Asterisk*

Surprises and Spectacularity*

*In positive ways of love

Thinking and not thinking,

A boom and a roar of thunder,

Flash. Break.

But before I do that,

I get to be happy.

Marcus

When people get drunk, it's like a whole another version of themselves. There's touchy drunks, mean drunks, people who seem happy for once. People drink for tons of different reasons. Sometimes it's just to have fun. Others want an escape, running away from all their problems without actually doing any of the running.

People love in the same way they drink. It's a drug. You can feel completely crazy looking at the person you love, feeling like you're in another dimension all together in a way that can only be described as psychedelia. It's an art. It takes time to build up, but once you're finally there, but once you're there, it's a feeling like no other. Love isn't that complicated, but instead, it's learning how to deal and live with that love that's complicated. People love in a vast majority of different ways, some that they can only understand. All for a person, everything for this one person.

Some people love hard and fast, falling for the first person they meet. Head over heels in love, chasing until there's nothing left to chase. Loving them and finding out their middle name at the same time, falling in love with things before you ever know them. Because at the end of the day, it's from them, and you love them. They're perfect because there's not enough time for you to see their imperfections. It's loving and learning at the same time, knowing and not knowing all at once. A look and a glare, then love exists, a future created in the heads before it was ever played out.

Then there's people who love forever, their first love being their last. There's an everlasting bond created between the two people, full of golden heartstrings of both pain and happiness. It's a love that never leaves, only proceeds to get more fiery every time life throws flames at you. You would kill for this person; not die and let the world ecompass your problems, but live with the knowledge that there's a life taken by your hands. They say love is fleeting, but it's managed to last, yet you never know when it might just decide to disappear. There's an impending fear, but it's simple: you love them. You've loved them forever, and you could never imagine a world where you stop loving them.

Others fall in love with themselves first; the healthy practices of love that sets the standard for all. You've had to go through hell to love yourself, if not what feels like hell. You've been singed by the fires, but you're back, stronger than ever. You'd be willing to tear open your heart and let them put it back together. But they have to fix it the right way, otherwise you're gone and onto the next person. Love equals respect. They can't do that, fuck them. You know you can do better, and it's onto the next because loving yourself is stronger than any of these things, like it should be.

There's so many more, but I can't begin to explain them all without going completely crazy in the head. I don't really fall into any of these right now, which is okay. I'm in the awkward middle ground of liking someone so much that it feels like love, but it's not quite there yet. I'm figuring things out so that I can love someone, and that someone can love me back. It's weird, but it's something new. I'm just letting myself enjoy it before it gets too complicated. It's like there's a new feeling every day, one that I get to figure out and fall in love with before I fall in love with the person that I like the most. Today, that feeling was surprises.

I used to hate surprises, but the more good surprises happen, the better I feel about them. To me, surprises show that you care. You care enough to care behind someone's back and do something for them. That can take immense amounts of planning, but it's worth it.