SEPTEMBER 30th
Dear Diary,
I need an exciting name for this diary. I can't think of anything. Hmm, what's a nice name. Should I make you a girl or a boy? Let's call you something generic, Bob. That's a plain name, pretty mugglish. Is that a word? I'm getting off track sorry Bob.
Let's get started, firstly, my name is Mattheo Riddle. My father is Tom Marvolo Riddle who is commonly known as Lord Voldemort. I am the next Riddle, the next Dark Lord. I have recently turned 16 and I attend Hogwarts. I am a Slytherin, obviously.
At the moment, it's 8 pm and I'm sat in the Slytherin common room with Draco. He keeps peering over to look at what I'm writing, he can't see anything obviously. I put a charm on this diary so that only I can read it, so if anyone other than myself is reading this please stop. Or tell me so I can fix the charm, I hate when I get charms wrong. This is private you know, I absolutely despise people who invade my privacy.
I'm pretty new to this, so I'm just going to what my father told me to do. He gave me you as a present for my 16th birthday, you see, he told me it used to be his. I feel like this will be a nice place to write about everything that goes on this year at school.
This is a unique diary, a diary where memories were locked in, where you could go through the past just from writing. How amazing is that?!
Anyways, today was my first day back at school. Dumbledore wanted us to come later for no specific reason, we normally come to school on the 1st of September.
Nothing interesting really happened today. Father taught me to apparate so that I could get to the train easily, doing it the first time made me feel very sick but it was exciting.
I met Draco and Pansy on the train in a small compartment. The usual compartment, we have like our own one. We kick people out if others go in there.
Draco told me there was a new girl, Clover Diggory.. They didn't know much about her so I wanted to try using leglimency on her. We also spoke about who we should torment next, who we should play our game with. Draco kept telling us we should play with Hermione Granger so I went to find her.
I began to walk through the train and bumped into a girl I had never seen before. She looked different from the other girls, less...I can't find the words. She just looked different...I suppose. I never really speak to girls as most of the time they flirt with me or are terrified of me. Pansy sometimes speaks to me but I can tell she is scared.
I used a bit of leglimency on Diggory, just to find out who she was. I figured she was an obliviated supposed Mudblood, who was adopted by the Diggory's, another irritating muggle-born who could be a perfect victim.
She talked back to me and flipped me off which was peculiar, I found it quite cute actually as it was the first time anyone had talked back to me so it was a surprise. I believe I taught her a lesson and once I found out about her I told the others, they thought she would be great for the game.
We went to her compartment and she was obviously with the not so elites. I pointed her out so the others could know who she was and I quite enjoyed her reaction. She closed the compartment curtain on Draco which was amusing.
Draco and Pansy began to talk about her, I wasn't really paying attention, I was just waiting for the train to stop so I could speak to her again. Why did I want to speak to her? I'm not too sure to be honest, for the game?
We met her outside the train, with her little friends. She tried to act all brave and confident, but deep down I knew she was scared. I decided against using leglimency, I don't really know why, I just felt like it would be better.
Her friends were trying to be protective of her but I knew that I could kill them all in an instant. So, all of them trying to valiant was quite humorous to endure, they will never have the power that I have over them.
I also got strangely close to her, I was trying to intimidate her. But the closeness was, again...different. I don't really know how to explain it but she smelt great like something just radiated off her making me interested to know more about who she is. Merlin, what is wrong with me?!
As we left, we started planning what to do for stage one, which is humiliation if you don't know. Pansy had a lot of ideas and already abhorred her for no particular reason, so I went along with it too.
We saw her get sorted in the hall, she got in Slytherin which actually shocked me. Maybe there's something about her we don't know yet.
Oh and she flipped me off again, my she is odd. Odd in a good way?
I'll fill you in about tomorrow, see you soon.
OCTOBER 1st
Dear diary,
Hello once again. I'm quite excited to fill you in on today. I had a pretty unique day.
Let's start with the morning, I had a weird dream, I'm not really sure what was happening as it was so very confusing. It's not really important but I thought it would be nice to fill you in.
So I got to class early, I didn't want a double detention as Snape had given me one for roaming the halls at a late hour. I was going to the library, I wanted to get ready for the lesson ahead, but I got caught before I could even step in there.
I sat in my usual seat in the back, students began to enter until they were all in. But someone was missing, I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Then moments later Clover entered, about 5 minutes late. It was her first lesson after all but Snape still scolded her then told her to sit with me. She actually looked nervous when walking over to me which made me smirk, I smirk at anything, it's embarrassing.
During the lesson, we spoke a little. About the game and she kept checking me out. It's perfect for stage three, I think she has a crush on me. I even took off my robe, I know a stupid move, but she was literally staring at me for ages so I think it may have developed the little crush a bit more.
And, during our detention together, I smoked infront of her. Not because I have some kind of addiction or whatever, because most girls find it attractive?! I've been told. Merlin, I even let her light the cigarette and I offered it to her, she said no but I believe that she possibly had the urge to do it. I kind of wanted her to accept the offer, just because I've never seen girls smoke and I felt quite intrigued to see what it would look like. Especially with a pretty girl like her. I need to stop writing about her like this. I'm sorry Bob.
We left Snape's room together and bumped into her brother who was in a mood. Clover looked quite awkward so I tried not to make a huge argument and she actually took my side? Well, she said she could look after herself, so she basically took no-ones side. I found it quite attractive, you know, sticking up for herself.
Oh, she's looking at me right now, wait a second.
We're in the common room, she's talking to her friends and Morton said something like "Don't tell me you like him." She said, "Of course I don't." So I took the chance to mouth to her "yes you do."
She rolled her eyes and now she's talking to her friends. People keep looking at the parchment I'm writing on and make a funny look when they see nothing there. How nosey are they?!
I have to go now, goodbye Bob. I will make sure to write some more when I have the chance.
OCTOBER 10th
Dear Diary,
The first lesson of DADA, this year with Umbridge, my God she is annoying. She always dresses all prissy and pink. I try to be somewhat nice to her but she always gets on my nerves.
Clover was sitting with Harry and she kept looking at him, in the way she was looking at me during detention. It irritated me to be honest, that she was taking interest in someone other than me. I already have stage three planned out and I don't want scarhead to change anything.
Today is supposed to be stage one. We decided to polyjuice into her then to injure one of her friends. Draco and Pansy will be working together on this and they want me to be the 'distraction'. Draco is going to take a picture of Pansy hurting whomever they choose.
Then the pictures will be placed on the walls around the school. I'm excited but nervous, I'm not too sure why. Pansy found a brewed polyjuice potion in Snape's classroom. We would have brewed it ourselves but it takes a month, so we decided otherwise.
We saw Diggory and her friends enter the library a few minutes ago so Pansy will drink the polyjuice soon.
They came past to leave a few minutes later and I took my chance to get her jealous. I grabbed Pansy by the neck and kissed her on the cheek, I just wish I could photograph that adorable look on Diggory's face.
Draco got a bit angry with me for using Pansy and told me to stop. Pansy enjoyed it, and has recently tried to get closer to me. I don't think she understands that it was for the game. I told her plainly why I did it and she hasn't spoken to me since.
I've been contemplating kicking her out of the elites and leaving just me and Draco, but I'll leave that for another time.
Well, after all the library stuff, Pansy took her chance to take care of stage one. Draco left too, which left me alone in the library.
Once the pictures were placed on the walls, I went straight to Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore doesn't dislike me, strangely, he always says there's hope for me or whatever bullshit. I'm the next Dark Lord for Merlin's sake, I had an urge to make him call me 'my lord' but I kept calm and went along with it.
We went through the corridors and found Anthea who looked distressed, as I intended. Her fingers were laced between Blaise's and there were younger students gathered around her. At that moment seeing her and Blaise made me feel..sick. I just don't really understand why. And Blaise was meant to hate her...after seeing the pictures. Why didn't our plan work?
Dumbledore took both of us to his office. I was confused as to why he didn't take just Diggory. He asked whether it was her like he didn't believe it?! She's probably one of his favourites already, he doesn't usually favour Slytherin's but she's different, maybe everyone thinks she's different and not just me.
He said something about punishing me and I reminded him about what his father told him. I'm not allowed to be punished as I'm the next Dark Lord, some detentions are okay but big ones like this aren't allowed or my father would do something to Dumbledore. Clover looked quite anxious at my words.
Once we left the office I gave her a bit of a talking to, in my way obviously. I told her not to tell anyone about what actually happened and all her friends kept quiet, it was extremely strange but great for me. She also kept calling me Riddle, is it a bad thing that when she calls me that it somehow turns me on? It's just the way she says it, it's so...fuck this. I told her to call me Theo so hopefully she stops calling me that.
I left her in the corridors and went to get Draco and Pansy for the punishment. They were angry at me, but they're scared of me so went straight to Dumbledore's office without another word.
At dinner, I found myself staring at Clover, I can't remember why but I just did. This whole game really turns into an obsession, she's taking over my head. Well, at least the bad thoughts have gone away more than usual.
I am now in bed, it's been a tiring day and I want to go to sleep so very bad.
Once again, if you are not Mattheo Riddle stop reading and take this book back to me right now. Right now. The next few entries are interesting, yes I wrote this little paragraph a few days after. Just please stop reading.
Thank you.
OCTOBER 11TH
Dear Diary,
I had a nightmare last night. One of the worst nightmares I had ever endured. A memory, a fucking memory of my mother torturing me for fun. I don't want to go into detail as it was, just I can't. These scars I have, these scars I will always have come from my mother. I hadn't had a nightmare like this one in a while so it came as a real shock to me.
I am writing this part of the entry in a peaceful corridor at the moment, no one is in sight and I enjoy my silent moments. I like to be alone sometimes.
Clover is coming I'm going to put you away, wait a second.
Okay, she's gone. She told me she had a dream about me, interesting. I really wanted to use leglimency to find out what it was but I didn't have a chance.
She was in her normal robes today but wore a shorter skirt than usual making it hard to look away. I really really need to stop now, this obsession is escalating. Stop it Mattheo. Help me, Bob.
She wanted to know what was in this book, she will never know. Never. If you are reading this Clover, how foolish must I be to let you?
We sat together on the bench, once again she smelt really nice. She is incredibly curious too, she opened my shirt and touch my chest. Which at first I took the wrong way, being the hormonal teenager I am.
She actually was asking about my scars, I didn't tell her as it isn't any of her business. I've never told anyone before not even the elites so I didn't want to tell the victim of the game.
I think I drove her to anger and she left me, as she left she kept looking back as if she thought I was going to stop her. But I just picked you up once again and began to write.
Draco and Pansy found Anthea after she left me. After the punishment, they were really angry with her. So being the dick he is, Malfoy started playing around with her, trying to get on her nerves.
I got there just in time before anything...bad happened. Anthea looked relieved when I got there and Draco said something about us being a couple. I told him off about that after.
I reminded Diggory about stage three as she probably had forgotten. I just wanted her to know that I didn't actually like her, why would I!?
That's all for today, bye Bob.
OCTOBER 20th
Dear diary,
I just left Snape's room. And oh my do I have a lot to fill you in on. I don't even know where to start.
Let's start with this morning:
I woke up from one of the strangest dreams I had ever encountered. A memory, which was not actually my memory. I shall explain later. But one of the people in the memory was so familiar and I felt somehow attached to them.
Later, after deciding that I needed to talk to someone about this, I went straight out of my dorm and began walking through the common room. That's when I bumped into Clover and I realised that the memory was hers. She even dreamt about this memory too, on the same night and we woke up at around the same time, both of us going for walks. How odd? But I couldn't understand how it got in my head? So I went to talk to Professor Snape.
I went straight to his room and told him all about the memory. He seemed surprised about it first but then started to fill me in on what this meant. I can't believe it, let me write what he said, I tried to remember word by word:
"The two of you have a connection. A very strong connection, one I have never come across before. I shall explain, when you were in her memory she could see you. However it wasn't actually you, your soul was placed in someone else in her memory. You probably couldn't move, I suppose. As you can't change memories like these at all. Your dreams are going to be linked forever, once the two of you have crossed paths it's going to be almost impossible to stop this. Another part of this connection is actually...feeling each other. Yes, I know that sounds strange but if you have ever touched her, like for example holding her hand. She may feel that feeling at any random time when you are apart or vice versa,
"Now this is the interesting part. You may not love her or enjoy her company. But there is no getting her away, she is your soulmate. These connections are extremely rare so don't go wasting this chance. You are made for each other. Your souls are connected. Please come visit me and we can talk about this. I know this may have come as a shock for you, as you probably thought that being the Dark Lords son made it impossible for you to love. But that is not true at all. I will have to tell you about the intimate side of things but right now, it's too early for that. And I don't want these conversations to be awkward. Also, please don't tell her about this yet as I need to go into more detail about it with you. This could be dangerous."
I don't know what to say. This all started as a stupid game and it turned into this. Fucking soulmates. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I have to choose her? What am I going to do? I can't tell anyone about this, not even Anthea. She can't know, at least not yet.
I needed to go to talk to her and I ended up finding her with Draco in his room. I was angry with him but tried not to do anything too bad as she was there too.
Once we were alone I really wanted to tell her but I just felt kind of defensive about it. I also touched her, in a kind way, well I tried to touch her in a kind way. I just wanted to know what Snape meant by feeling eachother when we are apart and you know what. Now that I'm in bed, I can somehow feel her next to me. I know she isn't here but I can just sense her presence, I think it's very very weird but beautiful?
Souls being connected, what could be more beautiful than that?
I sound like some dumb poet, I really need to stop doing this. I wish you would talk back to me Bob, I'd love if you could actually help me.
But I just remembered the game, the fucking game. I think I will be able to manage stage three, hopefully she chooses me. But I won't be carrying on with the next stages, the ones where she gets hurt. I won't be able to handle it after what I have learnt. I can't let anyone hurt her, she is too precious, this is a once in a lifetime thing.
Why did I have to create all this torment for her, I never knew what she actually meant to me.
Good night Bob.
OCTOBER 25th
Dear Diary,
This is getting less and less frequent, sorry.
I've just been thinking a lot. Since the last entry things have gotten confusing and there is so much to write.
I woke up earlier this week and have been visiting Snape much more often. He has told me about all kinds of things and has delved into detail about the things I was extremely confused about.
Today he told me about the sexual and intimate stuff which was interesting but very very awkward to talk about with him.
He told me that once we have had sex it's like we are locked in to eachother, like our souls will have been formed into a whole. And also a part of that is once our souls are completely attached, we can get visions. Usually when we are in danger. So if I was getting attacked she would either get a vision or feel a part of the pain I would be feeling. Marriage is also a part of it, he told me, marriage is just the way of showing that we are completely devoted to eachother. But we're only 16, why am I even thinking about her like this?
I have never once thought about having sex with Diggory or anyone in that matter, to be honest, it hasn't really crossed my mind.
Well I usually wank it off if I'm having a bad day.
I'm not that much of a sex obsessed person which most people at my age are. Draco sometimes talks about it but I just ignore him, I guess I've never found anyone I would want to have a sexual relationship with. But now that Snape has told me this new information I can't stop thinking about it. Wow. This all started as a little obsession and now has turned into this, this whole crazy connection.
But the annoying thing about this is, I'm not used to being 'nice'. I want to be nice to her but when I'm with her I just feel angry, like she's done something to me. I just bottle up anger and use it all on her. So this diary, I mean Bob, you are the only person.....thing I will ever be honest to, I may show someone this book one day. But for now, it's my secret place. I love this book actually, I love you very much Bob. It feels great writing down how I feel, Draco always tells me that I always look emotionless. I got angry with him. I'm always angry with him.
OCTOBER 26th
Dear Diary,
Hello again. Not me writing a day later. That hasn't happened in a while.
Hmm, today was I guess stage three, not as I imagined it would be. I actually didn't think I would be picking up this book and writing as I'm feeling quite angry with myself and some others. But, I felt it would be nice to inform you about my daily troubles as I always do. You must be getting tired of this, Bob, I'm sorry.
The day started with potions class, I was early as usual. Speaking to Snape, he's quite intrigued about our whole 'story' as he's never met anyone with this kind of connection. I was thinking about telling my father about it, but knowing him he'd probably make me kill her. He says that love is a sign of weakness, this may be my one chance at love so I cannot waste it. But everything I do with Anthea ends up going downhill.
We learnt about armomentia potions in class, I believe Anthea smelt me, as I had expected she would. She also smelt Draco which did get a bit on my nerves.
Now when it comes to what I smelt, I couldn't believe it. I actually pretended I smelt nothing to save myself from the embarrassment I would have had to endure.
I smelt her.
She didn't believe that I smelt nothing, I just want ready to tell her. But the truth is I was angered, the whole connection thing is 100% real and I'm terrified. I don't why, I just have never been through anything like this.
All my life I have been taught that love is weakness and I will never feel it or anything close to it.
But now, I have my one chance at love.
And it has always been my biggest fear.
Back to the day, after class Snape asked me who I actually smelt and I told him I smelt Anthea.
Then once I left, me and Draco agreed to get her for the whole stage three thing.
I'll shorten everything. Me and her went into my room, then we kissed. I fucking kissed her. Yes, it was halfly a lie, the game. But part of the kiss was real, at least for me.
And it felt amazing, I just can't describe it. I've never been kissed before, well never like that. That kiss made me feel, feel something so unbelievably distant but so close. I wish I had met her before, before this whole game started, before I became a useless dick. My whole life used to be bullying Mudbloods but now that she's here it's different I guess. It's so complex yet easy, so exciting yet difficult.
After the kiss, I left the room to tell Draco not to go too over the top with his kiss as I obviously wanted her to choose me. I left for a bit just to tell Snape about the kiss, I know it's weird as hell that I'm telling Snape everything but he just...understands me. It's hard to explain. Yes, I know Bob you understand me too. I don't want to be rude but it's much easier talking to an actual human than writing to a diary.
In the time I was gone, Draco kissed her I think. Well I wasn't there to see it, I'm glad.
I went back into the room and she chose Draco with a huge smile on her face. She even trying to show dominance to me, how pathetic. I couldn't believe her, I was...jealous. Mattheo Riddle being jealous, how...disgusting, how..unexpected. I've never really felt jealous as I always get the best things in life but she..she made me feel that distant warm feeling and jealousy in the same day. I don't understand how?
She also kissed Draco on the cheek whole right infront of me, making the pit of envy in my stomach grow even larger. That kiss reminded me of the day in the library, when I tried to make her jealous while kissing Pansy.
She even mouthed 'karma', what a...no I won't say that in here. I didn't know what to do, I wanted to hurt her, hurt her so much that she'd never ever speak to me again. But then I remembered about what I had been learning about our relationship, I couldn't, I just couldn't do anything I would regret.
When she left, she whispered in my ear "it's my game now" or some bullshit. Okay fine it was attractive, just the way she said it made me feel tingles all over my body. Even Draco looked turned on when the message was meant for me.
After that, me and Draco kind of stayed away from her. I guess I was just getting ready to talk to her, more like tell her off for trying to dominate me. We had some...fun with some stupid first years then I went straight to find Clover.
I found her in the common room, I give she was doing some studying ot something. She tried to get away from me at first but I wouldn't let her. I grabbed her by the wrist and she stopped. I had to get Montgomery away from me so...I used some intel I had got the other day. Her brother was taken to Azkaban his name is...Brandon or something. He used the cruciatus curse and killed some girl who was annoying him, something I very much wanted to do in that situation.
That got Catherine away quickly. Me and Anthea had a bit of an argument, to be honest she put a pretty good fight. But when she said something about me having a psycho father. I absolutely hate my father but those words coming out of her mouth fueled my anger. She's the first person to ever speak badly about my father right infront me and she even called me a whore?!
She doesn't know who she's messing with and I wanted to get that into her head. I even got her to cry, it was easier than I thought. All I had to do was cut away some or her air, for most other girls all I do is say something about their family and they begin to cry. But she's braver than the others.
She's a beautiful crier. Most people made unbearable noises when they cry, but she was completely silent. Just her crying infront of me, I guess in a way of begging for forgiveness, made my hostility fade away.
Just as I thought it was all over, she started getting angry and pushed me against the wall. Any other girl would be out of their mind to push me on a wall, it was a new feeling but her trying to hurt me was funny. She tried to dig her nails into my skin but after being through many cruciatus curse in my life, I didn't feel a thing.
I also touched her again, a gentle touch on her cheek. It calmed her down so I think I was doing the right thing. I enjoy her being angry with me but I also enjoy the peaceful moments too. Where we just look at eachother and, I don't know. It's so so hard to explain all this, it's all extremely new to me.
I am currently at my desk, trying to find a book to read but I'm going to go to sleep. This whole day has been crazy and I really need to channel my thoughts into a dream. Maybe some meditation could help, Snape told me about meditating, it really helps me sleep.
That was random, bye again Bob.
OCTOBER 27th
Dear diary,
This will be a pretty short entry.
I just had another memory dream, of Clover's ofcourse. This one was shorter than the other but more vivid?
In my opinion I think it was a very strange memory.
I was in her mother's body I think, as the way I spoke sounded so similar to the woman in the boat memory. Clover was about 14 I think in this dream. And I believe this was one of her most recent memories as her mother was talking about leaving her. Maybe this was just before she was obliviated.
I saw wands in the background which is making me presume that she isn't muggle-born. But that can't be. If that were true then all this game was for nothing, all the guilt is coming now. And I think I need to get the others to stop the game, I also need to talk to Clover about everything. It's going to be hard, but she needs to know.
I need to go to class now but I'll be back later.
Mattheo Riddle.