Chapter 35
Season 6, Episode 2-4
It's been a hard month since the funeral and it took me a long time to realize it was all real. Some part of my brain still doesn't understand that he's gone. Every time a door opens I think he's about to walk through, but this is real. He's gone and he's not coming back. It's an impossible pill to swallow but I have to keep doing what he can't anymore. I have to become a great surgeon.
It doesn't help that the red-head continues to dwell in the grief of George, or her knight in shining armour that saved her life. She sits outside of the hospital every day without moving and it's driving me crazy.
Today, Izzie and I sit on a bench not too far away from the girl on my lunch break. She was sent home two weeks ago from the hospital but still has to come back every couple of days for follow-ups which is why she's here now. Looking at her, sitting up so strong and healthy, I'm thankful I didn't lose her too.
"I didn't expect this." She says to me. "They say cancer and stage 4, you expect to die. Then you start thinking, well, maybe I can kick it. Maybe I'll be the miracle."
"You are the miracle, Iz," I say to her with a tilted head. She's looking off into the distance as if something about her existence doesn't make sense.
"I'm still living with cancer." She says, shrugging. "You just don't expect that."
We sit for a couple of minutes, the sun warm on our faces. I'm eating a sandwich I brought outside for my lunch break. I haven't had much time on my hands since I started piling up the work. It's become hard to keep up with everything, which I guess was the point of taking on extra work, to forget about everything else, but I haven't really been there for my brother.
Alex and Izzie moved into Derek's old trailer and have been living there for a couple of weeks now which leaves me living in a house with "newlyweds" if you can even call Meredith and Derek that. I thought about moving out but I can't afford a place without roommates and everyone I know is either married or already has roommates. This leaves me in a very big house with thin walls. God, I want to move out.
"Isn't that the girl that George saved?" Izzie knocks me out of my trance with a question and I look up, nodding with her.
"Yup," I mutter in slight annoyance, taking another bite of my sandwich.
"What is she doing here?" Izzie asks, reflecting the same annoyed tone in my voice.
"She sits there. Every day... all day." I mutter and continue to eat before Izzie stands up suddenly. "Hey, what are you-"
"For god's sake." She mumbles, strutting over to the girl across the courtyard. I pack up my lunch quickly and run after her to make sure she doesn't make a scene. I stay a little way back and hear her yelling at the girl, who stands up from the bench to face Izzie. I can't really make out her words at first until she yells in her face. "Because you lived! You lived and George didn't! Go live a freaking life and if I see you sitting here ever again I will kick your ass from here to Sunday!"
After a moment of hesitation, the girl picks up her purse and walks away without another word. Izzie watches her leave for a beat before turning back to face me, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. I give her a comforting half-smile which she returns before we walk back over to our bench.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
Just like every other day this month, I was a shell of a person. Going about my life but with no real regard for anything. A ghost walking through life. Every time something happened that would make me happy, my first thought was to tell George, but I can't.
I'm packing up my bag in silence in the locker room when a maintenance man walks toward the cubby beside mine, which belonged to George. I look up at him sharply as he starts to pull out George's things.
"Hey, what are you doing?" I snap at him and he barely gives me a glance.
"We need the space." He says, pulling out his lab coat and folding it. Before he can put it in the cardboard box, I snatch it from him. The coat George worked so hard for is not going to be stuck in some basement collecting dust and forgotten about. It deserves to go to his mother. The man gives me an odd look as I put his coat into my bag carefully but he doesn't question me.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Rumours are flying all around the hospital about Chief Webber, Derek, and the hospital board. The big rumour is that Webber is going to be replaced because of the events that have happened as of late. Apparently, the hospital is running out of funding and a lot of that is being pinned on Webber's leadership.
"I know you all have heard a lot of rumours. I'm sorry about that." Webber says from the main staircase, looking down on all of us as we crowd around the lobby. "What I'm about to say will be hard to hear, and I'm sorry for that as well. The economic climate is... well, you all know what it is. In the coming weeks..."
"Here it comes. We're all fired." Alex mumbles from beside me and I nudge him with my elbow to shut up.
"Seattle Grace Hospital will be merging with Mercy West." Webber states and suddenly a low murmur erupts from the crowd, everyone in shock. I turn to Meredith and we exchange wide-eyed glances. I don't know what I was expecting but this was not it. "I wish I could tell you that you will all survive the merger, but there are only so many jobs, and the board and I have some tough choices to make."
"Shit," I mutter to myself. No more moping around and letting the world keep moving without me. I have to pull myself together if I want to survive this.
"I'm on your side, people. I'm rooting for every one of you." Webber continues. "All I can say is, please, be at your very best."
Webber descends the staircase without another word, passing through the crowd towards the conference room where the board is probably waiting for him. This is not good. Residents are expendable, we don't have a name or a specialty yet. We're not valuable or special. We're a lump of clay that could be amazing or a waste of time.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
It's been a gruelling couple of days. I don't think I've gotten more than a couple of hours of sleep put together, and neither has anyone else. Everyone is constantly working, in fear of losing our job. There are some who feel comfortable, they've chosen a specialty and are sticking with their attending like glue. My safe bet attending was Callie, but after a fight with the Chief, before we heard about the merger, she moved to Mercy West. Ironic.
Without my safety ortho blanket, I have no attending, no security in my position here at the hospital, and I don't like it. Cristina, Meredith, and I are on the elevator at four in the morning, trying to find a case to work on.
"I talked to Callie last night about the residents at Mercy West. She said they don't suck." Cristina complains and I scoff, leaning forward to press the elevator button.
"I find that hard to believe." I groan, stretching my neck with a yawn.
"I mean, you're safe because of Derek." Cristina motions to Meredith and I nod in agreement.
"Izzie safe cause... cancer." I point out and Cristina breaths out in annoyance.
"Alex is Bailey's new favourite." She says and I turn to her.
"Yeah, what's up with that?" I ask her in confusion. As of late, Alex has made it onto Bailey's service almost every single day. That's definitely something I never thought would happen.
"I know. Even George would've been spared cause he's Owen's guy." Cristina mutters crossing her arms and I go quiet. She's not wrong, but it's still painful whenever someone brings up his name. "Cardio has been a revolving door around here, and no one's got my back."
"You're Cristina Yang," I reassure her. "Anyway, I'm the one who should be worried. Without Callie, I'm screwed."
"Why don't you just use Mark?" Meredith asks with a slight smirk and I swat her off quickly.
"That ship has sailed. I can't ask him for favours now." I say and they shrug as the doors to the elevator open, letting us out and onto the first floor. We make our way to the pit seeing as it's the best place to pick up new patients. It's going to be a blood bath of residents, no pun intended, but we don't have a choice.
"You know, we really should get some sleep before rounds," Meredith says as we walk over to the nurse's station.
"Sleep is for wimps," I say and Cristina points to me in agreement.
"Sleep is for Mercy West residents." She says. "We gotta fit in another trauma before rounds."
We walk around the counter so we're standing behind the station, waiting for the phone to ring with a trauma we can have first dibs on. As we wait, Alex rounds the corner quickly, running up to us.
"Don't say anything about the wig." He says in a hushed voice and I frown at him in confusion which quickly goes away when I spot Izzie turn the corner. My mouth drops open as she walks over to us in a shiny ginger wig. I wish I could say it looks real but it looks very out of place on her head. It could just be because I know her as a blonde but I can't help but stare.
"I'm back. Yes, I am early. But whatever. I'm back." She says with a big grin when she gets to us. I guess Meredith and Cristina are doing just as bad as me at concealing their expression cause Alex gives us all a look. "Because I've been gone so long, the first trauma that comes through those doors is mine. Got it?" When an answer doesn't come from any of us she gives us a little grin. "It's amazing, right?"
"W-What is?" I stutter, trying to snap out of my obvious staring.
"What's amazing?" Cristina says at the same time.
"The wig!' Izzie says, running her hand through the hair and suddenly the three of us put smiles on our faces.
"Oh, it looks so real, I couldn't even tell," Cristina says, gesturing to Izzie's head.
"Looks fantastic," I say with a smile but my voice unintentionally comes out monotone. We all speak at the same time so my voice doesn't get an odd look from Izzie but Alex shoots me a little glare.
"I've always wanted to try out being a redhead, so I just thought, now's the time," Izzie says, her head bobbing slighting, making the hair bounce around her shoulders unnaturally.
"What's wrong with your own hair?" Alex asks in concern.
"It's peach fuzz chemo hair, and I really wanted to put my patients at ease, make them feel comfortable." She explains and I'm so entranced by the shine from her head that I don't realize Cristin has leaned over until she's whispering in my ear.
"She looks like a Stepford wife. You've gotta tell her." She says and I shake my head subtly, not dropping the smile from my face, pretending to still be listening to Izzie who continues to chat away.
"I can't," I mumble, but Cristina keeps whispering.
"You're her sister-in-law, of course, you can." She says and I nudge her away from me.
"Just don't stare." I hiss at her but realize that I'm also staring, so I look away quickly. All of a sudden, Bailey runs over to all of us.
"MVC who do I have?" She asks us and we all shout, raising our hands to be called on like children, desperate for attention.
"I'm not your Chief resident anymore. Figure it out." Bailey says, putting a trauma gown over her new navy blue attending scrubs. We all turn to each other and start yelling to the point where no one can be understood. "Alex Karev, let's go."
"What?!" I yell in annoyance as Alex runs out after her to meet the ambulance. "Unfair."
∞∞∞∞∞∞
Due to the misfortune of being me, I've been stuck on post-OPs all day and have not been able to get my hands on a good surgery. Every attending has their star resident and Izzie gets first dibs because she's able to play the cancer card. This is not looking good for me. As I walk through the lobby to fill some lab reports, I notice Callie walking towards the elevators and my eyes widen.
"Callie!" I yell, running over to her as fast as my legs will carry me. When she spots me her eyes widen in alarm, looking around as if someone will see her.
"Karev, what?" She asks when I finally make it to her and I notice she's carrying a large stack of patient files.
"Oh, my god! I am so happy you're back, it's been crazy around here and I'm-" I start to ramble but she is very quick to cut me off.
"No, uh, I'm not back." She says and my shoulders slump in disappointment.
"You're not? Then why are you here?" I ask her and she holds up the files.
"Just wanted to pick up some old patient files before leaving officially." She says almost sadly and my eyes widen.
"What? You're not coming back? But the merger..." I start to question her and she nods.
"Exactly, the merger is probably gonna throw me out on my ass." She says, walking towards the elevator but I follow her.
"You're an ortho god! Webber isn't gonna fire you." I say and she chuckles, but she doesn't sound amused.
"He did once already."
"Not technically, you quit," I say and she turns to face me.
"Yeah, and you really think the Chief is gonna forgive me for that?" She asks and my mouth opens but I can't give her a proper answer. She gives me a smile before the elevator door opens. "Exactly. See ya, Karev."
I watch her as the door closes with a frown on my face. My only security literally just walked out the door, leaving me with no net to catch me when I inevitably fall to my death. Before I can dwell on that fact, I get a page from Meredith to a nurse's station on the third floor. I sigh and take one last look at the elevator door before making my way to the nurse's station.
I meet Cristina in the hallway and when we turn the corner we see Izzie and Alex, obviously, she paged all of us here.
"What's going on?" Alex asks her when we get to a tense-looking Meredith.
"Check your email." She says quickly and I pull out my phone from my pocket.
"For what?" I ask her even though I've already started pulling it up, along with everyone else.
"If you got cut, you'll have an email." She says which makes us open our email even faster than before. "I didn't get one. I've been calm through this crisis, but if one of us gets cut, I will not be calm."
The air is tense as we all pull up our email, when I get to the browser there are no new emails, but I refresh anyway, just to be sure. When no email pops up I let out a breath.
"No email," I say and suddenly Cristina joins me.
"Nothing." She says, closing her eyes in relief.
"I'm fine," Alex says, putting his phone back into his pocket.
"I'm good, too." Izzie breaths out and we all look up at each other in relief. We're all still in the program.
"Good. See? I knew it. I knew none of us would get cut." Meredith says with a big smile on her face but I can't seem to return it as I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Yet." Cristina points out. "There's gonna be another round."
I hate to admit it, but she's right. The cuts are only warming up.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
The Mercy West people are going to be here in three days which means right now every second counts. Every single thing you do as a resident is put under a magnifying glass and people are working down to the bone. I can't remember the last time I showered; time has become one big blur because I haven't left the hospital in a week.
I've been in the pit at the nurse's station filling out charts post-OP. I managed to snag an appendectomy earlier this morning by sweet-talking an attending into letting me assist. Its dog eats dog out here and I'm not ashamed of doing everything in my power to get on top.
"Anything that turns surgical down here is mine!" I hear Izzie screech at Cristina as they walk through the pit and I roll my eyes. I'm sitting right beside the phone, so any trauma is going to be mine.
"You don't need the hours. You just spent the last six months in the OR." Cristina brushes her off once they get to me and I can't help but chuckle to myself.
"Unconscious on a table does not count," Izzie complains but before Cristina can answer, the sliding doors open. I turn to see Lexie walking in, supporting her half-unconscious father.
"Meredith!" She calls out as Meredith walks into the pit. "His neighbour said that he wasn't getting his mail."
We all give them a pitiful look as we watch her father stumble over his own feet. Meredith told us that he's a recovering drunk and by the looks of things, he hasn't been doing very well.
"M-Meredith, I heard you got, uh, you got married on a sticker. That's great." He stumbles over his words, very clearly drunk.
"We should go so you can have family time." Cristina mumbles, turning to walk away but Lexie continues frantically.
"No, I don't know what's wrong with him." She says but Meredith doesn't look concerned.
"Did you pick him up off the floor of a bar, Lexie? That might be a clue." Meredith says, closing her chart without giving her father a second look.
"Meredith, I haven't been drinking. I swear-" He starts but before he can finish, he leans forward, throwing up all over Meredith's shoes. Everyone gasps and I jump up from my chair to look over the counter to see blood covering the floor. That's not from drinking.
"That could be surgical," Cristina whispers under her breath but I hear her. We quickly get him over to a bed but after crowding around him, Bailey sends us all away except for Alex. Her favouritism of him lately has been pissing me off.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
After my appendectomy this morning, I haven't been able to get into another OR. I tried to get onto Meredith's father's case, but that didn't work out very well and I ended up just stitching lacerations in the pit all afternoon until I decided to take a break. I took a shower for the first time in days and eventually found everyone in a skills lab eating. I only had an old granola bar but it's enough to keep me going for a little while.
"Why are we eating in a room full of diseased organs?" Izzie asks as she joins us at our table. To some, eating in front of a jar containing a kidney would be sickening but it doesn't bother me.
"We are hiding from Lexie and her big, sad I love my Daddy eyes because I can't take it anymore," Meredith complains about how her father is going into liver failure and, rightfully so, Lexie is upset about it.
"Wait, is little Grey not a match?" Cristina asks in shock and Meredith nods. "Damn, there goes my transplant."
"Nice try. It was my transplant." Alex mumbles from the side, pissed that his trauma didn't turn surgical.
"Are you gonna get tested, Mer?" Izzie asks Meredith and I frown.
"Why should she?" I ask, balling up my granola bar wrapper in my fist before throwing it across the room into the garbage can. Cristina and Izzie exchange worried glances before answering.
"Because he's her... father," Izzie says and I lean back in my chair.
"Barely." I scoff before turning to Meredith. "No offence."
"No, you're right. I don't know the guy." She says and Cristina finally speaks up about the subject.
"You might as well just get tested." She says and Meredith shrugs, obviously uncomfortable with the idea of giving a part of herself to a man who abandoned her, and I totally get it.
"You could regret it if you don't do it," Alex says, shoving down his food and I frown in his direction. The two of us would be the first to understand what's she's going through. He's probably just trying to convince her because he wants the surgery.
"He may be a deadbeat drunk but he gave you the ultimate gift," Cristina says and Alex nods.
"Yeah, the gift of life." He says with a joking smirk.
"You guys are sick. You really are. Don't listen to them, Mer. They just want a surgery." Izzie points out the obvious and Cristina's face drops.
"Mama needs to cut." She says to Meredith desperately who just laughs as we continue to eat.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
Later on in the day, Meredith got tested and it turns out she's a match with her father and somehow managed to bring herself to donate part of her liver to him. I have to say, I'm impressed with her ability to let go of a part of herself to help someone who has never helped her. I don't think I would have the same strength if it came down to me and my own father.
After gowning her up, I decided to help wheel her to the OR. As I walk down the hallway beside her gurney, she turns over in the bed to look at me.
"Okay, I'm going to be out for a month so I need you to report back to me with all the juicy details of the Mercy Westers." She says and I laugh.
"Of course," I say when we finally make it to the OR doors which I can't technically cross with her.
"Am I stupid for doing this?" She asks me seriously and I turn to her. I pause a moment, considering my answer carefully.
"I think you're brave for doing this. It takes a lot of strength that many people don't have. Hell, me included." I comfort, giving her a small smile.
"He probably doesn't deserve it." She mumbles and I nod slowly.
"Yeah, but you do," I say and she frowns in confusion. "You deserve to save him in spite of what he did to you. You don't deserve to have his death hanging over your head for the rest of your life."
"Well said." She laughs and I return it before Derek and Bailey join us. I say my goodbye to her before leaving. While this is the worst possible time, I think I should go home for the night. Get some fresh clothes and a good sleep to be recharged for when Mercy Westers get here. Something tells me that when they do, a whole lot of shit is gonna go down.