[Jungkook]
I am really trying to shake this feeling away, I want to ignore it, hopping it will go away, but I feel like the more I ignore it, the louder it calls me. I just can't stop thinking about Jimin, it seem that only when I'm with him I feel at ease. Now that Tae told me he's not in town I'm feeling really anxious. I'm worry for him to much to be just friendship. But I also have feelings for Taehyung, I care for him to much. He doesn't deserve the uncertainty I'm giving him about my feelings. I wish I could tell him that I need some time, but also to ask him to wait for me. I don't want him to leave me, I don't want him to go anymore. But that's unrealistic and selfish to even think about it. But Taehyung is right, he deserves to know what's going on in my mind. I can't ask him to stay there, waiting while I figure thing out. Even though I want him to.
"I think I'm in love with someone else" I told him and I began to cry because that was the first time I say it at loud about my feelings for Jimin. I don't even know if it is love, it could be that his illness have me worrying to much that I'm confusing it for love. That's what I tell myself, even though it doesn't feel like that could be it, but I'm trying to convince my heart that, that's what it is, just worry.
"Jimin?" Tae asked. I wasn't surprised that he assumed it was him. I guess in a way I couldn't hide it. I just nodded, barely moving my head like I was trying to hide it. "Does he knows?" Taehyung ask again.
"No!, he has no idea" I Immediately reply. I don't want him to think that Jimin did something to betray him. That's another issue. I know for sure that Jimin will never have any kind of feeling for me because he loves his brother to much to do anything that might hurt him.
"Do you think he feel the same way about you?" Taehyung ask me. He sounded sad but no mad.
"I don't think so, he has bigger and more important things to think about" I said with out thinking.
"What do you mean, important things?" Tae ask with concerns. That moment I realize that screwed up, now what should I say to fix this? Sure I can say Jimin has school, assignments, or anything that keeps him occupied, but at this point I was just to tired of lying to Tae, I'm already hurting him, at least I can be honest about the situation. Jimin is going to hate me for this, but I also care for Taehyung, he doesn't deserve to be lie to.
"Jimin... he's not ok. His heart..." I couldn't even continue explaining, I began sobbing just thinking about what the doctor said.
"What? ... What's wrong with him?" Taehyung demanded, he was obviously scare of what I was about to say.
"He's might need a heart transplant sooner than we thought"
"WHAT!! No, you're wrong. He's fine. He would've say something to me". Taehyung said grabbing his phone to try to reach for Jimin, but I immediately grab it, preventing him from calling Jimin.
"Don't, he doesn't want you to know"
"What? Why?"
"He doesn't want you to worry, or treat him differently, he doesn't want you to be sad every time you see him." I said. "Please don't tell him that you know. We need to keep him as safe as possible. His doctors says it's better if he doesn't get any emotions that could alter his heart rate." I informed him
"How do you know all this?" He ask with suspicious. Now I guess telling Taehyung how I know all this information is another lie I need to reveal. But I'm already opening this Pandora's box, might as well come out as it is.
"I was with him, in the hospital for his check up" I say lowering my head feeling ashamed of my self for lying.
"You told me you had a school assignment to finish, and I call Jimin to offer to be with him that day. And you're telling me that you two were together, and you lie about it?... Are you two ...?"
"NO!" I interrupted him before he continued, and I told him "I actually invited my self, Jimin didn't want me or anyone else to come along. Since he refused to tell you the true, I force him to take me. I figure he needed moral support from someone." I confess, and it seem like Tae probably believe me half of what I said. But wasn't completely convinced.. After this there was a long silent between us. I was stuck in my head and didn't know how to move forward.
"What should we do now?" Tae ask silently, probably feeling lost, like I was feeling at that moment.
"I don't know" I reply, rubbing my hands in my face to then push my hear back like I was trying to tide it in a ponytail except I didn't have anything to tide it with. There was another silent moment. When suddenly Tae broke the silence by saying...
"You should be with him" he said all of the sudden.
"What?"
"Call him, spend time with him, be by his side. Clearly Jimin knows I can't provide emotional stability during this hard time. But you do, you can give him that stability he needs"
"What makes you think I'm emotionally stable. Can't you see how screwed up I am?" I say almost feeling like he was trying to mock me. Taehyung didn't say anything, he grab his phone from where I left it and dial a number from his contact list. The phone rang three times before someone picked up.
"Hey, what's up" Jimin's voice sounded on the speaker of the phone. Without noticing I sighed just by hearing his voice, and Taehyung notices.
"Jimin-ah, what you're doing?" Tae ask him trying to sound casual, even though I could see his puffy red eyes from crying, his voice sounded almost normal.
"Nothing, my mom it's making dinner. I'm just resting un my old room." He reply. That moment I wanted to ask him if he was feeling ok, if he was tired or sick, but I kept quiet, obviously that wasn't my call.
"Alright, I miss you already" Tae reply. I could hear Jimin smile when he heard those words.
"Miss you too. And how was..." before Jimin could finish his sentence, Tae cut the call with no regret, like he didn't want him to finish what Jimin was about to ask. Then Tae began to write a text message. I couldn't see what he was writing but the moment he press send, two seconds later my phone pings with Tae's message.
"What's this?" I ask when I saw that he send me an address
"That's Jimin's home address in Busan. If you leave now, you can see him after dinner. Go, talk to him, bring him home."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I love you, and I love him too. You two are the most important people in the world to me. If you two need each other. This is my gift to you. You know how to take better care of Jimin, better than I do. I didn't even know what was going on with him, and you did. I'm trusting you with my brother that I love dearly. And I know he will take good care of you, otherwise I won't let him get near you." Taehyung was smiling, but it was a fake smile, because it didn't reach his eyes, in fact his eyes began to water until a single tear roll down through his cheek.
"I don't want to go, I want to stay here" I said. My heart was breaking in half. A part of me wanted to go after Jimin and the other part want to stay and cuddle in Taehyung arms. How I wish I could have them both.
Taehyung got close to me, wipe my tears, cupping my face between his large hands and kiss me one more time. It was a sweet soft kiss. Then he looked at me and said:
"Go, bring him home. Jimin is not taking the love of my life away from me, I'm giving him the best gift he could ever have."
"You're assuming that he even care about me. Maybe he doesn't even like me"
"He will." Tae said and then, he let go of my face, and walk away to his bedroom, leaving me by my self in the living room. That moment I felt like a part of me was staying behind after I left the apartment. That moment I learned that no matter who I'm with, I'm always gonna miss the other. It's like Jimin and Taehyung are two sides if the same soul. I can't love one without the other.
[TAEHYUNG POV]
I heard the door closing after Jungkook left the apartment. That moment I let go and began to cry and scream in pain for letting my love go away. I wanted to run after him, hugged him and tell him to stay, to never ever go. I wanted to scream that I want him back. But deep down I knew that destiny wasn't meant for me. I've been having the feeling that Jungkook was never meant for me, it was Jimin who was supposed to have him all along. How they actually met first before I came into the picture, how they spend hours talking about subject I don't understand, how well they connected, and how much Jungkook worry about his health. Everything make sense now, the visit, the breakfast, going to the hospital. How I end up meeting Jungkook the same day Jimin got sick. Even the fact that Jungkook never felt confortable to make love to me, Destiny was using me to get them together, Jungkook was supposed to be with him and help him through his illness. But I got in the way.
I love him, I love them both. My heart is broken, but not betrayed. I feel sad, but no angry. I would give my own heart to Jimin to save his life, if I could. But this is the closest I can give him, no my heart, but my love. I cry and sobbed the rest of the night until I was to tired to stay awake. That was the only way I was able to fell asleep.