, but we'll know exactly where each person is if they're in the common rooms, the dorms if they're with other people, it would help so much!" Sirius exclaimed.
"I thought you guys made the map to help with pranks and with sneaking out of the castle, not for spying on people... Isn't knowing they're in the common room enough information?" I shook my head at him.
"What can I say, I'm a perfectionist. Plus, there is no map of Hogwarts like this in existence, I think we should make it perfect, don't you?" He asked eagerly. A small smile etched onto my face as I slowly nodded.
"I suppose it's never been done before, as far as we know. I'm sure it's rare for a student to see the other common rooms, let alone all four of them in one year" I shrugged, liking the idea.
"You'll all get in some huge trouble for this, you know." Remus shook his head, trying to hide his smile.
"Oh, but Moony, that's only if we get caught. And trust me, I don't intend to" Sirius replied.
"I think it's a great idea, plus it would be a great distraction" I nodded my head, looking Sirius in the eyes. "I'm in"
***
The next morning we all congregated in the great hall for breakfast before classes started. Marlene was a bit better last night but still didn't want to talk. She just went to bed without a word. Thankfully she woke up this morning and came to breakfast with us though, so I now sat with her, Lily, Alice, and the boys sat beside us, Lily next to James and Sirius next to me. Frank decided to join us as well and sat beside Alice. I had warned everyone to not bother Marlene about what happened, knowing firsthand how annoying it is to receive so many apologies from every one, no matter how good their intentions are. So, she simply sat beside me in silence, picking at her food slowly. At least she was eating...
McGonagall finally came around with our schedules about halfway through breakfast and we all quickly looked and began comparing them. I looked down at mine and smiled at my new classes.
1st period: Defence Against the Dark Arts
2nd period: Advanced Potions
3rd period: History of Magic
4th: Advanced Arithmancy Studies
5th: Lunch
6th: Transfiguration
7th: Charms
8th: Music
9th: Astronomy
"Thank Merlin we have potions together again! I would have died without your help in that class" Sirius shook his head.
"Oi, why are you taking advanced potions anyways?" Peter looked confused.
"Because, Pete, I'm onto bigger and better things after school ends" Sirius grinned and I rolled my eyes.
"What he means is, Aurors have to receive high marks in advanced potions," I told Peter and he nodded to show he understood.
The rest of us compared schedules and I wasn't surprised to see I didn't have many classes with anyone. I had transfiguration with Remus and James, history of magic with Marlene, and that was about it besides lunch which we all had together.
"What's with music, Estella?" Remus asked as he handed back my schedule. I huffed, annoyed that I had that class on there.
"McGonagall said I needed one more extracurricular class to fulfill all my requirements, so I figured music would be the least painful. I could always just fake it until I make it" I sighed, shaking my head.
"Just don't go joining the frog choir, please. I couldn't handle the secondhand embarrassment" Sirius joked and I elbowed him in the side, trying to hide my grin.
"Isn't this weird? The way you get used to something? Time is moving so strangely lately. I mean, it seems like only yesterday that we were on the train back to school" Peter sighed, and we all looked at him as if he had three heads, even Marlene who hardly looked up from her breakfast all morning.
"Peter, it was yesterday." James pointed out and Peter looked at us as if we were the crazy ones.
"Yeah, but you know, that's why I said it seemed like yesterday..." He trailed off as if it were obvious.
"Sometimes I think we only keep Peter around to make James and I feel smart" Sirius shook his head. I hit him in the side again and he looked at me confused.
"Don't be mean" I glared at him.
Everyone just went back to their usual conversations, and I searched the Ravenclaw table for Sadie. I saw her sitting with her friends, but she looked equally as depressed as Marlene as she stirred her porridge. I bit my lip, debating if it were a good idea to go over and talk to her. She had grown really close to Kace in the last few months of school last year, especially because he was teaching her how to harness her metamorphmagus abilities. I tried talking to her about it at home, and she seemed okay then, but I suppose being back at Hogwarts without him is taking its toll. I know it has on me.
I decided to leave Sadie alone, for now, give her time to settle back into life at Hogwarts, and ask how she was doing later. We all went to class as if everything were normal as if a student wasn't just murdered in a death eater attack in London as he was coming home from his summer vacation, as if we didn't know that it could easily have been any of us with our name in that paper.
***
After classes ended for the day I found myself sitting alone in the Gryffindor common room, tucked away in the corner with a book. However, I couldn't focus on the book. I couldn't focus on anything. Not with Marlene upstairs crying. Not with Sadie walking around like a Zombie. I couldn't even pay attention in class, and I'm sure Sirius noticed during potions. Slughorn pulled me aside after class to tell me about the Slug Club meetings for the year, and I can't even remember what he said to me. Staying strong for others has started taking its toll on me...
"Well look what we have here" A familiar voice spoke from in front of me. I looked up from my book to see Sirius standing before me. I sighed, sitting up and closing my book that I wasn't reading.
"Hey, what's up? I asked sluggishly, feeling mentally exhausted.
"Wow, don't sound so excited to see me" Sirius joked sarcastically as he sat in the seat beside me.
"Sorry, it's just... been a long day I guess" I sighed, looking away from him.
"Yeah, I noticed you seemed a little out of it during potions and that was only second period. What's up with you?" He asked.
"I'm tired... I feel like I have to put on a brave face for everyone else. I always have. When my parents died I had to be there for Sadie and my grandmother, help them get through it, and then I went away to school where it felt like the problem didn't exist anymore. Now I have to help everyone else deal with what happened to Kace. Lily and Alice keep asking for advice about what to do with Marlene, meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure that out myself, all while feeling absolutely terrible about everything that happened" I admitted to him. I always found it easy to tell Sirius how I was feeling, even back when I hated him. He just nodded as he listened. "It's like I said on the train. I used to stay away from people because I didn't want to get too close. I didn't want to lose them. Now that I let myself get close, I actually did lose them, and I don't know how to handle it." I let out a shaky breath. Saying everything out loud put me on the brink of tears.
"I can't say I know how you feel, because I don't. I've never truly lost someone close to me, and I didn't know Kace as you did. All I can do is listen, so please, anytime you want to talk about this or get anything off your chest, just let me know. I'll gladly sit here and listen to anything that's on your mind" He shrugged. I was comforted by his words. It often bothers me when those who don't really understand try to offer solutions to make me feel better. Sometimes the only thing you can do is feel the pain until it goes away, but talking about it to someone who will listen always helps. I didn't want advice, I just needed an outlet, and I'm glad Sirius could give that to me. I sniffled slightly and smiled at him.
"Thank you," I said quietly, reaching over and grabbing his hand.
"You know what we should do?" Sirius grinned and I gave him a wary look.
"What?" I asked unsurely.
"Play a prank" he grinned.
***
"I wondered when you'd be back. I hoped it wouldn't be so soon..." McGonagall looked down at the five of us over her glasses. She sat behind her desk and we stood before her in the middle of her office, Sirius and I trying to hide our laughter as James, Remus, and Peter stood beside us covered in glue and feathers.
"Did you miss us?" James asked happily and McGonagall rolled her eyes.
"I never get a chance to miss you. It feels as if you're in my office every day." McGonagall shook her head. "Now really, did you really think you were going to get away with this?" She asked us and Sirius shrugged beside me.
"Well... It would be stupid to say yes now." He admitted and I accidentally let a laugh slip. I covered it with a small cough but McGonagall eyed me warily.
"Miss Cullen, why on earth have you gotten wrapped up with these boys in the first place? I thought you would be above all of this nonsense..." She trailed off. She didn't seem disappointed, just confused.
"Well..." I trailed off, unsure how to tell her I was actually one of them now.
"You see professor" Sirius spoke up "Estella here was somewhat distraught over recent events, in fact, all of us have been. I'm sure you know what we're referring to..." Sirius trailed off for a second and McGonagall purses her lips. "So, I took it upon myself to help cheer her up a bit. Now, the five of us are in a very serious prank war, and Remus and Peter just so happened to prank all of us on the train. So, naturally, we had to get them back. James just so happened to be with them when we decided to strike" Sirius shrugged. "It was going quite well, this distraction, in fact, we were having fun for the first time in weeks before Filch rudely dragged us to your office." Sirius shrugged. McGonagall seemed speechless.
"Are you trying to tell me that you are not at fault for what happened here?" She asked as if it were absurd, which it was.
"I'm just trying to shed some light during a very dark time. Surely you can understand that, professor?" He admitted.
"Surely you could have found a cleaner way to shed some light, Mr. Black?" She asked.
"Okay, I take it back, we had absolutely nothing to do with this. I was just kidding" Sirius immediately changed his mind and I facepalmed.
"Now you're lying, are you?" She asked, clearly amused.
"That depends on how you define lying" Sirius pointed out.
"Well, I would define it as not telling the truth" McGonagall squinted her eyes. "How would you define it?"
"Reclining your body in a horizontal position" Sirius answered nonchalantly. The boys and I tried to hold in our laughter.
"Just... get out of my office please" McGonagall sighed, rubbing her temples.
"So... we're not in trouble?" James asked hopefully.
"Have a guess" McGonagall looked up at him.
"No?"
"Have another guess..." McGonagall replied and we all groaned.
"You know, you took a life here today, Professor. You did. The life of the party" Sirius shook his head.
"Just leave and attend detention tomorrow afternoon" McGonagall sighed, getting up to escort us out of her office. "And boys," she added, looking to James, Remus, and Peter. "Please go clean yourselves up immediately"
The boys and I left McGonagall's office quietly. I felt a little guilty using Kace's death as an excuse to get out of trouble, but I knew deep down that he would be proud and happy that he could still be part of us causing trouble around the school. Once we got down the hall and out of earshot, James spoke up.
"Oh, deer" James snickered.
"Doggone it" Sirius picked up on the joke.
"Rats" Peter shook his head.
"I was un-a-were that we would be facing these consequences" even Remus joined in and I rolled my eyes. They all looked at me, waiting for me to say something; to be a part of the group, but I shook my head, glaring at them.
"Jeez Mane, you were really quiet back there in McGonagall's office, why was that?" Sirius grinned and I sighed, not being able to contain my smile.
"Cat got my tongue" I shook my head as they all cheered.
***
I arrived back in our dorm room before dinner ended. I expected it to be empty, but I walked in to see Marlene by herself, curled up in the center of her bed, eyes bloodshot. I startled her when I walked in. She clearly wasn't expecting anyone to be back for a while.
"Hey... " I trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say.
"Hey" she croaked out, rubbing her eyes with her sleeve and looking away.
"Marls..." I trailed off, walking closer until I was able to sit beside her on the bed. "Please tell me what's going through your mind right now" I sighed. She looked up at me, unable to hold her tears back any longer. She broke down, leaning forward and hugging my side, pressing her face into my shoulder as she sobbed. I hugged her back, stroking the back of her head comfortingly.
"I can't do this Estella... I miss him so damn much. He was with me one second and then he was gone. He had left to go get some food, and I never saw him again! And being here, just makes everything feel so much more real. I never imagined I would go a day without seeing him since he transferred to Hogwarts, and now he's just gone" she sobbed harder.
"I know... it's like you wake up in the morning, and you forget for a second. You expect them to be there when you go down for breakfast. To see their smile, hear their voice. And then you remember, and it just... the pain in your chest. The tightness in your throat like you can never fully catch your breath. I know...." I felt tears welling up in my eyes too as Marlene cried. As I spoke her sobs became quieter, and she finally looked up at me, noticing that I was also crying.
"Yeah... how do you keep going?" She sniffled. I held her hand tightly.
"You see, you're so lucky. You have us. All your friends. We're all here for you, ready to listen whenever you need us. Talking helps a lot. Keeping things bottled up will make it hurt even more. After that, all you can do is wait. You can feel the pain because it reminds you that you're human and it reminds you to protect those you love, but don't wallow in it forever. You let it in, feel it, then just let it go. It's hard, trust me, but it's not impossible. And I'll be there for you every step of the way. We all will" I smiled at her. She nodded, and she felt small to me, like a child.
"Thank you... I would never wish this feeling on anyone, but I'm glad I have you to help me. To relate to me" she sniffled again. "I don't think I could have done this alone"
"You could have. You're stronger than you know. But thankfully you don't have to" I shrugged, pulling her in for another hug.
"I'm sorry by the way" she spoke up after we pulled away. "I know you really cared about him too..."
"Hey, don't worry about me, I'm okay" I tried to smile, but she reached up and wiped the tears from my eyes, giving me a knowing look.
"Estella...." she trailed off, almost as a warning to not lie to her.
"Okay, how about this. We'll listen to each other. We won't offer advice unless we ask for it. If one of us needs to talk, the other will just listen. Does that sound like a deal?" I asked. She thought for a moment before nodding her head, giving me a thankful smile. I hugged her again, and we stayed like that for a while. "We'll always have each other..."