Why We Broke Up || YeonBin

Letter #18

sorry for the long wait, guys :(((

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Tonight, I spent another time with mom.

Unlike the first conversation we had, this one is rather surprising. I wasn't expecting her to show up at all. But she did.

I did another thing that got me in trouble, hyung. I won't tell you what it was because it was stupid and not necessary anymore since I am already receiving some kind of unfair and totally uncalled for punishment.

The old geezer locked me up again after making his idiot men beat me up but it's whatever, don't worry. I'm still alive, aren't I? So don't worry. You can call me an absolute careless buffoon and I won't blame you.

But the thing is, I think this situation is some kind of a blessing in disguise? Not particularly thankful that I got beaten up to the point that I couldn't even stand up for an hour or so but at the same time I am? I know, it's confusing. It's just that, I don't know how to express what I feel right now. I'm lost too and I think I'm feeding myself another batch of false hope and this would probably lead me into another misery but when she opened up the door to my room with a tray of food around the time when everyone in the house were perhaps already asleep, I felt different.

She could've just ignored it, like the first time. And she could've just waited until tomorrow to talk to me when I'm finally out but she sneaked in into my room with food and even mended my wounds.

I admit I was baffled the moment she entered and yeah, I was a bit cautious because who knows? Maybe she was there to lash out on me too and add some few more slaps or something but she didn't. She just walked towards me with her signature blank face she always has on for display and placed that tray on the bed side table.

But the thing is, I could see her hands were shaking hyung. And I think there were tear tracks on her face along with a red mark but I am not really sure what it could be about. I wanted to ask her, I really did. But I couldn't bring myself to talk so I just waited for her to do the first move.

I waited for her to shout at me, scold me, lecture me to not ever go against their plan or just leave the room. I wasn't expecting her to patch me up and feed me.

And Yeonjun-ah, I could've sworn I saw my mom again. Not the woman everyone knows as Mrs. Choi, but my mom. The one I used to adore. My protector. My friend. My mom.

I felt like I turned back into being a child again when she was feeding me dinner and to think that I was not allowed to have any until the jerk I have for a father deems me deserving enough, made me feel a bit hopeful.

We didn't talk much, I wish we did. But I think that's alright because I wouldn't know what to say to her anyway.

I just, I don't know—

Yeonjun hyung, do you think I should give mom another chance?

There's a huge part of me that screams "no!" because I would just probably end up disappointed and she couldn't just change after one incident but then, there's also another part of me. A tiny voice at the very back of my head that says I should and honestly, I am second guessing.

I mean— it's fully rational that I don't trust her, right? After everything that had happened it's the most sensible thing to do but, I don't know hyung. If you're here, you'd know what to do. You always do.

Ah, I miss you so damn much.

I wish I could see you again soon.

~~~

i just realized i should've made the letters' count random but, oh well. im dumb