The night was ending and the sun would come out just two hours sooner. While Cate slept soundly on Sandra's neck, she on the other hand could not get herself to sleep. Well, how could she when Cate was breathing on her neck? She slowly reached for her phone on the bedside table with her free hand, careful not to make a big move so that she could not wake Cate up. She opened her phone and read the time.
4:39 AM, Saturday
She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. She couldn't, though. Her arm was getting sore under Cate's neck; she wanted to move her away, but she also wanted to keep her close. She was certain that when Cate awoke in the morning, they'd be strangers once more. And the toughest thing was that they both invested so much - dignity, time, love - only to unearth that they're strangers in the end.
...And even if I am sober, I love you still.
Cate's words struck a chord with her. Was she telling the truth, or was the alcohol getting to her? Sandra didn't know the answer, but she hoped it wasn't the latter. Cate backed away from her, releasing her arm. Cate shifted to the other side of the bed, her back to Sandra. Sandra smiled as she moved, letting out a small snore. She then took her arm and gently massaged it. She remembered how much Cate enjoyed being spooned. She remembered the nights when Cate would purposefully turn her back on her so Sandra could spoon her. The blonde was totally obsessed by Sandra's lips on the back of her neck. Sandra's smile widened even more in response to the thoughts. She sat, attempting not to move the bed. She then cast a glance at Cate, who was sound asleep. The brunette took out her phone and secretly photographed the woman sleeping on her bed. It couldn't hurt Cate because Sandra would keep it private, just like they did before. Sandra then returned to her bed to rest. Her arms reached out to shield her eyes. She was pondering what would occur in the morning. Would Cate going to remember what she said? Would they discuss it? Or would they prefer to remain strangers? To alleviate her anxiety, she grabbed her phone once more and played her favorite song at a low volume - just enough for her ears to hear and her heart to calm.
I see the crystal raindrops fall
And the beauty of it all
Is when the sun comes shining through
To make those rainbows in my mind
When I think of you sometime
And I wanna spend some time with you
Sandra lip-synched the first verse. She loved the song so much. The mellow beat and the lyrics spoke so much about love in which she craved of having. For the longest time, she had make herself believed that love was the least thing she needed, but it was a full blown and a huge amiss; it was a lie herself refused to take. She wanted love and her best friend gave it to her... temporarily. The first verse popped a name on her head and behind the name was the woman sleeping quitely beside her. Catherine.
Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us
(Just the two of us)
Just the two of us
Building castles in the sky
Just the two of us
You and I
The brunette wondered about the what ifs and the what could have beens. If only she fought for her badly; if only she convinced her to stay, would they be happy? Would she be happy? She didn't want to be kept into the shadows, away from the blinding lights. She wasn't used to making love with the curtains falling on the ground, but with Cate, she was okay with all of it. Love was bound to be a beautiful mess. It's a conscious decision of choosing that person over and over again for all the right reasons - to be with and to stay with that person no matter what, but they didn't.
We look for love, no time for tears
Wasted water's all that is
And it don't make no flowers grow
Good things might come to those who wait
Not for those who wait too late
We gotta go for all we know
But people love differently. People have spoken in lovely elegies and have written in poetry that it's easy to love. That's a big bullshit for Sandra because loving was never easy. Even worse, the process of loving was ridiculously difficult. One needs to learn the balance between give and take, the right combination of selfish and selfless to keep that feeling through time and time. But theirs was a different kind of love. As actresses, they had played variety of roles, but at night, away from press people, away from the blinding lights, they found comfort from each other, but that was three years ago. However, Sandra still had the pain. It never went away with time. She was not healing. Ironically, she still wanted to be cured by the person who broke her to pieces.
Sandra shook her thoughts. She then heaved a sigh and turned her back against Cate too. She needed a rest; she needed to sleep. With her back against Cate's back, she closed her eyes. She uttered a silent prayer - praying for better days, but just as she finished the prayer, an arm snaked around her waist. Cate turned, hugging her from behind and she froze. She could feel her breathing against her skin.
"You didn't sleep, did you?" The blonde asked, her voice raspy and deep, as if she was hiding a million secrets.
"I tried."
Cate tightened the hug as she placed kisses on Sandra's neck, on her back - sweet delicate kisses were placed and it made Sandra's breathing heavy.
"Catherine..." She pleaded. "What are you doing?"
"I remember this... this makes you relax when you're overthinking and I know you didn't sleep because you are thinking too much. Now, close your eyes and let me put you to sleep."
"Are you aware of what you're doing?" Sandra faced Cate, obviously pissed on what's happening.
She didn't want to be hurt again. The impact of the pain Cate had given her was enough. She had to build walls for three years, and now, with Cate's actions, those walls were slowly loosening its strength. Cate looked at her brown eyes and once again, Sandra was memerized with her ocean blue ones. She missed looking at those real close. It's one of Cate's best assets. Her eyes spoke honesty, one look and you would know what she feels.
"I am. I am aware, Annette."
Sandra looked at her eyes, trying to see what's being concealed, but she had found nothing, but honesty and a gentle scoop of love. Was she dreaming?
***
YOU ARE READING
Brown Eyes | Loubbie
FanfictionTheirs was a different kind of love; they had played their roles during the day, but at night, away from the press people, away from the blinding lights, they found comfort from each other. But fate never favored them both and both ended up closing...
