4
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FOUR YEARS AGO
THE QUEEN'S PALACE, WALL SINA
A silver spoon clinks against a champagne glass, gathering everyone's attention.
"It has been four months since the Battle at Shinganshina," Historia speaks proudly, "where our brave soldiers dedicated their hearts so that they could take back Wall Maria, and restore the dignity that was once stolen from us."
She stands at the center of the ballroom, the only open space left for dancing. Tables fill the venue, each guest sitting with a glass in their hands and their eyes trained on her. It is a joy to witness: Military Police, Garrison, and Survey Corps alike joining together in this formal event to celebrate their recent victory as a military, a victory that's impacted civilization to the greatest degree.
Historia turns her attention to the Survey Corps table now, the table with the fewest members occupying it. "If it weren't for you, brave soldiers, who were willing to lay down your individual futures for the whole future of Eldians, Paradis would not be as strong as it is today. We look forward to our citizens returning to their rightful land in the spring, and continuing their livelihood as it was before that fateful day in 845 when the enemy first invaded."
She takes a breath, letting the darkness in her tone secede. "And now," she says more cheerfully, and raises her glass, "a toast!"
Everyone stands respectably and raises their glasses along with her.
"To future victories!" Historia smiles, "and to a thriving, united, and persevering Eldian society! Cheers!"
The live music resumes as everyone downs their glasses, the harpsichordist plucking out a beautiful melody. Chatter and diatribe continue, some individuals even getting up to dance.
The majority of the Survey Corps members, however, remain at their seats.
"I don't know how she does it," says Connie, stifling a sleepy yawn. His gaze follows Historia as she turns to talk to some military officials. "How can she stand having an entire race look up to her?"
"Must be that goddess charm," Jean grumbles as he fiddles with his tie that seems to unravel every 5 seconds.
"You and Eren are one and the same," An exasperated voice comes up beside him.
Johanna sits next to Jean, having just returned from the restroom. She begins to undo his tie for him and adjusts it properly.
Jean scowls in embarrassment, "Psh. Don't compare me to that blockhead."
"Sasha, slow down. You're going to choke!" Armin warns, watching the brunette drearily as she wolfs down a third serving of mashed potatoes.
"If she does, you try and knock the piece of food out of her throat. I did it last time," Mikasa sighs.
Johanna gives Jean's collar one final tug, straightening it out. "If you don't want to be babied, don't act like one. And learn how to tie a tie correctly."
Connie smirks, turning to look at her from across the table. "Since when did you get all domestic? Gosh, you've been in love for too long."
Johanna goes rigid. Her cheeks turn redder than a bowl of cherries at his remark, but her fiery gaze is enough to cause third-degree burns. "Sh-Shut up."
Unbeknownst to her, the tidbit had a different effect on Jean, making him look away with a stiff frown.
"Even Eren's been acting different lately. All quiet and pondering. It's been a while since I heard him lose his temper over something." Connie jokes lightheartedly.
"I haven't gone soft if that's what you mean." She says, her scowl now matching the childishness Jean was displaying only seconds before. Her expression then slacks as another thought crosses her mind, "As for Eren... I don't know, he's been acting off. Ever since—"
"Hey, don't be ashamed, apparently it's a matter of course. Love changes people, etcetera etcetera. You know what I mean, right Sasha?" Connie adds pointedly.
"Huh?" The brunette looks up from her plate, a drop of gravy sliding down her chin and landing on her dress.
"You and Niccolo," He teases, "Surely you can relate to how Jo's been acting lately."
In the blink of an eye, Sasha grabs a turkey leg and slams it in his mouth. "Of course not! You- You don't know what you're talking about!" She exclaims, visibly flustered.
"So what if Jo's been... domestic, as you put it. Doesn't that mean she's happy?" Jean mutters grimly.
This keen observation takes Johanna by surprise. She looks at Jean, not knowing what to say.
Connie spits the turkey leg out and picks up a napkin, giving Jean a long and knowing look. "Heh, I guess that's true. You've been speaking your mind a lot lately, Jean. Anything else you want to confess?"
A stretch of silence develops between the two. Johanna sits awkwardly with her champagne in hand, noticing the shift in energy, her eyes flitting from Connie to Jean cluelessly.
"Am I missing something?" She asks in earnest confusion.
Jean peels off the glare he had fixated on Connie and immediately his demeanor changes. "Where's Eren?" He asks with sudden levity.
Johanna shrugs at the absent seat next to her. She isn't fooled, though. She knows he's changed the subject on purpose, but she's too spent to pry. "I don't know, actually."
Armin clears his throat skittishly. "He uh, went to talk to Historia about something."
The quiver in his voice doesn't go unnoticed. He practically ascended three octaves. They turn to him blankly.
Johanna raises an eyebrow, her expression moot. "Is that so?"
He nods vigorously.
"Armin, you look like you're about to break a sweat." Connie laughs. "What's—"
The music comes to a sudden stop. Historia emerges from the sea of tables clinking her glass again. "I've just been informed that there's one more announcement to be made." She says brightly.
Eren is at her side with both his hands clasped in front of him. He appears composed yet inherently nervous all at once.
"Johanna Ackerman, if you could please come over here?" Historia asks promptly.
Immediately the blood in her face drains. At first, Johanna assumes she must've heard wrong, but Eren's direct eye-contact from across the room is enough confirmation. The room falls patiently silent. She takes a glance at everyone at her table and they look just as spoofed as her. Minus Armin, who tries to hide a secretive smile.
Mikasa's foot nudging her's under the table is what finally makes her stand up.
Johanna walks to the middle of the venue, smoothing down her black dress with her palms and hoping desperately that she looks more confident than she feels. She gives Eren a look that means What the hell's going on? but he only gives her a close-lipped smile in return, the teal eyes that have been dim for the past couple of weeks finally catching the light, if only for a moment.
Historia gently nudges Eren closer and retreats away, leaving them alone with the whole room's attention invested on them.
Okay. If she was weirded out before, she's definitely thrown off guard now.
Eren takes her hands in his, a feeble smile brightening his face. "Johanna, you have stuck with me for better and for worse..."
Wait a second, it suddenly dawns on her what might be happening.
He continues with a shaky gulp, and with each word the butterflies in Johanna's stomach multiply.
"And... I can only ask that... you will continue to be by my side, so that I can remain by yours, for... for the rest of our lives. Wow, this is hard." He adds with an exhale.
She squints suspiciously, a smile titillating her lips. "Eren—"
Before she can question him he gets down on one knee. A wave of gasps and "aww"s fills the room. Jo had almost forgotten of everyone else's existence, and the world only fades out more when he brandishes a beautiful ring out of his pocket.
"Will you marry me?"
╳
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PRESENT DAY
Never did she feel so consumed by emotion. Good emotions. Delight, elation, and all of the above. A whole dictionary.
Johanna can't help but wonder how emotions that powerful can just wither away. She knew Eren felt the same. She knew it for a fact. How could he just... let those feelings, and his love, die off?
She remembers the first months after he left her; all the time spent wondering what she did wrong, whether she hadn't nourished their love enough, if it was her fault the roots that bound them together crumbled to dust.
Back then she couldn't find a reason. And the few plausible theories that she constructed she quickly realized (and others around her agreed) was just a method of coping and pointing the blame towards herself. Yes, she isn't perfect. She's never tried to be. But Eren always knew how to handle her flaws, just like she learned to handle his. So it doesn't make sense why out of nowhere he'd just crush her heart in the palm of his hand.
But he did. So there's no point dwelling in the past anymore. It didn't take long for Jo to realize that's a dangerous game; locking oneself in a moment already lived, allowing the rest of your life to just flow through you unconcerned like a rock against a current.
In the end, she chose a conclusion to poorly tie up the loose strings, to bring some closure to her inner conflict:
Perhaps... she shouldn't have assumed that Eren wouldn't switch directions, that he couldn't diverge onto another path. He's a trailblazer. Ever-changing like the wind.
That Valentine's Day she said "yes" like she didn't know the meaning of the word until that precise moment; that one syllable sliding off her tongue felt like a whole new sensation. Exhilarating.
Now, as she sits in a corner of the mess deck on the Survey Corps' hijacked Marley naval ship, with her head resting back against the wall, her 10-minute break slowly ticking by, she wonders if she'll ever feel such happiness again.
She quietly twirls a jackknife in her hands, both elbows resting on her knees.
The voyage to Marley, where upon arrival they'll go undercover and infiltrate to assemble their attack, has been incredibly long and humdrum, allowing time for her mind to cave and sink in on itself, anchoring her down into the abyss of her thoughts. With every hour she grows more restless. Her fingers itch to take action. To do something.
Of course, she made herself useful. As the Corporal's daughter, responsibilities and tasks just sort of land on her lap naturally. And like a good soldier it's her duty to attend to them and by nature be of service. It wasn't long before she found herself operating on autopilot taking care of fifty things at once and Levi ordered her to take a break.
Though it feels more like a timeout. He literally escorted her to the empty mess deck, locked the door behind him, and said he'd return when she'd gotten enough rest. He promised 10 minutes.
Liar. It's definitely been 30.
She put up a small fight at first. But ironically, she was too tired to hassle.
I wonder how many soldiers have gotten seasick at this point... I stopped counting after 7... she muses.
The sound of footsteps makes her perk up, listening closely as they get nearer. Then voices.
"Are we surprised she got put in a time-out..."
A jingling sound echoes outside as keys are inserted into the lock.
"I wouldn't be surprised if we open this door and she's found a way out through the air vents..."
Johanna scoffs and, already having recognized the voices, she replies loudly, "Believe me, I was just thinking about it."
The door opens and half the Levi squad files in; Jean, Connie, and Sasha. A pang of nostalgia hits her like a train wreck.
Many times during her period serving as Instructor she took the liberty to hark up memories, mostly when she was alone in her office enduring the not-so-fun part of her job (paperwork). She'd dwell on the few memories involving her old comrades that weren't plagued by horrors. On several occasions something would remind her of them. In one instance, she was at the cafeteria while the cadets practiced sparring and noticed that day the cooks had prepared baked potatoes. The lunch lady present at the time asked her why she was smiling and Johanna wasn't sure how to explain, or if she wanted to. So she settled for "nothing, I was just reminded of someone".
Now that they're standing in front of her, she realizes just how much she missed them.
"Well, well, well..." Connie taunts, "can't hide anymore, can ya? How long were you planning on running around this ship pretending you don't know anyone? Hm?" He folds his arms, eyeing her down like he's tempted to call her pathetic.
Johanna blinks. Her stoicism collapses, taken aback by the buzz-cut boy's boldness.
"Don't make it a dare—" Jean sighs, "cause she will treat us like strangers just to prove a point."
Johanna stands up. And even though she doesn't come close to their height, her brass-knuckled defensive is back on and that in itself adds inches to her dominant energy.
"Excuse you?" She says.
Connie breaks. "Sorry, sorry!" He shrinks back. "We were kidding. Jeez..."
She relaxes and folds her arms. "Tch. I'm gone for two years and people have the audacity to get brave."
Jean's lips don't hold up to a smile. Or a simper. Actually, he seems more troubled than relieved at seeing his best friend again.
Johanna notices but doesn't address it.
"Sorry," she says passively, "Honestly... I didn't think you guys would want to talk to me."
Which apparently is true for some... she thinks, her eyes darting away from Jean.
"Of course we do!" Sasha pipes up, "Even Niccolo asks about you sometimes! He says 'Sasha, you should invite your friend over to dinner someday! The one that screamed when a lobster clamped onto her hair and wouldn't let go!'"
Johanna shifts her footing embarrassedly. "Didn't think anyone would remember that. It feels like so long ago..."
"Trust me, none of us are going to let you live that down." Connie snorts.
"Especially not me."
They turn to see Mikasa enter, a rare smile softening her face.
"It's been too long." The Hizuru girl says. She's adopted a new style; her hair is now cropped to a pixie cut. "Armin says hi, by the way. He knew he wouldn't be able to see you before shit hits the fan."
"That's nice," Johanna says and tries to hide her bashfulness. "He's an important part of the plan. Filling Erwin's shoes isn't an easy job."
"I guess you can relate." Sasha hints.
The four of them exchange knowing looks, but Johanna only raises a brow at them. The question mark is practically written on her face.
Jean is kind enough to elaborate, "There's been talk. Rumors that Corporal Levi might retire soon."
Retire? Johanna doesn't know what to think. He's never mentioned retirement to her. Although that could very well be because of her stubborn nature. Ever since she resigned, she made it clear to him that the Survey Corps or anything related to the branch was not an open topic of conversation. She wanted to make sure there was no leeway where he could sneak in suggestions of her returning.
Looking back on it now... that sure worked out wonderfully.
Johanna catches the twinkle in her comrades' eyes. She immediately shuts their theory down. "No," she shakes her head, "Absolutely not."
"Oh come on, did you really think Hanji and other higher-ups weren't going to consider you?" Connie says. He sits at one of the dinner tables, reclining back comfortably.
"And things aren't how they used to be. The public is actually invested in the Survey Corps now! They have their opinions on what sharp, able-bodied soldiers should lead Eldians towards progress. It's public information that Humanity's Strongest has a daughter in the military." Sasha says, "I mean, is it even a question that you should succeed him?"
Johanna stammers. "Well, Mikasa's an Ackerman. She- She can—"
"No." Mikasa cuts her short, taking a seat next to Connie. "That could cause a conflict of interest with Hizuru. I'll be overwhelmed trying to balance leading the Shogun and taking such a position in the Corps. And besides, I don't want to."
Johanna leans against the wall, arms folded in blunt annoyance. "As if anyone actually wants to be the one held responsible if their subordinates die."
"Don't be so negative!" Sasha throws an arm over her shoulders. "Things are looking up for the Corps! Well, at least... they were. Before Eren had to go and—"
"That's enough from you," Jean slams a hand over her mouth, dragging her back.
Johanna sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "It's fine. She's not wrong, after all. He's the whole reason we're here on this boat about to risk our lives. About to murder."
Their moods take a grave dip, shoulders sinking.
She quickly tries to fix it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to dampen—"
"Hey, brats."
The five of them turn to see Levi at the door, a trademark disapproving glare fixed on his face.
"I told you to go get her, not to set up a tea party." He says. "Get out of uniform— we're arriving at the dock."
END OF CHAPTER 4