Down For The Count

I'm Not Okay

Apparently that was a major misconception on my part.

I heard the bathroom door open. I knelt there with my eyes shut tight, waiting for Phillipa to immediately go into mom-mode and coddle me. I knew she would be upset, but ultimately she would just hold my hair and rub my back. Maybe try to convince me to talk to Lin.

"You got sick the last time you were here too and you weren't gonna tell me?" I was surprised to hear Lin's voice. Which means Phillipa told him about last time. Not mad at her, actually. She lasted a whole three weeks, I thought she'd tell him much sooner.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly, shutting my eyes tighter. I knew he was disappointed, but I couldn't really focus on that. The pain that I was experiencing was intolerable.

"I'm not mad, P, I'm just worried. You have to tell me this stuff so that I can help you." Lin pointed out gently.

"I'm sorry." I apologized quietly again.

I heard Lin sigh as he walked over to me, kneeling down beside me. "How long have you been feeling like this?"

The answer was two months. Ever since I came back from California at the end of April.

It's just gotten progressively worse, especially after Alex. I've hardly touched food since she's been gone.

I didn't feel like going into depth about how I felt, so I only shook my head, signaling that I didn't really want to give an answer.

"I just don't know what to do, Paisley. I want you to be okay. I mean...you've gotten sick three times now since you've been back, that's kind of alarming."

My stomach twisted a little at that. I frowned, looking over at him and slowly shaking my head.

"No? How many times have you gotten sick?"

If he thought three times was a big amount, then he was going to absolutely freak out, and I didn't want that.

"It's...it's not a big deal."

"How many times have you gotten sick?" Lin repeated again, clearly not wavering on wanting an answer.

I shut my eyes again, not really wanting to see his face when I gave him an answer.

"Fourteen."

"Fourteen times? Wow...that's...that's a lot, in two months? When did this-"

"In the past two weeks."

"Holy shit, what?" Lin asked, seeming a little panicked. "That means...you've gotten sick everyday for the past two weeks?"

"I'm sorry, Lin." I apologized quietly yet again. I didn't get an answer, though, so I opened my eyes and looked over at him. He looked very worried, and I knew I had just opened up an unnecessary can of worms.

I was waiting for him to say something, but he didn't, so I figured I should be the first to speak.

"Please...please don't make me go to the doctor." I whispered, hoping maybe he'd throw a bit of sympathy my way.

"I mean...what else should I do, P? Fourteen times? And only in the past two weeks? That's not even including the rest of the time you've been here."