Isabelle
I hit the nurses button again, rubbing my eyes frustratedly.
"Ms Blaisdell?"
"It hurts,"
"Someone is on their way, like I said 5 minutes ago. What can I do to help you in the mean time?"
I shrugged and looked at the wall, sighing as tears filled my eyes. Today was being tough on me.
"Mini Blaisdell, what's up?"
"Ugh,"
"I'm guessing that means you needed Cal, Luke, or Sierra,"
I turned my head to him and nodded, choking out a sob.
"Maybe I can help. Tell me whats up,"
"I am in so much pain,"
"Are the painkillers not working?"
"I don't get them anymore, they took me off them now,"
"Oh darling, you can get through this. I will get a heating pad, and you can watch youtube,"
"I have ulcers now,"
"On your cheek?"
"Tongue,"
I showed him and he stuck his lip out, getting me a heating pad out. I put it on my abdomen and he read my charts while we waited for someone else to come.
Kaykay nor Ashton had visited me today either, so everyone must be busy.
It felt like an hour, but it had probably been about 10 minutes by the time Calum came in. At first, he had a smile, but then his eyebrows furrowed and he tilted his head to the side.
"You shouldn't be in this much pain, I cleared you yesterday," he said, "Where does it hurt sunshine?"
"Here,"
"That's a bit vague, put my hand there,"
"No!"
"I'll be gentle,"
Scowling, I rested his hand were it hurt, letting him feel it despite how much I hated it.
"When was the last time you pooped?"
"What?"
"When was the last time you pooped?"
"My last chemo, not yesterday,"
"You need to poop," he chuckled, "Do you think you're close?"
"I'm not talking about my poop,"
"Well unfortunately, I am. It's normal, don't worry, but you do need to poop,"
He rummaged through a drawer and grabbed me a tablet, watching as I took it. He made me prove I had taken it, then grabbed his small torch and shone it at my tongue.
"Ulcers now huh?"
"Yeah,"
"Are you managing to brush your teeth?"
"I haven't yet today,"
"Okay, I will find you a kids toothbrush to use, and we will get you something to use as mouthwash. Make sure you keep drinking darling,"
I nodded and rubbed my eyes, Michael putting his arm around me.
"I want Kaykay, and Ashton,"
"I'll see where they are,"
Putting my full weight onto Michael, I held his hand and let out small sniffles, allowing myself to feel sorry about everything. Everything hurt.
Everything.
Chemo sucked.
He started to tell me about his latest surgery and I listened intently, staring at a spot on the floor. I was feeling helpless.
Today I was supposed to be in school, but I had refused this morning because I was in so much pain. No one knew why, apart from Calum who seemed to know immediately.
Annoyingly, Michael's pager ended up going off, so he tucked me back into bed and I waited.
I just, waited.
For a while.
"Sorry, sorry, I got stuck in a major surgery,"
"What for?"
"A child," she said, "What's up with you?"
"I can't poo,"
She snorted and shook her head, a small smile creeping onto my face. It was stupid. I had been through all of this trauma on my body, and the worst I had come out with was constipation.
"So, here are your clothes, are you up to trying them on?"
"Not really,"
"That's fair, we can do it tomorrow. Has anybody fed you today?"
"No,"
"What? Not even Calum or Michael?"
"No, I didn't know they could,"
"How long have you been alone today?"
"All day, apart from the time Michael was here,"
"Oh bless you. You're allowed in the common room, and hopefully tomorrow you'll be up to going to school,"
She got my feeding stuff and I sighed, starting to watch a video on youtube.
"Is Aimee in hospital?"
"She is,"
"Maybe I can see her in the common room tonight,"
"You might wanna go tomorrow morning, that medicine Cal gave you might start working by then,"
"Oh gosh,"
"No more stomach ache,"
"I suppose,"
"Do you think that you'll be okay sleeping here alone tonight?"
"No,"
"No? Why?"
"I don't know,"
"It might be good to try,"
"What are your plans?"
"Huh?"
"You have plans, that's why you can't stay,"
"Oh- well, Luke and Sierra have invited us all over for a catch up, that's all. I will stay if you need,"
"I guess you can go," I said, dramatically sighing, "Whatever will I do,"
"Poop,"
"Hey!"
We laughed and she finished up my feeding, tilting her head to the side. I shut my phone off and sat up, cross legged, then she hopped up beside me and rested her head on top of mine.
"This weekend I want a bonding weekend,"
"We can't really force bonding,"
"No, but we can do things together, like talk, and paint, and play board games,"
"Haven't we spoken about everything?"
"Not really," she said, "I want you to be comfortable talking to me about what you have been through,"
"You know what I have been through,"
"Our experiences aren't going to be identical, though. I just need you to know you can talk to me about things other than your cancer, and that all of this shouldn't overshadow the other struggles you have faced,"
"I will talk when I am ready,"
"Mkay. What are you gonna do now?"
"I don't know,"
"Maybe watch a movie?"
"I'm so bored, but I am in too much pain to do anything,"
"Watch a movie, I'll come and see you later,"
"Fine,"
"Have I upset you?"
"No," I said, shrugging her off, "I am just frustrated,"
"Would you like Lewis to take you on a walk around the gardens?"
"No!"
"Izz, darling,"
"Give me medicine to help me sleep,"
"Not right now,"
"Give it to me,"
"No,"
I groaned and pushed her off me, watching her walk out of the room. Regret hit me immediately, but it was too late.
She was gone.