You rest both of your hands on his chest to push off of him. The action in it's own hurts the two of you for different reasons. "We should sit down at least." Your words croak out of your throat. Half of your sentence comes out broken in pieces but Kozume's managed to understand it. His arms unwrap from your waist and he walks over to sit on the edge of his bed.
Quietly, you follow behind him. But you couldn't make yourself sit next to him. Being next to him is a conflicting battle. Both of you suffer from being near one another. But at the same time you both need to find closure.
It seems like all you've been doing lately is causing heartaches towards the ones close to you. First Azumane and now Kozume.
With Azumane, the best way for him to heal was to distance himself from you. You only speak to one another at work. It's difficult to do when you've been friends for ten years. To randomly distance yourself from one another is a challenge. But it's necessary. Especially for Azumane who needs to move on with his feelings.
You still text here and there but it wasn't like old times.
Thinking that the same situation might happen between you and Kozume makes your heart ache. The two of you just rekindled your friendship and to have it spread thinly like that; is painful.
But you know that it's something that needs to be done. Otherwise you're only causing him more pain by showing your presence to him.
How would he be able to move on if you appeared everywhere?
Kozume realizes Y/N's stopped in front of him. Her eyes look far away when she stares at nothing specific. Her eyes are down to the carpet flooring.
What is she thinking? Is she trying to find a way to protect him again?
Y/N always thinks about others before she thinks about herself. She's afraid to be selfish at times.
With his tears dried and his mind slowly calming down, he reaches out for her hand.
Kozume himself is just like Y/N. He's always thinking about her first and he holds back his selfish desires. With the two only thinking about the other, it causes a clash.
Y/N doesn't pull away when Kozume pulls her over to him. Her legs gently bumps into Kozume's knees.
You feel Kozume gently squeeze your hand. His eyes softly gazes at your finger tips and you grow nervous when he eyes them intently.
"When did time slip away from us? Your hands used to be so small and full of cuts and bruises." Kozume murmurs. "I would have to bandage them up at least once a week. I figured you were doing it on purpose." Kozume dryly chuckles when he looks up at you with a smile.
"They're still small compared to yours." You murmur. "And back then I didn't want to be left out when you and Tetsurō played volleyball so the bruises were worth it. I also had so many papercuts for some reason." A half smile forms on your face when you think about old times.
Your heart wavers when you feel Kozume intertwine his hands with yours. The smile on his face softens and turns into a small frown. His eyes lower back to your intertwined hands.
"The three of us were inseparable." His low tone is barely audible. If you weren't this close to him, you would've missed it completely.
"It wasn't like that from the beginning though. Remember?" You exhale under your breath. "The two of us were both attached to Tetsurō. But when he left our side, we didn't know how to interact with each other. I thought you only put up with me because I was friends with him."
"N-No!" Kozume's raised voice startles the both of you. His eyes flick over to you with furrowed brows. "You were a girl. I didn't know how to act around girls." His lips pucker out slightly when he pouts. "My parents told me girls are fragile and I should be careful around them. So I figured if I kept my distance...I wouldn't hurt you by accident."
You giggle at his explanation. "Fragile, huh? Even though I would be just as rough as you and Tetsurō when we played together?"
Kozume shrugs, his eyes soften. "You did soften up when we got older. You became more aware of your appearance. Remember the days you would get depressed because you compared yourself to other girls in the school? You wouldn't stop talking about how pretty one of the upperclassman's were."
Biting your inner cheek, you scoff and flare out your nostrils. "I was jealous. That's normal behavior for a teenage girl."
"But to me you were the prettiest one." Kozume speaks bluntly. His comment causes your hands to squeeze his slightly. Your heart aches once again when you see his frown deepen. "If only I told you that back then." He scrunches his face together in annoyance. "Instead...Kuroo was the one to voice my thoughts aloud." Kozume's shoulders drop and he drags out a groan.
"Tetsurō was going through his playboy phase at the time. I didn't take his words to heart." You sheepishly whisper. "We were all changing and finding ourselves in middle school."
"I forgot about Kuroo's playboy phase. He was such a dick." Kozume grumbles when he's reminded of the memory.
"And embarrassing." You snicker. "But he was only putting on an act in front of others. He was the same Tetsurō when it was just the three of us. A nerd for science." The corner of your lips curl and you giggle at the thought.
"I bet he could still recite the periodic table in his drunken state too." Kozume shakes his head with a lighthearted laughter. The laughter dies out and the two of you grow quiet again.
You part your lips slightly to speak. "Could...Could I ask when? When did everything start?"
Your question causes Kozume to tighten his hold on your hands. He slowly strokes the back of your hand with his thumb in circular motions. "Summer vacation. The night you came over to my place for a sleepover."
"When your mom caught us playing games in the middle of the night?" You recall the memory. Kozume smiles when he hears you remember. A slight blush crosses over his face. "You were so bold to hug me to sleep." He mumbles under his breath, casting his eyes down to his lap.
"Says the one who asked me to sleep in the same bed as him." You retort back, swaying your intertwined hands side to side playfully.
Kozume squeezes his eyes shut and the tips of his ears redden. His glasses droop down his nose bridge slightly from how low he tries to hide his face from you. But with the ponytail that holds his bangs up, it's impossible for him to hide his redden face.
He untangles his fingers from you to cover his face. "I can't believe I suggested that."
"Why did you?"
"I didn't want you to sleep on the hard floor. My bed was much more comfortable..." Kozume innocently answers. You snicker with a smile on your face. "But then I couldn't sleep at all with how close you were to me. Yet, you easily fell asleep."
Pursing your lips, you shyly tuck your hair behind your ear. Gulping, you part your lips open to tell him the truth. "I was pretending to sleep."
Kozume's eyes widen and he looks up at you in bewilderment, his face a crimson red.
"I heard your uneven breathing and the way you slowly tried to not stir me awake when you rested your head on mine. You actually fell asleep before me." You stare up at the ceiling, feeling too embarrassed when Kozume stares at you in shock.
"When I noticed you fell asleep, I opened my eyes to take back my teddy bear." You giggle as you spoke. "It was so nerve wracking to do since you gripped onto him so tightly. Instead of successfully taking my bear back, he fell onto the floor when you rolled over and wrapped your arms around me. The way my heart pounded against my chest made me frightful that I was getting a heart attack."
Kozume nibbles on his bottom lip when he hears what he's done that night. He scrunches his nose and adjust the glasses back on his nose bridge. "S-Sorry I did that."
Shaking your head, you exhale with a gentle smile. "That night I preferred you over my teddy bear. You were warm and smelled like vanilla. I felt safe." Your words tremble out of your lips and you find yourself sad again. "I think that same night was the night I depended on you a bit more. I was reminded that you can be someone I can lean on too. Not just Tetsurō. I'm sure you'd agree that we got closer that summer."
Lowering your eyes back down to Kozume, he nods his head. "I only wished...I understood the emotions I felt for you sooner." Kozume clenches his hands into tight fists, a scowl on his face. "After that summer when Kuroo came back, things reverted back to how they were. We were three again and not two."
"And somewhere down the line...I fell in love with Tetsurō." Your lips tremble as you spoke. Kozume grits his teeth, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat.
"Yeah." Is all Kozume can muster to say.
A silence looms and neither of you look at one another.
"Do you think it would've been better if we left things like they were ten years ago?" You're the one to speak up again. "If I never went to that reunion. If I just kept the funeral as family only." You stop yourself from speaking further when you feel the anxiety litter your palms. But there's no use in bottling up your thoughts. These thoughts need to be said aloud.
"Maybe then...we wouldn't--"
"No. Don't finish your sentence." Kozume cuts you off with a slightly raised voice. His tone startles you and you return your gaze on him. He wears a piecing glare while clenching his teeth. You've never seen him look so angry before and it sends a chill down your spine.
"Don't finish your sentence Y/N." His voice comes out shaky and he flares out his nostrils. "I don't regret meeting you like this again. You ran away from me once and I see this as an opportunity to make sure you don't do it again. SO DON'T TELL ME WE SHOULDN'T HAVE MET LIKE THIS AGAIN." Kozume forces his eyes closed when he shouts at you.
Hearing his feelings projected so loudly is the last straw you needed to feel the hot tears litter your face.
Kozume continues to shout his emotions.
He had nothing left to lose.
"I don't care how hurt I feel at this moment. Because I'm able to meet you again. I'm able to hear your voice again. You...You came back and I'm happy to know you are just a call away again. I'm just happy that you exist once more Y/N." Kozume clenches his teeth while his tears invade his vision once more.
He feels pathetic for crying in front of Y/N but he must let her know how strongly he feels about this.
"You're here." Kozume weakly mutters out through sobs. He feels a warmth envelope him and a weight on his head. Y/N's wrapped her arms around him and she rests her forehead against the top of his head.
Turning his head slightly, he hears her heart. It's beating wildly against her chest and she's also sobbing in tears. Kozume weakly raises his arms to pull her as close as he can. She raises one free hand to run through his hair.
"I'm sorry Kenma...I won't finish my sentence." She apologizes through sniffles. He tightens his hold on her, not wanting to let go of this warmth that he aches. "I just don't know what to do now." She bites back her tongue and her hold on him weakens. "My feelings..."
"They're for Kuroo. I know." Kozume closes his eyes, his tone weak but his hold still strong on her. "I know." He repeats himself. The way his heart drops and shatters is unbearable.
You can only feel hopeless in this situation. But the way Kozume holds you tightly gives you comfort. Even now, he's the one comforting you when he's hurt the most. Your fingers continue to slowly stroke the back of his head.
"I'd like to be selfish and tell you to love me. But there's no way I can do that. I care for you and Kuroo both. I don't want to be the reason my two best friends cannot find happiness." Kozume parts his lips to speak softly. "But...even if there's a slim chance Kuroo fucks up again." Kozume slowly pulls his head away from Y/N's chest. He eyes her directly and speaks in a firm tone. "I'll come running for you."
His words sends a small jolt to your heart. You can't find the right words to say. Silence is probably the only thing you can respond with. Removing your hand from his hair, you wipe his tears with your thumb.
He closes his eyes and leans his cheek against your palm. "I love you Y/N. I know I shouldn't say that aloud but let me be selfish just this once. Let me tell you these words I held back for so long."
You remain quiet.
You didn't want to reject the one favor Kozume's asked for.
Hearing Y/N's silence, he assumes that's a yes.
Kozume's eyes slowly flutter open and you feel his arms pull away from your waist.
One hand reaches for the hand that holds his face. He carefully pulls that hand to his lips. Kozume gently presses a kiss to each fingertip. "Thank you for creating something so beautiful for my project. I'm sure you worked tirelessly for me." Each kiss feels hot and it sends a tingle down your palm.
Kozume moves away from your fingers. His lips kiss your chest, right above your heart, and it startles you. "Thank you for loving me the way you do."
He then gently tugs your arm, asking you to lower down to him. You squat down in front of him. All you can do is watch him as you feel your heart crack with each action he does.
His lips twitch into a frown when he kisses your forehead. "Thank you for always thinking about my well being over yours." Kozume moves from one spot of your body to the next. He confesses his feelings in such a way that causes your tears to start again.
He pushes your hair away from your ear, gently pressing his lips to the sensitive area. With a whisper, "Thank you for listening to me."
His lips then trail back to your face and he asks you to close your eyes. Doing as you're told, you close your eyes. Feeling his lips press a kiss to each of your eyelids feels just as intense because your loss of one sense.
His voice sounds much more husky and deep with a few cracks between his words. "Thank you for always watching after me back then and now." You hear his breath hitch when he eyes the last spot. You slowly flutter your eyes open, curious.
The closeness between you two is nerve wracking.
You notice his conflicted expression. He debates whether or not to proceed. Your chest tightens when you realize where he's looking at.
Kozume's focus is on your lips.
Squeezing his eyes shut for a second, he makes up his mind. You quietly watch him lean closer, his breath tickling your lips. Your mind blanks out with how close Kozume is.
Is he going to kiss you?
You weren't sure whether you wanted that or not. Your heart aches enough as it is.
Kozume softly kisses the corner of your lips instead. You notice the pained expression he forms when he knows he'll never be able to kiss your lips directly. His cat-like golden eyes looks directly at you. "And thank you for sharing such a beautiful smile and harmonious laughter with me." His words tremble out of his throat.
Your brows furrow together and you grit your teeth tightly. The tears begin to fall like heavy rain when you watch Kozume pull away from you with a deep frown etched on his face. He stands up and helps you up after his little confession. "You should go home and get some rest. It's late and you had a long day."
Kozume gently holds your hand and guides you back to the front of the house. He watches you put your boots back on after letting go of your hand. "Thank you for coming over unexpectedly."
"Of course." You find your voice when you glance up from your boots. Reaching into your coat, you extend the house key to him. Kozume takes it from your fingertips.
"Text me when you get home." He forces a smile on his face and your heart aches at the sight. You nod your head in response.
"Okay. I'll..." You planned to say 'I'll see you later' but, would you see Kozume again after tonight? Your work with Kozume is done and you're sure he'll be much busier from here on out with how close the deadline of the game is.
"I'll see you later Y/N." Kozume speaks up. "It's impossible for us to not run into each other. Especially when you and Kuroo date again." He laughs lightheartedly. "Now hurry on home. It's late." Kozume places a hand on your shoulder to turn you around. He gently pushes you out the door and raises a hand to say goodbye.
Speechless and feeling rushed from Kozume, you raise your hand to say bye before walking over to your car.
Kozume waits until Y/N pulls out of the driveway before closing the door behind him. He closes his eyes and leans his back against the door. Raising a hand over to his chest, he squeezes the fabric of his hoodie.
A frown replaces the fake smile he wears.
He misses her already.