Songs for the chapter : Come out and play by Billie eilish.
She by Jake Scott.
Soch by Hardy Sandhu.
Dusk till dawn by Zayn & Sia (this song is my heart.)
* * * *
A gentle breeze blew against white translucent curtains, then sun spilling its light through glass windows. A person so much shorter than him, was standing in the warm golden light filtering through the curtains, Her hair brown, curtained the vision; her hands, soft and warm, ran down the skin. She is so beautiful.
Then he felt a large hand on his shoulder shaking him awake, "hey Grandson, look who's here?"
"You’re so pretty," Sidharth couldn’t resist saying, ignoring the other person.
Shehnaaz had brown hair and she had beautiful brown eyes to match. She reminded Sidharth of the scent of cherry blossoms and vanilla sugar. A sweet distraction for a lifetime of loneliness.
Even though Sidharth couldn’t clearly see it, her cheeks burned red and she didn’t say a word as the other person said, "Well I would have preferred Ruggedly handsome, but... Thank you?"
Sidharth frowns as he heard the familiar voice, he turned around and saw a blurry face of his grandfather, "Hi, what are you doing here so early in the morning? Did the newspaper guy dropped you off or something?" Sidharth mumbled.
"Are you high son? It's two in the afternoon."
"Oh..."he blinked at his grandpa, then suddenly like a light bulb switched on, he sat up on bed wide eyed, sleep leaving in a quick flick.
"Hi" his voice squeaked, he clears his throat, "wow.. Um.. You guys are here!!?.... right so.. Um.. What are you guys doing here?" he asks when he saw his grandmother too behind her granddad.
"You didn't thought of informing anyone before you took off, not even your mother, she called us, told us that bike wasn't in the garage and we had a suspicion you might have come here" Her grandpa said as he moves at stood beside his wife and looked at Shehnaaz fondly, who was looking down fiddling with the cloths in her hand.
"Come on Sidharth bache, fresh hokar niche ajja" His grandma patted his hair and went out of the room, with his grandpa in tow.
He sighed and rubbed the sleep of his face, and looked at Shehnaaz who placed the cloths, probably of Arjun's on the chair for him to change into and she didn't even looked at him once.
Suddenly all the things that happened yesterday when he came here, and all the things he told her came in his mind, and he felt a sudden dread in his stomach at her behavior.
Did he scare her off? Has she not forgiven him? Is he too late?
He tried to say something but she was already walking out of the room.
He walked into the bathroom for a quick shower, he stood under the warm water and closed his eyes as he mentally run through the events of yesterday.
He doesn't know what is he feeling or what is he supposed to feel, he feels relieved to tell her everything, he feels happy that there are no more secrets between them, he feels excited about the future, but more than that he's feeling....... conflicted, It's under the surface and mixed with some anxiety. He's not used to the combination, it's truly odd. Perhaps it's like that for everyone starting something new, pleasure at gaining forward momentum and fear of the change. It's hard work, but worth it.
Or maybe he's feeling guilty, he's feeling guilty because he couldn't keep her promise, Amara's Promise to never love anyone else.
But he doesn't love Shehnaaz, right? He's just emotionally attached to her and attracted also, he wants to spend his life with her, he wants to make her his, and for that he has to talk to her.
With that thought in mind he got ready and went downstairs. He can hear voices as he walks towards the living room.
“I think you missed a spot,” Arjun teases from his seat at the table from where he is stuffing a Pimiento cheese Quiche.
Anita turns around on the step stool she’s at the top of, feather duster in hand and puts her hands on her hips to purse her lips and stare down at Arjun. “Well, if anyone else ever took care of it, I wouldn’t have to do this in the first place,” she chides but Arjun sees the smile under her guise. He knows she loves dusting all the books though.
Sidharth enters the room hesitantly, and they both turned towards him, "Hey guys, where's everyone?"
"Oh hey Sid, dadi and dadaji went out for a stroll with Shehnaaz, they waited for you" She said as she climb down and started reaching for the corner of a wall, but her arm could not reach there.
He felt a little disappointed as he really wanted to talk to her.
"Here let me help you" He offered when he saw her struggling, he grabs the feather duster and easily removed the cobwebs and dust, "Oh.. Thank you, that's very nice of you" She smiles.
Sidharth Shrugs, "Contrary to what happened, I'm not a terrible person."
"Well, given that you didn't exactly convince any of us the when you decided to just - "
"Arjun!" Anita said hitting him lightly on the chest, he rolls his eyes, "I'm a big brother, you should expect these kind of jibs for a while." Anita glares at him, but Sidharth only chuckles, he was so glad that his Shehnaaz has such a protective but understanding big brother.
"You must be famished, here let me heat up Some Quiches for you" Arjun said but Sidharth shook his head, "No thank you, I will just make some tea for myself"
"Okay, I should get back to work, see you in the evening" Arjun said and went out of door and after few minutes Anita announces that she has to pick Krish from School.
"Hey Sidharth would you mind feeding Elvis?" Anita said as she hurries over to grab car keys from the key holder.
"Elvis?" Sidharth asked in confusion.
"Oh... Right, you haven't met Elvis. It's a new pet Shehnaaz found at a park, you know how she is. He's in the family room, just grab some carrots from the refrigerator. Okay?.. I'm going. Byyyeeee" Anita went out before Sidharth can say anything.
He chuckles at the thought of Shehnaaz bringing another stray. He was also a little curious as what did she brought this time. He grab some carrots and went towards the family room, he looked around and there he was in a white and blue canvas bottom cage.
* * * *
Finally after a long walk through the nearby market, they all came back, they saw Anita and Krish on their way and decided to have ice cream in this cold, she wasn't feeling like eating anything so she told them she's going back home.
Unfortunately for her, when she opened the door to the house, what greeted her was unbridled chaos.
The place had been ransacked. Every couch cushion was on the floor, every table turned on its side, all the drawers opened and their contents strewn across the floor.
Shehnaaz's immediate thought was that there had been a break in. Her next thought was that the intruder might still be in the house. Her thoughts seemed to be confirmed when she heard a thump come from the kitchen.
Shehnaaz went into fight mode, grabbing an umbrella from near the door and wielding it in front of herself like a sword. She supposed it would have been more intimidating if it didn’t happen to be the bright rainbow one she insisted on buying for the beach last summer, but it would have to do.
She tiptoed towards the kitchen. She took a deep breath before jumping into the room, guns – erm, umbrella – blazing.
"I must warn you, I am armed and dangerous!" She roared as she surged forward blindly, ready to strike the home invader.
"Wha – OH MY GOD SHEHNAAZ WHAT THE HELL!?"
Shehnaaz startled at the sound of the voice shouting back at her, causing her to pull the umbrella up short before it hit its target. “Sidharth?”
"Of course it’s me." he grabbed the umbrella out of her hand before she hit him somewhere.
"I thought you were an intruder." she defended lamely.
"What were you gonna do? Mary Poppins me to death?"
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. "You have watched Mary Poppins"
"Never mind." he shook his head, putting the umbrella down. "We have bigger problems on our hands."
"Clearly." Shehnaaz raised her eyebrows at Sidharth as she surveyed the disaster zone that was the kitchen. "Why are you tearing apart the house?"
Shehnaaz watched as Sidharth's face went from indignant about the umbrella to utterly crestfallen and distressed over whatever was going on.
"Sidharth!?" her voice was laced with concern. "What is it? What’s wrong?"
"Shehnaaz" his voice was wrecked. "I swear it was an accident."
"What was an accident?"
"I didn’t mean to – I was just trying to help him!" Sidharth stressed.
"Him? Who is him?" Shehnaaz prompted, thoroughly confused.
"He kept making noise so I figured he wanted attention and you’re always talking about how we need to bond with animals more or some shit so I thought what the hell I’ll give it a shot." Sidharth started to ramble, clearly panicking. "He seemed antsy so I thought maybe he wants some food and I opened the door to his cage and I turned around for two seconds – two seconds, Shehnaaz – and when I turned back around he was gone. Like, vanished."
"Elvis? You’re talking about Elvis?"
"YES – Elvis. I lost Elvis. I can’t find him anywhere. Only his little guitar is left" Sidharth looked like he was physically in pain from his admission of guilt as he shows her the tiny miniature of guitar. "Please don’t hate me. I know you are not a big fan of me right now, but I'll find that rat-"
"Guinea pig." Shehnaaz corrected with a glare.
"Yeah, that… ginnywhatever pig." Sidharth continued, frazzled. "I know you're angry at me and don't like me right now but I swear I wouldn’t just lose him like this. I didn’t even know he could climb out of his cage! What is he, some kind of super pig? Aren’t pigs supposed to be lazy?"
Shehnaaz rolled his eyes. "He isn’t an actual pig. And for the record, regular pigs can also be quite fast."
"Oh my god, Shehnaaz, enough with the animal kingdom lesson." he ran his hand down his face in distress. "The point is he is gone and it is my fault and he didn’t even get the damn carrot I was going to give him." Sidharth pulled the carrot out his back pocket and shook it in front of her face to emphasize his point.
Shehnaaz let out an exasperated sigh. "He isn’t gone, Sidharth."
"Uh, yeah, he is." Sidharth gave het a perplexed look. "In case you didn’t notice, I’ve kinda been looking for him and the lost pig refuses to be found."
"Guinea pig." Shehnaaz turned on her heel and started to head down the hall. "And he isn’t gone. You just don’t know where to look."
"Huh? What do you mean?" Sidharth trailed after her anxiously.
"He has a favorite spot." Shehnaaz explained as he led him into Arjun's office.
"A favorite spot? Why the hell didn’t I know about this favorite spot?"
"Probably for the same reason you can’t seem to remember that he is a guinea pig and also you haven't been here for past month." Shehnaaz chided.
"Very funny." he snapped. "So where is this ‘favorite spot?’"
"Right here." she pulled back the curtain to the bay window in the office, and there was Elvis, peacefully sitting atop one of the bench cushions. "He likes to sit in the sun."
"Well I’ll be damned." Sidharth's eyes went wide in shock. "The little bastard was here the whole damn time."
"Language, Sidharth." Shehnaaz scolds as he sat down next to Elvis.
"How’d he even get up here?"
"He uses my books piled on the floor as steps."
"Huh. He’s a tricky little guinea pig, isn’t he?"
"Hey! You got it right!" Shehnaaz smiled down at Sidharth.
"Yeah, yeah." he rolled his eyes, but she noted the fond look in his eyes, relief spreading across his face now that Elvis had been found.
Sidharth pointed the carrot he still had in his possession at Elvis. “You better enjoy this carrot, you little rascal.”
"I’m sure he will, Sidharth." she chuckled. "Now, about the state of the house, I don't think Anita would be very happy…" he groaned in response, causing her to laugh harder, "And for the record I'm not angry at you"
Meanwhile, Elvis munched on his carrot, happily basking in his favorite sunny spot.
* * * *
Shehnaaz was taking out the crushed Graham crackers from the blender into a glass bowl when Dada Ji put butter and a jar of sugar on the counter.
"So, um butter check,... Sugar check, now what?" Shehnaaz smiled as she grabs a cup to measure sugar.
"Now add one third of granulated Suger and four tablespoons of melted butter" She instructed and Dada Ji did the same and starts to mix it thoroughly, "hmm...the smell is really good— he frowns— but I don't think Geeta could eat this, it's too much sugar"
"Aww.. Dada Ji, you care for dadi so much" Shehnaaz gushes while mixing another mixture for crust, only this one is sugar-free.
"So, meri biwi ki chinta main nahi karoonga, toh kon karega?" Dada Ji said while pouring the crust in a pie dish, and starts to pack it down, so it becomes tight and doesn't break while heating.
"That's so cute, but don't worry I'm making a sugar-free mixture for your biwi" Shehnaaz said as she also packs down the mixture in another pie dish.
She placed both the crusts into the oven and set the time. Then she grabbed a large glass bowl and poured sweetened condensed milk into it, and after put the bowl in a roasting pan and covered it with aluminum foil she put it in oven and took out both the pie dishes as the crust is ready.
"Now it will take at least two hours for the milk to caramelized" She said while cleaning the counter, and dada Ji put everything at the place.
He looked at her fondly and crossed his arms, "So now you have two hours to tell me that why aren't you talking to Sidharth?"
Suddenly her hand stops rubbing the counter and the easy smile she had vanishes from her face as she heard the question, first she thought of feigning indifference, she thought of hiding her feelings, lying to him, she was good at it, hiding her feelings, but then she looked at the experienced eyes of the older man and she couldn't do it, she has never seen her own grandfather but if he was anything like the person standing in front of her, a person she has met just this morning, she knew her life could have been so much different.
"Because he was gone" She looked down at the counter and started cleaning again, "I wasn't there when I told my story, not mentally, but when I came back he was gone... And it's not even his fault, it wasn't mine either, our past has left some really deep scars-" she clears her throat, then chuckles sadly, "I have been so used to being hurt, that now even a small glimpse of happiness scares me... And I don't know how to not be scared" She takes a shaky breath.
She grabs the bananas and starts to cut them, she needs something to do or else she will a heaping flesh on the floor crying her eyes out.
Dada Ji looks at her with sad, but understanding eyes, but he did not said anything and let her collect herself, her thoughts.
"I have always asked myself am I worthy enough? Does my existence means anything to anyone? I know my brother and his family loves me and I'm.... Grateful for that but" She stops and took out some whipped cream. "I want.. I want a family of my own, but do I even know how a family works? Mine was.... Well I never realky lived in a happy family when I was a kid, at age eight I found out that my mother cheated on her husband with another man and I was the result which they never wanted, I just don't know how to fill the emptiness, I have moved on, but it feels like I'm still stuck..... Feels like I'm afraid of the change" —she looks up at him —"it doesn't matter that I can now tell my story without being a crying mess, but it's the change I fear the most, I don't if I can be what he needs,
Because I can tell you I never felt more empty in mind, body or soul, when I saw him gone, never so bereft of any comfort. I have never felt so worthless or disposable, never so wretched and cold."
"But he told me his story and I don't know if I can help him move from his past, I don't know if I can heal his scars or if he can help heal mine."
She didn't realized that she has tears in her eyes till she felt a loving hand on her head.
"But is it really necessary for you both to 'heal your scars' why not..... just accept them as they are."
She looks at him wide eyed as she thought about his words and he smirks while eating a spoon full of cream, "I know I'm always right." and then she gives him a sad watery smile, "I can see from where he gets his charm."
She shook her head, she was scared she will say something that may push him away, and she doesn't want him to leave her or to go, but she also doesn't want to talk.
What was she supposed to do?
"How are you supposed to be happy, if you are afraid of the change, don't be afraid of the change, embrace it with open arms, don't think about the future just let him in."
"I just.... "She shrugged her shoulder, and bit her lip so she won't cry.
"It may not seem much but..... You did it, after everything you are still here and for that I'm really proud of you." he said and Shehnaaz for the first time felt a warm glow of hope in her heart.
Meanwhile, Sidharth was sitting in his room's floor talking on the phone while dadi gives him a 'champi'.
He throws the phone away in frustration after cutting the call, dadi ask, "What's the matter Sidharth, why are so tensed?" he shrugs off her question, "Nothing dadi, it's... It's just work related stuff."
"Hmmm...does your frustration also have something to do with the fact that you aren't talking to Shehnaaz?"
He gives a tired sigh. "I tried taking to her but.... I didn't get the chance"
"oh, is that so? I didn't know that there is something that Sidharth Raizaada can't do."
"That's not the case dadi, I just.... "
"Should I tell you the reason why?"
He didn't say anything and she keep on rubbing and massaging her head, she speaks, and he closes his eyes like getting ready for one of her stories, like he used to do when he was a kid, "You were only eleven when you parents split up, you were angry with your mother for a very long time, but eventually you understood what she was going through, but your anger for your father never left you and you didn't even realize but you started being secluded from everyone, pushing away your friends, your family, it was miracle you even let Kushal and Harvey came close to you, but those boys also never back down and always had your back, but still there was a barrier, you made around you, to protect yourself, you never even let Amara come through."
"Your relationship with Amara was.... Just there, like a label, she never cared enough to look deeper and ask you if you are okay? And you were relived for that, because then you didn't have to open up to her, but now you revealed your whole past in front of Shehnaaz, become vulnerable in front of Shehnaaz, and that's makes you.... Scared."
He opens his eyes at this sudden realization, he never really thought something like this, he never realized he was so closed off.
"You are scared to give someone this much power over yourself and then get hurt.... But that's not how it works, bache, what happened with your parents was because of your father's choices and if you never even try, you might lose the best thing that might happen to you. And if I'm being honest with you Amara wasn't the one you wanted, she was just the one you settled for, she was someone who never challenged you."
This sudden realization hit him like a Mack truck has collided with his body, all his senses going haywire, heart pounding so hard against his ribcage as his pulse pressed outward, jerking the veins within.
He stood up and grabs his jacket and was just going out of the room, in a daze when dadi suddenly asked, "Where are you going Sidharth?"
"To plan a date." and disappear out of the room.
And then suddenly Dada Ji, who was hiding there in the hallway entered his room and smiled at his wife.
"Plan worked."
"Thank God for that, kaisa pota hai, I hope we don't have to even plan their children too." She walks towards him.
"Geeta!" Dada Ji exclaimed, shocked at his wife's words, and she laughs at her husband's reaction.
"Oh come on, lighten up a bit, Mr. Raizaada." She teases him, and he shakes his head at her crazy wife, "Whatever you say, Mrs. Raizaada."
"Okay now let's go, I can't wait to taste Shehnaaz's Banoffee pie." she says and walk put of the room.
"Wait, don't you dare eat the sugary one." He shouts waking after her.
* * * *
Shehnaaz suspected Sidharth had something to do with the fact that Arjun had picked her up to take her to the restaurant. He’d dropped her off a few minutes early with a smile and wished her luck, and told her to call if she needed him.
“If Sidharth tries to pull anything, you just let me know. I’ll kick his ass,” He’d told her, grinning but there was a lilt of sincerity to his voice and Shehnaaz thanked almighty for the umpteenth time that she got such a caring big brother. But instead of voicing that thought, she had kissed his cheek and made a playful teasing face at him, telling him not to wait up, to which he narrowed his eyes and said, "No funny business."
Once she was seated, all the nerves she’d kept at bay came crashing down onto her and for just a moment she wondered if this was really a good idea. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to be there, she’d been imaging this scenario long before Sidharth had planned this out. But something she couldn’t put a name to tickled the back of her mind, sending the slightest doubts into her thoughts. But She pushed it out of her mind, replacing it with the picture of his elated smile when she agreed to come, the twinkle in his eyes that she wasn’t accustomed to seeing much but knew she would have no problem getting used to.
It was almost funny how normal it all seemed. Like he didn’t he didn't just left a month ago without saying anything, when she was pouring her heart out, Like she didn’t spend her nights crying, while stuffing herself with ice cream while watching corny romantic movies, and wishing that Sidharth was there beside her, wiping her tears.
The restaurant was nice, probably too nice, not the kind of place you get a table on impulse, large mullioned windows, long embroidered curtains, delicate live piano music, flagstone tile floor, lounge area with embroidered couches, oval coffee tables with splendidly proportioned cabriole legs, tea served from silver trays in white teapots.
Then she realized the table she is seated on is in secluded part of the restaurant, the light music of piano is filtering in her senses, the small tea light candles flickering in glass holders. The table was under the canopy of a cherry blossom adorned with little gold lights twinkling like stars, she smiles when she sees red and white tulips on the table, with a small note.
She’d lifted her head, turning to the door when she swore she sensed his presence from halfway across the room. The sight of him standing there, his calluses but gorgeous skin was oddly juxtaposed to the crispness of his white shirt and black window-pained checkered pants, tailored to perfection, likely in a high end London Taylor's shop. She frowns at some of the women, and men too running their suggestive eyes all over him.
But not his eyes though, His eyes had a look of long yearned for mischief beneath those lids but also looking at her like she’d hung the stars, made her breath catch and her heart do a dance in her chest. She’d seen him like this plenty of times, sure; but it doesn't stop her heart to flutter like a humming bird each and every time, But the knowledge that tonight he was dressed up for her did something to short circuit her brain and she couldn’t have stopped the smile spreading on her face if she’d wanted to.
Sidharth crossed to her in quick strides, looking every bit as awestruck and dazed as she felt, as he looks at her, adorning a short red dress, There was a softness to her appearance, a kind of warmth married to a shyness. Shehnaaz stood to meet him and only hesitated for a short second before rising to her tiptoes and reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck. Every muscle in his body relaxed against her touch as his arms came up to wind around her back and pull her even closer. She melted into him a little more when Sidharth pressed his face into her hair and Shehnaaz knew somehow that she’d never forget the way it felt to be so close to him, so blissfully wrapped up in his safety and strength.
"Hi" she said eventually, voice low and the smile on her face ringing clear in her tone.
He released her, and almost immediately she missed his warmth but then his hands were sliding up her arms and coasting over her cheeks and then tucking a stray fall of hair behind her ear, hand lingering where his knuckles brushed her skin and Shehnaaz gave in for just a moment, leaning into the touch.
"Hey" his eyes were shining at her and his lips wore that lazy seductive smile that she was sure he didn’t know how to tone down.
Shehnaaz did nothing but beam at him for a few beats, content to just look at him, so comfortable and happy, for as long as he’d let her.
It was Sidharth that finally broke the silence again. "You look… wow. I mean, just, whoa. You- you’re beautiful."
His voice took on a rare quality she didn’t often hear from him, and if She didn’t know better she’d swear he sounded nervous. She let herself feel a moment of pride in the knowledge that she, of all people, had rendered Sidharth Raizaada a stuttering, all but speechless mess.
"You don’t look half bad yourself" a teasing lilt snuck into her voice as her reached out to straighten the collar of his shirt, hardly noticing the action and smoothing it out before she met his eyes and saw her smile mirrored on his face.
He was smiling a lot tonight.
She loved being the reason for that.
The waiter still standing beside their table cleared his throat and brought them back to the world around them. They both took their seats and Shehnaaz thanked him for the floweres, eyes hardly straying from the other until they were handed menus and smiling at themselves as they hummed in sync at the choices. Shehnaaz ordered the chicken, Sidharth ordered pasta (lmao).
* * * *
Two hours later they were still at their table, sipping wine, Shehnaaz told him the story of her first time drinking wine, how she’d snuck a sip from her mother’s glass and how it was the most awful thing she’d ever tasted, how she’d sworn off wine for many years before Zara convinced her to taste a decent bottle and she’d been taken with it. Sidharth had laughed, probably more at her animated storytelling than the story itself.
Shehnaaz sat back in her seat, the soft buzz from the two glasses of wine and again experiencing an unguarded and open Sidharth leaving her warm and giddy. She was amazed at how comfortable she felt with him like this, how natural it felt to take this step and how easy it was to sit at that table swapping stories and getting to know one another on different level than their already ceaseless knowledge of each other.
The time passed in a blur, moving too quickly and slowing to a near halt all at once and it felt like just minutes after they had arrived when finally it was time to go, he led her out, hand resting on the small of her back and Shehnaaz shivered at the sparks his touch ignited, even through the scarlet fabric of her dress.
They both strolled towards the parking lot but decided to take a walk around, a lazy walk on the side walk, while holding hands, contented smiles on their faces, with each stride her mind became more clear, more resolute, as the physical distance between them starts disappearing. He looked at her in awe, as the cold moonlight caressed her skin, promising a new dusk, a new beginning, Then, abruptly paused to close her eyes and take in a deep breath of dewy air, she steeled herself to only think of her future from here on in. A future they would mould, build, direct. He turned and stood in front of her, and she stood eyes closed, music filtering around them from a nearby club.
Wake up and smell the coffee
Is your cup half full or empty?
When we talk, you say it softly
But I love it when you're awfully quiet
She opens her eyes, "Thank you.. This is the best date of my life."
He cups her face, "It's not ending yet.... I.." Uncertainty flicker in his eyes, but then he looked her determined, "I want to ask you something, but before that I want to say something."
She waited, he sighed and looked down, a cold breath leaving his mouth, "Sometimes I close my eyes and think about that day, if I could have done something different to save my sister.... I imagine I didn't gave Gaurav the key to my car, I imagine..... I wasn't drunk that night, I imagine I saved Amara.... But then I open my eyes and I see the reality..But I don't want to do that anymore, I don't want to live my life just imagining about my past, I want to move forward.... With you."
He took both her hands in his, still looking down, "Dadi told me that the reason why it took me so long was, because I was afraid.... Afraid of feeling so much, I have never felt what I feel when I'm with you, when you smile, it feels like winter sunshine, when you laugh, it's feel like my heart will explode, I go through a whirlwind of emotions when I'm with it's like I'm on top of the world one moment and the other.... I want to hit my own head on a wall" —he chuckles and she laughs teary eyed— "But I wouldn't have you any other way, I want you.... Just the way you are."
And I know it makes you nervous
But I promise you, it's worth it
To show 'em everything you kept inside
Don't hide, don't hide
Too shy to say, but I hope you stay
Don't hide away
Come out and play
He finally looks up, his eyes red and he bit his lip, "I'm not saying I won't fuck up... I would fuck shit up..It's just so easy to be cruel in that moment and then the damage is done. So many times I've wanted to unsay things, take it back. I'm learning how to deal with it, but slowly. I didn't only hurt you, I hurt others to with my words"—saying that he thought about his baby brother, Kushal and the way he accused him—"I would make lots of mistake but I won't... I can't leave you, this one month was hell without you, but I don't want that anymore, I don't want to be afraid anymore, I want to protect you, wipe away your tears—he smiles as he wipes her tears with his thumbs—"I want you, if you could have me, i want to ask, would you be my girlfriend?"
"What if I say no?"
"Then I'll wait.... Maybe a year ago, we will meet at a Café, you will be sitting in a corner with a book and a new pet, maybe a cat but it's you so it could be anything, then suddenly you will notice me and we will talk, and I'll again ask you, would you like to go on a date with me?"
"And again if I said no?"
"Then I'll still wait, maybe we will meet again in a busy street, I'll be wandering looking for you in unknown faces, then I'll see you, standing at a sidewalk with someone... Laughing, looking up at him, like he's your everything, then-" he couldn't say anything as his voice choked, even the thought of her with someone else breaks him, tear rolls down her face as she looks at the pain in his eyes. "Anyways I would just walk to you and ask would you like to be my companion for a walk in a park."
She bit her lip, her lips trembles as she asks, "And if I still said no?"
"Then I'll wait, and then years later we will meet again in a park, all wrinkly with grey hair, you are sitting alone on a bench with your hundreds pet, and I'll ask you would you be my everything?"
Look up, out of your window
See snow, won't let it in though
Leave home, feel the wind blow
'Cause it's colder here inside in silence
And you don't have to keep it quiet
Shehnaaz suddenly hugs him tightly while sobbing, she couldn't do this, she couldn't hurt this man anymore, she couldn't hurt herself anymore, she won't be afraid anymore of the unknown, won't be afraid of the change. He wraps her in his arms and gulps down the knot forming in his throat.
"Am.. I.. Am I really worthy enough? Would you really do that for me?"
He hugs her tighter, pain spreads all over his heart, "Of course baby, you are worthy of everything, and yeah.. I'll do that, you know why? Because this is it for me, you are it for me."
"You are worthy of the stars lightening the night sky, the moon looking out for you in dark nights, the sun glowing up your world golden, the winds that tickles the skin, you are worthy of everything that make life possible, and this is me standing in front of you, is also yours, all yours but would you be mine?"
She pushes away from him softly and looks up in his eyes, "Honestly, truly, completely.... yours."
"Shehnaaz" her name escaped his lips, a question and a title and a prayer all at once.
"Sidharth" his name fell from hers, barely a sigh of the word that had come to mean so much in her mind. Safety, bravery, brokenness, hero.
It was all he needed.
His mouth covered hers in a nanosecond, gentle and sweet and everything Shehnaaz had thought kissing Sidharth would be. The thought crossed her mind that she’d never imagined his lips would be so soft, either.
He tasted like wine and breadsticks and he smelled like cologne and home.
Rising onto her toes, Shehnaaz slanted her mouth more fully over his and then he was backing her against the wall and his hand was tangling in her hair and any thoughts that had found their way into her mind dissolved into nothing when he nipped at her lower lip. She made a noise she never knew she could, caught somewhere between a sigh and a whimper, wholly contented. It fell into the space between their mouths when her lips parted, eliciting a smile from Sidharth.
His pulse was thrumming against her wrist, their heartbeats filling in the rhythm that the music had let die out. It was a song all their own, one that had been building and gaining volume for the past month and was all they could hear now that it was no longer being ignored.
She didn’t know how long they stood there like that, kissing in the sidewalk like a teenagers. But eventually they parted, catching their breath and letting the moment soak into them, committing the feeling to memory.
Neither of them said anything for a long while, afraid that words would shatter the bubble around them.
Several moments later, it was once again Sidharth that broke the silence.
"You are Mine." he smiled so big like she gave him a treasure he was looking for all his life.
Shehnaaz grinned at the sentiment, both at the corniness of it and the overwhelming sincerity in his voice when he said it, then he was pressing his lips to hers again, effectively swallowing any words she might have had.
Several minutes later, he was opening the passenger side door of his car for her and driving her home. She felt lightheaded and fuzzy, and she couldn’t help a giggle at the thought of not what but who she was intoxicated by. Shehnaaz watched him while he drove, shooting her looks full of smiling eyes and flushed cheeks every chance he got. Their grins could give the Cheshire Cat a run for his money.
They entered the house, no one was awake, he walked her to her room, twining their fingers together and pecking her lips, whispering a "Good night"
Then he walked towards his own room.
Shehnaaz sank onto her bed when she walked into her bedroom, grinning like an idiot and feeling like the clichéd lead role in every chick flick she’d ever seen after their first date with their Prince Charming.
She grabbed her night clothes, this time guinea pigs printed all over them, she changed in the bathroom, and was still smiling when she brushed up her hair and got ready for bed, but after twenty when she couldn't find sleep knocking her eyes anytime soon, she stood up and opened the door of her room, and stopped short when she saw Sidharth standing already, a hand raised to knock on the door.
They both smiled at each other, "I couldn't sleep.... Not without you" he blushed and rubbed his neck.
"If you couldn't tell.... I also couldn't sleep. Would.. Would you like to.. I don't know sleep in there....like cuddle and stuff"
"Cuddle and stuff?" he teases but says, "Your brother will kill me, and I don't want to disrespect him."
She smiles, "you can sleep on my bed and I can sleep on the blow up mattress."
After erhat she set her mattress beside the bed, and he helped and got back from his room after changing into pajamas. They both lay on their beds while looking at each other, she snakes her hand towards him meeting his hand in the middle, he intertwined their hands and gives a kiss, a calmness spreads around them and soon their eyes flicker shut and they ride around in the dream world.
They were together walking into their own destiny, a destiny that lay squarely in their own hands
* * * *
Above is the photo of their attires for their first date. (the dress is so cute)
Happy reading!!!!
- Rain :)