About a week later, Jimin was still holding the thought back in his mind each time he stepped out of the room to feast on something even through the pain burning his neck once again. The man paced around in his thoughts. Even if it was a week ago where he confronted Hoseok, those words remained fresh in his mind like he was just told about them a second ago. Hauntingly, Jimin found it difficult to even lay down with Jungkook on those nights where the boy would cuddle up in his arms. Reminding him of the way Hyunwon would do the same.
As troubling as it was, Jimin refused to even focus on the truth when he held Jungkook in his arms every night. But since Jimin couldn't really sleep at all, he was left with eight hours of true torture every night for the past week. Everything about Jungkook seemed so much like Hyunwon, it was difficult for Jimin to actually dissociate reality and what once was. Every second he spent looking into the eyes of the perfect little lamb before his very own fearsome wolf gaze, he found many things that were similar and only little that were different from Hyunwon. That's when Jimin began to notice that a bit of his bottled grief along the years began to grow until Jungkook stood before him. Feeding into it more.
One late night, Jungkook snuggled up with Jimin and closed his eyes to rest over the man he longed for. There the boy laid, sleeping over Jimin's chest like a child while Jimin brushed his gloved fingers through his hair carefully. Counting the seconds it took for Jungkook to fall asleep and also consider the seconds it took before the same memories that were engraved into his mind, were to return to him seconds after.
Just as Jimin laid there, he closed his eyes and became envious. He wished to escape his thoughts and longed to dream just like Jungkook. But he couldn't. Ever since he was a baby, he never grew tired and remained awake with his mother as his father was swept into his slumber. The way Jimin looked down at this little raven embodied envy when it came to sleeping. Such a feeling left him curious to dream and experience going to sleep with no interruption for just eight hours at best.
As Jimin watched Jungkook sleep, the small thought of Hoseok's words surfaced into his mind as he only opened his red eyes and realized that the thoughts came in right on time like every other night. Those truthful words haunted him but all he could do now was bear with it for another night. However, this night seemed different... this night seemed as if he could no longer take in another endless torture for the next eight hours. Jimin began to tear up as the truth began to drown him once again.
"I can't do this..." Jimin thought before he looked down and moved the boy to rest by his side. After Jimin moved Jungkook over, the sleepy boy began to wake up when he noticed Jimin stand up from the bed and pace around. Jimin paced around anxiously in his loose silk pajamas; only longing to wear comfortable clothes so Jungkook would sleep over him and rest his head over the silk fabric. Jimin only wore this outfit just so Jungkook wouldn't find himself uncomfortable in any situation.
As Jimin walked around the room to himself, he ran his hands along his hair and pushed his bangs back in frustration while tears raced down his eye. "I can't do this again and again..." Jimin thought until he picked up the sound of the bed covers rustling behind him.
"Mh... Jimin... are you okay?" Jungkook asked curiously and sat up. The boy was awakened the moment he was moved off of Jimin's comfortable chest and longed to know what was keeping him up. "Hey...you can always talk to me... please..." Jungkook worried and switched on a nearby lamp to look at Jimin. The moment Jungkook's eyes met with Jimin's red gaze, he grew worried to see that there were tears racing down his right eye. Showing that he was crying so much, but he couldn't sob or hitch his breath because of course, some parts of him were dead while the others weren't. "Come here... talk to me..." Jungkook then held out his arms towards the man and watched him walk over to him slowly.
"Jungkook... I'm sorry for keeping you up like this..." Jimin whispered as he got on the bed once more and crawled over to the boy until he was in his arms; burying his face against Jungkook's neck and wrapping his arms around his Jungkook's body underneath.
"Don't be. I have no reason to sleep early. If it's to stay up and listen to you, I don't mind. I would do this at any time for you," Jungkook whispered and looked down at the man's silk hair. Taking the moment to count every strand and anticipate losing track of his count just so he could do it all over again. Things like these never tended to bother Jungkook because at the end of every day, they both had feelings for each other and were comfortable enough to speak about anything.
"Jungkook..."
"Yes..?"
"I haven't... I haven't been completely honest with you when I spoke about Hyunwon," Jimin whispered and looked down at the boy's chest from his point of view while his forehead was pressed against the side of Jungkook's neck. "I told you that he left me... I guess I should have been more specific on what I meant to say..." Jimin trailed off as Jungkook gave him time in between each sentence. "Jungkook... I.. was the reason why he left... and by that I mean, I was the reason why... he... killed himself..." confessed the man as Jungkook remained silent. Already knowing that Hyunwon died, but he never understood how.
"Jimin, please talk to me about it... let it all out..." Jungkook whispered as Jimin closed his teary eye and kept wiping it repeatedly. "I'm here for you..."
"It feels as if... I'm in an endless loop. Hyunwon wasn't the first to escape from me. All my past lovers ran away from me when I asked them to become mine forever. They grew afraid almost as if they hid their true feelings about me and only waited for the moment to leave me for good... I never... I never understood why they all left me at that question. Hyunwon confessed that I drove him insane and couldn't handle me anymore. From what he looked like the moment he looked me in the eyes and told me, looked like nothing compared to how happy he was. At least, I wanted to believe how happy he was until he longed to escape me and chose the darkest way out and that was... out the window."
"Oh Jimin..." Jungkook whispered and slid his hand down to softly caress the man's motionless shoulder.
"Jungkook... my little raven...he... he reminds me so much of you... and that's what makes me feel so horrible but I can't avoid it..." Jimin added on and stopped drying his endless tears as they peppered wet kisses over Jungkook's skin. "Your smile, your laugh, your voice, even the way that you hold onto me as if you're just a naive little lamb that would be lost without me! It all reminds me of him... oh do I just wonder if he can see me through you... ah, I must be insane! He died twenty three years ago... I have no reason to cry over him as if he just died yesterday, but I can't help it. I can't help it when the truth is waiting for me to accept it and you're here... here reminding of him as if you are him. As if you are my Hyunwon... is it bad that at times I forget that he left me so long ago?" Jimin asked himself as Jungkook kept his worried stare over the man. "Is it bad that I see you as Hyunwon at times?"
"Jimin... please... I'm not Hyunwon... I'm Jungkook. I'm your Jeon Jungkook..." Jungkook whispered and cupped the man's face as he looked into his red eyes. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that... but clinging onto the idea of him when you look at me isn't right! I know you still haven't grieved over him... it's a very traumatic moment for you to look back and accept," Jungkook then pressed his forehead against Jimin's and closed his eyes, feeling one of Jimin's tears meet with his own face right after. "I know it's difficult and I know it will take a while longer, but please, think of me, think of you, think of us. Take all the time you need to grieve for him no matter how long ago it was. The last thing I would ever tell you is to just get over it... because I know something like that isn't easy to get over just like that."
All the right words Jungkook whispered to the broken man left Jimin confused. He looked into the eyes of the boy he grew very fond of and listened to him, but his mind kept thinking back at the one he loved so much before. Hyunwon was still in his mind when he looked at Jungkook. It was going to take a while to get over especially when Jungkook looked, sounded, and acted just like Hyunwon in every aspect. Unknowingly opening an old wound Jimin had before when Hyunwon still walked this earth. This was an ongoing situation for Jimin since he really did love that boy and never came into conditions to what really happened. His mind refused to believe it then and now, here he was; suffering with Jungkook as he drowned in his endless sea that Hyunwon still managed to sink him down in.
"Oh my little raven..." Jimin whispered and hugged the boy with a smile erupting from his plump lips. "I appreciate it... I appreciate every word you tell me..." Jimin assured Jungkook. The boy's eyes glistened at the sight of his Jimin; listening to his response and actually putting it into consideration all while Jungkook looked him in the eyes and adored every moment of their little conversations that made precious memories. These were the beautiful memories Jimin longed to make with Jungkook other than cling onto what once was.
"Jimin, take your time... but also use it to understand it more," Jungkook advised and Jimin nodded his head and kissed his little raven carefully. Understanding that now the truth only silenced itself in his thoughts for now.
"I'm sorry... for keeping you up. Are you sleepy now?" Jimin wondered as Jungkook only giggled and shook his head. "Of course you aren't... not after everything I dumped onto you like that," whispered Jimin as he kissed along the boy's face before he trailed his gentle kisses over to Jungkook's neck carefully. "Your soothing voice... always comforts me... Jungkook~" Jimin whispered and noticed how Jungkook's breathing increased the moment he began to kiss along his neck.
"Jimin, I want.. I want you to know that I won't leave you like the rest of them did. I won't neglect you... I'm here to stay for you and only you..." Jungkook promised and got a hold of Jimin's face to look at his precious red eyes fade into a brown hue right after–which was now Jungkook's favorite sight of the vampire.
"Hearing you say things like that... oh it makes me feel so glad... I believe you won't leave me ever, right?" Jimin asked again just to be sure as he watched Jungkook nod his head. After, Jimin resumed peppering his warm kisses over Jungkook's neck and making the boy smile with beaming eyes weighing in close to embrace the moment that sent shivers down his spine at every kiss.
"Jimin..." Jungkook whispered softly. Allowing the corners of his lips to curl into a smile while Jimin continued to trace his kisses down to the base of his neck but of course, limiting himself to only that spot. Refusing to continue on without letting Jungkook know.
"Jungkook..." Jimin whispered in his alluring and raspy voice that called out to the younger as he brought his eyes open to look at the man before him. "Do you plan on sleeping tonight?"
"No..." Jungkook whispered. Jimin then smiled and raised his hand up to cup the side of Jungkook's face carefully.
"I have something else in mind~ but, only if you want to do it of course... there's no pressure," Jimin mentioned as Jungkook looked him in the eyes before realizing what Jimin truly meant by such a question like that. "Jungkook... do you trust me?"