Awakening Book 2

Tawna (Chapter 5 )

"Carmen has always been hard to read and figure out.... An enigma in a way. Her dad mated up for opportunity and not love which I guess started the whole mess of her family. Her mom isn't exactly one of the strongest of femmes, or capable, but her bloodline is one of the oldest and the pairing put him in my father's sights. Marco wanted a son, Tawna gave him a girl, and they have been a fractured dysfunctional family since. I know from things my father has said that he doesn't put any effort into his own family; he feels they weigh him down and make him look bad."

"Hmmm" I half answer, too focused on his breath trailing by my ear and my hair stands on end as he grazes his lip over the lobe.

"Carmen doesn't really gel with others because of who her dad is; she was always just this kid in the shadows who tried so hard to be seen and accepted, but the pack avoided. Everyone knows he's my dad's beta so there was a fear of getting near her and I guess over the years she developed this tough hard outer shell like she didn't really care. That she was better than everyone and she looked down on all of us. The attitude, the stroppy behavior, all of it to hide the fact she really hasn't got anyone, but she's not really a bad person, not when you get to know her more. She's lonely and insecure and she keeps everyone at arm's length." Colton carries on, both with his words and his gentle assault on my senses, his hands skimming my waist and abdomen and he manages to somehow hug me even closer.

"She needs a friend, maybe? Someone to get through and really see her?" I try to stay on topic but he's making it hard.

"I dated her for two years and I didn't ever get past the mask, but I guess I was the closest other than her mom. I saw glimpses but no one gets in, I doubt they ever will."

What he says makes my heart ache and instantly sobers my sizzling hormones as I think about the reality of her existence. I was like her once. Alone, keeping people out, and looking back, it was that saddest part of my life.

"I feel bad the way it went, how it ended and that I hurt her and walked away from it all. I think being your dad's biggest disappointment in life has to have left its mark and I never gave a second thought to walking off with my new pack and leaving her behind. My focus was on you, I didn't think what her staying would be like. I guess I didn't think that without me and the subs, she was back to being alone." Colton's tone matches my newly found internal heaviness and he stops his slow tease and just hugs me tightly instead. His arms coming around my lower rib cage and his face is snuggled against my neck and shoulder.

"Did you ever think about marking her? Two years is a long time to be paired up without marking." I ask curiously, not because I want to torture myself or anything, but I always wondered what held him back and thinking about it now, I want to know. It's normal in a pairing for the male to make the move and ask to mate up, femmes don't tend to do it or have a say until they are asked. Such is the old-world nature of our pairings. A world where men still rule, and females submit. He obviously cared about her, but yet he never made a move to mate with her properly.

"Honestly, as bad as this sounds... no. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it felt like I was holding my breath, and something inside told me it wasn't the right time. I didn't realize it was my gut telling me it was the wrong femme, I just thought I wasn't ready to be tied down. That we were young and immature, and I had so many more responsibilities. Looking back, I cared about her a lot, but I don't think I loved her. I just didn't know it until you and felt this way. With you, the need to mark you was a constant craving inside of me from the second we bonded."

"Shame you took so long." I sass him, lightening the mood a little and try to ignore the pangs of green-eyed monster when my man admits to caring for another femme in that way. I'm so stupid with this but I get my cute boy frown with full on dimples and a half smile in response as he brings his face up to mine from the side, to lock eyes. It helps ease my ruffled feelings.