6
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Johanna takes her time gliding over the city, wishing the pitch-black night could swallow her up and out of existence, or that the wind could blow a gust that'll sweep her up and take her anywhere else. To another world. Or some other plane of existence.
What an absurd notion.
There's no escape from the holes humanity has dug for itself. You only get one life in one world, doesn't matter how filled with horror and pain it may be.
Memories flood back like a tidal wave; many of them are treasured, but several are painful as well.
If she could send only one day out of her entire life to damnation, it'd be that day... when the Survey Corps traveled to Marley for the first time...
That wretched day when everything changed. Collapsed on her like a house of cards.
No... except it didn't just change because fate decided it should. He changed the course of their future. He turned the tables on her.
Pieces of that day flash back at her: the sand between her toes, the unbearable chill of the night, saltwater mingling with her tears...
Don't think about it, she reprimands herself. Don't get sucked back in. It's not the time or place. You're past this.
Realizing she can no longer avoid the airship overhead, she shoots an anchor onto the railing and the wire retracts, pulling her weight up. She takes one final look at the terrorized city below and frowns. After this plight of destruction and warfare, there is no doubt in her mind that all their names have been stamped in the innermost circle of hell.
Stuff like this... doesn't go unaccounted for. You don't just do monstrous things and get away with it.
The Survey Corps... Eldians... they'll pay the price for this. Hopefully later rather than soon.
The door is being held open for her. A short-haired Armin quickly grabs her and helps her up. His gentle face, no longer clouded under a mop of thick blond hair, radiates familiarity and warmth.
Jo's feet finally steady on the floor. It feels weird after being in mid-air for so long.
She's about to thank Armin when suddenly Levi moves him aside, crushing her in a hug that's more painful than tender.
Over his shoulder, she can see multiple soldiers reacting in surprise. She lets out a nervous chuckle, which sounds more like a constricted wheeze, and gently pats his back.
"Tch, what took you so long?" He lets go and his eyes narrow at the jarring slice across her cheek. "Who did that to you?"
"Nobo-"
"It- It was me!" Jean steps forward and the look Levi gives him sends a jolt of fear up his spine. He immediately clarifies, "I mean, I didn't do it. But I wasn't being careful enough and she had to improvise a risky maneuver to save my life. It's my fault, sir."
"Oh, shut up." Johanna says exasperatedly. She takes a quick gander of the room and starts counting heads. "Is everyone here?"
Levi sours. "We're still waiting on the star of the show..."
Johanna starts taking her gear and metal off, immediately feeling 50 pounds lighter. She pops her neck. The muscles in her body are leaden with exhaustion. Collapsing actually sounds pretty good right now. All she wants is to drop where she stands and just take a nap.
A cluster of footsteps approach, "Here you go, instructor."
Jo turns to meet Louise, Caleb, and Surma. Louise offers her a sheet of folded gauze with what smells like alcohol. Their faces are dirt-streaked and roughened, and they smell of merciless victory. The tools she spent three years sharpening had finally been put to the test. They were finally children of war.
Johanna stifles the melancholy this realization causes and simply nods thankfully, taking the gauze and pressing it lightly to her face. "Glad to see you're all still here." She nods curtly and raises an eyebrow at Surma. "What happened to your glasses?"
"I lost them." The tan, lanky young man says. He rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I could hardly see where I was going without them. Almost flew straight into gunfire."
"Psh. And of course, I had to keep an eye on him." Louise complains. "I swear, it's like babysitting a reckless kid sometimes!"
Caleb snorts. "Get off your high-horse, Louise, I had to cover for you multiple times during the fight. You're not a one-woman army."
"One day I'll be," she smirks haughtily, "Just watch. One day I'm gonna be as excellent as Instructor Jo or Mikasa!"
Jo gives a prolonged sigh. "How many times do I have to repeat it, I'm not your in—"
Two soldiers clamber onto the airship. Armin steps forward to help them up. A worn-out Mikasa braces herself on the floor, waiting for gravity to feel normal under her hands and knees again. The man next to her— a haggard, scruffy man at that— does the same.
Suddenly a hand squeezes— or more like clutches— Jo's shoulder. She looks up at Jean, bewildered.
"Stay calm." He warns grittily, eyes trained on the man next to Mikasa.
She fails to understand his trepidation and looks at the man. "Why? Who is—"
Her own gasp interferes with the rest of her sentence.
Eren looks up at them slowly. If it wasn't for those astoundingly rich ocean eyes, Jo wouldn't have recognized him, and in truth, she didn't at first. His hair is long past his shoulders, grazing collarbone length. It looks dirty, unwashed, and extremely unruly. His usually tan complexion is lacking; whatever his routine was in Marley it didn't involve a lot of outdoors like the Survey Corps. Not to mention he's roughly unshaven. This plus the white clothes and the Eldian armband— it's all too uncanny.
But nevermind that. His gaze is what's most different. The way he takes in the room. Takes them in...
The last time she saw him the changes in his nature had already started, but they were small. Noticeable only when searched for, ignorable if swept under the carpet. Back then, it bothered her how he looked at her: like she was becoming less and less golden in his point of view. Every time he'd lay eyes on her it seemed an already established chasm widened between them, putting distance... and more distance... until finally that day, on the beach, he faded from sight.
Funnily enough, she'd trade whatever the hell was in front of her right now to have that distance again. He's right there... yet unrecognizable.
That boy Johanna sparred on the second day of training... that boy that saved her from kidnappers and patched her up afterward... that boy is nowhere to be found in those eyes.
Did he ever exist at all?
Eren looks at her and she snaps out of her stupor. The longer his empty stare rests on her the more it feels like she's being doused under cold water. For a second she thinks he might even say something, but this turns out to be false hope because all he does is look away.
"Eren," Levi walks over. Disgust is written across his features. "You look like you fell in a vat of shit."
Eren hardly reacts, which is surprising in itself. Whereupon once he would tremble or hasten a tense salute, now he simply acknowledges his superior lazily. "Corporal," his voice is duller than lead.
Suddenly he's skidding across the floor. Jo isn't even sure what happened; she blinked and he was already mid-impact.
"Tch." Levi moves closer to the pained young man, not a cent of pity in his tone, "this brings me back, Eren. You're as easy to kick as ever. This is for putting us all in danger—"
He kicks him once more.
"And this," he pauses angrily. "Is for the stitches my daughter's gonna need on her face."
A cracking sound echoes throughout the cabin as Eren's nose breaks from the force of Levi's boot. Johanna averts her eyes to the floor. Part of her doesn't want to see him hurt. Part of her finds it well-deserved.
Levi steps back, satisfied. He beckons Armin and Mikasa over, and they approach Eren with handcuffs. "We'll restrain you first. We can talk after that."
Eren wipes the underside of his bleeding nose. He opens his mouth to reply, his teeth red-stained. "That's fine with me. But nothing I wrote in my letter was wrong." He speaks casually like he didn't just get pummeled for old time's sake. "Or was that not enough to earn your understanding?"
Levi hesitates, thrown off. He analyzes him. "That mug," he says disdainfully, "... just like every rotting piece of shit I ever saw in the Underground. I never thought I'd see it on you."
The rest of them exchange morose glances. For a moment even Eren seems perturbed.
He gets escorted away to another room and Jo watches, feeling strangely hollow. Conflict bubbles in the pit of her stomach. She wants to ask him— no, interrogate him. Bombard him with questions not out of curiosity, but resentment. Why... is he acting the way he is? He's become what he swore to exterminate: murderers. As of right now in Liberio, corpses are being counted. Soldiers... families... children...
"All of Squad Lima has returned. That leaves us with six confirmed deaths." Sasha informs with a sigh.
Jean's shoulders sink and he rubs his forehead. "Dammit,"
"Compare that to the damage we did to them!" Floch exclaims. He ecstatically raises a fist in the air, looking around at the squads, "it's a huge victory!"
Cheers erupt collectively. All but Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Jo fill the airship with cries of rejoice.
"THE NEW ELDIAN EMPIRE'S FIRST BATTLE HAS BEEN A MAJOR VICTORY!"
"LET'S CELEBRATE! THIS IS HOW WE'LL PAY TRIBUTE TO OUR SIX FALLEN HEROES!"
"Eldian empire?" Jo repeats under her breath, "Don't make me vomit... we're a small, clueless population trapped inside three walls."
The others silently agree; none of them feel proud like victory dictates they should. Sasha frowns and cocks her musket, kneeling by the door to keep watch. Connie sits next to her, glumly picking at his nails.
Jean glares daggers at the naive recruits. "I wonder how many more people we'll have to kill..." he says reflectively
There's a brief pause as the question simmers uncomfortably. Connie then pulls Jean and Sasha into a hug, catching them off guard.
"Well, at least we survived another one. Sorry to everyone else, but..." he looks at the three of them with a rare warmth. "You guys are really special to me."
Thin, wistful smiles grace their faces. Jo partakes in the sappy moment as well, though she tries to hide her sentiment by looking at the floor.
"I'd hug you too, Jo, but I'm scared of what you might do." Connie says testily.
She barricades herself by folding her arms, proving his theory. "How very smart of you."
Jean playfully shoves his friend away. "That hurts, stupid! Don't hug people when you've got all that iron on!"
"Speaking of stupid, you know what's stupid? Trimming a beard you've just started growing." Connie shoots back smugly. Remembering something, he turns to Jo.
"You know, I gotta give credit where it's due. The way you annihilated Reiner with a single spear? Nice work."
Jo recalls the brief exchange and frowns, conflicted. "Hardly. He didn't even put up a fight."
Connie huffs and slumps against the wall, outdone. "Why do I even bother with her? She can never take a compliment."
"No, seriously," she ponders, "something wasn't right with him. It's like he didn't want to try."
Sasha gives her a pat on the back. "We missed having you on the frontline, Jo. In fact," her eyes spark up, "when we get back home, stick around and I'll make dinner for everyone!"
"Make it?" Connie retorts. "With you at the stove, there won't be any left for us to eat."
She makes a face at him.
It dawns on Jo that she never took time to consider what might happen after this. After the battle comes to a close.
Sasha's excitement only resonates guilt within Jo. She hopes they aren't actually expecting her to stay in the Corps. Those days are over. For her, at least.
"I don't know," she evades.
"Come on, I'll make your favorite dish!"
Jean pouts, nettled. "You never make my favorite—"
The loud ruckus of the recruits drowns him out: "You know what? Let's organize a festival when we get back home! We'll have whole towns celebrating our win!"
Sharing looks of sober exhaustion, Jo and the others step forward.
"Enough, settle down now." Jo advises. Any more of this and Levi is guaranteed to come out and kick their asses.
Mostly everyone obeys, recognizing their authority as veterans. Except for Floch, of course.
The redhead sneers in return. "Why? We're only expressing our pride as Eldians. It's our victory. You're the only ones that look weird not joining in."
Jean sighs, already sensing tension. "Floch..."
Sasha turns her head, distracted. "Do you hear that...?"
"Stop trying to incite trouble. Listen, I understand getting ordered around can rub off the wrong way. Trust me I've been there," Johanna says tersely, choosing patience over hostility this time. "But you're not doing yourself any favors."
"Don't pretend we're alike," Floch snarls. "You've clearly proven—"
A heavy thud causes everyone to turn. Pulses quicken.
Jo narrows her eyes on a little girl holding a rifle and before instincts can kick in—
A single shot rings out, cutting through a wave of gasps.
A weight hits the floor. Jo is too scared to check, every muscle locked in place.
"SASHA!" Connie screams.
Jo looks— Sasha is splayed on the floor, bleeding out rapidly from her middle.
No.
The girl reloads. Jean reacts in fear— pointing his gun, horrified at what he's about to do—
"Wait!"
Bullets fly from both sides, except the girl's aim is skewered by another boy lunging at her out of nowhere, sending the two rolling and colliding with the wall.
Jean's bullet never hits the girl. Jo's nails dig into his forearm, latched on from when she cried out a warning. She forces down the gun and looks at him, relieved there's no hole burned in the middle of his head.
The cabin erupts in shouts of fury, soldiers rushing in hordes to pounce on the kids.
Jo turns and though her face only ashens, she feels an overwhelming urge to throw up. Connie is bent over Sasha on the floor, his sanity thinning.
"Sasha! Hang in there!" He pleads.
Jo buries her shock and drops to the floor beside the injured brunette, inspecting the wound quickly.
Louise and Caleb walk over, looking like frightened children.
"Her lung is punctured..." Jo says.
Connie swallows a knot in his throat, "Shit."
She snaps at the two recruits. "DONT JUST STAND THERE, GET ME BANDAGES!"
They scurry off to get the first aid kit. An imaginary clock ticks in Johanna's head, cold sweat dripping down her brow as she applies pressure on Sasha's rib cage, blood gushing under her hands. There's so much. Too much.
The first aid is delivered to her and Louise rummages through it until she finds a spool. She hands it to Jo.
"Connie, lay her sideways, quick." She tells him.
He obeys, turning his friend over. Jo begins wrapping her up. Blood trickles out of Sasha's mouth and she coughs.
"Is our..." she says, her voice barely above a whisper, "Is our food... ready yet...? Meat..."
Jean watches, mortified, as the light in his friend's eyes slowly dims.
"You're gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine," Jo doesn't even realize she's repeating herself as she hastily tears off more bandages, the first layers already soaked as blood continues to leak through. Her hands are slippery and red, the puddle of blood under Sasha's body now staining her knees.
"It's not enough." Jo says shakily. Panic hasn't crept in yet, but it's threatening to. "Jean, give me your belt!"
Jean only stares back, unresponsive.
"Jean!"
He flinches, and with fumbling hands, he unclasps his belt and gives it to her.
"Louise," she indicates, and the blonde girl knows exactly what to do. She presses down on the wound while Jo slips the belt around Sasha's ribs. She fastens it, pulling with all her strength until the muscles in her arm spasm.
"There!" Louise says. She lifts a hand and the palm is mostly dry. "I think the blood flow stopped."
Jo slumps back against the wall, feeling no consolation whatever. The amounts of blood already lost are fatal.
Shit... And here we were, making dinner plans, so sure we'd all get home alive...
"They climbed up the airship using Lobov's gear,"
Floch presents the kids, holding them by the scruff of their necks. Their faces are marked purple and blue from the withstood beating. "I'll toss them out. No objections... right?"
Damn it... Jo stares at the mussy-haired girl. She and the boy can't be older than twelve. They're just kids...
So this is what war does to the young.
Jean slams a hand against the wall, leaning on it like he might fold to the floor any second. He clenches his fist, "is throwing a pair of kids off an airship... going to stop all this bloodshed?"
Silence falls amongst them.
Jo takes one long look at Sasha's body. There is no doubt in her mind that soon it'll be a corpse.
Connie rests a hand on Sasha's cheek. "Sasha, stay with us. We'll get to the island soon."
Jo looks down and mutters something they don't quite catch.
"What?" Connie and Jean both look at her.
"She's not going to make it," she reiterates.
"Good!"
All heads snap to the little girl, her nosebleed trickling past her lips. She glowers back at them maliciously. "I'm glad she's dead. You all should be!"
Floch tightens his hold on her and she starts to thrash, hollering at the top of her lungs. "LET GO! DONT TOUCH ME, YOU DEVILS!"
The blond boy quivers. "Gabi, stop—"
"We're going to carry on Zeke's will! We true Eldians are going to curse you into your graves! Pass that on to your ringleader when you kill me!" She spits.
Jean and Jo look at each other knowingly.
"Alright, kid. What's your name?" Johanna asks.
The girl fixes a disgusted glare on her. "What's it to you?"
"Her name is Gabi." The boy pipes up.
"Falco!"
Johanna rises. "Okay, Gabi and Falco. We'll take you straight to our ring-leader."
Jean takes Falco by the shirt, resentment tainting his voice. "You can tell him exactly what you told us."
Gabi struggles against Johanna but her efforts are futile against the silver-haired Ackerman's locked grip on her arm. The two kids are dragged towards a door in the far back.
Johanna's skin crawls at the thought of seeing him in there. They might all be devils in the eyes of these Marleyans, but only one fiend on this airship is responsible for the fate that's befallen Sasha.
Johanna throws the door open, startling several in the room. The two children are lugged inside and a packed silence descends on the residing group: Eren, Yelena, Zeke, Mikasa, Armin, and Levi.
The children gawk at their Warrior Chief, who sits parallel to them with all four of his limbs stuck in a state of mid-regeneration.
"What?" Johanna raises an eyebrow at Gabi. "Shy all of a sudden?"
Zeke appears far from pleased at this unexpected visit. "You two... why are you here?"
The children grasp for words, taken aback.
"Why are you here?" Falco asks.
The other door that leads to the cockpit opens and Hanji emerges, "Well, did everything play out how you hoped, Zeke?"
"Yes. Except for a few miscalculations."
Hanji notices Gabi and Falco. "Uh... who are these kids?"
"Miscalculations."
Armin's expression twists into one of concern and he points a hesitant finger at Johanna. "Who's blood is on you...?"
Everyone looks at her, noting the alarming state of her hands. But Jo only looks at Eren viciously.
"Sasha got shot by the girl," Jean explains somberly. "We don't think there's any hope for her."
Horror draining the color of their faces, Mikasa and Armin immediately rush out the door. Hanji's lips part a little in shock. Even Levi is disturbed.
Frustration building up, Jean finally cracks. "YELENA!" He berates the relaxed woman standing in the corner, "You were supposed to restrain the Jaw and Cart Titan! Some of us died because of you!"
Yelena doesn't falter under his tone, her thick wheat-gold bangs grazing the lids of apathetic eyes. "Sorry. I did drop them down the titan-shifter trap. But I guess something went wrong."
Levi looks at Zeke in loathing. "That must've been why the Beast threw more rocks at us than initially planned. I'd call that a hell of an improv act. Wouldn't you, beardy?"
"Don't look at me like that, Levi." Zeke counters with a twitch of his severed limbs. "What are you going to do if I piss myself?"
"I wouldn't get funny if I were you." Johanna cuts in. She'd only ever heard of the second Jaeger. Now that they were face to face, it's evident he and Eren are cut from the same cloth, in more ways than just physical.
He tilts his head condescendingly. "Already antagonizing me on our first meeting? I don't think I ever caught your name."
"I never threw it." She bites back.
He falters, and despite the regeneration steam fogging up his glasses, Jo can see a faint glimmer in his conniving eyes. "Ah," he says with mild curiosity, "you must be Johanna."
How...? Jo stiffens a little. She looks at Eren inquiringly only to find his head is bowed towards the floor, which would be a nuisance if his transparency wasn't so readable.
Zeke's shit-eating grin only widens. "The girl I've heard so much about."
Eren's... been talking about her?
"We killed the leaders of the marleyan army," Eren switches subjects, "and destroyed their main fleet and their military port. That should buy us some time."
A prick of indignation makes Johanna scowl. Finally he speaks up, and its not to apologize to them? For all the shit he dragged the Survey Corps into?
"Time?" Hanji challenges. "Meaning, time until the world launches an attack on Paradis island? Every time you get captured by the enemy, we put our lives on the line to get you back. No matter how many of us die in the process..."
Eren stares emptily ahead, masking his feelings.
"You took advantage of that fact, and made yourself a hostage so you could force us to make this attack. And since holding the founding Titan makes you so valuable, we didn't have a choice in the matter. Just like you wanted." For once, Hanji appears to have fallen completely disillusioned with her titan prodigy. "You trusted us to do this. But we've lost our trust in you."
Zeke isn't swayed. "But we now have the Founding Titan and a Titan with royal blood. These noble sacrifices will bring freedom to Eldia. They were not in vain."
Johanna scoffs, about to retaliate— There's nothing noble about killing people—
But the door's slow creak makes them turn.
Connie stands there, so rigid it seems he's been paralyzed. His eyes are big and stricken, staring but not seeing. His mouth gapes like he can't measure the depth of the words he's about to say.
"Sasha's dead."
END OF CHAPTER 6