Daisies

-2-

That, while trying to keep up with reality.

Things aren't that easy in life and Yohan knew that. They may tell people they were fine, but they could never lie to themselves, let alone focus on being positive when they remembered the blood, the flowers and the hospital.

He could never forget the pain in Junho's eyes. A kind of pain he'd never get to experience, the pain he caused the brunette.

And now he wouldn't even be able to apologize because Junho didn't know who they were, didn't remember anything about them. It hurt so much and he was feeling so guilty it crushed him, but his pain would never be alike to that disease.

Guilt wouldn't get him anywhere. He felt worthless, not being able to help Junho and that was only his own fault.

He hadn't been there for the younger back then. If he reached out earlier, would things have been different?

It's too late now. All he was left with was regret and the memories.

Even if they tried to tell Junho about the moments they spent together, it just didn't feel right. It wasn't the same.

That was the problem. The brunette couldn't remember them. He wouldn't remember them ever again. No matter how hard they tried, how many stories they told him, his memories of them would be deleted forever.

Lost.

They weren't coming back.

He wished so badly that cursed disease never existed at all.

Yohan would've laughed if he heard about it earlier, only thinking about it as a stupid fairy tail that could never come true. He had realized way too late it was anything but a fantasy or just a simple story.

<>

Junho has been released from the hospital a few days now.

From what he knew, the younger moved back with Eunsang, having no idea what had happened there before he was hospitalized.

It saddened him how they couldn't tell him the truth, but that wasn't their decision to make. Junho took that surgery knowing all his memories of them would be wiped out.

Or, he didn't have much of a choice for that part.

He couldn't even bear with the truth himself, so keeping it secret and not talking about it didn't do him anything. But in the absence of all the talk, he could only feel and it was tiring.

Imagine having someone squeeze and stomp at your heart over and over again.

Yohan couldn't even look into Junho's eyes. It was only when Seungwoo pointed it out that he noticed he was himself when he was visiting the brunette, though as fast as he left, he became that lifeless zombie again, walking around with no meaning.

At some point, he had changed.

He couldn't exactly point out why he was like his old self around Junho. Maybe he wanted the younger to remember him the way he was before? Or was it pity? Sadness? Anger?

"Hyung, you're spacing out. What are you thinking about?"

Blinking, Junho's blurry face came within his eyesight and Yohan stuttered, quickly sitting up to rub his eyes hurriedly.

Shit, he had totally forgotten he was in Eunsang's and Junho's apartment, waiting for Minhee to give him his notes back. The brunette sat back at the place beside him, the sofa shifting as Junho smiled, looking at him with curious eyes.