Kozume quietly enters his empty house after leaving the small birthday party he's shared with Kuroo and Y/N. He strolls straight over to his bedroom and robotically makes his way towards his computer.
It's going to be impossible for him to sleep.
There's too much going through his mind.
Y/N. His feelings for her. The turnout of his friendship between his two bestfriends.
He needs a moment of escape from reality and the best way out is to play video games. Turning on his computer, he scrolls through his emails while he waits for the computer to boot up. The photographer from today sends a few of the images they captured today.
Kozume's heart stops when he sees the possible photos for their promotional ad. The photoshop team hasn't blurred out Y/N's face yet.
His trembling fingers hover over his phone and he pinches the screen to zoom onto her face.
The way she looks and smiles at him causes him unbelievable pain.
The question he hates most resurfaces in his mind.
Why couldn't he realize his feelings sooner?
Hissing at the thought, he turns his phone off and inputs his password into his PC.
Kozume needs to stop.
He needs to think about something else other than her for the night.
Pulling up his stream setup, he decides to do a surprise livestream. Streaming might get his mind off things when he interacts with his fanbase. Kozume turns on his neon sign backdrop for some kind of lighting. The room is still dark besides the yellow neon sign of a pudding cup behind him.
He then gets up to change into something more comfortable. A basic black hoodie and gray sweatpants. Not wanting his bangs to get in the way of gaming, he reaches for a hair tie on his desk. He easily ties a small ponytail by collecting his bangs together in the center of his head, the remainder of his hair on the sides of his face. It's rare to see so much of Kozume's forehead. He then finishes the look with a pair of golden circle-framed glasses.
They weren't prescription glasses. He just liked to wear them to distract others from his forehead.
With his appearance done and the setup ready, he starts the livestream.
"KENMA!!"
"😮 Surprise stream?!"
"MY GOD. HE'S SO FUCKING CUTE."
The chat box begins to flood the second he's turned on his stream for the night.
Kozume looks over at his second monitor at the chatlog. He quietly welcomes everyone who's joining.
"Is something wrong Kenma? You don't look too good. 🙁"
"Hard day at work?"
"You weren't active as much today on Tweeter or Picstagram. 😢"
He reads the comments and it's no surprise that his sadness is easily noticeable by his long time viewers. His lips form a thin line and he tears his eyes away from the screen. Not wanting to acknowledge their worries, he loads up a random game.
"I'm sorry if I'm more quiet today. There's a lot on my mind and I just needed a distraction." Kozume murmurs into the microphone. His hands naturally relaxes when he waits in a game lobby.
"We're here for you Kenma!"
"Who do I have to fight?! 😠"
Kozume notices the comment mentioning they would fight someone for him. He quickly mentions that comment. "I'd prefer if no one uses violence. I also doubt you'd attempt the fight towards me since I'm the reason for my depressing state." Kozume looks away from the chat to select his fighter. Ten seconds remain before the 1v1 starts.
Focused on the three point match game, Kozume doesn't have the luxury to look at the chatlog. Several question marks and raised eyebrow emoji's are being spammed. Because of how discrete Kozume is being, no one has a clue to why he's acting in such a way.
He didn't even need the distraction of the chat to make him lose the first match. His head is clouded over and it seems like for the first time, video games couldn't distract him. Half an hour goes by and each game he enters becomes a loss.
Frustrated, he backs out of the game completely. The stream is only of a black screen and a tiny webcam of him. Kozume places a hand over his eyes, grumbling slightly under his breath.
Worry is being spammed on his chat and others are spamming for everyone to contact close ones to Kozume. They feared how Kozume is reacting on the stream. His lack of interaction, the way he's unable to focus, and how gloomy he is in general.
Others would see it as an overreaction from his community but they know him just as well as he does.
Kozume is definitely out of it.
"Kuroo! Everyone spam his social media. Kenma looks like he needs someone to talk to."
"Wasn't it Kuroo's birthday today? Did something happen between them two?"
The chat is split with the actions of contacting Kuroo and making speculations.
"What about Y/N?"
"NO! WE CAN'T CONTACT HER. 😣"
"Put your feelings aside for a moment. Those two have confirmed they're best friends."
"I DON'T BELIEVE THAT. THEY'RE PROBABLY DATING AND SHE UPSETTED HIM."
Kozume leans back in his chair and stares at his ceiling. He's unsure where his mind is right now. He figured playing video games would distract him but it's doing the opposite.
Maybe he should take a night walk? Maybe sleep it off?
This irritable feeling tugs a frown on his lips. He folds his arms onto his desk and hides his face in them.
The viewers become hopeless on their end of the screen. Several spam crying emojis while others beg viewers to contact Kuroo and Y/N.
🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.
You let out a groan when you're tasked to drop Kuroo off at his place. The fact that Kozume allowed him to order whatever he wanted caused Kuroo to go overboard with the alcohol. Typically, Kuroo is one to manage his alcohol well, but tonight is another story.
You weren't sure if he drank so much to drown his thoughts away or to celebrate his victory of gaining a second chance.
The guard insisted he'll take Kuroo back to his place when he sees you struggle to walk Kuroo into the building.
"Don't worry, I can walk myself." Kuroo slurs his words when you slip your arm away from him to lean him against the security guard.
"Shut up. You can barely talk right now Tetsurō." You grumble out, eyeing him with knit brows. You bow to the security guard for helping you. Kuroo waves a goodbye when he's being pulled away towards the elevator.
"I love you Y/N. Thank you for--" Kuroo hiccups and chuckles at himself. "For bringing me here. Drive safe~" His voice is a sing-song tune. The corner of your lips curl and you can only shake your head in response.
A drunk Kuroo is always adorable.
But you'd much rather go home and lay in bed. Your mind is heavy with other thoughts besides a drunk Kuroo. Before you can walk out of the building completely, you hear Kuroo whine out your name. He grips both sides of the elevator to stop it from closing.
"YOU DIDN'T SAY IT BACK!" Kuroo shouts and hiccups in between his words.
Turning around, you raise an eyebrow. "Say what?"
"That you love me." A pout forms on Kuroo's face. You stare at him in bafflement. To think Kuroo turned 29 tonight and he's pouting like a child. The security guard blushes from the conversation but he keeps his eyes down on the elevator marble floor. "Say it Y/N." Kuroo slurs his words and he points his pointer finger towards you.
Nibbling your bottom lip, you sigh and give into his request. "I love you." You sheepishly say the words and you're positive he's unable to hear it because of how softly you said it.
But reading your lips is all he needs to make him smile. Satisfied, he releases his hands from the elevator doors and you watch it close successfully.
"Such a baby." You whisper under your breath with a smile.
With Kuroo safely home, it is your turn to do the same.
You feel several notifications buzz in your coat pocket. One after another. The amount startles you when your entire screen is spammed with mentions. You're not one to usually get tagged in posts so you kept the alerts on whenever you did get mentioned. Now you regret it when your phone starts to lag from the flood of notifications.
Scanning through the mentions quickly, you realize that they're viewers of Kozume's. Each one is requesting you to call him. Something along the lines of him not being okay during the livestream.
Feeling a moment of panic, you quickly run to your car while pulling up his livestream. Frantic, you miss the key slot to your car more than once. Kozume's livestream loads on your phone and all you can see is pitch darkness. Your eyes scan the screen to then see a small webcam on the top left corner.
You weren't sure what you were looking at. The lack of lighting makes it hard to decipher. At that moment, Kozume lifts his head up from his arms and you get a clearer view of his face. He wore such a devastating expression.
One with sadness, worry, frustration, any negative emotion mixes into a single expression on Kozume's face.
You're grateful to have his address still on your phone from the night Kuroo texted you on Kozume's birthday. Reversing your car out of the parking lot and switching it over to drive, you try your best to safely get to Kozume's place without panicking.
🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.
Kozume blankly stares at the lit up computer screen in front of him. He's deep in his own thoughts, forgetting about the livestream that continues to stream. He's tracked in a lot of views more than normal when his name starts to trend on Tweeter.
Many viewers worry to death about their favorite person. They feel hopeless not being able to do anything and they feared the worse will happen if Kozume cuts off the stream. His unawareness and deadpan expression is depressing to watch.
Completely out of it, Kozume doesn't hear his bedroom door being unlocked. He only then notices when his room light magically turns on without his doing so. He panics for a moment.
Did someone break into his home?
He's quick to stand up from his spot with his arms raised in a fighting position. He reflexively throws a punch but a hand stops him. His eyes widen when he sees Y/N stand there out of breath. Her cheeks are red and her hair clings onto her face from her sweat.
"Kenma, what are you doing? You're worrying everyone." You point over to his second monitor where you see several messages in a chatlog.
"H-How are you here?" Kozume feels Y/N lower his fists to his side.
"I'll explain once you apologize to your viewers and end the stream." Catching your breath, you walk away from him. Kozume blinks a few times before he turns around to stare at his second monitor. He's tracked in well over 100K people. He grows startled by the numbers.
"THANK GOODNESS. SOMEONE CAME FOR HIM."
"CRISIS AVERTED."
"KENMA. 😭"
"WHATEVER YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. JUST KNOW WE LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU."
Kozume curses himself for causing a scene. He clears his throat and recollects himself. With a short apology to those watching, he doesn't stretch out his farewell for long. The person he's been trying to not think about is here in front of him right now.
Cutting his computer off, he looks around his room for Y/N. She leans her back against his dresser, catching her breath.
Kozume gets up from his seat and hands her a tissue box for her to wipe the sweat off her forehead.
"You gave everyone a fright Kenma. What were you thinking?" Y/N quickly goes into lecturing mode. She takes a few pieces of tissue paper and begins to blot it against her forehead. Kozume stares at her in silence. He drops his gaze down to his feet.
He wasn't thinking at all.
You stare at Kozume who's grown silent. "Sorry, I shouldn't lecture you when you're feeling like this."
Kozume raises his eyes when he hears you apologize. Pursing your lips, you exhale. "I was just worried about you. I figured you wouldn't open the door so I had to run across the street to wake your parents up. I feared they wouldn't have a spare key to your place but your mom kindly gave it to me. She tried to pester me why I needed it but I didn't have much time to explain."
Your words come to an end and you look over to Kozume. His eyes are glossed over as they waver under your gaze. You notice the way Kozume tries his best to hold back his tears. Unsure what's going through his mind, you can only think of one thing to do.
Placing the tissue paper down on the dresser, you lean off of the dresser to wrap your arms around Kenma's waist. He paralyzes under your touch and you hear a faint breath escape from him. "Don't scare me like that again Kenma."
There's a silence between you.
The sound of Kozume's heart pounding against your ear makes you aware of your actions on him. What you're doing is probably more damage than good for him right now.
You slowly pull away but Kozume's arms hold you still. He rests his forehead against your shoulder, his hair tickling the side of your face. Kozume remains quiet but he gives your body a slight squeeze.
There's a silent sniffle from Kozume and you feel his body tremble in your arms.
"I don't know whether to love or hate the fact that you're here right now." Kozume strains to find his voice. His arms firmly tighten around your waist. You find it hard to breath with how tightly he squeezes you. Noticing your shortness of breath, Kozume loosens his hold. "I'm sure the answer to your question earlier tonight is obvious now."
Kozume's deep voice loudly rings in your ears. "I wanted to keep this to myself until the day I die. But it's no use if you caught me." He bites down hard on his bottom lip, causing the area to bleed. Kozume raises his head off of your shoulder. Despite how silly and adorable his hair style looks right now, the next words he says to you is strictly serious and full of courage.
"I'm sorry Y/N. I do love you."
Not an ounce of hesitance is in Kozume's words when he declares his emotions.
"I'm sorry." Kozume repeats his apology over and over.
You can't do anything but watch him apologize and break into tears. His tears splatter against your face and you can't muster the strength to help dry his tears.
Your heart cracks into several pieces as you watch Kozume cry his heart out.
Kozume forces his eyes shut. The pained look on Y/N's face only makes him feel more guilty.
This wasn't suppose to happen.
His feelings were suppose to remain a secret. But life never goes as planned and fate decides to choose it's own destiny.