sorry, just fixing the typos.
It was storming furiously that afternoon – too strongly, actually. The downpour and the wild winds made it impossible for me to go out, so I had to stay inside, which wasn't too much of a nuisance if I'm being completely honest here.
But the real nuisance was my situation at the moment: I was laughing so hard that I felt my abs getting stronger by the second, because the sole idea of people finding baby loser attractive was incredibly ridiculous to me. I feel like there should've been a scale from one to crushing on the weirdo to determine how fucked up in the head one is, and you shouldn't be at the top of it by any means.
And not to be that person, but you wouldn't catch me going out with her willingly even if they paid me to – and I'd much rather listen to Haruto's nonstop rambling about videogames and anime, or Hanbin's hormonal teenager sex talk. In fact, I'd prefer having to deal with Lisa's annoying suitor who follows her around like a puppy dog, before going out with that girl.
Have I made myself clear on just how much I can't stand baby loser, or shall I keep going?
Anyway, back to what I was saying, my stomach hurt from laughing so much while Hanbin could only shrug and stare at me, and Jennie's annoying eyes shot me one of her deadly glares from where she was sitting on the floor next to him. Not that I gave a fuck, anyway.
The fact that baby loser was getting asked out on dates was hilarious, but that wasn't the real reason I was laughing so much. The reality of it all stemmed from Roseanne's retelling of her experience, and the terrible outcome that followed after. We all should've seen it coming, honestly.
"So, Rosie" the feline-eyed bitch with the attitude started, turning to the girl in question with a curious look. "How was your date?"
You should've seen her face at that. I swear baby loser's entire head turned bright red as a tomato, and she almost choked on her own saliva.
"Are you okay?" Hanbin tried, rubbing gentle circles on her back.
"Date?!" she coughed out, bewildered. "That wasn't a date. It was just a friendly get-together."
Jennie lifted a curious eyebrow at that, and all three of us exchanged knowing looks.
"You're such an idiot, baby loser" I guffawed, earning another glare from the two girls but I ignored them.
"Sooya..." Hanbin tried to warn me but I also dismissed him with a shake of my head.
"Daniel's pathetic ass and dickface Bobby weren't asking you to go out with them as friends" I rolled my eyes as I spoke, unable to believe I had to explain this to her. "They were asking you out on a date."
"Wait, what?" her jaw dropped as she stared at me in disbelief.
I shrugged.
It was quite evident that baby loser still hadn't caught up to the situation. And it's not like she even suspected it – oh no, from the very beginning she had been the most oblivious and embarrassing little girl and the best of it all was that I was there to witness the entire ordeal. This girl was a complete disaster and a misfit.
I could still remember very well how she replied to the two guys' invitation right outside of the dean's office. Roseanne couldn't have been any more awkward, and you'd think my mocking laughter would've made her think something was off, but the implication just completely flew over her head.
"So, what do you say?" Bobby had smiled at her, taking her hand in his own and kissing the top of it like he was some sort of corny tv character. Pathetic. "Want to go to the movies?"
"Park!" Daniel eagerly intervened after he got off from the floor where Bobby had shoved him before. "Will... you... go out... with me?" his breath was ragged from running.
I just stood there and stared because frankly, what fresh hell was this?
"Of course, guys" she chirped happily.
Both guys perked up at that and they looked at each other confused.
"I'll go to the movies with you."
I cannot explain how much both their faces morphed in pure shock and horror, but I was already laughing hysterically. This girl was talking to both of them like she didn't know what the invitation meant, and I couldn't control myself.
"Wait, what?" Bobby was the one who asked.
"Isn't that what you wanted?" she tilted her head slightly to the side. "All three of us to go to the movies together?"
I snorted loudly and felt Bobby's glaring eyes burning holes through my skull, but I could care less. This shit was priceless.
"Uh.. well" Daniel was stuttering. "Actually –"
"Fine" Bobby cut him off, which caught my attention. "We'll go to the cinema at 5pm this Saturday."
Wait, what?
"I'll pick you up" Daniel chirped with an excited grin. What a loser.
"Wait a second" Bobby turned to face him with a menacing glare. "I will be the one to pick her up, and you better not –"
"Guys, don't worry" this time it was Roseanne who interrupted their quarrel, as she turned to Bobby. "Since you're the one who proposed we go to the movies, Daniel oppa can pick me up while you buy the tickets."
And that's where I completely lost it and laughed my ass off. I could feel the amused tears rolling down my cheeks because this chick had just managed to single-handedly humiliate Bobby's annoying ass. Not only did she turn their date invitations into the weirdest fucking hangout, but she was making him pay for all three of them. Karma's a bitch and she had smiled at me.
Seeing his pained expression gave me so much joy.
"Wait, wait, wait, hold up" Jennie held her hand up in the air as if collecting her thoughts, before she spoke again. "You're saying you didn't know it was supposed to be a date?"
Roseanne lowered her gaze to hide the evident embarrassed blush on her face.
"No" she mumbled truthfully.
The room went silent for a moment – the only sounds were our breathing, and the nervous way baby loser was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.
Jennie sighed.
"Anyway" she said, trying to lighten the mood. "So, how did it go? What movie did you guys see?"
Uninterested on the topic, I rolled onto my back on my couch and stared at the ceiling, silently wishing the rain would stop so I could go out and not have to listen to their boring conversations.
"Actually" I head baby loser clear her throat. "We didn't – we couldn't watch anything..."
She trailed off and released a nervous chuckle. Spiking my curiosity once more, I turned on my side and stared at her confused.
"Wait, what do you mean?" Jennie frowned.
"Park, are you saying they stood you up?" Hanbin asked as he took a bite off his sandwich.
I simply stared at Roseanne's side profile, waiting for an explanation.
"N-no! It's not like that" she let out a sigh before proceeding. "Everything would've worked out if it wasn't for –"
"For what, Rosie? Just spill it" Jennie urged her. So annoying.
"We had to go to three different clinics that evening" she finally finished.
Now this really sparked my interest as I was now intently looking at her and paying attention to her every word because, honestly, what the hell?
"You what?!"
At the same time Jennie exclaimed so loudly, Hanbin started choking on his sandwich and she was then rubbing her boyfriend's back as he tried to swallow and breathe normally again.
"You okay, babe?" she asked once he stopped coughing.
"Yeah" he smiled at her and pecked her lips.
They looked at each other with mushy eyes and then he spread his legs wider, allowing her to sit in between them and rest her back flush against his front as he hugged her waist from behind and rested his head on her shoulder.
Gross.
"Rosie, you were saying?" Jennie turned her attention back to baby loser. "Did you guys have an accident or something? Are you okay?"
"Oh I'm alright, unnie. Nothing to worry about" she shook her head with a light chuckle. "Nothing too bad."
But Jennie didn't seem too sure and I was already running out of patience because all I wanted to know was what kinds of atrocities that girl had managed to commit this time. I knew it had to be her fault, there was just no other way.
"Okay, then tell us exactly what happened" this time it was Hanbin who was encouraging her to speak.
Roseanne sighed and nodded.
"So, when we made it to the movie theatre –"
Ding, ding, ding!
Saved by the bell. Literally.
I was way too invested in this story to even care about the doorbell to my own house ringing, so I didn't bother getting up and checking who it may be – they could go suck it, for all I cared. As annoying as it was, the bell kept ringing incessantly and it was already driving me insane. Whoever that was, was surely asking for an ass beating that I was more than willing to give them. Just who the fuck goes to someone's house on a Sunday afternoon to bother them like it isn't the sacred designated lazy day? Goddamn.
Since nobody else bothered to get up to check – not even Haruto –, I relented and reluctantly got up from the sofa and marched my way to the door with a deep scowl on my face, ready to chew whoever's head off. My mood had already been ruined by this mystery person because, honestly, it's not just that it was a Sunday, but it was also raining. Who has the freaking time?
This motherfucker better have a damn good explanation.
"Who the fuck is it?" I growled as I yanked the door open with force.
I was met by the most annoying sight in front of my face because just by looking at him I immediately knew what he was doing at my house, and he was surely going to get his testicles beat up to his throat one day. Instead, I slammed the door shut in his stupid face and went back to the living room.
The bell kept ringing once more and this time I saw Lisa climbing down the stairs in a hurry. And between you and me, the way she glowered at me sent a shiver down my spine. She could be quite scary sometimes.
I still ignored her, though.
"Jisoo unnie!" she whined exasperatedly as she walked to the entrance.
"Why the fuck are you yelling at me now?" I got up from the floor and quickly blocked her from the door. "You're not opening the door for that douchebag."
It wasn't a question; I was commanding her.
"Why not?" she crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.
I looked everywhere but her. Those furious brown eyes could turn me into a salt statue with that deadly glare, I swear.
"Fine" I scoffed, stepping to the side. "But he better not pull some shit on you or I'm kicking his ass into oblivion" I added with a warn.
"Pull some shit?" she repeated with a snark. "I can't ask him to stop breathing."
I rolled my eyes at her sassy reply. This bratty child knew I loved her too much to ever be mad at her, and she was taking advantage of it. Fuck my life.
"Come in" I heard her voice turn sweeter all of a sudden the moment she opened the door for him.
Ew.
"Hi..." he trailed off nervously. Fucking coward.
"Yugyeom?" Jennie exclaimed in surprise when she saw him come in.
"Noona!"
"What are you doing here?" she asked, getting up from her spot to greet him. She gasped loudly. "You're soaking wet!"
"I'm here to do a project with Lisa."
I felt my blood boiling at his reply. This asshole really had the audacity to call my sister by her name plainly. Who did he think he was?
Long story short, I ended up in the middle of a long and heated argument with both Jennie and Lisa against me because they were angry at me for not wanting to let that asshole inside my house and making him stay outside under the rain. But did I care? Absolutely not.
Meanwhile, from the corner of my eye I caught baby loser curiously staring at us while Hanbin's not-so-slick ass was cracking some stupid unfunny jokes next to her. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but he is as immature as boys come, which only ever resulted in him and Jennie getting into loud fights because she hated the perverted side of him.
But whatever. Once the fighting and name calling was over, we were back at the beginning: sitting in the living room listening to baby loser's tale of horrors about her unsuccessful weird date. The only difference was Jennie's red handprint marked on her boyfriend's cheek, and the cat-faced bitch's veins protruding on her neck from anger.
"Tell us, Rosie" Jennie began. "What exactly happened between you, Daniel and Bobby at the cinema?"
Baby loser blushed at the memories and she stayed quiet for a moment as if collecting her thoughts before answering.
"When we got there, Bobby oppa was standing in line to buy some popcorn while Daniel oppa was on the line for the movie and –"
"Okay, so how is that weird?" I cut her off, already bored of her story.
"Kim Jisoo!" Jennie glared at me. "Let her talk."
I scoffed and turned around on the sofa with my back facing them.
"Anyway" baby loser proceeded by clearing her throat. "Here's the deal..."
I felt like a burden not doing anything while the guys were standing in line for me, so I decided I needed to help with something – anything! I figured it was the least I could do when they were being so chivalrous and genuinely nice to me. So I walked over to where Bobby oppa was already paying for our snacks and that's when I decided it was the perfect time for me to be useful. I could at least carry our sodas.
However, since I wasn't wearing my glasses, I didn't check my steps and suddenly I felt my feet tangling with the fabric of my baggy jeans, which caused me to stumble over and bump against a shelve where this huge and very heavy-looking flat TV screen was resting. And guess what? Exactly, the thing fell right on top of Bobby oppa's head. Just my luck.
In a matter of seconds, people had gathered around the scene to check on him as he laid unconscious on the ground and there were shards of glass scattered all over the floor. I simply stood there and watched, unable to move or even say anything because, really, what could I possibly do to fix it at that moment? It was all my fault.
To make matters worse, he wasn't waking up even after the Mall's first aid team was tending him, so they ended up having to call 911 to assist him.
When Daniel oppa came back looking for us, he immediately freaked out when he saw the scene and I guess he caught the distraught look on my face, because he was trying so hard to calm me down as I felt an impending panic attack forming in my chest and I couldn't breathe properly.
Oh my God, what if he was dead?
We quickly ran to his car and drove over to the hospital, following the ambulance closely. When we got there, they told us to wait in the lounge as they were running some tests on him.
We were awkwardly sitting there in silence. To be honest, even if I had wanted to engage in conversation with him, I didn't know what I was supposed to say to lighten the mood. "Sorry for ruining this day by almost killing the other guy that was with us?" Yeah, no.
He quickly noticed my trepidation and suddenly I felt a hand atop my own, rubbing soothing circles on the back of it.
"Calm down, Park" he smiled at me. "He's going to be okay. No need to worry."
Huh? It's not like I was crying or anything. I was just so embarrassed!
Nevertheless, I looked back at him and smiled.
"Wait here" he suddenly said. "I'll bring you some coffee. It'll do you good."
"Thank you" I replied.
And thus he walked away to the coffee machine that was not too far from the chairs.
As I was waiting for him to come back with our coffee cups, a few magazines on the table in front of me caught my eye and I picked one up to distract myself. My glasses, which I had taken out of their case and placed on my lap while I rested, fell to the floor and I quickly bent downward to retrieve them.
I didn't know that Daniel oppa was back.
It was almost as a cheesy movie scene where everything starts to move in slow motion, because the moment I tried to straighten my back again to sit up, the top of my head hit the bottom of one of the cups in his hands, effectively sending it flying away. All the scorching hot liquid content spilled all over his pants, burning his manly region and if that wasn't enough, the cup had hit his jaw with so much force that it caused his mouth to shut tightly to the point where his two front teeth broke in half. Oh my God.
To say I was freaking out was an understatement.
"Oppa!" I squeaked out, getting up to check on him. "Are you okay?"
Not only was this guy clearly in pain, but his gums were also bleeding, and I don't think he noticed.
"It's okay, Park..." he mumbled, his voice muffled by the numbing pain and the blood pooling in his mouth.
Still, he managed to send a smile my way, but it only made me feel even guiltier.
"We should go" I said, handing him back his car keys.
He frowned.
"Where are we going?"
"We need to get you to a dentist immediately."
Looking straight into my eyes, I guess he noticed I wouldn't budge so he had no other choice but to oblige.
"Okay" he sighed.
We drove until we made it to one of the best dental clinics in the area. I was already feeling too embarrassed and guilty – and despite Daniel oppa's efforts to make me feel better –, so I wouldn't agree on paying for anything less than the best attention he could possibly get. Of course I won that argument.
The clinic was very nice and luckily it wasn't that far away from the hospital, so I figured we still had time to spare before we had to pick up Bobby oppa whenever he got released. So I simply sank in a chair in the waiting room and prayed to God to help me get out of such a horrible situation I had gotten myself into. I was in desperate need of some mercy.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Daniel oppa was out of the room with a freshly new smile – you couldn't even tell his two front teeth had been reconstructed. After thanking the doctor infinitely for taking us in in such a short notice, I paid the bill and offered to drive us back to the hospital to make up for basically destroying his mouth. We still had time anyway, and I always carried my driver's license with me.
Honestly, someone should've stopped me right there.
As if my night hadn't been awful enough, when I was driving out of the parking lot I didn't notice this guy on a skateboard who suddenly popped right in front of the car out of nowhere. When I tell you I screamed...
I hit the breaks as fast and hard as I could, but it was already too late and I hit him, sending him flying off onto the curb and he hit his head loudly against the concrete. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
The high-pitched squeal of the tires against the pavement and the crack of his skateboard breaking in half frightened me, and we both immediately climbed off the car to go check on the guy. This was it. This was the day I was going to jail for finally killing a man and I was absolutely not prepared for it. I'm a good Christian girl, for God's sake!
Thank heavens he wasn't unconscious. When we reached him, I noticed he looked very young, probably in his early twenties, and he was groaning in pain holding the back of his head. Darn it. There was blood coming out of his skull and dripping onto his white shirt, and some scrapes on his elbows and legs, and I couldn't stop apologizing to this man over and over again.
Honestly, I was incredibly thankful when he simply smiled at me and told me not to worry. Still, I offered to give him a ride and pay for his medical bill. And no, it's not that I wasn't feeling guilty over hitting this stranger with another guy's car, but I didn't want to take him with me to the same hospital where Bobby oppa was and having me being the culprit for both accidents. It was already too much bad luck in one night.
So when I saw the first random small clinic pop up in one of the streets we were driving through, we dropped him off and I gave him some money for his treatment and medicine before driving off to the hospital to check on Bobby oppa. That was my real priority.
The room fell in complete silence for several minutes – nobody dared to say a word after listening to baby loser's story.
Looking to my right, I noticed Jennie's jaw slightly ajar and Hanbin's eyes wide as saucers. Trailing my eyes to my left, I saw Roseanne's crimson red cheeks as she was looking down trying to hide her flushed face with her long and wavy hair. All of us completely quiet.
I just couldn't fucking believe it. I mean, how could a person be this clumsy and disastrous? The math wasn't adding up! This girl could break many records on just how much bad luck she carries around the world.
But then something incredible happened.
When she looked up and our eyes locked, we laughed. We all did! We let out the most honest and genuine amused boisterous laughs that filled the room – you know the ones where your stomach hurts and tears start cascading down your eyes and you feel like you can't even breathe anymore. All four of us guffawed like we hadn't done before, and it somehow just felt right.
That was certainly the best story ever: a TV almost killing Bobby's annoying ass, a cup of coffee burning and breaking Daniel's teeth, and baby loser running over some random guy in a skateboard.
Without a trace of a doubt, Roseanne Park was something out of this world.