Luckily, today has been a really quiet day at Nova Star just like my uncle said it would be. And like I predicted, it's exactly what I needed. It's currently empty and just about lunchtime. I've been alone all morning, reading comics and clearing my head. Only about four customers came in today and have been in and out pretty quickly. I lit a candle and connected my music to the sound system in the store. The scent of peony in the air and chill R&B vibes are exactly what I need to calm down and clear my head.
I'm finally starting to feel a bit normal again. Of course, I'll occasionally look at my phone or naturally think about what happened with Derek but I remind myself not to think about it too much and stress myself out. I just need to get my energy and emotions back in check.
It's just about 3:15 so Katie should be coming in any minute now. As I sit on my phone relaxing, the door suddenly chimes and I look up to see the last person I expected to. I don't want to see him. Anxiety, stress, and shock all fill me at once as I see Derek entering the store. We make eye contact and he basically freezes. I can tell he's just as surprised to see me as I am him. Once again my world seems to come crashing down...just when I was starting to get it together. I feel like crying just looking at him. It's all too much. When I agreed to work this shift for my uncle Derek was not a part of the plan. He was not supposed to be here. He was not on the schedule. Why is he here!? That's the only reason I said I would work today. I don't want to see him. I can't see him. This is so embarrassing.
He comes back to reality and steps inside. "Oh...hi," he quietly says. I turn away from him and look at the computer. Even though my music is playing, silence fills the store as I choose not to talk to him. "Katie ended up calling out and your uncle asked me to cover her this morning," Derek says calmly as he settles into the store. "I didn't know you were working today, I thought it was your uncle. You weren't on the schedule."
I continue to ignore him, not saying anything, until I see him glance at me. "Well I'm here so you're just gonna have to deal with it," I reply coldly. I can't do this. This is the first time I'm actually seeing him since my birthday party and I feel like running out of the store. How can he be so calm and just act as if nothing has happened? Hopefully, if I keep up this cold front he'll just choose to ignore me and leave me in silence. He's just making me so upset and angry.
Derek comes up to the counter and places his elbows down. He stares at me as I continue to avoid eye contact with him, staring at the computer pretending to do some sort of work. He looks at me for a few more seconds until he confirms I'm not going to give him any of my time or attention.
"So are you just gonna ignore me this whole time?" he asks calmly.
"Pretty much," I replied, maintaining eye contact with the computer. I can't let those eyes get to me like they always do.
"Why are you being so cold?" he asks me.
I ignore him in response, but I admit it breaks me a little to hear him say that.
"What time are you working until?" I ignore him again. He calls my name. "Jacob."
"I'm not in the mood," I coldly reply.
"Jacob," he says more firmly.
"Not in the mood Derek. Leave me alone please," I tell him sternly.
"Jacobbbb," he whines cutely, making a slight pout. "Talk to me." He starts tapping on the countertop.
"Derek stop." The last thing I need is for him to act like that. How does he not see it? I confessed my feelings to him...twice! And yet he didn't say anything. He acted as if it never happened. But he wants to come in and act like everything is fine, and pretend he doesn't know how I feel. It's like he's trying to torture me and play into my feelings. He knows how he makes me feel by acting cute and just from his sheer presence. Furthermore, he should know that I'm going to respect the fact that I can't be with him and that I work with him. I want to remain friends and be cordial with him, especially because we work together but it's like he's trying to tease me on purpose and it feels like shit.
"Look we can talk after or something...I'm busy," I mutter as I shuffle in my seat and turn away uncomfortably.
Derek giggles. "Aww look I get you all worked up a little bit and you're all red."
"Derek stop!," I firmly state, turning my attention to him. We make eye contact and I look away immediately flustered. "You can't do that," I tell him, my voice trailing off at the end. He puts his hand on my shoulder and I look up again. He looks at me and even though he has a light smile on his face and his eyes are shining, I just can't forget how he looked at me at my birthday party. "Derek, why are you being so annoying right now?"
"I'm trying to talk to you about things," he calmly replies, a thin smile still on his face. "And calm you down."
I move my shoulder to nudge him off of me. "Well, I don't really want to talk to you right now. You should know that. What's there to really talk about? I'm fine." I wave my hand for him to leave the counter and leave me alone, but he remains in the same spot, elbows on the counter, his chin resting on his hands.
"See...you say that, but you're acting completely different. If you were fine you wouldn't be so upset right now. You've never been so mean to me." He's right. Even with all the teasing, I've never been this harsh to him. Hearing him say that kind of crushes me because deep down I know I don't want to be mean to him. I still really like him. "So clearly you aren't fine."
An awkward silence fills the room as I continue to stare at the computer, hoping he goes away. He continues to stand there and I know he won't budge until I give him what he wants. I feel my expression get less tense and angry...a sign that I'm starting to loosen up. "Yeah, well can you blame me? I haven't seen you in forever and you didn't really give me the time of day last time we talked so yeah. I don't really know why you care anyway."
"Look I--Well I haven't seen you since your birthday party--" he begins to say.
"Yes. My birthday party where I got shitfaced and did a lot of stupid things. A lot of stupid things that I regre--"
"Jacob, I'm not gonna talk to you if you don't want me to. I just...wanna know. Do you really like me?" he cuts me off, making the tense atmosphere come to a standstill.
There it is. The question that will start the exact conversation I wanted to avoid. I told him I liked him while I was drunk at my birthday...multiple times. I told him I liked him via text the next day. And yet both times he didn't say anything and acted like I said nothing. Now two days later and he wants me to tell him again in-person? What is the end-game here? I want to walk out. I feel like I can't breathe. Why can't he just leave me alone?
"Yes, Derek. I like you. I told you this already. How many times do you want me to tell you? I--"
"Since when have you liked me?" he cuts me off with another question.
"Derek don't ask me--"
"Honestly I really want to know!" he cuts me off again. "Answer me Jacob pleaseee," he cutely pleads. "When did you start liking me?"
I roll my eyes and look at him. He's looking at me with the same expression he always makes when he looks at me with that same smile. The one that makes me feel so special. I tried to ignore it this whole time, and I don't know why, but I can feel the foundations keeping my guard up start to crack. I take a deep breath. I mean he already knows I like him and I can't be him regardless. I probably won't see him for a while after this anyway. Finals are coming up. What's there to lose?
"I don't know. It wasn't long after we met. Even before you started working here and I saw you for the first time...I thought you were cute. Then, after you started working here I started crushing on you pretty early on. When we started talking more and the more I got to know you and stuff...my feelings for you grew." It's so hard to say all of this without getting all flustered. I can barely look at Derek. Where is a customer when I need one?
Derek smiles at me, leaning forward on the counter a bit more. I back away in nervousness. Why is he being so weird? "So how do you know you like me?" he follows-up.
I put my elbows on the counter, covering my eyes with my hands. I pretend to claw my eyes out and groan. He pulls my hands away from my face and angles his head, signaling me to keep talking. "I--I don't even know why I'm telling you this." I pause before looking at him. He's still listening intently. Clearly, I've piqued his interest now.
"E-Everytime I see you I feel like my heart skips a beat. I get so happy every time I see you and when we talk you just make me have all these feelings inside. The butterflies in my stomach go crazy, I feel all warm and feel like they're just going to explode," my voice trails off a bit.
Derek places his hand on top of mine. "Calm down Jacob. You're okay." I feel myself get red and before I can pull my hand away he grips it. "I really make you feel like that?" I nod. He chuckles. "Go on."
He's driving me crazy. "Derek..." He gives me a knowing look and smirks.
"I mean other than the fact we have interests and hobbies in common, y-you have this quiet attractiveness to you. You don't say much but you still manage to radiate confidence. It's charming. And even though you don't say much, when you do talk you can be pretty funny. I f-feel like...we complement each other. Opposites. Maybe that's why. All I know is that even though you may come off as boring to some people I think once you scratch the surface, there's a lot more that lies beneath...and every time we interact I just know how you make me feel. You make me feel so happy and warm inside."
Derek doesn't say anything for the next few seconds. I look away flustered and embarrassed. I can't believe this is happening. He holds my hand once again. "You really like me then?"
I glance at our hands then meet his eyes quickly before I look away again. "I--No matter what...I-I like you Derek Falkner," I barely say above a whisper, my eyes starting to tear up from the saturation of feelings.
Then the last thing I expect to happen happens. Derek Falkner quickly leans forward, places his lips on mine, and kisses me.