The Captain's Beloved

20 - Governing Heartsick Men

"We did have some lovely moments." I offered a demure smile, knowing whatever I did or said, however reserved, would likely fuel him.

"Those encounters changed my entire outlook on life. You made me feel like a man again. A young, desirable man."

"You are young and desirable."

He rolled his eyes and slumped in his seat. "Convince my wife of that and I will pay you anything you ask."

Oh, dear. Not this again.

"You said yourself that this forthcoming wedding should bring the countess out of her melancholy. Perhaps, you can take advantage of the opportunity. Arrange a special evening alone with her. Have your chefs prepare her favorite meal and serve it in your private chambers. Woo her like a new couple. Remind her of your virility."

He looked as if I had insulted him. "You don't think I have tried that? She refused all of my proposals. It is as if she doesn't care about my happiness at all."

"With respect, your grace. Only you have the power to decide to be happy. To give away that power to someone else is like sending a ship into a hurricane. And, quite frankly, it is unfair to your wife."

"What do you suggest I do? Now that you are not able to assuage my tortured thoughts, I am falling back into my old ways. I do not wish to be a malicious prick to my constituents or my family."

"Are you saying sexual congress is the only outlet you have found to assuage your tortured thoughts? I thought I brought more to our relationship than a means of physical release."

He sighed and his eyes swiveled to me. Pain radiated from every part of him. "That is precisely the problem, Rose. You bring so much more to our relationship than physical release. You have picked up the mantle that my Mary dropped when her brother died."

He heaved out another sigh, and I worried our conversation would only degrade from there. If I were to diagnose his mood, I would have said he suffered from depression. The same sort of depression Admiral Thompson succumbed to when his wife passed. Was I just seeing this now? Or had I failed to notice his condition previously because I was distracted by Captain Thompson?

When we arrived at my home, I did something I had not planned. I invited him inside for a cup of tea. Circumstances had changed, and I felt the situation warranted an intervention. After the earl was seated, I took Tilda aside to make a request.

"I believe the earl is suffering from a bout of depression. I will entertain him a while in the sitting room, but I need one of you to keep an eye on us. He is having difficulty accepting my courtship to Captain Thompson, and I worry he may try to take advantage of the captain's absence. Also, please do not suggest anything alcoholic. Only tea or coffee. Unless he insists."

Tilda blinked a number of times as I made my request. I knew she did not feel comfortable denying a nobleman, but she nodded her agreement and trundled off to the kitchen to fetch our tea. I returned to sit across from the earl and found him staring through the open window at the busy street, perhaps watching the lamplighters as they made their rounds.

"Do you always keep your drapes open during the evening hours?" he asked.

"They are open during the day, but Tilda closes them when we light the candles inside."

He bobbed his head thoughtfully. Was he remembering the day he kissed me in full view of Piccadilly Street?

"What is on the agenda for the House of Lords this summer, your grace? I hope the prince still plans to forward the pay initiative on behalf of the disabled soldiers. I am afraid I missed a great deal while I was at sea."