c l o v e r
"i don't wanna love myself, i'm praying that they all love me"
Remi hadn't quit crying since we arrived back at the house, not that I had expected her to. I stayed in the bathroom with her as she showered, she asked me to talk to her as I sat on the sink. Her shower was very long, and when she felt ready to get out I was waiting with one of Sins softest towels.
I cant remember how long I stood hugging her while she dripped on the floor and held her towel closed, but I knew she needed it.
Now she was wearing my fuzzy hedgehog pajama pants with a giant t-shirt. I had just finished making her some Mac and cheese where I now sat on the counter and played with her hair as she ate.
I really hope Sin is alright, Remi and I had to leave him as soon as Kellan showed up, my brother. I'm praying everything is going well.
I tried to stay calm although it was a little hard knowing he was basically in the lions den, his only allies being his four men, and that's being generous considering how nervous Cam looked tonight.
"Liv, can I bother you for some more?" I glanced down at the previously full bowl of Mac and cheese that's now empty. I smiled softly and hoped off the counter ready to fill it with some more. "No bother at all." I tried to keep my tone as gentle as possible, I have a feeling she hadn't had much of that the past few days.
"Thank you." Her voice cracked a little most definitely from all the trauma she had suffered. I slid the steaming bowl to her and hopped back up on the table where I continued to gently stroke her hair.
"My mom used to touch my hair like this," I hadn't realized I spoke the words aloud until she had responded. "She sounds incredible." Remi spoke putting some more golden goodness into her mouth.
She really was.
"Whenever I couldn't sleep she was always there to play with my hair." I spoke to the silent room.
Soon Remi was fast asleep in mine and Sins bed. We most definitely had the most comfortable bed in the house and there was no way she would be sleeping anywhere else.
My phone started to ring loudly on the kitchen table and I rushed to grab it, even though Remi definitely didn't hear it I wanted her sleep to be as peaceful as possible. "Hello?" I spoke in a hushed tone.
"You didn't call me when you got home."
Oh shoot.
Sin stressed the importance of me calling him when Remi and I got home safe, I even whined and told him to stop because he kept repeating himself.
"Sorry sorry, I completely forgot." I put the sink on the lowest level and began washing the few dishes I had dirtied while making Remi dinner.
"When will you be home?" I dried my hands and wandered over to one of the many couches in the home, holding a pillow on my lap.
"Soon." Meaning not for a while.
"Is everything going okay? What are you doing?" I could no longer hide my worried tone, which only added some guilt on to my anxiety as I knew it would make him upset. I just want a break it has been so hectic lately and I know Sin has been on edge, a little getaway could be so nice.
"Everything's just a little fucked right now but I'll have it cleared up and be home by the morning okay?" I hummed a yes and pouted longingly at the pillow on my lap. "I need to know you're okay with that Clover or I'll leave right now and come home to you." His voice became stern although soft and I wanted to kick myself for being so selfish. I knew he was stressed and trying to workout all of the issues surrounding us lately, he deserves nothing short of my full support.
"I'll see you in the morning." It was a whisper but it was something. "Love you." I immediately regretted my wording, and my worries proved to be valid once he growled on the other side of the phone. "Clover." I knew he hated when I didn't say it right. "I love you." He mimicked my hum from earlier and before hanging up the phone left me with a quick beating heart and butterflies with just three words.
s i n
I fucking hated being away from her, everyone else had to deal with my 'moody butt' as Clover so delicately liked to put it. After shoving my phone back in my pocket I gave Gio a nod.
Almost everyone had left besides the FBI, Elliot and a few of his men, myself and that rat faced fuck Tony.
Previously when I first found out what Kellan had to do with me going away I was furious as shit, and killing him was all that clouded my mind. Plans have changed, his blood on my hands isn't so appealing knowing it's blood he shares with my woman.
It would be an intelligent move to have the FBI in my corner, although by the way that son of a bitch has been glaring at me all night I doubt that will ever come to be.
"There are so many fucking possible answers I'll need a few more minutes." Luke was currently trying to figure out the password which hides the footage to the live security cameras in this shit hole. Tony is somewhere in the building as Clovers brother so kindly has this place surrounded, no way out and no way in.
I remained silent but returned to my previous spot beside Cameron, who appeared to be soaking all of this in.
"I would like a moment alone with my flesh and blood." Elliot spoke more as a demand, giving everyone a look. I slumped in the chair and rested my head back. Exhaustion rode me like a bitch, I would give anything just to have those dainty hands running through my hair, putting me to sleep.
"Assonnato?"
[tired]
I hummed and brought my eyes back to meet the ones that resembled my own. I loathed the scum across from me. I used to be just a little boy wondering why my father didn't love me, why he would give me such a god fucking awful name, why he blamed me, why he gave me up.
The love of his life was gone because of me, as I've gotten older I've tried to understand the feeling.
I would be one shitty father, but I can't help but want to create little versions of myself and Clover. I love that woman to no fucking end and I would give anything to have a piece of me and her in a living, breathing, miracle. I would never give up a piece of myself and the woman I love.
"I wish to apologize." I let no emotion be seen as he spoke. "I should have never insulted that woman, that uh- Clover." He stammered forgetting her name for a moment, and my blood ran fucking cold.
"Don't say her name." A pleased look crossed his face when suddenly he seemed to be deep in thought.
"It was a very good go, trying to out wit everyone, if those big blue eyes could've strayed away from you for longer than a minute I might've believed the act." I didn't like the way he spoke as if he knew her.
"Bingo. 122499, I'll have us in there in just a second."
"She reminds me much of your mother," shut the fuck up. "Which is why I felt I needed to apologize, she is a fine young lady and-" I rested my elbows against my knees and leaned in so he could hear me properly, I was in no mood to repeat myself.
"Enough."
He nodded and cleared his throat before taking a swig of his alcohol.
"I have a proposal." I leaned back in the chair desperately needing this to go a little fucking quicker. I lifted my hand gesturing for him to speak, I don't have all god damn day.
He seemed hesitant as if already knowing what my answer would be. "An alliance is all I wish, we both have our fair share of targets on our backs and it would be one less thing to worry about." Elliot was forgetting one very important fucking thing.
"You're protecting the son of bitch who abused my wife for eleven god damn years, did unspeakable things to her, give that fucker up then we can talk." A look of horror became of his face and I stood from my chair already on the way out of the ball room to search for that bitch.
"Sixth floor room 317."
I found everyone else but could only restrain myself enough to wave over Gio to follow me. "Hey," god his voice fucking irks me. "Has Tony's location been found or what?" Kellan stood in his black vest with the large yellow FBI letters across the chest, a gun he probably couldn't even fucking name on his side.
Ignoring his nasally ass voice I slammed the side of my fist into the up arrow while pulling out my gun and double checking the rounds. "Is he up there? I have men ready to go Eros you will not be making this arrest." I expected him to stomp his feet once Gio and I entered the elevator, Marco and Cam would meet us up there by going the opposite way.
"Just toss me some fucking cuffs." Tired of this bullshit, Marco ripped the cuffs from his side pocket throwing them right between the elevator doors before they closed.
The entire ride up memories of that sick fuck clogged every one of my senses, memories I thought I had gotten rid of long ago. I felt like I was fifteen again watching that bastard watch her with that filthy look. I remember the relief I always felt whenever Clo would leave her room in something other than a dress or skirt, less for that son of bitch to fantasize about.
Tony would come into my room every night and sleep in my bed. He never touched then, he just held me.
He started to touch himself in front of me when I was eleven, she was ten.
I felt my fists shake and my vision run thin, my blood was fucking boiling.
"Sir, I was under the impression if we encountered him, Tony wouldn't be leaving alive." Once the floor count hit four and the doors slid open I hit my fist against the elevator lock button so it would stay put. No way up besides the stairs which Marco would be covering.
"Who said he was leaving alive." Cameron stood out of place by the door to the stairs and I called him over. Cam was large for his age, as well as mature. He reminds me a lot of myself a few years ago, just a shaken up kid who's already been through and seen too much.
"All I need you to do is stand outside the door, can you do that?" An obvious gulp broke the short silence and then he was nodding, reassuring me he had it under control.
I couldn't wait another second, that stronzo wasn't leaving tonight. I drew my pistol and shot the door knob twice, that pussy locked the door no doubt. Without a second thought my foot rammed through the door sending it off it's hinges.
[asshole]
I held my gun up and scoped the room, it was fucking empty. I cautiously walked towards a door at the far side of the room, this one was unlocked.
Tony hung from the shower pole jerking as a rope relentlessly cut off his oxygen.
No way in fucking hell.
I tore his body down sending him harshly onto the floor, he began to cough continuously before I was on him, sending my fist into his face repeatedly.
"Fucking worthless," I would make him unrecognizable, "piece of shit." He tried to punch and kick me off but as if I had just taken a shit ton of meth I couldn't feel a thing. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands.
He began to go limp. "Not yet motherfucker."
I picked him up by his collar and dragged him to the bathroom. Gripping the sides of his head I slammed his face into the glass of the mirror, shards finding their way to every inch of his skin. A soothing buz came over me watching his mouth drip with blood, swollen shut eyes and battered face.
"Please." The filth shook his head, using the ounce of life left in him to beg.
I held eye contact with him in the mirror as I got closer to speak in his ear. "Is that how Clover begged?" My own words made me ten fucking times angrier sending his face into the now jagged and broken mirror for a second time.
He fell limp against the sink and just to make sure I held my fingers against his blood soaked neck, still beating, good.
"That's enough."
I whipped the sweat off my lip and glared at the filth. "Don't fucking tell me when it's enough." I was no where near calming down. "You have no god damn clue what he did to her, so don't you fucking dare tell me when it's enough." Gio stood outside the door patiently waiting.
"What good are you to her if you're in prison eh? He has separated the two of you enough, go home to her, do not allow that scum to get you caught."
I glanced up missing his eyes and instead meeting those of Cameron. They stared at the body in front of me, never once wavering.
Home to her.
I gripped the back of his shirt and dragged him behind me. Gio and Cameron stepped out of my way as I passed, as I reached the elevator I waited for the two to join me.
"What the fuck Eros!" Kellan was furious.
Tony's cuffed hands were behind his limp body in the elevator as I exited along with the other two. Marco had just came from the stairs door as we reached them.
"Fell in the shower." Gio muttered.
"I should arrest your ass."
That spun me the fuck around.
"You planted a shit ton of drugs on me landing my ass in prison, getting your little sister abused for three more extra fucking years." Pussy wouldn't even look at me. "Don't ever threaten me with some shit like that again." He cowered away like a little boy and I scoffed, I'm ready to get fucking home.
"Sin, I expect a meeting or phone call in the next few days." Elliot spoke up just as I made it to the front door. I walked out of the building feeling like the weight of the world had just been lifted from my shoulders.
Been waiting to do that shit for years.
c l o v e r
Despite having such a long day and night I couldn't get myself to sleep. I blamed it on the couch for almost and hour and a half as I went all over the house grabbing pillows and different blankets to satisfy my aching back. Although later I decided it was hunger and attempted to make some cookies.
I placed them on the cooking pan without putting no stick down first, but that was only my first mistake, instead of thirty two minutes I put them in for an hour and two. You can imagine what I looked like rushing to turn off the smoke alarms frantically trying to not wake Remi.
After my cookie disaster I settled for staring longingly into the fridge until something called my name. Eventually my almond chocolate found its way in my hands and I was twirling in the kitchen munching away while barely paying attention to the movie on the tv. Honestly, I just had it on so it wasn't so dark.
And now, I'm currently doing my best to dance along with the girls from dance moms. If Abby lee ever insulted my feet I think I would need a few days to recover.
"Watching the big woman again?" I about jumped out of my skin none the less my turn. Gio was watching the screen with an odd grimace on his face before shaking his head and turning to walk away.
"Wait!" I stopped just in front of him and hesitated just a bit before opening my arms widely. I ignored the look of horror that washed over him, it's just a hug Gio? I wrapped my arms around him in a small embrace, and gave him little time to return it. "I'm happy your all home safe."
I had never seen Giovanni allow such a palette of emotions to be seen on his face before.
I couldn't hold in my happiness any longer. I left Gio and went on my search for Sin. Instead of meeting him at the door I met Cam and Marco, my head tilted involuntarily and he must've noticed. "Too late to go home, boss said I could crash here." I didn't like the questioning tone he used, as if he needed my permission or was scared I would be upset.
"Too bad it's so late, we could've watched movies." To be completely honest if it were hours earlier I would've spent them all with Sin, but I felt Cam needed a little reassurance that he was wanted.
I didn't wait for an answer as I made my way out the door. My bare feet padded against the large stone steps and my nightgown did nothing to keep me warm. I stopped at the bottom step dancing on tip toe to tip toe trying to keep my feet from freezing.
He emerged from the sleek back car and my heart melted when he walked just a little faster to get to me. I opened my arms and he swooped me off the step and twirled me around, the frigid air chilling my legs like tiny pieces of glass.
"I missed you."
"I love you."
I looked up at him just as he set me down and if it weren't for the freezing cold air my smile would be bigger. "I love you too." I pulled his hand towards the door, I could feel my feet start to stick against the cold ground.
It didn't take very long for my feet to warm up after being inside for a moment. The boys had gone off to bed and I stayed on the couch waiting for Sin to return.
"Clover." Oh no, that's his what the frick tone.
"Mhmm?"
"Why is Remi in our bed?" I peeked over the couch and examined his exchange of clothes. Gray sweatpants now hung against his hips and beige hoodie did wonders for the black ink against his skin. Oh wow.
"I asked you a question sweetheart." I followed him with my eyes as he sat down on the couch, stretching his legs wide and getting comfortable. He called me over with his fingers and I got as close as I could before he rolled his eyes and sat me towards him on his lap.
"I couldn't let her sleep on the couch." There was no way I was going to let her sleep anywhere but in our bed. "But shh tell me w-" my heart dropped, my excitement completely clouded my sight because I was just now made aware of the raw sores that were his knuckles.
It seemed like every time those fists of his were going back to the normal color, I would find them raw and irritated all over again.
I held one of his hands in my own, gently touching the areas around his sores trying to soothe the inevitable uncomfortableness. "Tell me how everything went." The hand I wasn't holding in my own was now trailing up and down the skin of my back under my nightgown.
"My father wants to make an alliance." Because I couldn't find his reaction I tried to keep mine neutral. He kept his eyes down, looking at his hand in between my own.
"How do you feel about that?" He sighed and leaned his head back on the couch avoiding the question.
"He talked about you. Said you reminded him of my mother." I was shocked to say the least, I wasn't expecting Elliot to speak of me at all none the less well of me.
"You know, if you wanted to have a relationship with him this is your chance." I tried to speak as delicately as I could, not wanting to upset him. From what I've heard of Sins father he was cold his entire childhood. Sin has always despised his name, his own name because his father gave it to him out of spite.
All he could do was shrug off my question.
I cupped his cheeks and lifted his face so he could look into my eyes. "Sin," I hated when he doubted himself. "You can tell me anything. If you don't want to know him that doesn't make you a bad person, and if you do I will support your decision and go through all of it with you." My heart dropped as soon as a glimmer of water was revealed in his eyes.
He shook his head and wiped them roughly with his sore hands. "It's just an alliance nothing more nothing less." But it could be.
"If you change your mind." He hummed and pulled me to him, pressing little kisses against my cheeks and eventually full ones on my lips. If it weren't for his hands holding my waist I would've melted into nothing.
"You're everything to me." Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
"Come on," he picked me up giving me an uncountable amount of butterflies. "Let's go to bed." He carried me to one of the guest bedrooms and in no time my hands were tangled in his hair and he was dead asleep.
I slipped out from under his arms, pausing for a moment every time I would make a noise. I tip toed around the bed and to the table grabbing Sins phone and slipping out of the room.
I walked until I was far enough away from the room that I could speak without whispering. The time was now six in the morning and I could honestly care less if my phone call wakes him.
"Ciao?"
[hello]
"Hello Elliot this is Clover." I peaked at the hallway which led to the guest room to make sure Sin hadn't woken up.
"Do you own a watch darling it's quite early."
"I wish I could muster up enough remorse to apologize." Relax Clo he's trying to get better, I think. "I don't want a long puzzle for an answer I want a yes or a no. Do you or do you not want a relationship with Sin, a father son relationship."
I held my breath terrified his answer would be no, I knew Sin like the back of my hand, and the little boy in him wanted to know his father.
"Yes."
I felt the weight of the world leave my chest.
"You are welcome in our home tomorrow evening for dinner, and don't for a moment feel entitled, this is for Sin, not you." I had no idea where all of this confidence was coming from, when it comes to Sin I painfully want him to be happy all the time, him upset is my worst nightmare.
"Yes ma'am."
And I hung up the phone.
★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★
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