My Hana

13✨

Some say I'm blunt, and to be honest I agree. Maybe I'm quite dense, or maybe it just doesn't matter to me. Well, it shouldn't matter to me. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I never have felt like this. What's happening to me? 

Why does my heart ache like so? Nobody has taught me this feeling, what is this feeling? Huh? I'm crying? Why am I crying? I shouldn't be crying.

He wiped his tears with the palms of his hand. 

"I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU JUST YOU WAIT JAPAN!" 

The sunshine waved profusely towards the older, before running off into the sunset. 

"Hinata Shoyo from the concrete? Why am I feeling this way?"

He looked at the letter in his hands, opening it. 

GAHHHH HI IT'S HINATA SHOYO JAPAN! I'm writing this to you because, well um that's kind of hard to say. Well, not the point, but now I can't beat you...nor will I ever be able to. Japan, even though you can't see me beat you, just you watch me spread my wings and fly. 

I'm going to soar higher than you've ever been able to...as so I thought. Well, that was what I thought before you know...I was told I had one month left to live. I wanted to show you. I wanted to prove to you that I could beat the great Ushijima Wakatoshi! The best Ace in Japan! 

But now...I can't. I can't beat you. It's not possible. I'm dead, gone, incomplete. So, instead of beating you, maybe just simply...I have these words I wish to say to you. I love you, Japan. I know you probably won't reciprocate these feelings, well to be honest I don't even know if you'll understand. I mean, you are pretty dense so to say. But I shouldn't say that because I'm also dense, haha. 

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know. Even though I can no longer beat you, nor love you. I just wanted to let you know...as my parting gift...you know? Right, I love you, Ushijima. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU. 

You make my heart go WHOOSH GAHHHH POWWWW! 

Sincerely Hinata Shoyo from the Concrete. 

Why am I still crying...? I don't cry...I shouldn't be crying. More tears began to stream down his face, dampening the piece of parchment that was clasped in his hands. A photo slipped from the envelope, a photo which portrayed the sunshine. 

"Pffttttttt"

He started laughing hysterically, then he began crying, tears dropping heavier. What is this feeling? He skimmed over the letter again, reading it over. 

"I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU." 

He thought he was crazy, but smiled through tearful eyes. 

"So this is love...?"

He smiled, tracing his finger along the cheek of the polaroid of Hinata. He smiled softly, tears dropping down. He remembers how much he admired the other. How he wanted to learn and surpass him. He remembered how he would try to imitate his every move and thus, this memory was captured. 

He had followed Ushijima around the whole day, studying his every move. It was honestly quite a sight to see, a bright little ball of sunshine, trying to follow a lifeless tree. 

Ushijima smiled at the memory, holding the picture close to his chest. 

"So this is love...Hinata Shoyo from the concrete. You may not have surpassed me, but you sure have broken me..." 

He softly placed the picture down, reading the letter over and over again. Reading the same sentences of I love you. 

A feeling that felt so surreal, something untangible. He was untangible. He, who he yearned for was no longer in his grasp. He did truly spread his wings and flown. He flew far away, to a place nobody could reach him. Nobody could have a grasp of him. Not even the great Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

"Hinata Shoyo..." 

And so the great Ushijima was broken. How he yearned for the one person he never expected. How he wailed in the depths of the darkness in his room. How he was unable to cherish the precious boy in his arms. How he who was known to be great wasn't great enough to save him. How he wasn't able to save the boy who captured his heart. 

He picked up his phone, Dialing Tendou Satori. His voice cracked, as he spoke, tears continuing to stream from his eyes. 

"Ushi...?"

"Satori..." 

He was breaking down, something not even Tendou had seen. 

"I love him, Tendou, I really do..." 

Tendou smiled softly, chuckling. 

"We all love him Ushi, funny how you're capable of something." 

Ushijima clenched his shirt, his heart wept from the yearful thought of holding him. 

"Tendou, why couldn't we save him?" 

"Because he didn't want to be saved." 

At this point, they were both crying, as they reminisced in the memory of the bright sunshine. 

"All he wanted was for us to be happy, even if it wasn't with him, Ushi..." 

Ushijima broke down, rocking back and forth. 

"Satori...I didn't think or know I could feel like this, Satori...is there something wrong with me?" 

Tendou softly whispered. 

"No, there's nothing wrong, Ushi. We fell in love with a beautiful ball of sunshine, and that's humane. You're human, Ushi. So, cry, cry your heart out." 

And so he did. They called the rest of the night, Tendou comforting Ushijima, as he cried his heart out. As he cried until his voice became dry and he could no longer cry anymore. He cried until his tears ran dry, and he could accept the fact that he was gone. Hinata was gone. His first and only love was gone.