Living a Lie {Anakin Skywalker x Reader}

45

For the past 8 months I stared at this wall, trying to wrap my mind around Order 66. I couldn't bring myself to think about Anakin. I couldn't even bring myself to think about myself.

After Obi-Wan and Padme got me into the ship on that day, I felt so alone. I had no home. My friends betrayed me. I hated them. I still do. 

Obi-Wan explained how we couldn't go anywhere. I was confused as to why. He wouldn't explain further. But Padme took us to the safest, most secluded place she knew: her lake house on Naboo. 

When she told us that's where we were headed, I immediately flailed my body in protest. I couldn't speak, so I had to throw a tantrum. It was too soon. The memories that the lake held ran too deep. They hurt to even look back upon. It was a fresh scar across my heart. 

There were so many places I could never see the same. 

So many memories I wanted to cut out of my brain. 

But, reluctantly, I finally agreed on Naboo. I hadn't agreed, really, because I wasn't given a choice. 

"It's Naboo or death," as Obi-Wan put it. As much as I wanted to choose the latter, I was under the supervision of Obi-Wan and Padme. Even though they hadn't given me too much push back before, this was certainly something they weren't going to be lax about.

As we landed on Naboo, we took a cruiser to the lake house. Obi-Wan remained adamant that we conceal our identity. Again, I was confused, and he refused to speak any further about all of the suspicion. We changed out of our Jedi robes into commoner tunics, wearing hooded shirts that we used to cover our faces with.

I entered the lake house estate and was greeted by Yoda and Senator Organa. It had turned out that Padme had given Layla to Organa, and Jacen to Yoda. That helped relieve my worries about them. 

I was so happy to be reunited with my children. Although we weren't separated for that long, it felt so wrong to be away from them.

But as I held both of them in my arms and stared at them, I saw Anakin. 

Every time I looked at the twins a wave of grief washed over me. I could not see anything else but the face of the man I loved. The man who loved me. Who was dead.

But then Yoda had told me everything. The fall of the Order. That's where it all went downhill.

It was too much for me to bear. I had just suffered the loss of my husband, in addition to the emotional trauma his final days have brought me. And then they tell me the Order is gone - that all Jedi across the galaxy faced a death by Clone Trooper. Those whose bodies have yet to turn up are currently up for bounty. And my body was one that had not been found. On top of that, Yoda explained the rise of Chancellor - no, Emperor Palpatine and his Sith apprentice, Darth Vader. Palpatine had these plans all along. He already had his loyalties. He already had an entire Galactic Empire.

But he got there using Anakin. And when Palpatine succeeded, he threw Anakin to the side. I wanted the Emperor to burn. 

Weeks passed, and it was clear that everything was effecting me.

And then came the evening that everything fell apart:

"Hey, (Y/N)," Padme said as she stood in the doorway to my room. "Can I sit?"

I sat at my desk looking through old Senate reports. Obsessed with looking for clues that could lead me to other Empire collaborators that were hiding within the Republic, I oftentimes forgot to eat or check on the twins. I had lost a bit of weight, and was starting to see it in my face. Especially the eye bags. I didn't sleep much. No, correction, I couldn't sleep much. Every time I closed my eyes a new, plaguing vision appeared, sending me into a hysterical state. I felt pathetic.