Lauren's Senate Hearing
Regardless of how today's vote goes, it'll change our lives forever- again, because I'll always be known as the former First Lady appointed to a ten year position by the current president. I stand in front of the mirror now- no emotion showing on my face.
Most of the scars have completely faded by now- with the exception of one of the larger ones on my forehead that's been stubborn. The healing process for that one was the worst.
Reggie understood the political risk he was taking when he took the previous director's recommendation to nominate me for this role. He knew that it could go really well- or really bad, depending on how the majority party in the senate reacts. Quite a few of them have publicly disapproved of my nomination- saying that it has nothing to do with me as a person, but that they don't trust my mental state.
I understand their reasoning. Just a few years ago I went through one of the most traumatic events a human possibly could- and it became public knowledge too. I can admit that it took a while- but I truly am fine now- even according to my therapist and psychiatrist. I can think about it and say the words without having a breakdown- which I'm sure some representative will ask me to do today.
There's a knock on the door, and Kendra lets herself in. "Oh, I can't let you take an oath of office looking like that." She frowns, and she's right.
My hair is currently frizzy and tangled. I don't have a stitch of makeup on my face- but in my defense I just woke up. By now I know the drill, so I sit down at the bathroom vanity without saying a word. She pulls open the drawer she's claimed for events like this, and goes to work. She doesn't bother with the full glam today, but she makes me look presentable in about twenty minutes.
I grab some random dress out of my closet and she approves- making me step into it instead of pulling it over my head. The dress is red on one side and black on the other- a built is waist belt that might as well be a corset cinching my waist the second it's zipped up. I slide my feet into the flats I wear every day, but she gives me a disapproving look like she's my mother- and grabs a pair of black heels out of my closet. "Put.them.on." I imagine her saying, and almost laugh.
She's six years younger than I am but has always been like that- and she's never let me leave the house looking like I did just a few minutes ago. She's come over every time I asked her to- even now, with her not working for us full time anymore. Being the First Lady's personal stylist and the president's assistant did wonders for her professional career. The sales on her designs have gone up by an insane amount these past few years- giving her enough money to buy the house next door that she's been eyeing for almost a year.
I don't blame her. That house is fucking gorgeous- at almost a hundred and ten years old. The style is exactly that of the time period it was built in- gorgeous vines covering the house now that the maintenance team offered to remove, but she of course- refused. I would too.
The paint's color is confusing- being somewhere in between green,white, and blue- but it's sort of nice, so she's decided to keep that too. She'll be moving in officially next week. The most drawn out part of moving- for her, is moving her studio. She says it's organized chaos, and moving everything would just turn it into- well, chaos. With the 10+ projects she's working on at any given point, I'm not surprised.
Now- she'll be less that a two minute walk away. She's already been cleared by secret service to come in whenever she wants- but getting out is just slightly more difficult than getting in, with all of the security precautions.
Since I've abdicated secret service protection and live here though- I can come in and out without issue.
"Okay.. annnd done." She says, spritzing a setting spray over my entire face. "You've got an hour."
I nod. I assume most senators would've already arrived at the capital building by now, but we live just five minutes away. I grab my purse and go out into the living room where Kyle, Ella, and the rest of his security team are waiting. She tried to argue him out of going to the hearing, but he insisted- so here we are.
"Ready?" He asks, standing up.
"Mhmn." I take his hand, and Ella mutters code words into her work phone as we walk out the door. It's freezing today, so for a second I wish I'd plucked a coat off it's hanger in my closet- but on well. It's too late now- and it's only about a five second walk to the motorcade anyways. As an official protectee- and with me no longer being one, it's policy that he get into the car first, and that the door be closed immediately after a non-protectee's entire body is in.
The door's closed before I've even fastened my seatbelt, so I do so quickly. Ella's been assigned to driving today- so she presses a few buttons on the dashboard that I couldn't even begin to understand, and mutters more code words into her phone. After a few seconds' pause, she nods, placing her copy of the cars keys in and turning them. The ride over is smooth, as always.
What I didn't expect- though I should really know better by now, is the people gathered a distance away from the capital, behind the security, patiently waiting on the news together. The confirmation vote won't be for another few hours, so they'll be waiting a while. Among them are a few reporters- though most'll arrive in an hour or two.
The motorcade stops near a side door, and I hesitate for a second before stepping out. There's a camera or two around, and the look on my face'll be played in media coverage for a few days- so I try to wipe away any sign of emotion, and let a pure look of professionalism take over. I don't look at the cameras. Instead- I smile, acknowledging Congress's doormen.
I finally breathe when we're inside with the doors closed. I look around- and see that we've entered at a hallway containing congressional offices. I work under the assumption that he's still in there- and begin walking towards the office of the senate majority leader. I knock on the open door- Kyle standing beside me, and Ella slightly behind. His head shoots up from some final paperwork he's had to fill out for the hearing, and he smiles.
"Lauren-"He shakes my hand. "Kyle- to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"
"I was wondering-" I look back, and Ella shrugs- putting two earbuds in. "If I could count on your full support during the senate floor debates."
"Of course-" David says. "There's been zero evidence presented as of yet that would condemn your mental stability, and well- as you know I'm not one to hold support back over... petty reasons."
I nod. We don't discuss the video. It's been talked about numerous times and wouldn't do any good now. When we're done speaking, it's time for senators and media to start filing into their seats, so I take mine at the table in front - just yards away from the senate majority leader's raised platform. I take a deep breath as an aide starts adjusting mics- testing to make sure they're working. Just ten minutes before we're supposed to start, David takes his seat on the platform.
"Let the record show that the senate has now convened for the final confirmation hearing and vote of Ms.Lauren Wells for the position of FBI Director." He says, flipping a page to his speech. "I have known Ms.Wells for years. As the entire world knows- that personal relationship has not always been the best. But professionally- we have always shared a mutual respect. This respect has stuck with me today. There is not a single cell in my body that doubts her qualifications or her mental state. Now- I am not naive. I know that after my speech- there will still be pushback from members of our own party, not because they disagree with wether or not Ms.Wells is qualified for this position- but out of genuine concern for her mental health. I encourage my colleagues to look past their own concerns and instead to the medical experts who have evaluated every cabinet and high level government official for the past twenty years. All of these medical experts have said- after multiple evaluations- that Ms.Wells is no more mentally ill than I am. With that- I pass over the last five minutes of my time to Senator Wilson of Nevada."
Senator Wilson stands up. He's the third ranking senator- and has been sort of on the fence during these past few hearings. What he says next could impact the votes of many others. "Thank you, Senator Miller." He starts. "I know I've said this before- but the decision we make today will impact our DOJ for years to come. And so- standing in front of my colleagues today- many of you being fresh, new faces, I have a statement to make."
I hold my breath, and can almost feel Kyle holding his from across the room.
"My Stance on this confirmation has not changed." Damnit Wilson. "As the former First Lady, an activist for human rights, and retired FBI agent, I hold an immense amount of respect for Ms.Wells. She has done things in her life that you would never see out of anybody else, but she has also been through so much. Things that normally tend to rewire people's brains. And regardless of what the doctors have said, these traumatic events happened to her just a few years ago."
"Thanks for reminding me." I mumble under my breath.
"And so I cannot, in good consciousness- support putting somebody whose been through the things she has in a position that's probably among the top five most stressful government jobs. I urge my colleagues to do the same and vote for what you know is right- keeping somebody who's experienced an immense amount of pain out of a job where she would have to deal with other people's pain daily. I now hand over five minutes to the Green Party's minority leader, Senator Baines of Colorado." Senator Wilson returns to his seat, stepping aside for Ms.Baines. She's extremely young, and the second ranking senator.
"Thank you, Mr.Wilson." She says, looking straight at each one of her colleagues. The speech that comes next is straight out of her head. "My party almost always votes on issues pertaining to the environment- but today has nothing to do with the environment. Today, we simply must do what is right. It is my position, unlike Senator Wilson, that- with the doctors already having cleared her, we must not vote based off of whether we personally believe she is ready. This is not about us. With the recent retirement of our FBI director, we currently have an acting director who is much less qualified than Ms.Wells. This is about our DOJ, which has always been an apolitical position. It is my belief after listening to her speak that Ms.Wells will uphold the apolitical nature of our DOJ, and will not- at any point- abuse her office. And so with that- I will be voting yes, in favor of her confirmation. I encourage my party- and all of my colleagues in general, to do the same. I now yield to the Senator from Massachusetts."
The debates go on for hours with the same pattern: Supports, doesn't support, supports, supports, doesn't support. Just from counting and listening to each one of their stances, I can tell that it'll be a quick vote.
But listening to one hundred people speak in less than six hours is draining, so I lose count of the vote tally in my head after about twenty possible yes's and five possible no's.
"The senate will now begin a fifteen minute vote. As always- voting has now been opened on your screens." David says.
At each senators desk, there's a touchscreen computer for votes like this. Some immediately punch theirs in, while others use part of the time to take breaks first. I'm one of them.
Kyle and I walk just outside of the senate chambers. A few aides stand in front of a tv playing c-span, watching the vote play out- so absorbed that they don't notice our presence. The timer reads 13:47, with eleven votes in.
"I'm going to.. go to the bathroom." I tell Kyle, walking off to the one just a hallway away. I lock myself in one of the stalls and lean my back against the door. This is undoubtedly one of the defining moments of my life- regardless of which way today goes. It'll be one of those things they show on a timeline- if I ever get another 60 minutes biography episode.
I hear the bathroom door open again, and the clicking of somebody's heels. I sigh- unlocking the stall to go wash my hands, but instead I stand in front of the mirror- staring at myself for over a minute. With the look on my face, I hardly recognize myself. I look almost too professional. Still hot like always, though. "Ms.Wells-" I jump at the sound of Senator Baines's voice. "You good?"
"Depends on what you mean by that." I shrug. "Nerve wise.. absolutely not."
"We've all been there." She says. "Come on, there's only forty votes left to be counted."
I nod, following her out of the bathroom. The vote currently sits at fifty two yes's and eight no's. I look away, not wanting to see it until every vote is counted, and walk over to the refreshments table instead. As one of the green party's biggest initiatives, plastic bottles are no longer being bought for federal buildings- so instead, about twenty new fountains have popped up in the capital building. Instead of bottled teas or cans, there are now large bulk bottles of various types which we can choose to fill our own reusable bottles with.
I have to admit- the Green Party- in the few years it's been a major one, has done some great things for this country. They've been responsible for new laws prohibiting reservation land from ever becoming anything else- meaning the animals living inside of them will never have to worry about being hunted or houses being built in their home. I remember almost crying the day that set of laws passed, because it meant that approximately 72,000,000 acres would no longer be in danger of human development. Sure- that's a tiny, tiny fraction of the United States land mass, but it's a start, and everything has to start somewhere.
As I fill my bottle up with black cherry flavored water, I think about how radical today's society would be considered just eighty years ago. I mean fuck- there were still some people alive then who believed it was okay to own other people. People who thought it was "radical" to marry the person you loved if they were the same gender, people who thought it was "radical" to allow people of non-Christian religions to run for public office. Now, we actually have a government that represents America.
There are people of every religion, race, and sexual orientation in congress now- because people vote based off of their stances and not their skin color or who they chose to love. Eighty years ago, that thought would've been unfathomable. If you'd told a white man if the fifties that we would have an independent bisexual president, a female Latino Vice President and acting president, an African American president, and an Asian American Vice President within the same decade- they'd put you in a mental hospital.
The rate at which we've progressed would make the activists of the time so, so proud though. I see MLK Jr. in my head now, at peace knowing that his work paid off- and than no individual in this country will ever experience racism more than once or twice. We're still working on the school shootings and getting America out of the top five most incarcerated people in the world, but that too will take time.
I guzzle about half of my water in under two minutes- so quickly that I don't taste it. I must've been staring into space, because I feel Kyle's hand on my arm, snapping me out of it. "Two votes left to count." He says. "It's over."
I swear I can feel my heart completely stop for a second. "That can't be healthy." I think.
There's a ringing in my ears as I walk back to rejoin the other in the senate chambers. I'm almost afraid to look at the tv's live vote count as I walk past it- because if I have the votes, I'll take my oath today, and be able to call the FBI directors office and staff mine as soon as tomorrow.
I stop for a second in front of the tv- with my eyes closed. My hand grips Kyle's, holding on tightly. Slowly- I open one eye, and then the other- bracing myself for the results to be either way. My eyes scan the screen.
On the Confirmation of Ms.Lauren Wells to the position of FBI director
I look just below those words for the ones that will change my life again, and my eyes widen.
Yes- 72
No-28
Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god oh my god- I nearly start crying before reminding myself I'm within eyesight of the entire United States Senate. That doesn't stop me from putting my hand over my mouth in shock and excitedly kissing Kyle, though. I feel the eyes of a few staring aides and representatives- but I don't care. In just minutes- I will hold the office I've been eyeing down most of my life.
"All Senators should return to the floor within five minutes." A voice says over the speaker system. I stand still for a second, taking a deep breath.
"You ready?" Kyle asks, hands still on mine. I smile and nod, kissing him again.
"I love you so much." I assert. Even with the insane security crackdowns that occurred after the incident, there's still a fear hidden in the back of my brain with events like these, where a large portion of the government is in one place. I can't stop myself from thinking about the what if's. What if somebody somehow managed to get a a bomb pass secret service and capital police? What if said bomb was close enough to kill him?
No matter how much I try to push the thought away it persists, because the thought of something even remotely similar to what happened to me happening to him is unbearable. Neither of us say goodbye- ever, without an I love you- and that fact became even more true after the incident.
"I love you too." He says, planting another kiss on my forehead.
"All senators shall return to the chamber in one minute." The same voice comes over the speaker system. When we finally separate- he returns to his seat as an advisor, and I return to my spot at the front of the room- on edge waiting for my swearing in to start. My mind wanders to the people's reactions. Are most of them as happy as I am? Or are others sitting by, shaking their heads out of genuine concern for my mental health?
I decide it's probably a mix, with the first being in the majority- just like with the senate. I think about what fourteen year old me would be thinking if she was told what her life would look like. Back then, I didn't even know I wanted to join the FBI. I was fifteen when I started considering it, so if you'd told me I would be the director one day, I really would've looked at you like you were fucking insane.
The final few senators start filing back into their seats. David shifts in his, almost ready to start. When the final person is finally seated, he stands, smiling. "Let the record state that Ms.Lauren Wells- for the position of FBI director, has received seventy two yes's and twenty eight no's." He pauses. "The swearing in will now commence."
As the majority leader- with the Vice President unable to make it, he'll actually be the one swearing me in. I walk up to beside the podium- an action I've rehearsed in my head a million times. I try to contain any extra emotions, but a smile is present on my face.
"Please raise your right hand and place your left on the constitution." He says as part of the standard swearing-in protocol. Technically, you can swear on any book you want, which is why I chose the constitution over the Bible- separation of church and state.
I try to keep my hand steady as my fingertips make contact with the leather-bound book, but my right is visibly shaking. Senator Baines, per my request, is the one holding it. "Ms.Wells- please repeat the following oath." He reads off the oath, and a loud ringing starts in my ears like it does when I'm nervous or something important is happening.
I'm reminded of the oath I swore at graduation from the FBI academy, and just over a year later- the second one I swore as a special agents. This oath is nothing new to me, having said it twice before. The only thing different is the location, and the level of security clearance I'll have after it. I force myself to tune back into the words flowing out of David's mouth even though I already have the oath memorized. As he nears the last few words, he looks back up at me.
My breath hitches in my throat. It's only seconds away now. I tuck a piece of hair behind my ears, and shift the way I'm standing so I don't pass out on the spot.
"... on which I am about to enter, so help me god." He finishes, expectantly waiting on me to repeat it. The entire room goes completely silent- even more so than it was five seconds ago.
"I- Lauren Wells, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God."
Most of the room immediately starts clapping. For the first time ever, I actually blush.
Holy shit. Holy shit fuck holy shit- I actually did that. I'm the... even thinking it is something I'll have to get used to. Part of me, even now- wants to cross over so I can give a giant fuck you to both of my parents. It took me years to admit to myself it's okay for me to feel the way I do about her, even with how close her and Taylor were before she died. My mother was never happy with anything I did- and I can hear her in the back of my mind going "Come on, you can do better than this".
I decide to ignore that voice, at least for today. David holds out a hand for me to shake, and I take it.
"Congratulations, Director Wells."