Your Eyes ||Kurapika x Reader||

Twenty-Four || Snake

"I could actually fall for you." I said with a small smile, leaning my face against my other hand.

Touma smirked as he swallowed his sushimi. "What's stopping you?" His tone as teasing as mine.

It was a simple question. So why did it make me so upset? Perhaps because the answer was one that filled me with sorrow. I could still picture the look on a certain blonde's face when I went into his room so many nights ago, teasing and pestering him for his attention. He got frustrated with me, yelling all sorts of things, claiming that he was so close to finding the owner of a pair of scarlet eyes and I was only a distraction in the process. He hadn't meant it, he would never say something like that. He was only stressed that day and that was shown through the dark bags which hung under his eyes and I understood that. He was the reason why I couldn't love Touma so easily. Because I don't think I would be able to feel love for another for a long time when that blonde bastard is all I think about. And, to sum it all up, this admiration was one made of fear.

I didn't know what I was afraid of, nor why I worried so much, nor why this thing that could so easily cause panic felt like hope at times and, like hope in the darkest moments, brought such joy, unreal joy. Joy with a noose tied around it. I am afraid when he showed up, afraid when he failed to, afraid when he looked at me, more frightened yet when he didn't. I lived for months in this agony, and, on the worst afternoons, I'd simply give out and fall asleep on the absorbing green sofa in the billiard room, though still dreaming, I knew exactly when he was in the room, when he tiptoed in and out, when he stood there, when he was looking at me and for how long, when he was trying to pick today's paper while making the least rustling sound, only to give up and pick up a random magazine whether he woke me or not.

"Theres someone else, isn't there?" Touma said, watching the pain in my eyes. I nodded shamefully. "Tell me about them." He said again simply, poking at the last sushi on his plate.

My eyes widened a little at the unexpected request. "What?" 

"I'd like to know about them."

"But..." That would be unfair on Touma. I could tell he liked me and a little part of me wanted to like him too, so talking about another man in front of him would be unfair to him. I didn't understand his intentions.

"It's okay. I'm Interested, rather. I want to know what kind of person is capable of bringing that expression to your face." A small smile spread on his lips. He was being genuine. There was an essence to this man I was beginning to discover; he felt safe. No spite, no ill-intentions, just genuine curiosity and wanting to unravel a person. 

So I told him everything and nothing. I told him about the fear and how it never went away, it only became easier to contain the more he came into my room to ask something about research or work, when he as the bodyguard leader would issue commands and updates to the rest of us, or when we would pass each other in the corridors of the great mansion. I was always afraid. And what I feared most were the days where I didn't see him for stretches at a time- entire afternoons and evenings sometimes without knowing where he'd been. I'd sometimes spot him crossing the courtyard outside the window or talking to people I'd never seen there. Touma stayed quiet the whole time, to which I was grateful for. I was even more grateful when he put his hand on mine after we sat down at the local park under the dark sky, watching the twinkling stars as I revealed all of my inner thoughts and desires.

His touch was warm and comforting. His eyes were caring and non-judgmental. For the first time in a while I felt comfortable in the presence of a friend. 

Touma didn't say anything except bring his other caramel hand to my cheek, gentle caressing my sad skin. He opened his mouth, ready to speak but stopped when another voice interrupted.