Aftertaste (Sin #2)

XXIII.

"What does it look like? I'm apologising for being a stupid asshole and always fucking things up with you."

He pushes my head down again, his lips coming to my neck now. I dig my fingers into his shoulders. "Alexander," I try to say sternly, but it comes out breathy and unsteady. My eyes are fluttering, threatening to close, but I fight against the urge.

I move away from him and put my hands on his cheeks, pecking his lips softly and then putting my forehead against his, closing my eyes. I know what he's trying to do. But I won't let him. "Talk," I whisper.

I get off him and sit on the couch. He wants to come after me, a wolfish grin on his face, but I extend my arm, stopping him. "No. Talk," I say.

He lets out a long, exaggerated sigh, putting his hand through his hair. He sits forward, leaning his forearms on his thighs. I just wait there patiently. "Lena saw some shit she shouldn't," he admits suddenly.

"What?"

He looks at me and sighs. I already know I'm not going to like what he's going to tell me. "She saw me getting some coke from a friend." He scratches his neck.

"What?" I ask again, my face probably ghostly pale.

"Yeah," Alexander says. "She saw it, even took a picture and threatened to show my parents."

I recoil. I don't know which information to process first. "Are you doing drugs?" I ask, my voice faint and quiet.

"No. Well, sometimes, but it's not a big deal."

My mouth falls open. And then closes again. What is going on? Why am I hearing about this now? How didn't I know this? "For how long?" My voice becomes higher.

"Look, it's really not a big deal. It just happened a few times when I was out. It's not an addiction or anything like that."

My heart is beating in an unsteady rhythm in my chest because I simply can't believe what I'm hearing. I put my legs to my chest, hugging my knees with my arms. "You know I was adopted. My foster mother was a drug addict. She wasn't at first and things were looking great when she took me in. And then ... I don't know what happened. She transformed from a loving woman to barely-there. I was non-existent. So, excuse me, Alexander, but don't sell me this bullshit. And I'm not going to give you an ultimatum, but I'll tell you straight-forwardly that, no, I can not be with that kind of person because I don't support that. And I've also experienced it once, I don't want to do it again." Shit, I'm so close to crying.

"Gabby," he says softly and I can see the panic in his eyes. He looks remorseful because he knows my story. I told him what the deal was and drugs are a hard no for me. "This is not a regular thing for me," he says and he sounds like he's swearing it.

I just shake my head. "I don't support that kind of behaviour. I look through my fingers a lot when it comes to you, Alexander. And you know that."

I see how his shoulders tense up. "It was just a few times," he says quietly.

I look away, my whole body rigid. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect him to tell me that. "Do you still have it?"

I feel him looking at me. "Yeah."

"Here?" I ask, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Yes."

I let out a long sigh. "You know you could go to jail for that ..."

"I'm being careful."

I raise my eyebrows. "Obviously not enough. Lena took a picture of you. What did she want in return?"