STARGAZING (ENG)

Chapter 4 - What If...

Katya's arm was numb when she woke up. Her entire body was aching, from her muscles to her sunburned skin. She looked down and saw the most angelic figure she's ever seen: Trixie was still asleep, her arm over Katya's body and her head delicately laid on top of her chest. Katya carefully moved out from under Trixie, trying not to wake her up. She placed Trixie's head on a pillow and covered her up with a blanket 'till her waist. In the living room, George and Donna were talking to each other, looking worried.

''Oh, you woke up first, thank God!'' George said.
''Is everything okay?'' Katya asked.
''Not really. Paul, Harry's grandfather, didn't believe Donna when she said what to boy had done to Trix, he is furious that she would make up such story.''
''She didn't. I saw them!'' Katya said, angrily.
''We know, darling. We believe you. But Paul doesn't. He said he wants to talk to Trixie in person, which of course we will not allow.'' Donna said.
''What does he want?''
''Well, after you two fell asleep, Donna confronted Harry over what happened, and Paul saw. He went to confront her as why she was talking to his grandson, and put on one hell of a show in front of everyone. Donna...''
''I ended up exposing Harry and what he'd done to our little girl. I was, and still am, so furious. Anyway, we were all a little bit drunk, so you do the math. It didn't end up well. Paul wants to force Trixie to apologize publically to Harry and tell everyone she was lying.''
''He can't do that!'' Katya was on the verge of crying.
''We are going to protect Trixie, but he has a big political influence in this area.'' George seemed worried.
''How big?''
''Big enough that he could ruin our farm's business and we...could bankrupt. Before we knew how much of an asshole Harry was, we suggested to Trixie a possible marriage. He seemed like a really nice guy.''

Katya was overwhelmed with all the information. The country was really so much different than she expected.

''Who's gonna tell Trixie?''
''Tell me what?'' Trixie was standing on the doorway of her bedroom.

Everyone immediately turned around and looked at the girl. She had puffy eyes and rosy cheeks, although her lips were pail. Katya rushed towards her and gave her a hug, without even thinking.

''How are you doing?'' The shortest girl asked.
''I'm...'' Trixie couldn't even finish the sentence.

She immediately fell on Katya's arms, passing out for a few seconds. Donna and George rushed to help Katya hold the girl and place her on the couch.

''Trixie, stay with me, okay? Stay awake.'' Donna said, caressing the girl's forehead.

Katya went to get a glass of water for Trixie, when she heard the girl whispering.

''Katya...I...want...Katya.'' Trixie said, making and effort at every word.

The grandparents both stepped back from Trixie and looked at Katya, with expectation. She walked back towards Trixie, who gave a very small and full of effort, smile.

''Stay.'' It was all Trixie was able to say.

Katya was confused by the butterflies that invaded her stomach when Trixie said that. It was an awkward feeling that she wasn't familiar with.

''I'm here.'' Katya said, kneeling on the floor before the couch Trixie was laid on.
''What happened?''

Trixie's grandparents nodded, mouthing a ''no''.

''Nothing. Your grandparents just stood up to that asshole from yesterday. Everything's okay now.''

Trixie smiled lightly.

''You and me...are we friends now?'' Trixie squeezed the other girl's hand.
''I guess so. You drooled all over me last night, I guess that makes us friends.''

Both of the girls giggled. Donna and George didn't even have to say anything to Katya. They mentally agreed that Katya should distract Trixie for the next few weeks while they were trying to solve the major problem Harry caused on their lives.

xxx

Trixie and Katya were sitting side by side by the lake, in silence. By the time they've arrived there, they've completely forgotten about fishing. They just sat there quietly, admiring the shiny water.

''How are you feeling?'' Katya asked,  swaying her feet on the water.
''I'm feeling weirdly sad. Like...something was taken away from me.''

Katya nodded in understanding. After a couple of seconds, Trixie spoke again.

''Do you wanna go for a swim?''
''But I don't have a swimsuit on me''
''You don't have to! Nobody comes here, it's a closed propriety. We can swim in our underwear.''

Katya blushed at the thought of seeing Trixie in her underwear. It was a very confusing mixture of feelings going through her mind now, but she was willing to do anything to make Trixie happy right now. She was her friend and she needed that.

''Well, okay then.''

Trixie didn't hesitate to take off her pretty yellow dress, revealing a white lace underwear. Katya's stomach almost hurt with the amount of butterflies having a battle inside her, which drove her crazy. Trixie was absolutely gorgeous. Katya kept telling herself that she was not into girls, so there was no reason for her to feel that way. Right?

''Come on, your turn!'' Trixie said, snapping Katya out of her daydream.

Katya shyly took off her black tank top and her jeans. She wasn't as curvy as Trixie, but certainly had an almost athletic yet skinny body, almost like a ballerina. The red bra and panties contrasted against her sunburned, now almost turning pale again, skin. Trixie grabbed her by the hand and jumped in the lake, but Katya didn't.

''Come on, Kat! Are you scared of the water?''
''Well...I guess you can say that.''
''What do you mean?''
''I kinda...can't swim.''
Trixie giggled.
''It's very shallow here. Come on! If you feel like you're gonna drown, I'll hold you.''

Katya walked hesitantly towards the lake, towards Trixie. The water was hitting her knees when she was pulled to a deeper part of the lake, by one blonde girl.

''Trixie, what the fuck?'' Katya said, laughing in desperation.
''I got you! It's okay!''

And then Katya noticed. Her feet were touching the bottom of the lake, barely. There were two very soft hands placed on her waist, holding her tightly. Her stomach was pressed against Trixie's, and it took her a second to realize how tightly she was squeezing the girl's arms. Katya gave her a sweet smile and then loosened up her fingers. Once Katya got comfortable with the depth of the lake, the girls parted and had a nice and fun swim together. Katya's never had a friendship like that back home, where she had to be that bad bitch all the time so her friends found her 'cool'. With Trixie, she was able to be herself, and that was enough.

After about half an hour, the girls came out of the lake and got dressed. They both sat on top of a picnic towel, eating the sandwiches Donna made them.
''So, Katya. I have an important question for you.''
Katya's stomach turned.
''Go ahead...''
''I was admiring my brand new leather jacket and I happened to realize that...It had a thrift store tag in one of the pockets. It was 5 dollars. Why were you so freaked out about it?''
''Well...you caught me. The jacket belonged to my boyfriend, actually. He gave it to me because he knew I loved it...''
The word 'boyfriend' gave Trixie a weird feeling.
''Oh, I didn't know you had a...''
''I don't. He broke up with me the day before I traveled here.''
''That's why you were so angry.''
''Bingo.''
''And...that's why when I said I'd let you keep the jacket you refused.''
''Bingo again!''
''I have to say...deep down I knew we were gonna be friends at some point.''
''Really? Even after I threw hot tea all over you?'' Katya giggled, taking a bite of her sandwich.
''Well, I kinda put a frog in the bathroom before you went in. And I abandoned you 5 miles away from home, even though it wasn't on purpose. I guess that made us even.''
''Well, thinking about it, it actually did.''
''And...you saved me from that monster yesterday. God knows what could've happened hadn't you showed up...''

Katya looked the girl in the eye and gave her a sincere smile. Trixie's eyes were teary. Both of the girl leaned into each other and hugged. They were still a little wet from the swim, but their bodies were warm. They parted a little bit, and Trixie was staring into those perfect blue eyes. Her stomach was a battlefield of butterflies, and then she followed her instinct. She softly but suddenly kissed Katya, holding her face on both hands. Katya parted with a delay of one second, looking confused.

''Trixie, what...''
''I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, just...I'm sorry.''
''I'm not...gay, Trixie.'' Katya said, even though that sentence felt wrong to her.
'''I know, I shouldn't have done this. I'm sorry.''
''You don't have to apologize. It's okay.''

It was awkward. Not because Katya didn't reciprocate. She actually kept thinking about the softness of Trixie's lips, the sweet touch of her hand on her skin, those little brown eyes that carried a glow she's never seen before. Katya didn't understand why she enjoyed that experience. She's never liked girls before. She used to love her ex-boyfriend. It was a confusing moment for Katya, for sure.

''This is not going to ruin our friendship, right?'' Trixie sounded worried.
''What? No! Not at all. Don't worry about it, Trix.''
''Thank God. I thought I was gonna have to leave you here and storm off.''
They both laughed. Their friendship was nice. The girls were so different, yet so alike.
''If you do this, I'll throw a whole gallon of tea all over you.''
''God, no! I'm never leaving you behind again.''

After laughing for a while, Katya's mind returned to the kiss Trixie gave her previously.

''Trixie...if you don't mind me asking...how did you knew you were gay?''
''Well...It wasn't easy at first. I was never into boys, and I was aware of that. But thought there was something wrong with me, that I should fix. I thought it could be a trauma maybe, because my parents passed away when I was just a little kid. But there was this one time my grandma was talking about a cousin of hers or something, that married a woman. I don't remember how she reacted to it, I just remember her saying it, and that thought gave me so much hope, and excitement. I was 14 at the time. And then, when we finally got internet connection here, I did my research on 'women who like other women' and that's when I knew.''
Katya was processing everything. She never dared to dip into the waters of queerness before. It was all new to her. All of her friends were straight, so she didn't have anyone that she could relate to. And the question kept popping on her head: ''What if I like girls too?''.