Here's the long overdue update! I won't dip this time guys, I do promise haha.
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(Jungkook's POV)
Life is honestly so dull without Taehyung, it's like having that best friend you text and see everyday and suddenly they aren't there anymore. Plus, having little things you wish you could say to them and you just can't right now is not a very pleasant thing either.
It's been four days. We haven't talked. I feel like there's a lot of tension on both ends and neither of us know what to say to start the resolvement, or just in general. I honestly don't know why Tae was that upset to begin with looking back on it. I was defending us, and other allies of the LGBTQ+ community, however I know I could've been nicer with it and I shouldn't have gone straight to anger. But, at the same time; he did seem to be so distraught and mad with me over such a little thing in my opinion. I mean, he was physically rough with me, which never happens (besides in our sex life, if you know what I mean).
Like, are we broken up? With no good night texts lately, it sure does seem like it. But, maybe I am just clingy and he needs space.
Ugh, boy stuff.
Laying in bed and aimlessly staring at the ceiling seems to be the highlight of my day anymore, I could recite where every dent in my ceiling is by straight (unlike me) memory by now.
"Alright, honestly, enough with this bullshit." Jisoo startles me into an upwards position as she crashes into my room unannounced. "You need to go talk to Taehyung. Seriously. You need to find out where you two are, and resolve all of it."
"You think I don't want to do that?" I say back in a snarky remark by accident. "Like, I do. But I don't know what to do or what to say or how to even start it. He was so mad. Like that was second place to when he thought I cheated on him with Mr. Wu."
Jisoo put her thinking face on for a second, "Well, have you texted or called him? Or made any plans to talk it out...or even attempted?"
"No. Like I said I don't know what to say and I can physically feel the tension in a way. Should I?" I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and went on it, entering Taehyung and I's chat.
"Yeah, I would. I mean...I know your the bottom but you should be the bigger person and start something and take charge at least once." She laughed. I mean, heh, she did have a point. I can't always expect Taehyung to be the bigger person.
Jeon_Cena: Hey Taehyung, I know you obviously don't want to hear from me but can we please talk stuff out sometime? I am sorry about the other day. Please text me back.
"See, now in the end you will be the bigger person! So if it falls through in any way you can talk more shit in the long run." Jisoo giggled at her own joke, but it only spiked my anxiety.
God, I hope nothing falls through. What does that even mean? Us?
My phone buzzed and I immediately checked it, and to my relief it was who I wanted it to be.
Taebeach_95: Yeah, we can talk. I don't want to have this conversation over text though. Can I pick you up in like 15 minutes?
Jeon_Cena: Of course, I'm just at my house. I'll start getting ready then. Cya in 15
Seen
It was the weirdest thing being so formal over text with Tae, it felt so awkward. Usually we are all goofy, and who the hell even uses proper punctuations anymore?
"See? That's one step in the right direction. Good job. Now I'm leaving to go see Yuna, keep me updated on the whole Taehyung stuff as it comes and goes." Jisoo came over to my bed and gave me a quick half assed hug and then exited my room just as gracefully as she came in, about as loud to.
"Have fun with Yuna! Tell her I said hello, as always, oh and that she's a dumb bitch to or something really mean!" I yelled down the hallway, Jisoo yelled a quick "Will do!" back.
I decided to take a quick shower because Taehyung came because I didn't smell to fresh, and then I changed into a better outfit, plain still though. I feel like it would be rude to get into Tae's car to have a serious talk in a dress suit or some shit.
Eventually I heard Taehyung's car roll up outside and I ran downstairs and out the door.
I really hope this conversation goes good, I miss him and being on good terms.
When I got into his car I could feel the physical thickness of the tension, way worse then I felt over texting, even.
"Hey," I said quietly at Taehyung. What do I even say?
He took a sharp left turn out of my neighborhood and onto the main road. I don't think we had any set destination, I'm guessing the drive was just background activity to help relieve tension.
"Hey..." Taehyung awkwardly replied.
This scenario really makes me feel like we are in second grade at recess and Taehyung is my crush I just simply cannot start a conversation with.
This was just so horribly awkward and uncomfortable, and I hated it. So I took after Jisoo's words once more and decided to take charge.
"Okay. This all just feels so stupid. Let's just talk, I'll start." I breathed out, "I'm sorry for my little freak out at that girl. I should have been more respectful and nice while proving my case...even if she was being a complete jerk...but yeah I'm sorry and I should have toned it down for sure, especially when you tried to get me too. I just want to move past that whole stupid dilemma."
"I don't know why your sorry. You have no reason. The whole reason I didn't text you is because I thought you wouldn't want to hear from me. I'm sorry, you shouldn't be." Tae sighed out in one long breath, "I figured you were mad at me and thought I was being dramatic. In the moment I totally was though."
"I mean, to be honest, yes you definitely were dramatic in the moment but we all have those little moments of aggressive emotions for no reason. I mean, you've seen me flip first hand over basically nothing." I reassured him, as I said before, we both could have handled that whole situation differently.
"Yeah, true. But I don't usually do that so afterward, during the comedown, I felt horrible."
"It happens, don't worry Tae. I'm good. But I know there's always a deeper meaning to those little moments so, is it intrusive for me to ask for that?" I looked at him and we locked eyes. I knew for a fact there had to be a reason, or something, big or small. There always is with that stuff.
"Past shit I guess, I don't know. I don't really talk much about my old home life or past experiences with it." Taehyung pulled the car into an empty convenient store parking lot and threw the vehicle in park, and then awkwardly reached over for the radio knob and turned it up.
"Obviously I don't want to force it out of you. You don't have to tell me if you really don't want. I just would like to know so I can maybe not make that mistake again or something similar to this." I undid my seatbelt and turned to look at him so I wouldn't have to do an awkward side glance every now and again anymore.
"When I was younger and I was openly gay, my dad would just yell about it a lot I guess. We would get into a lot of verbal...and physical...altercations over it. Hearing you yelling at that girl back and forth just kind of reminded me of those days." Taehyung sighed and looked at me straight on as well. He never really tells me about his past or anything so this made me feel very trusted and happy. I knew from the shit his friends talked that his dad wasn't the best to him, but he just never really gave any details. "You reminded me of myself. Yelling back about now being gay isn't bad and all this and that, and the hateful stuff she was saying back reminded me of him."
Honestly, that all made complete sense. Now that I look back on the whole scenario with the new input I just received, he really didn't overreact. Trauma is horrible, and does spike up sometimes.
I mean, I've had my fair share of it. I haven't slept without a nightmare about Hoseok kidnapping me since the whole ordeal happened, though that is still a fresh wound. But I also have those little moments with stuff like the old bullying and physical assaults I went through in high school, and everything Mr. Wu did to me to. Then, there's the childhood aspect and some of those little moments.
You can't really just control trauma. Especially if you just push down everything like Tae does, then it hits so hard when it decides to strike.
I traced my fingertips down Taehyung's arm and then took his hand in mine and spoke, "I'm sorry you had to go through that Tae. It does make sense now. Thank you for telling me, I promise I won't lash like that again." I could feel a whiff of tension leave the car when I grabbed his hand and said that.
"Are we okay? Do you still want to be with me after seeing that angry, mean side of me?" Taehyung genuinely looked like he was ready to cry, he looked so tired and rest deprived to so that probably wasn't helping him with the flood of emotions coming out as of right now.
"Of course I do, I still love you so much TaeTae. Nothing will ever change that. Also, your not special, we all have an angry mean side." I giggled and smiled at him.
"I love you so much. I missed your cute little giggle and bunny smile," Tae said as he leaned in and left a soft kiss on my lips, and when he broke apart from my lips he connected our foreheads and kissed the tip of my nose. God I missed him.
"I missed you to. I almost died. 4 days without attention and your general love, care, and touch is a lot." I sheepishly said. I mean, I love attention, who doesn't? But I don't like to admit I do you know?
"I felt so bad after I left your house. You've been through so much...so much pain and fucked up stuff. I cried knowing I was the reason you would be upset that night, I know it hurt you. It hurt me to do that. I was just so caught up in my emotions." Tae said apologetically, you could simply just tell the guilt was eating him apart.
"We are going to argue. We are going to have those hard nights Tae. This wasn't even the first time. And it's not going to be the last, that's love. That's relationships. So stop letting it eat you up so much. all that matters is we are okay now, I still have the most sexy, cute, charming, and loving boyfriend in the world, and we will only go up from here and continue to grow with each other." I sounded so wise. I didn't even know I could speak like that, but it all came from the heart and I knew that.
If Jisoo were here to see me right now, she would be hella impressed and I know that, maybe even Yuna to. I will be sure to brag about all of this later to her.
Tae blushed at that last part where I bombarded him with compliments, and let out a little laugh. "God, I love you much, baby. I'm so glad we are good. Life has been so fruitless without you in it. Four days felt like two decades" he kissed my forehead and squeezed my hand in a loving manner, I looked up at him and smiled as a internal feeling of relief washed through my body.
"Well now that we are over all of that silly billy nilly stuff, what do you want to do? We have to make up for four days of pettiness and lack of communication." I kicked my feet up on his dash and put my seatbelt back on dramatically, earning a laugh from Tae.
"Hmmm, I was thinking we could just cuddle and watch a movie. I really just need to hold my pretty bun in my arms for awhile." Taehyung started the car and put his buckle back on aswell and we headed out of the parking lot.
"I would love that."
+
When Tae and I got back to his place, Jin and Namjoon were so ecstatic to see us back together again. According to Jin's normal dramatic dialogue, the four days felt like two civil wars, world war 3 and ten decades to him.
Namjoon agreed with his statement by simply stating, "Yeah. It did feel like a time stretch for sure." And then they both went back to watching this weird cooking show with this overly aggressive lady on it who was making 'triple attack killer lasagna'.
The minute Taehyung and I got into his room and on his bed I crawled on top of him and just laid on his chest. He raked his fingertips up and down my back for what felt like an eternity but sadly was only a few minutes.
We settled on a sappy romance because we were both to lazy and tired to actually search for a movie or show to invest ourselves into. It was pretty obvious we just wanted eachothers company.
The movie dragged on in the background as a faint spell of sleepiness came over me. I let out a little yawn, followed by a yawn from Tae as well.
"Tired bun?" He asked, his mouth right by my ear which sent a quick chill down my body. He moved his hands up into my hair and gently massaged it, which he knows puts me right to sleep.
"Yeah M' very tired. Haven't slept well lately." I lazily got out as I hugged Tae's sides tighter.
"Me too, you can sleep bun." Taehyung shifted our position so that he was behind me with his arms around my waist and I curled up into a ball in his arms. He brought covers over me as the desire to sleep only got stronger.
"I love you, Kookie."
"I love you too, TaeTae."
I felt Taehyung place a gentle kiss on the back of my head before the world went dark.
At least for the first time in a few nights I would sleep well.
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Honestly I missed writing so much, especially about my boys. I can't believe I ever fell out of the fandom for a bit. It wasn't anything they did, life just changed I guess?
But I am back lol.
I was 14 when I started writing this book and I think 15 or 15 and a half when I quit wattpad for a year and a half/two years. I'm
Now almost 17. That's crazy.
I'm happy to be back in the fandom though, and getting back into the loop, and to be able to continue this story.
-Aeri 🖤