AN- okay, part 4. Again, I have no beta, all mistakes are my own and the devil dyslexia.
WARNING: self harm attempted suicide.
Chapter 4
The night had gathered in slowly around the Avengers as they watched the young girl cower behind the bed in the open cell. She had dragged Bruce's shirt over her head and brought is over her knees as she sat. Tony had brough her food, sliced cooked meat and a few boiled potatoes. Bruce had suggested something easy in case her stomach wasn't used to much.
She had wolfed it down, all the time, not taking her eyes of any of them. She was shaking, visibly, not from cold, fear possibly, they weren't sure.
As the night wore on they agreed to watch her in shifts. Bucky not included, he was taken off to the med bay for stitches, Clint was still laughing about the whole incident as he helped him out the room.
Natasha had gone off to bed, Steve went to check on Bucky and Tony said goodnight to Bruce who had agreed to watch her first.
The back round room of the compound was now quiet, dark almost, only the slightest hint of morning creeping in through the windows. It was around five am, Bruce was fast asleep in his chair, feet up on the desk, head tipped back, mouth open and full-on snoring. Something was tapping him on the forehead. Tap, tap, tap...
Bruce opened his eyes to see Tony starring down at him, tapping him on the forehead with his trademark square glasses. "Morning sleepyhead."
"Hey Tony." Bruce righted himself in the chair and yawned "I musta fallen asleep."
"Ya think. One question Bruce, if you're up for questions this early on," he gestured with his glasses to the round room raising his eyebrows "where's the girl?"
"What?!" Bruce spun to the room and crouched on the floor looking under the bed. "Oh God! Tony I..." they both stopped moving as the door to the adjacent bathroom cracked open a little. Tony leant his body backwards to get a better look.
She peered out into the room. They starred at her as she moved into the space. Keeping hold of the bottom of Bruce's shirt, tugging it down, even though it reached her knees. Her breathing was quick, ragged with fear. Her eyes flipped to the bathroom and then back to them, they hadn't moved an inch. "I needed, to...you know...I..." she gestured to Bruce with her head "he was asleep, so...where am i?"
Bruce smiled at her, "It's ok. You can move around freely, you're not a prisoner here."
He took a step towards her and her hands flung out in front of her and she crouched slightly, panic in her eyes. "NO!" Bruce stopped. "Please, PLEASE, no, don't..." her breathing was so harsh coming in big gulps in her chest her body tense.
Tony moved slightly as well. "We're not going to hurt you, no one is going to..."
"FUCK OFF!" Her voice was harsh and scarred at the same time, her hands almost pushing at the air towards them to get them away from her. "YOU think I'm worried about you hurting me? Jesus!" Tony noticed her accent was English, London maybe, she still had her hands out in front of her begging them not to come any closer.
Hearing the commotion, Steve appeared in the doorway dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, no shoes his bare feet slapping on the floor, Bucky was close behind him in similar attire, his hair mussed up from sleep.
The girl put one hand in their direction. "BACK OFF!" her eyes flitted from Bucky to Steve and then back to Bucky, scanning him up and down. His eyebrows furrowed, was she checking him for weapons? "Please don't come any closer!"
They stopped and Bucky moved to the side not wanting to crowd her. She watched him move. Steve put his hands up too to try and calm her. "It's ok, just stay calm, we're not going to do anything or move or hurt you in any way!"
She frowned at him. "Seriously what is wrong with you people." The men looked from one to another confused by her. "Just back off, please, please." Her voice was strained. "Don't touch me." She scrunched her eyes up. Steve started to repeat his sentence, but she cut him off, her breathing coming in short breaths and her voice shaking with the effort of breathing alone. "It's asleep." Spitting out the statement, it shut him up instantly. "Or dormant, or whatever the fuck it does when its not in control." Her hands shook uncontrollably but she didn't lower them. "You touch me, it'll know and it'll..." her voice trailed off, but then her eyes, stern and angry turned to Tony and Bruce. "Why did you bring me here?!" she breathed heavily through her nose. "You should of killed it when you had the chance." Tony narrowed his eyes, scratch London, South East, the way she finished each word and pronounced each vowel even in anger sealed it for him, but it didn't lesson the severity of what she was saying to them.
Shocked by her statement Bucky took a step forward to her, his hand without thinking on his chest over the wounds she had given him the day before. "Listen..."
"DON'T, fucking move!" she spat out as her head whipped around to look at him. Then she tilted her head glowering at him. "Are you stupid?!" Bucky's eyes shot to Steve and he could see Tony bite back a retort at her statement. He looked back at her meeting his eyes. "Just stay back, stay away, just...for fucks sake, please!" she took a couple of big breaths, looked towards the ceiling and let out a breath slowly through clenched teeth, she levelled her eyes back to Bucky. "Are you armed?" her breathing had calmed a little.
He shook his head. "No, doll, I'm not gonna..."
"FUCKING HELL!" she screwed up her face and swore hard, then turned back to Tony and Bruce. "You need to kill me, now." Her eyes were red raw, and a single tear slipped out of her right eye and slid down her cheek. She hadn't wanted to cry, but her hold on her emotions was just too thin and she was struggling to hold onto anything. Her voice was low, and they could tell that she was just about clinging onto control.
Steve lowered his voice and tried to be as gentle as he could. "We're not going to kill you."
She met Bruce's eyes, pleading for someone to understand. "Please!" her voice broke and it came out as a sob, she looked around at all of them. "I'm fucking begging you, kill me now!" her voice went so quiet as her emotions stated to get the better of her. "Please kill me! Please, before it notices," her tears were in full flow now, running down her puffy face and staining her delicate features as she begged practically through gritted teeth for them to kill her. "Before it comes back." She looked at Steve then to Bucky before pleading again. "I can't do this! I can't control it anymore, not after..." she trailed off and wiped her face with one hand, the other still held shakily in Bucky and Steve's direction. "I don't want to hurt anyone else!" she heaved her breaths in as she cried. "I can't do it, please, just kill me, kill me please, please..." her face contorted and she screamed at them letting her emotions go full throttle.
Realising that her options were limited she moved quickly, kicking Steve in the knee, he fell forward with a groan and as he did she pulled him by the throat in front of her. Steve struggled in her grip, surprised and shocked by her strength, he couldn't move. The others didn't have time to react to her movements and in too much shock to do much anything.
All Tony managed to get out was a "Whoa."
Bucky made a move towards her and Steve, he was firmly pressed back against her chest, his head came just below her chin whilst he was on his knees. She stared Bucky down, "Kill me, or I will rip his throat out. Right now!" She squeezed Steve's throat and he began to struggle to breathe in her grasp. Her tears kept falling, she really didn't want to hurt anyone, but it had to end. He gaze changed to Bruce and Tony, "Please! Come on,"
Bucky and Steve shared a look before he spoke to her, his eyes meeting hers again. "This isn't going to work, just let him go and calm down." She felt Steve shift in her grasp, like he was getting weaker and she let him go, falling forward on his knees coughing. She sobbed even harder, she didn't want this anymore. "It's ok, I want it to happen." She opened her arms wide. "Please!" Her pleading was desperate now.
From the floor Steve turned to her, still kneeing, "No one is going to hurt you, ok, just, let us help..."
She grabbed tufts of her dirty matted hair and screamed at them, "KILL ME!" her scream was cut short by the soft 'THOT' noise that echoed through the room. She gasped and felt an odd sensation come over her at the same time. Looking down at her side she saw the dart sticking out of her side and lazily she reached for it. She turned her head to Clint who was in the doorway with a dartgun levelled at her as she pulled the dart from her side. She tilted her head and sobbed. "No, no, no, no, please..."
Steve launched himself forward on his knees and caught her in his arms, right before she hit the ground. She was only semi-conscious and looked up at him with a quiet sob. "Idiots..." was the last thing she said before she passed out.
Everyone in the room visibly relaxed. Clint whistled. "Wow, that escalated quickly!"
------ 3 hours later -------
She rolled over from her stomach onto her back. Groggy she couldn't remember where she was, the bed under her felt unfamiliar, the covers, the soft light drifting into the room. Then remembered the 'idiots'. Growling she sat up. She expected to see the round room, but it was a bedroom, or a hotel suit. She looked down at herself, same t-shirt, but in a huge bed, with soft jersey grey covers, big fluffy blanket and a thousand pillows. "What the..."
"Hey." She scooted back on the bed her back hitting the headboard as her eyes shot up to meet with a big blonde man. She had almost killed him in an attempt to get them to kill her, he had tried to calm her down, and he had caught her. She looked away feeling guilty for hurting him, the bruising around his throat was dark and angry, his voice held a little hoarseness cause of it. He put his hands up in front of him, "Your safe." He moved slowly across the room to the bed and sat on the end of it, not attempting to get any closer, but trying make himself small and hopefully less intimidating for her. "I'm Steve." His voice was calm, gentle. He had wanted to sit with her, insisted on taking her back to his room, insisted that she wasn't treated like a freak anymore, insisted she wasn't alone. She was the victim here, like Bucky had been. Tony and Bruce had objected, but he hadn't cared and picked her up taking her to his bed, then he had watched her breathe and shift in her unconsciousness.
She sighed, but was still very weary of him. "What do you want from me?"
He looked confused. "Excuse me?"
"From me..." she pointed to herself "From..." she hesitated "From 'it'?" She was still shaking a little.
He shook his head. "Nothing, we just wanna help kid?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, relaxed back onto the covers again, tired and so rung out she couldn't argue anymore. Absently fiddling with the material in between her thumb and fingers. "Kid? Huh." She looked even more confused and looked at her hands. "Am I a kid?" She looked up at him, "Do I look like a kid?"
"Sorry, it's a, just a term." He wasn't sure if she was serious or not. "What's your name?"
Her eyes shot back to him and she started to cry silently, still looking at his light blue eyes, she shook her head. "I don't know."
He sighed and looked down, the emotion of the situation showing on his face. He just wanted to hug her. "We'll figure it out. All of it, ok?"
She was distant, in her own world for a second. Her voice was almost a whisper. "I don't know anything. Just that, that it's there on the inside..." she looked at him and put her hands on her chest. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I...". She wiped her face before looking at him again. "You, your friend the one with the hair, he smells like the guards, sweat and gun grease, I swear I didn't mean to..."
Steve could see how strung out she was. He made a mental note to ask about guards later on. "It's ok, we know you didn't mean to. He's ok, so am I." He smiled "We're pretty damn resilient kid. His name is Bucky."
"I'm sorry, it wants to kill everyone." She shook her head as she spoke. "I..." she sobbed with abandon now, "I let it." She looked towards the door detecting a minuscule movement outside it. She knew he was there, the dark haired one, listening, but said nothing.
Steve stood, moved slowly, cautiously round the side of the bed and sat down closer to her on the bed. She watched him, eyes pinning him, but said nothing and didn't move. He noticed that she drew her hands away a little from him. "I won't touch you." She kept his gaze, "I promise."
She nodded and let out another sob as she looked down again. He was gentle, radiated trust, but she couldn't look in his eyes or see the bruises she had left on his skin anymore. She was glad the dark haired had stayed outside the room, Bucky he'd said. "I let it kill everyone, I let it out, I wasn't supposed to but I did..."her breaths started to heave again as she sobbed, "I didn't mean to..."
His brow furrowed. "Weren't supposed to?"
"My mother I think." She thought of soft brown hair and sunshine. "She had brown hair. It smelt like coconuts." Her voice was so pained.
"Please let me, us, let us help you?" he inched closer, he was desperate to give her comfort, to touch her, hold her. But he wouldn't until she said or until she initiated it. He felt helpless for her, this small girl who had obviously been through hell. Unshed teas shone in his eyes.
"But how? It won't stop!" she cried in earnest now, eyes puffing up, nose running. "It won't go away. I can't do this, I can't be this way..." she put her hands over her face and hunched forward slightly. "It's just always there now, I don't remember anything else but it being there scratching to get out." She cried and he let her. He wasn't sure how long they sat there but he was determined to give her the time she needed. "Please just kill me or let me do it myself."
"That's not gonna happen kid." Again he wanted to hug her so much, to take all her pain away. When Bucky had come to live with them after they found him again, he had felt like this too. Talked about taking his own life to keep those he cared about safe. "What about now, can you feel it?" He watched as she wiped her face again, the tears still there but slowing.
She shrugged. "I, it isn't threatened or I'm not threatened." She sighed. "I keep saying it, but it's me, I'm it."
Steve nodded, sort of understanding what she meant, the animal was a defence mechanism and had obviously done a good job at trying to keep her safe. "What about the facility? Where we found you, do you remember anything?" He kept his voice quiet and calm.
She shook her head again. "Only the stuff I want to forget. I killed some of them, I know that, I can..." she swallowed hard feeling bile rise in her throat, "remember what their skin tasted like." Her disgust at herself was evident.
"It doesn't matter now." He lowered his head so he could meet her eyes. "Your safe here. With us. I promise we won't let anything happen to you. We've got electronic records from that place, when your ready we can try and figure out your name, along with everything else."
She gestured out to the corridor. "They are scared of me." She gave a little laugh, "I'm scared of me."
His heart just ached for her. "It'll get easier."
She smiled at him, but couldn't hold his gaze and she knew it was guilt. He meant well, but she knew she would have to do it herself. Gain his trust, get him to leave her alone and deal with it herself. Take the pain away and kill it.
"Are you hungry or want anything?" She looked at him briefly then shook her head.
"This is your bed isn't it?" He nodded frowning. "It smells like you. I..." she shrugged, "I can tell people apart through their own kinda smell."
He smiled. "Handy."
She nodded towards the door. "I can smell him a mile off."
Steven shot a glance at a the door and shook his head. "He's a good guy, just give them all a chance."
"Why are you being kind?" She put her hand up to his throat and then pulled it back before she could make contact. "I was going to kill you.'
He smiled and shook his head. "No you weren't. I know you don't want to hurt anyone."
A few minutes of silence sat between them before she spoke again. "Can I wash my hair?"
He smiled at her and chuckled a little. "Sure, I can get you some towels and fresh clothes." He nodded to the room behind them, "You can use my bathroom."
She pulled her feet out from the covers and he noticed how small they were, her skin was flawless and he figured it was down to the healing factor that the animal brought with it. She got up and walked to the bathroom, she went in then came ack out to him. "Do I have to shut the door?"
He saw that she bit her lip as she asked, it was obvious that she didn't want to be shut in. "You don't have to do anything that you don't want to."
She watched him leave and heard the soft voices of him talking to Bucky in the corridor. She rushed into the bathroom and started to rummaged through the cabinets. She found a packet of razors and broke the end off of one so that the blade was exposed without the safety edges. She looked at herself in the mirror and hated what she saw. This had to end. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and racked the blade longways along her left wrist, again and again and again, slicing the skin and digging the blade in deep. Coated with blood she swapped hands and tried with the other wrist, but couldn't grip the blade having gone too deep the other side. She let it slip from her hands and staggered backwards landing on her backside. She watched as the blood poured from her wrist and pooled around her.
After a few moments passed she began to feel lightheaded. The space around her shifted in front of her eyes. She felt herself drifting off to sleep and felt the animal stir a little.
Steve came back into his room and put the clean clothes Nat had given him for her on the bed. "You ok in there?" She didn't reply, so he edged closer to the bathroom, not wanting to intrude or scare her. "Hey, you hear me kid?" He glanced in and saw the cabinets open, then he noticed the blood on the sink. Running into the small space he looked down at her. Grabbing a towel he wrapped it around her gushing wrist. She struggled against him lazily, even groggy her strength was immense. He held onto her, pulling her into his lap, her back to his chest, wrapping his big arms around her. Trying to think how he could get the animal to heal her how Banner had told him it could.
She mumbled against him her eyes rolling in her head as she tried to get away from him. "BUCKY!" He shouted towards the door. A second later Bucky flew into the room and quickly into the bathroom. "Bucky grab her wrist!" Steve got close to her ear and whispered. "He's gonna touch you, come on, ..."
With that she erupted and threw Steve and Bucky simultaneously backwards, Steve into the mirror behind them shattering it and Bucky back towards the door, he crashed into it and took it off it's hinges, splintering it into pieces. The animal came out changing her form, the small girl was gone and the snaring animal was back. Steve crawled to Bucky and they stayed down together watching as it looked around the room, then whimpered as it tried to put weight on it's paw.
"Steve we shou...". Steve threw his arm across in front if his friend watching the animal.
It looked directly at them, without looking at all. "Shut up Buck!" They watched as it's attention was drawn back to it's paw. It licked it, shook it and growled at it before licking it again. Turning back to the ridged pair it opened it mouth and roared at them almost deafening them, then slowly this time it changed back into the girl. Limbs and muscles twitching or breaking they weren't sure, until she was just a naked girl again, and her wrist was closed, still bloodied, but the wound was gone.
She looked at them and then to her wrist. Her face fell and she dropped to her knees crying again. Sobs wracking her body, she covered her face with her hands and was limp. Steve moved fast, not caring if she tore him to spreads, he couldn't let her go any longer without some kind of comfort. He dragged her body into his lap, grab another towel from the side of the bath side him and wrapped it around her. He learnt her head on his chest and stroked her hair, shushing her gently. She cried, sobbed and babbled incoherently into him, she grabbed at his clothes taking every bit of touch and care that he was offering.
Bucky stood and watched for no more than ten seconds, he ran his hands through his hair and left the bathroom. Tony and Nat rushed into Steve's room, he put his hands up and stoped them smoking in any further. "She's fine, Steve's got her. Just..." he shot a glance at the bathroom still hearing her sobs. "Just give him some time."
*****END OF CHAPTER