Loving the Sky (College Series #3)

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"You're seven weeks pregnant, Ms. Madrid. Congratulations!" nakangiting saad ng OB-Gyne na pinuntahan namin ni Mommy. Itinakas niya ako nang malaman namin kahapon na nagdadalang-tao ako.

I couldn't feel the happiness I was supposed to feel. The doctor was excited for me, but my heart knew that I didn't want this.

Kinausap ni Mommy ang doctor habang nakatulala lang ako sa upuan at pinakikinggan sila. Dahil nasa first trimester pa lang ako, the most critical stage, I was advised to eat proper meals on time. The doctor also prescribed some vitamins for me.

"Mommy," the doctor called me, and happiness was beaming in her eyes. "You have to be healthy for your baby. You may experience food cravings, nausea, fatigue, and frequent urination, so you have to get enough sleep and make sure to drink plenty of water."

I didn't answer her. Ni hindi ako tumango o ano. Medyo nagbago ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya ngunit mabilis din namang nakabawi. Maybe she realized that I didn't want this pregnancy.

Marami pa siyang sinabi ngunit hindi na ako nakinig. There was life within me, but why did I feel so dead and empty? The father of this child ruined everything for me. I would not accept this. I already had a lot of baggage to carry. Hindi na dapat dumagdag ito.

It was a relief that my father wasn't home. Dumiretso agad kami sa kwarto ko para magpahinga. I know that sooner or later, malalaman din ng lahat na buntis ako. Lalong magagalit si Daddy. Lalo niya akong itatakwil.

"Debs," tawag sa akin ni Mommy.

Naririndi na ako sa paulit-ulit na nangyayari sa buhay ko. Bakit ba hindi ako natututo? Sana ay nakuntento na lang akong tanawin si Rouge sa malayo! Sana ay hindi ako nagkakaganito ngayon! The plans I had for myself had crumbled down. My dream of becoming a fashion designer grew harder and impossible to attain now.

I looked at my mom with tears and shook my head continuously. "I don't want this child! I don't want this child! Please, Mommy, let's remove this! I don't want this child!" paulit-ulit kong iyak.

Huminga siya nang malalim at pinanood lang ako. I was crying my heart out while trying to rip the bedsheet beneath me. I was like a madwoman, having an emotional meltdown. I grabbed the vase on my bedside table and threw it on the wall, creating a loud clank.

Mabilis ang paghinga ko bago dahan-dahang lumuhod sa harap ni Mommy.

"P-please, ayoko pang maging nanay! I can't give this child a future... kasi ako, Mommy, wala rin ako no'n!" paos na sigaw ko. "Hindi ko siya mabibigyan ng kumpletong pamilya! Hindi ko maibibigay ang pangangailangan niya! Ni hindi ko sigurado kung kaya ko siyang mahalin dahil ubos na ubos na ako!"

I hugged my mom's knees like I was begging for my life. My whole body was trembling from pressure and, once again, dismay. Life had drained me.

"W-walang rason para buhayin ko 'to..." I uttered, almost in a whisper. "Ni walang rason para mabuhay ako..."

Mula sa pagkakatayo ay unti-unting lumuhod si Mommy para pantayan ako. Her eyes were full of tears, concern, and a faint sense of love. She brushed my hair and put some strands of it behind my ears.

"Paano kung ang anak mo ang magbigay ng rason sa 'yo?" she mumbled as she continued to caress my hair. "Like how you've given me reason to love my life, Deborah."

Nasa sahig lang kami pareho habang umiiyak. Pagtangis lang ang tangi kong naisagot sa kanya. Ngumiti siya sa akin at hinawakan ang mukha ko para palisin ang luha sa pisngi ko.

"It sounds really lame and overused, but every child is a blessing. It will be up to you if you're going to raise your child to be a blessing to others..."