I had given up
And didn't even know
I'd given up
Love?
You mean
Shrinking who you are
For the greater good
Of the unit?
You mean
Slowly not liking
The other person
More and more
Each day
Until
They cheat or resent you?
You mean
Really? We're watching Wrestling again?
Really? That's your idea of raising a kid?
Really? You ran to another woman...again?
Really? You make me sick when you touch me.
Really? It's been years and you still don't know if I'm worth forever? Maybe now, I also don't know if I'm worth forever.
Then....when I wasn't even looking
I was ok with being alone
It hurt less
THIS ONE....he just walked right into me
Into my life
Into my world
Into my mind
Into my body
Into my heart
....Into my soul
I fought it. I denied it.
I had given up
You see?
But.....
It was different.
No shrinking back, I flourished.
I wanted to fix all the things about me
that suddenly felt in the way.
I kept changing my life
and me
for the better
To show him
Everything was going to be ok
I felt safer
than I knew was possible
My whole existence
made perfect sense
And my God....
The kissing.
I could do that
And only that
Forever....
With no regrets
Like if
Nothing else mattered
But this bliss
My lips
On your lips
The ache of him
It was as if he'd done it
Always
Had always found me like that
In every life
In every world
But he keeps pushing me away
But not too far
And I want to give up
But with this one....I can't.
And I don't think
He feels
This magic
But I do
And it saved me
In every way a person
Can be saved
But I don't think
He feels the same
And that scares me
But it happened
All of it
It was the realest thing
I've ever found
I'm awake now
I choose life.
