Loving the Sky (College Series #3)

Chapter 23

"I tried to forgive you," he whispered. "But every time I think of what you did, hindi ko magawa! Hindi ko malimutan na kaya kong mahalin ang isang babaeng kagaya mo!"

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from having an outburst, but I couldn't. Naputol ang sinulid ng pasensya ko dahil sa galit, sakit, at dismaya.

"Edi sana hindi mo na lang ako pinatulan! Sana hindi mo na lang ako pinaasa! Sana hindi mo na lang sinabing mahal mo ako! Kasi, tangina naman, Rouge! Pinanghawakan ko 'yon!" Nanghihina ako nang suntukin ko ang dibdib niya.

"Sinabi ko namang ayoko na, 'di ba? Sinabi ko namang susukuan na kita! Pero niligawan mo 'ko! Naramdaman ko naman na mahal mo 'ko! Kaya parang awa mo na, 'wag kang magsalita nang ganito..."

But my words were written in water because he had already decided to crush me down, to break me apart, to abandon the fragments of my heart.

"This is my way to avenge my child! I want to see you in pain! You became a murderer for your dreams!" galit na galit na sigaw niya.

There was something in that shout. It made me want to think that there was an unspoken pain behind it. It made me want to convince myself that his anger was just a mask, a defense against every throb, a fight against despair.

But I was done reading between the lines. I was done believing my foolish heart. He hated me. He still... hated me. Whatever I did, our past would never be forgotten.

I blinked, my lips still trembling. My knees were also shaky, reminding me that I needed to get a hold of myself because I was on the verge of passing out.

I looked up and saw that the skies were devoid of stars and the moon. The darkness had taken over the world, calling my name, urging me to feel the pain because no one could see it.

It was at that point that I realized that the night was crying out for me. I was one more blow away from falling apart... but I was a soldier for love. Always ready to break and be gunned down by him.

"Did you plan all of this?" I asked softly without looking at him.

I felt naked. Parang walang balat na bumabalot sa katawan ko habang ang hangin na yumayakap sa akin ay mga karayom na handa akong paduguin sa hapdi.

"Yes."

I couldn't help but turn to face him and stare into his suffocating eyes. Walang bakas doon ang lalaking minahal ko. Walang marka ng lambing at kalinga. His gaze was as dull and dark as the night. Rife with rage. And as I kept looking at his face, I realized that my heart had already surrendered. I realized that my fragile thread of hope had snapped. One more question and I would be completely out of it.

"D-Do you love me?"

His eyes widened a fraction. He was taken aback. For the first time tonight, the anger in his eyes had dimmed. I wanted to fool myself. I wanted to beg him to say yes because I couldn't afford to lose myself... along with my murdered dreams.

He bowed, and slowly, very slowly, almost unmoving, he shook his head.

Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasakit. Durog na durog ako. Parang nabugbog ang katawan ko, at sa tuwing susubukan kong gumalaw, ang mga maliliit na parte ng sistema ko ay kumikirot... pumipintig sa lungkot.

I was speechless. The cold breeze of the night choked down my lungs, slowly killing a part of me that I knew I would forever grieve for.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin at bumalatay sa mukha niya ang gulat at pagsisisi nang makita ang kabuuan ko.

"R-Reese..." He tried to reach for me, but I stepped back. Para siyang natauhan, pero wala na. It was said... it had already taken away my life.

I touched my cheeks and realized... I was crying.