"Derek, you should sit down for this."
Derek sank into the waiting room chair, his heart pounding.
"We did everything we could..." Owen started.
"No-" Derek muttered. He couldn't believe this was happening.
"Meredith died at 13:07." Maggie finished, sounding devastated.
Derek began to sob. He didn't care who saw him break down. His Meredith, his sun was gone.
He had wasted months in DC, abandoning his family for a stupid job.
He had taken too long to find her. Maybe if they found her sooner she would be in his arms right now, not laying on a gurney somewhere cold and dead.
Maybe..
"Do you want to see her?" Callie asked. He nodded, and rose from his chair onto shaky legs.
He walked through the hospital, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to see. Owen gestured to a private room.
Derek attempted a smile, trying to show his gratitude. He entered the room, and drew in a shaky breath.
Meredith looked tiny in the large bed. Her eyes were shut so peacefully, it looked like she could have been sleeping.
But Derek knew better. He would never see hear her obnoxious snoring. He would never see her emerald eyes, the kind that you could get lost in forever. He would never hear her giggle light up a room.
Never.
"Meredith, I'm here." He whispered, grabbing her small, cold hand. He stroked her pale face.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you. You just left, and I already miss you so much. Every time I remember that you'll never get to see see our children grow up, or win more Harper Avery's than your mom, or grow old and smelly with me I just laugh... Because I can't believe it."
He wiped a tear from his eye and continued.
"You are extraordinary, Mer. You won't be forgotten, I promise. I love you."
He rose from the chair, and placed a final kiss on her lips. He turned around, and left. He couldn't bear to see his wife like that for another minute.
As the door closed behind him, he let himself fall apart. He collapsed into Richards arms, shaking with sobs.
"Derek... Derek?" Owen prompted. Derek shook his head, pulling himself from terrible thoughts.
"Did you want to sit down?" The trauma surgeon asked, confused.
"Right, yeah." He whispered, lowering himself into the waiting room chair, and looking up at the surgeons that surrounded him.
"We began to fix the injuries she sustained, but there was just too much damage. She became unstable, and kept coding." Derek swallowed harshly. That was not good.
"We opted to do damage control. She's now in a medically induced coma. I'd like to see if she survives the night. After that, I'll consider going back
to the operating room once she stabilizes." Owen finished.
Derek nodded, but his heart sank in his chest.
If she survives the night.
"We can take you to see her. You can sit with her, hold her hand..."
"Tell her not to pull any crap." Bailey added. Derek chucked lightly as he followed the surgeons to the ICU.
"Oh, Mer.." Derek whispered as he paused outside her door. She looked so fragile, tubes coming out from everywhere on her body. He cringed at the hiss of the ventilator that was breathing for his wife.
He began to back up out of the room and turn around.
"Derek, it's okay." Arizona urged. He just shook his head.
"I can't.. I have to go see my kids." He muttered, practically running away from the ICU. He couldn't bare to see his wife in this condition.
•••
"Hey guys!" Derek exclaimed, crouching down on the daycare carpet. Zola ran to her dad, enclosing him in a tight hug. She had missed him when he spent more time in DC than Seattle.
Bailey babbled happily as a caregiver handed him off to Derek. He had a toy airplane in his small hand, and he was flying it in circles
"Can we go home Dad? Mom is supposed to help me with my science fair project!" Zola exclaimed.
"Actually Zola, there's something we need to talk about. Want to go to my office?"" Zola nodded happily.
She loved her dad's office. It was full of fun medical supplies that he let her play with. The three Shepherds left the daycare and made their way to Derek's office.
"Okay..." Derek said, shutting the office door behind him. He placed Bailey on the couch, and Zola jumped up to sit next to him.
He sighed, looking at his happy, smiling children. He dreaded having to ruin their joy.
"Zola, Bailey.. your mom got in a little accident today." Derek started, phrasing his words carefully.
"Is she okay?" Bailey asked, sounding frightened.
"No Bails, she's really hurt." Derek said. He couldn't bring himself to lie to the kids about their mom's condition.
"Can we go see her?" Zola asked. A tear fell from her big eyes.
"We can, but it might be a little scary. She has a big tube in her mouth, and she is sleeping so she can get better." They nodded, and jumped off the couch.
Derek followed them down the hall, almost laughing at their enthusiasm to go see Meredith. They reached her ICU room.
Derek marveled at how gentle the kids were. Bailey stood on his tiptoes, carefully grasping his mom's hand.
Zola lifted herself into a chair, and looked up.
"Hello!" She said to Arizona who was seated on the other side of the bed.
"Hey Zola!" She said, smiling. She slipped a hair tie over the braid she had given Meredith. Derek smiled at the gesture. Sometimes ICU nurses would braid their comatose patients hair, but Arizona and Meredith had seemingly formed a close relationship in the past few weeks.
"Callie is just getting out of surgery, we're gonna bring the kids home so you can stay with Meredith."
Derek nodded thankfully.
"Zola, would you like to have a princess sleepover with Sofia?" Zola's eyes lit up as she nodded furiously.
"Can Mommy hear us?" Bailey asked, still clutching Meredith's hand.
"I'm not sure buddy. You can talk to her if you'd like!" He nodded.
"I miss you momma." he sniffled.
"When you wake up I can show you my science project. I hope you wake up soon." Zola added.
"We all love you Mer." Derek finished.
Callie, who had been standing outside the door walked in.
"You guys ready?" She asked the kids. They nodded, and followed Callie out the door, sparing once last glance at Meredith on their way out.
"She's gonna pull through Derek. You have to believe she's going to be okay." Arizona said before joining her wife and the kids in the hallway.
Derek nodded, and approached Meredith's bed.
"Hey Mer." He whispered, grabbing her hand and tracing circles with his thumb.
"You have to fight, okay? We need you here. You and I... we're not finished. So just.. fight." He glanced up at her vitals, and sighed, sinking into the chair near her bedside.
He tried to stay awake for Meredith, but exhaustion overtook him. His eyes fell shut.
•••
Derek awoke to the noise of a beeping monitor. He sat up in the chair, disorientated from sleep.
"Wha-"
"Charging to 250, clear!" Derek recognized Owen's voice. His eyes adjusted to the bright light, and he saw that Meredith was coding.
After a third charge, Meredith's regained a weak pulse.
"We need to get her to the OR now!" Owen yelled, unlocking the wheels to her gurney.
"She's not stable enough!" Derek yelled, quickly getting up from the chair and rushing to Meredith's bedside.
"It's now or never, Shep! This is a last ditch effort."
Owen said as the surgical team began pushing the gurney into the hallway.
Derek stood in the empty ICU room, blinking. He tried to process what had just happened. He made his way to the OR gallery. He sat down, watching as the surgeons below fought relentlessly to save Meredith's wife.
FORGIVE ME i have sinned. 😔🙏 i was listening to chasing cars on spotify and i got a little carried away.
BUT ITS OKAY! she didn't die!! 😁😁😁
yet...
i got a 98 in the chem final i mentioned last chapter. thanks to everyone who wished me luck!
ANYWAYS hope u all enjoyed this! please keep voting and commenting!! i love to read everyone's comments, you guys are so funny 😭✋ bye for now! 😙