Hello there! I'll start by saying I am very, very sorry.
I have been away for weeks because of school. I thought I would be able to juggle writing with school work but the stress of school and reading my books was muddling my brain and so there was no way I could sit down to write. I recently concluded my exams and I'm happy to say that I'm back.
I do not take you all for granted and I sincerely apologize for the long break. I have very exciting content for you. Thank you very much❤😘
~
Florence was turned down despite how much she insisted on throwing a welcome party for Devlin and Pamela. Devlin didn't want the attention and Pamela didn't want the frivolities of hosting any gatherings. They hadn't exactly returned from the dead, he'd said. Florence had had non choice than to welcome them in private.
Everything in the states had pretty much been the same, as Cody had done a great job in keeping the business going. Exports and imports had been smooth and they'd not gotten into trouble with the police or any rival gang.
On request, Cody had provided Devlin a record of the transactions they'd made in his absence and that got Devlin locked up in his study for days. Pamela had complained when on the second day he hadn't slept in their bedroom and he refused to let her in the study. It was just he and Cody, making calls, studying papers, staring at their laptops.
He needed to focus, which was why he didn't want her in there with him, he'd said. Pamela had reminded Devlin at every chance she got, which was by yelling at the study door each time she passed, that all business transactions Cody had made were probably squeaky clean and there was no need for him to go over them but she was duly ignored.
At the end of one week, she was right. Everything was in order. Business was booming. Profits were on the rise. They'd even managed to be the sole supplier of places as far as the north. It had been hard because they had a supplier already but when Cody got a contact of a major buyer and gave him a sample of coke, the buyer decided to drop his preceding supplier for Devlin's coke. That had been a huge win, and they'd done it without their boss.
That gave Pamela ideas, ideas she wasn't sure on how to pitch to Devlin: she wanted him to hand the business over to Cody. Why not? He had enough money to start a new life and a new identity. Would that be so bad? She decided to talk to him about it.
It was late at night. Devlin had just returned from one of his secret gang meetings and was going through some papers. He'd told her before leaving that he would return late and she shouldn't wait up for him but she had anyway.
"Are you sure you don't want to eat honey?"
He shook his head, his eyes glued to the paper. "I grabbed something with the boys. Told you that a million times already."
"Sorry." She said humorlessly.
He dropped the paper and looked up at her. "You've got something on your mind. Tell me."
She smiled, leaned in and kissed him. "You're so perceptive. It's sexy"
He held her waist and kissed her deeply. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
They looked at each other for ten, long seconds. "Jeez Pamela get on with it." He said impatiently.
She laughed. "I'm sorry I don't know how you'll react to it."
He leaned back onto the pillows. "Well we will never find out if you don't tell me."
She nodded and bit her lip. "Would it be so bad to hand over your business to Cody?"
He looked genuinely surprised to hear her say that but he said nothing in reply.
"I-I mean, now that you have enough money to uh, go legal, you can actually handover this to Cody so that we can start a new life. You and me. As a family."
His eyes didn't leave hers as she spoke. It was so penetrating that she had to look away. When she did, he turned and picked up the papers he was studying.
"That's not something you should decide."
"I know but --"
"Pamela, this business is the worst thing you can handover to a person, especially a man who has a weakness -- family."
"Yes --"
"You cannot wish that on anyone. You cannot say these things like it's that easy."
His scolding tone was driving her to the verge of tears. "Yes, I understand. I was just, you know, thinking of our future." She whispered.
He sighed and took her in his arms. "I'm sorry. I know you mean well."
"You just good as told me to shut my mouth and never open it again."
"I'm sorry." He kissed her forehead. "I know how dangerous it is in this business and you have every right to voice out given the danger you've been put through over the months."
She caressed his face. "You keep me safe and you go out of your way to make me happy. I am grateful."
"But?"
"But nothing."
He paused for a heartbeat then said gently, "What is it Pamela?"
She sat up. "I - I feel incomplete. There's this void that needs filling."
"Which is?"
She hesitated. "A child. A mini me and a mini you." She looked up into his eyes and touched his hand. "Let's start a family Dev. I want us to have a baby."
Ten full seconds and then a firm, "No."
She was taken aback. "What?"
"I said no. I don't want kids."
"You can't be serious."
"I am."
"Why? I want kids."
"I don't." He began to pack the papers.
"Devlin! Why? Talk to me."
He stood and started for the door. "I don't want kids, plain and simple."
She marched off and stood in his way. "Do you know how selfish you sound? You don't want kids?"
"No, Pamela no."
She folded her arms beneath her breasts. "Why? Something doesn't fill right. If you don't want kids why haven't we been using protection? I could already be pregnant for all we know."
He gave a low chuckle. "You cannot be."
"What makes you so sure? Answer me!" She shouted when he refused to answer.
"Because I'm shooting blanks!" He shouted back.
"You're what?" She whispered.
"I had a vasectomy. I can't get a woman pregnant."
Her mouth fell open. Wakened by shock, she walked slowly to the bed, sat and drew her knees to her chin. Tears filled her eyes and rolled down her face. Seconds later, she felt his weight depressing the bed as he sat beside her.
"I should have told you, I know. I'm sorry."
She chuckled. Then laughed. "You're sorry. You're always sorry."
"Pamela --"
"Get out. I want to be alone."
"Baby please --"
"I said get out!" She used her hands to push him off the bed. "Out."
He stumbled and regained his balance. "Please let me explain."
"Go away." She growled. "You made a selfish decision --"
"I was twenty!"
"And you didn't tell me before we got married?" She shouted back.
He bowed his head and said quietly. "If I had, would you have changed your mind about marrying me?"
She paused, as if thinking about it. "I don't know." She finally said. "Probably. Probably not. I don't know."
"Pamela!"
"Keep my name out of your filthy mouth." She bit out.
"I understand you're angry --"
She laughed mockingly. "Understand? How can you possibly understand how I feel? You have a family! You have a mom, two siblings, I have none!"
"I am your family."
"We are not blood related. I want a baby!" She stood from the bed and ran her hands through her hair. "Why? What's the harm in raising children?"
"I didn't have the best childhood growing up. I'm afraid I'll be a terrible father. Besides, look at how dangerous my business is. My enemies could use them as leverage. I can't risk that. I don't want them in danger like you have been in countless times. Please understand." He tried to hold her but she stepped away.
"I don't understand. I cannot understand. No, I refuse to understand. And I am mad and hurt and I want to be alone. Go sleep somewhere else. In the stables, in the barn, in a fucking manger I don't care, just get lost."
~
Devlin punched the pillow once more and tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. The bed felt rock hard and the pillow was just too uncomfortable. He sat up and switched on the bedside lamp and sighed. What he needed wasn't comfortable pillows or a soft bed, what he needed was his wife. Her arms around him, her warmth, her scent. Mere looking at her made him feel grateful to be alive each day. He needed her, dammit.
A child. He'd made his decision years ago, sure that it wouldn't affect him in any way. The doctor who'd done the procedure had talked him out of a permanent vasectomy and he'd only agreed because of Rob. Rob had said that someday he would change his mind. He'd been sure as hell he wouldn't but now, he found himself rethinking the whole situation.
He decided to give Pamela space to simmer down. She's get past the anger, feel remorseful for her out burst. They'll have make up sex and life would be great again. But when three days later she hadn't spoken a word to him, he knew she meant business. He went about his too, staying out of her way, telling himself she only needed time. On the fifth day he got sick of it and decided to go to her. She would definitely slam the door in his face or brain him with a club but he told himself he was going to try.
When he knocked on the bedroom door, she opened it and stood at the entrance. "What?"
Her eyes were bright with anger. The way she stood was defensive, like a lioness protecting her cubs. His brain went blank.
"I-I --"
"You're wasting my time."
The lines he'd practiced had deserted him. Think, think!
"Good night, Devlin." She started to shut the door.
"Wait!" He held the door. "I miss you. There are a thousand rooms in this house but home is where you are. I want to sleep here, with you. Please. Even if you won't speak to me, let me stay with you. Please."
To his surprise she let him in, shut the door slowly then hugged him. He hadn't expected that at all.
"I was selfish." She said against his chest. "You have a good reason for this but I selfishly forced my own will. I'm sorry."
His relief knew no bounds. He hugged her and kissed her. "I'm sorry too."
They had the make-up sex. He slept with her around his arms. Everything he wanted. But something was different about her. She moved without the gait she had. She became sad, mopey and did a poor job of hiding it. That wasn't the life he promised her.
And so he agreed to reverse his vasectomy.
She'd initially been unsure and had told him she was happy by his side without a child but he insisted and got his vasectomy reversed. For days he was sore but after a week, things became better down there and so they made love.
He'd been out with the boys that morning and when he returned, the house was filled with rose scents and candles and been lighted. He realized they were rose scented candles. When he got to the room, Pamela was sprawled on the bed in bikini, sexy as sin, lips inviting, eyes daring.
As he took each step towards her, he removed one item of clothing. When he finally got to her, he was left in his briefs.
"Are you sure about this?" She asked.
He chuckled. "Even if I weren't, little John has sealed my fate."
She laughed and pulled him towards her.
His lips met hers and they kissed with passion. Their tongues molded and he found himself tasting her, searching for the sweet darkness of her lips. Her hand reached for him beneath his briefs and she pulled it down, taking him in her hands, stroking, dueling, taunting.
He let out a guttural sound from deep down his throat and whispered, "Stop."
He loved what she was doing and if she wasn't careful, he would lose it. But he wanted to be inside her when he did as that was the whole point of the lovemaking. On one hand, he was glad she was still interested in foreplay and not just in the baby making. It pleased him so.
He carried her, reversing their positions, pinning her under him. He entered her and started to move in slow, oscillatory movements that kept her grasping the sheets. It was intense. They weren't just doing it for the pleasure but also for starting a family. It was special to him. With each thrust, she moaned his name. Soon, the passion intensified and he cried her name as he came. Minutes later, they lay arm in arm, spent from love making.
He kissed her shoulder, and as if woken from a sleep, she cried, "I almost forgot!"
"Forgot what?"
"Scoot, scoot." She said waving him off then she lifted her legs, clamped them together and stayed that way."
"What are you doing?"
"This increases my chances of conception. A woman should do this after sex."
He snorted. "You've been reading too many novels."
"As a matter of fact, I started and finished three books on expecting mothers within a week."
"Expecting mothers?"
"I have faith."
He laughed. "I'm happy for you. But you should know --"
"Shut up. If you're not gonna help, face the other way."
"Sorry." Then he smiled. "You look beautiful."
She looked at him with a cool expression. "I know."
His phone rang. As he stood to get the phone, he quipped,
"How long are you going to remain that way?"
"At least ten minutes."
"Right. Good luck to you. Hello?"
Pamela watched him listen on the phone and she became alert as his facial expression changed from relaxed to tensed.
"What? When? Are you sure?"
She picked a robe and went to stand beside him. To hell with increasing her chances. This man was more important.
Devlin clicked off and used his fists to rub his eyes. He looked troubled and angry.
"Dev? What is it?"
"That was Cody on the line." He said slowly. "Susan's kid has been kidnapped."
She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands.
Devlin started for the closet. She went with him. "What are you doing?"
"What do you think?" He snapped. "We have to go save him."
He dressed hastily but Pamela could see the anger in his movements. He strapped pocket knives into his socks and guns into his suit.
"Any idea who could have done this?"
"None." He picked his phone and dialed. "I'll be with you in ten." He hung up.
She licked her lips. "I want to go with you."
"What?"
"I mean to Susan's place."
"No. You're not leaving this house."
"I just want to help. To-to stay with her in case she needs some kind of comfort or --"
"I said no." He picked his keys. "You stay here. Lock the doors. I'll leave two men to guard you."
She nodded. "Please be safe."
He nodded and the next second he was out the door. She heard him shouting instructions angrily and then a van roaring to life and speeding out. She sighed and hugged the pillow, praying that they would all come back safe.
~
Thank you for reading❤