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[warning: sadness and death]
•••
You know that feeling when you know something is wrong but you choose to ignore it. When your gut is telling you something and you don't believe it. That's how Bee feels now, she knows it's not go but is choosing to ignore it, soon she won't have a choice but to face the monsters in her mind.
•••
Beatrice Rose Jones had a feeling, a bad one. The one that makes you want to throw up you feel so sick. That's how Bee feels now. In this moment she knows there a a million things that could be wrong but wants to ignore them all.
She wants to be oblivious, she wants to truly think everything is ok. She wishes she could turn back time, go back to where everything was ok. She wants to be a child again to have that pure innocents that this cruel world stole from her. She wants to be happy again.
She is still smiling. People still wish they could be as happy as her be filled with joy like her. People say she has the most beautiful smile, one that lights up the room and make you feel warm.
They don't know her smiles are fake.
The world has torn Bee down, she was one of the good ones. She was a happy soul who deserved the world, but she didn't get it. Instead she got soulmates she had to keep hidden to avoid judgement, a war which took away her soulmates, she had to say goodbye, lose sleep waiting for letters from them, made to believe one was dead, be told by world on a piece of paper that he's not, but they have to get him, and now sit alone with a awful feeling nagging her intill she is on the brink of tears.
She wouldn't wish this life on anyone, for no one deserves this pain. She thinks she doesn't deserve this life, she deserves a happy one. She's right. Right now Bee is in so much pain and this is only the beginning.
Steve and Bucky were in danger and she was moping around in self pity, how selfish of her. Her soulmates could be dying right now and she is complaining.
She tried to be strong but she can't take much more before she breaks.
She wants confert, the kind only a soulmate can give, the kind that will truly make her believe everything will be ok, the kind that will mend her heart and make her feel whole. She wants to feel loved, loved by her soulmates.
