Daisies

-9-

And without thinking about it, he hastily accepted it, pressing his cold phone against his ear.

"Hello?"

"Ah, Dohyon. Sorry to wake you up at this hour."

Junho sounded guilty and he could hear the shuffle in the background, as if the older was fidgeting in nervousness.

His lips unconsciously curled up into a soft smile, Dohyon pulling his blanket closer to put the speaker on and letting his phone rest on his pillow.

"It's okay, hyung. Is everything alright? You don't have one of those headaches again, do you?" Junho chuckled, hearing how his voice pitched up in concern.

"I'm fine, Dohyonnie. Tired, but I can't sleep."

Dohyon's smile only grew wider.

"I hope you don't mind? I just need someone to be here." Junho's voice grew quieter, the way it usually did when the brunette was shy.

He almost giggled, his heart spreading a soothing kind of warmth all over his chest.

"No, I don't mind at all. I'll listen, you relax, okay?"

So cute.

Yeah, he was definitely in trouble.

It should be illegal to be this adorable.

The older was oddly quiet, but after a while he figured out the older must be listening to his breathing.

Dohyon looked at the screen, eyes softening in sadness upon seeing the blank surface.

He'd be awake until Junho fell asleep.

After all, he had promised. He wasn't planning on breaking it, so Dohyon relaxed and let Junho's breathing slowly lull him into half slumber.

This year had been a big change in their lives.

And Junho was the only one walking from there without memories.

Christmas just passed.

It felt weird, to celebrate Christmas without Junho.

The older's parents had insisted that he would spend Christmas at home, not even daring to meet them while asking so. Junho of course, followed because he had no idea.

He couldn't remember, after all.

At first, he had wondered why Mr and Mrs Cha were so accepting.

Then he had seen the fear. The way they clutched onto their son as fast as he got close, the way they almost seemed to want to hide Junho away from him.

It hurt more than seeing the brunette in the hospital.

He couldn't blame them, though.

New Year was coming.

Dohyon couldn't think of any New Year resolutions.

It was empty.

What he wanted to wish, was for Junho to remember.

It was a cruel thing to wish, yes, but he missed the older so.

There was nothing wrong with Junho now, it just...couldn't sit right with him.

He missed the older, like a lot.

With the time, their relationship slowly crumbled into dust. He couldn't see the difference between being fake and true anymore.

It felt like he was slowly being driven insane by the love he felt for Junho, a love he was not supposed to have.

Feelings that couldn't and hadn't saved the brunette.

So in some kind of way, he missed all of them or rather, what they used to be.

Those times they would laugh together, it got all blurred as most of them tried to avoid each other. It's not like they fought or something, it was just too hard watching Junho everyday.

His heart hurt even more knowing that the brunette seemed just fine without them.

If that goddamn disease never happened, they would've never ended up this way.

Strangely enough, he was kind of happy it did anyways. Not because of the consequences, but Junho seemed so much happier now.

As long as the older wasn't hurting anymore, he'd be fine.

Right?

"Hyung?" Junho hummed to show that he was still awake and listening, Dohyon shifting until he was facing his phone.

"Yeah? What's wrong, Dohyon-ah?" He smiled bitterly, looking at the wall as all different kinds of noises suddenly began to echo in his head.

"I love you."

There it was.

He hadn't even admitted it to himself until those words slipped past his lips.

It took him a moment of silence before he realized that he fucked up.

Dohyon opened his mouth, though nothing but silence came out of it.

Before he could say anything, Junho giggled softly and the sound alone made his eyes sting.

"I love you too, Dohyonnie! Where's all this coming from, though?"

He should be happy, right? Even so, Dohyon felt disappointed. Somehow, empty.

"You are a good friend, maknae-ah. Who wouldn't love you? I know I can always rely on you." Of course the older would misunderstand.

Dohyon doesn't even know why he is disappointed or surprised anymore.

It just hurt.

He hadn't been joking. Dohyon knew very well what those words meant and he meant them.

He loves Cha Junho.

Please realize that soon, hyung. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

It's so hard to be around you, even though you never did anything wrong.

He wants Junho to be able to fall in love again, just like the older had done in the past. Just like him right now.

If he had only realized sooner, if he had only fallen in love with Junho sooner...

It's impossible not to fall head over heels to the shy and cute Cha Junho. He wanted to curse his past self for being so blind.

He couldn't even protect the older. Not now, not back then.

Dohyon hated that fact.

After all, it was just a price for them to pay.

It's their fault and now they are forced to suffer.

"Dohyon-ah?"

He's just so tired.