Sid
As soon as loud music blasted into my eardrums, I stirred and reflexively my arm was going to huddle Sana closer until I realised she wasn't quite beside me.
My brows furrowed in irate perplexity as I looked around, we usually woke up together, aaj kya khaas...
I rolled over until I saw her on Rashami's bed, sleeping like a baby. Huh. Of course. New friends now.
Rashami who was sitting up in her bed in a ridiculous pink pair of pyjamas
noticed my piercing stare and I diverted it, quickly pulling the duvet off my body and throwing it onto the bed.
My eyes focused on the living room where Arti was making breakfast and Paras was huddled with Mahira on the couch, morning cuddles it looks like.
I focused my attention on the glass and adjusted my hair when I felt someone shift near me. Shehnaz was waking up and she reached for her black microphone sash.
I thought she must be looking at me so I very casually attempted to elongate my time in the bedroom, mussing up my hair and looking for my toothbrush. If she was going to try to talk to me, I won't be hostile or anything.
It's been four days and she obviously can't stay without me.
Right?
I guess I was wrong though because she immediately skipped off with Rashami and was dancing to the music with the housemates.
Accha. Sahi hai.
I didn't like what Shehnaaz Kaur Gill did to me. She irritated me, she confused me, she managed to hurt me just by a mere gesture from her side.
I didn't understand the deal with this girl and neither did I want to.
Was she innocent as I thought she was or was there something else behind the façade?
That's what I'd been thinking.
I spent the last few days decoding Shehnaaz. I observed her every single movement and gesture as discretely as possible, even at times she didn't realise I was.
I was disappointed that my judgement had been wrong. There was no duplicity in anything she did. I only saw genuineness in each word she spoke. Maybe, I was wrong.
I sat by the dining table after I'd brushed my teeth, watching Sana giggling with Vishal. She seemed broken a few days back which was a symptom that me not being with her affected her.
She would come to me and try to get me to talk to her and then I can vent all my feelings out. But now she was so indifferent as if I was invisible.
There was no sign of yearning in her eyes, neither did she even attempt to try and cajole me into talking. Was that all I meant? When Shehnaaz shifts teams, it's her game strategy and she can do whatever the heck she wants to but it hurt. It hurt more than I'd like to admit to myself. And when I give her the cold shoulder in return, it satisfied me that she was hurting as well.
Was.
Not anymore.
I gritted my teeth, watching her go back to the bedroom.
Now she was wearing a ridiculous blue spaghetti dress whose straps kept sliding off her shoulders.
I wasn't the only one noticing that. I'd seen Vishal's gaze lower twice and Sana was oblivious as always.
This was irritating to watch so I got up to make myself and Mahira a cup of tea.
I stood before the stove and Rashami stalked past me.
"Chai peeyegi?" I asked and she stopped in her tracks, a little surprised.
"Haan, " She said finally, pulling the glass doors open to the lawn.
"Gir mat jaana," I called our after her as she tripped on the carpet.
She went crimson, "Tu fikhar mat kar."
I watched her sashay into the lawn with her nose in the air. I used to find this righteous I-know-it-all attitude irritating on set, now it seemed to be something I could poke fun at.
Paras slumped into the couch before me and I offered him a cup of steaming Chai and he cradled it, blowing at the vapours.
"Itni thand kyu hai abhi," He mumbled, wrapping his cashmere blanket around his torso.
"Haa, the weather is freezing, kal se. " Mahira said, grabbing her own cup.
I tried to ignore the fact that Mahira spelt freezing as frissing and brought a rag towel up to wipe the counter.
Shehnaz was walking towards me and I tried to appear casual until she took a few lazy steps behind me, pulling her bracelets up her arms and her hands delved into the dirty dishes. She was doing Vishal's work. Such losers, giving all their work to her.
Paras and Mahira quietened down, noticing her. The tension could be cut through with a knife. Shehnaz was normal, humming while scrubbing a saucepan while their gaze was piercing into her back with intense hate in their expression. Mahira looked away and whispered something into his ear and he smiled.
When they both noticed me looking at them, they stopped whispering.
I took a swig of chai from my cup, making no comment. How come I'd never noticed this behaviour before?
Shehnaz wasn't actually doing all the dishes, she wiped all the saucepans and the cooking prep utensils before stripping gloves off her hand.
I knew Shehnaz always had half a mug of tea in the morning but as soon as she noticed me by the counter, she slipped away to the lawn.
What the hell was wrong with her? Why wasn't she trying to pacify me? Were her new friends poisoning her against me?
I strolled casually over to the lawn trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.
"Ka ka kaaaa...."
The crow reciprocated.
"Mujhe inki language mey bathani hai k meine atta yaha phenki hai," She said and my heart warmed. I wanted so much at that moment to go to her and finish things off but I wouldn't do that before Rashami and Asim. And Sana was ignoring me, so I won't be the first person to speak obviously.
She was so occupied with her conversation that she didn't notice me nearing the green bed.
"Rashami," I uttered and all Shehnaz's companions except her glanced at me.
Shehnaaz adjusted her dress and leaned over Rashami's lap, in an animated conversation with Asim.
Rashami meanwhile raised her eyebrow questioningly.
Our banter ensued for the next few minutes but unfortunately, Shehnaz did not even spare a glance at me.
Whatever.
Irritated, I left from there and Paras bestowed into my hands a plateful of poha, our breakfast.
I swigged a large spoonful into my mouth, thoughtfully staring into the sky. Two weeks. And this will be over.
Not like this was a tribulation, I did enjoy myself most of the time when there were light company and unadulterated talk without preamble and scope for humour.
But at the end of the day, it would all filter through life like containing sand in my palm that will eventually filter its way out of my grasp. To me the simulation of this reality show was just like holding a remote control for a game, I made allies purely for strategy. I wasn't a fool to believe for a bit that Mahira, Paras or Jariwala ACTUALLY cared about me.
Well, Shehnaz and Asim were a different case. I'd thought of both of them as my own. And both of them took turns spearing an arrow into my heart.
Just as I was rummaging through these thoughts, Sana and Asim strode in through the glass doors right royally. This time I deliberately pierced my eyes at Sana while lugging another spoon into my mouth.
After four whole days, I finally got a reaction from her. As she walked in, her eyes collided accidentally with mine and I saw an emotion flitter across her dainty features before it disappeared and she followed her so-called-best-friend through to the bedroom.
Just the way Shehnaz tore her gaze from mine made me realise that she did not hate me completely as I thought so I could still expect her to respond to me like we used to be. I had to speak to her before her birthday. I'll wish her first this year.
I openly threw another indifferent look at the bedroom on my way to the restroom, Asim and Sana were already engaged in yet another jolly conversation, Sana was giggling.
Why was Sana giggling all the time with Asim?
Was she... Flirting?
My lips were set in a grim line.
Let her flirt. She probably came here to make a boyfriend. First, Paras, me and now Asim.
Their friendship was becoming thicker day by day. It would take no time for it to bloom. After all, toyboy was a lover with his heart on a sleeve, believing in all things cheesy. He would make a perfect match for Shehnaaz Gill. Two brilliant, sensible individuals.
I lugged my luggage down to the ground with more force than necessary, startling Arti and unzipped it open. What had my manager sent me this time? I rummaged through the pretentious, expensive shit.
What was wrong with him? I won't be caught dead wearing a neon striped blazer with a designer waistcoat. Pfft. Too much.
I finally settled for a red cardigan, suitable for the cold.
"Tu nahayega abhi? " I asked Arti whose cheeks pinked at my blithe statement.
I could've rephrased that better.
What was happening to me nowadays?
"Nahi, par mey yaha das minute se khadi hoon, mey jaa rahi hoon abhi,I'm reserving my spot."
"Hmm, " I grunted, pulling myself up and shoving my clothes and towel on the rack. "Jab tera ho jayega, bulana mujhe. "
I sauntered back into the bedroom for my water bottle when I realised that Shehnaz was finally alone. Toyboy had left her to herself.
Wordlessly, I lifted my covers and slipped under the bed.
I stared at the roof waiting for her to say something. She stiffened when she saw me , her eyes showed her amusement but she adamantly said nothing.
I sighed internally. If this kept going, Sana will spend her birthday with Asim and Vishal which I didn't want.
Fuck it.
"Kya hua tereko?" I rasped out of the blue and Shehnaz replied just as smoothly as every other day, "Terese hurt thi,"
I further delved into the conversation with all I had, hoping this would clear things out. But it was fruitless. I could still see a mask of hurt on her features and I didn't like it. So I threw the covers off my bed and stalked off.
If it were usual, Sana would have followed me out but she didn't. She sat still, glancing down at a photo frame in her hand. At that moment, I realised what I wanted but couldn't have.
Shehnaaz Kaur Gill.
Much too young, much too nice.
P.S Hindi isn't my mother tongue so I wouldn't surprised if there are grammatical errors, lemme know!