I couldn't exactly explain how but somehow I had manage to put my mom on the bed and allowed her to sit up in an upright position. I then fluffed up the pillows behind her.
Meanwhile she was slowly sipping on a glass of room temperature water as she was still recuperating.
I glance around the baby blue coloured room, as I had recalled the time where I used to pester my mom. The numerous figurines and furniture and closet mirrors I had destroyed and she had to replace.
It was the very same room that I had spent years in just observing my mom as young girl. As she put herself together yet who would have thought that this would be the very same room she would have almost tasted what death felt like.
Somehow my eyes made their way back to my mom's line of vision. So now we were staring at each other eye to eye. While the room was cocooned in a suffocating tension that it couldn't be ignored, if one us was trying our hardest to.
" Mom how long has this being going on? ".
I asked her in a tone akin to that of whisper. As I massaged my hair scalp. God I could already feel the onset of a nasty migraine.
I didn't want to exhaust her after she had went through something so detrimental and the excessive pressure from my end wouldn't be of any help in this scenario. I was still trying to wrap my head around the situation.
" What are you talking about honey? ".
She tried to play coy as she responded to me. Even her voice had taken on a weakened pitch and her tone was grainy and quite hoarse.
I watched as she leant back in the cushion to fit more smugly on the bed. Jesus only this woman would have a brush with death and pretend nothing had happened.
I levelled her with a defeated stare as I released a tired sigh and tried my best to reign in whatever response on my tongue that would make the situation much worse.
" Mom so we are not going to talk about the elephant in- or whatever that had just happened?. Are you sick?. Do you have any underlying sickness I should know about? ".
I asked her gingerly while I waited patiently for her response.
I knew stuff like this can be a bit mind numbing. Maybe the after effects were causing an overall perverse neurological effect on my mom.
" Mom, I think that you should go to the doctor to check this out. It maybe detrimental to your health ".
I said to her in a no-nonsense tone.
She needed to understand, I can't possibly lose her too. I am already a fatherless daughter and quite frankly I couldn't afford to be a motherless one too.
" I am sort of fine and plus Rosie gave me a two week hiatus from work. All I need is to rest for a few more minutes before I get started on dinner - ".
She responded to me as she tried to downplay the level of discomfort she is in. I wonder what had possess her as she tried to scramble off the bed.
" Dinner!, mom are you crazy?. You are in a state of temporary immobilization and in no shape to cook. I am cooking dinner tonight. All you need to do is stay seated on the couch. Get some quality rest and look pretty. ".
I replied to her in a tone of utter disbelief. While giving her smile to kind of soften the blow a bit.
The busy body otherwise known as my mother tried to refute my arguments but I wasn't having it. Even as I pointed a finger at her with a stern look on my face. She still had to get the last word in.
" Besides it is my job to be the parent and worry about you. You need to remember Todito that it's not suppose to be the other way around ".
In about two hours or so dinner was finished. While I may had tried to dismiss the incident that took place with my mom and seeing as I didn't get the answers I want. I was letting it go just for now. I was still eyeing her warily incase any mishap like this should ever happen again.
" Little Bug you can't keep staring at me like that. You need to eat before your food gets cold and please... blink. I'm not going to disappear or rollover and die by the time you blink your eyes.
Bear in mind this one little seizure that literally happened for the first time. It does not make your mama an invalid okay. I am not going anywhere Todito. I will be here until the big man upstairs is ready for me to go through the Pearly Gates ".
She replied to me a little teary eyed but her tone was firm.
Her declaration held absolutely zero room for me to refute anything that she had just said.
" Mom you have to understand that I have never seen you in such a vulnerable state. I am already a fatherless daughter and I don't want to be a motherless one too. I don't think my heart could ever go on if you weren't - .
It's just that I hadn't realize that you play the role of Supermom so much. That sometimes I forget that you're still human. This little brush with death sort of gave me a scare. What if the knife had pierce somewhere vital ?. Just what if I wasn't there - ".
I said to her in a remorseful tone along with teary eyes.
The event was just too painful to rehash over the details again. I didn't realise I was silently crying. Until I felt my mom wiped my tears and embraced me. I just held on tighter as I silently cried on her shoulder.
The fact of the matter was, I know that I would have to let my mom go sometime or someday. The honest truth is I just wasn't ready and doubt I would ever be. She was the firm foundation that had really anchor me from I was a small child up until now.
It was truly a pity I didn't know it was sooner than I think.