"Y/N?" A hand waves in front of your face. You returned to the office after two months of absence. Working from the comfort of your home for this project has definitely spoiled you.
You're finding yourself nodding to sleep at your desk. Technically, you're still working on the project until the end of December but you wanted to at least inform your boss about the progression before heading back home.
However, your boss has yet to come into work this morning. Azumane pokes your cheek with the end of his pen, startling you. Sitting up right and fluttering away your heavy eyelids, you look over to Azumane.
"Did you not get any sleep last night?" Azumane chuckles from your surprised reaction. Rubbing your eyes, you shake your head. "I had a busy day yesterday." A yawn escapes from your lips. "We had a recording for Kenma's game and it was Tetsurō's birthday as well."
Azumane nods in understanding. "Wanna go grab some coffee? It's been awhile."
You glance at the clock that reads 10AM. Shrugging, you nod along to Azumane's suggestion. You grab your purse off your desk and place it over your shoulder. Azumane and you leave the office together. Hopefully by the time you two come back, your boss should be in his office.
Azumane lets you step in the elevator first before entering after you. A silence looms between the two of you.
"Something on your mind?" Azumane carefully speaks his thoughts aloud. His eyes focus on the elevator numbers going down on the screen beside the doors. You purse your lips in response. Azumane can still figure you out even though the two of you have been absent from one another.
Relaxing your tight shoulders, you exhale. Your fingers run through your hair messily. "A lot, actually." You flick your eyes over to Azumane with a weak smile. "Is it okay if I tell you about it?"
The corner of Azumane's lips curl into a smile. He glances at his watch. "My time is yours Y/N. You know that." He chuckles dryly from how cheesy he sounds and you playfully roll your eyes, nudging his shoulder with your elbow.
"We only have 30 minutes for this break. Let's be realistic Asahi." The two of you exit the elevator with laughter.
🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.
With your hot caramel frappuccino in hand, you and Azumane find two bar stool chairs at the front of the café away from the other patrons in the shop. You take a sip of your frappuccino, gazing out of the window. Azumane quietly looks out and patiently waits for you to voice your thoughts.
"This is a bit difficult to talk about since the situation is similar to yours." Your lips part slightly when you begin to speak. Lowering your eyes down, you rub your thumb in circular motion against the drink.
Azumane raises an eyebrow, tilting his head. Nibbling on your bottom lip, you sigh. "Kenma...I found out he likes me. Or well, loves me. Probably for years now."
A moment of surprise flashes on Azumane's face. His eyes widen when he hears the news but he remains quiet.
With a lopsided smile, you dryly laugh. "I don't know how I find myself in these situations where so many great guys like me." You grow quiet before continuing. "I'm sure there's someone out there dying to be in my spot right now. But the reality is...this is stressful. Having to hurt the ones close to me and not reciprocate their feelings back. This kind of situation pains me but it pains the other person more."
You force your eyes closed. "I started wondering if meeting Kenma and even Tetsurō again was a mistake. That maybe if we kept things how they were ten years ago, it would've been better off for them. Kenma would find someone else and so would..." You couldn't finish your sentence.
The thought of Kuroo dating and even marrying someone else is a thought you feared the most. Despite how much you tried to pull yourself away from him. Despite how you treated him coldly at first.
Despite all that...
"You would've regretted it Y/N." Azumane speaks up when he finds an opening. "You know yourself better than anyone. You would've regretted it if you saw Kuroo with someone else." Azumane's voice is comforting as a warm blanket in the winter. He timidly places a hand on your shoulder causing you to flutter your eyes open.
"You would be more heartbroken if you saw Kuroo loving someone else. Because to you, Kuroo will always be your first and last love." Azumane tries to hold the smile on his face but his furrowed brows show his real emotions. It's hard for him to give Y/N advice like this. His feelings are still recovering but he remains strong for her.
"Kuroo holds a special place in your heart. You wouldn't have pushed him away so much if you didn't care about him. I can't speak on Kenma's behalf but, at the end of the day..." Azumane lowers his eyes for a brief moment before staring directly into your eyes.
"I want nothing more than to see you happy. Of course I'll be hurt along the way, but I too, will find someone that loves me. I don't know when. But I'm not going to rush the process." Azumane exhales with a bitter laugh. "The single life isn't too bad either. I'll just put most of my time and attention into my career."
You place a hand on Azumane's shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. "You'll find someone. She might be closer than you think." You form a smile and Azumane grows shy from your words.
"H-Hey, I'm suppose to be comforting you right now." Azumane pulls his hand away from your shoulder. He casts his eyes back outside the window, slurping down his Americano.
You quietly giggle under your breath.
"Did anything else happen to bother you?" Azumane speaks up again. You nod your head.
"My feelings for Tetsurō. I know I shouldn't feel guilty for having these feelings for him. But...I don't know how to respond to them when I now know Kenma's feelings."
"Kenma understands. I'm sure he was well aware of the consequences to his confession like I was. The two of us selfishly voiced our feelings despite knowing they'll never be returned. We shouldn't have put you in that position. I realized a bit later how cruel that was on you mentally." Azumane lowers his head in apology.
"You have to be selfish too Y/N. Love Kuroo. Let no one stop you from letting your emotions out. I'm sure Kuroo would be overjoyed." Azumane forms a small smile. There's a faint glimmer in his eyes when the two of you make eye contact. "Let yourself feel the happiness you yearned for these past years Y/N."
Hearing Azumane's words lifts a weight off your chest. Your eyes waver in response and a tear slides down your face without any warning.
Happiness.
You've felt happiness in various forms these past few years but it was never from love.
Now that you've come to terms about your feelings towards Kuroo...is it okay to completely dive back into that kind of feeling?
The happiness you get when you hear his voice, see his smile, listen to him ramble about nonsense. Maybe Kuroo would even recite the periodic table for you like he would back then.
You could get a glimpse of the man Kuroo became today if you asked him.
You know he wouldn't reject to the idea. He'll get giddy and speak happily about the interest of topic.
You want to know who Kuroo is now. You've only known the past version of him.
In turn, you can also show Kuroo what you've been up to while he was absent from your life.
The two of you have much to catch up on and the only way to do so, is to reach out to him.
Finalizing your inner thoughts, you wipe the tear from your face and thank Azumane. "Thank you Asahi. You always know the right thing to say."
"I wouldn't say always...but you're welcome Y/N." Azumane's smile brightens when he sees Y/N come to terms with her feelings. He looks at his watch and notices the time is getting closer for the two to head back. "We should head back."
"You go on ahead first. I need to make a call." You reach for your phone in your purse. Azumane doesn't question you and takes his leave first.
"See you later Y/N." Azumane raises a hand to say goodbye and you wave him off. He exits the café and heads back to the office.
As you unlock your phone and hover over to your contacts, Kuroo's ID flashes on the screen. You don't waste a second to answer his call.
"Tetsurō." You blurt out his name.
"Y/N." He mimics your tone and you can easily envision his smile. "You seem excited to hear from me. Did you miss me?" He jokingly says but you surprise him with your honesty, causing his breath to hitch.
"Yes. I miss you so much Tetsurō." Your words tremble slightly when you whisper them over the phone.
Hearing the loneliness in Y/N's tone causes him to worry but at the same time feel elated. "I didn't expect that kind of response. I wanted to call to apologize if I did or said anything stupid last night."
"Apologize to me in person then." You bite your bottom lip, realizing you sound demanding all of a sudden.
"Alright. Where are you? I'll come pick you up." Kuroo smirks from Y/N's tone. Whatever she wanted, he'd gladly give her. If she asked for the world right now, he'd try his best to get it for her. He'll do anything for her to make up the lost time they went through.
You tell Kuroo your location and he remains on the phone call with you. A warmth spreads throughout your chest as you cradle your phone close to your ear.
This time you're going to selfishly love someone without a second thought about the consequences.